The Ex-Wife

by Dow, Candice

  I nodded.

  “Custody?”

  I shook my head no.

  She kept prying. “Child support? Damn, Yas. What was it for?”

  “He and Ayana have both filed restraining orders against me.”

  Tayshawn yelled from across the room, “OMG. When fighting for your man goes too far.”

  “Everything I’ve done is harmless.”

  “Well, obviously Ms. Thing doesn’t think so,” Tayshawn said.

  “They are both wack. I can’t believe Cam is so weak that he’s letting her do this.”

  “She must have that ill na-na.”

  Casey laughed. “Or that good-good.”

  “Stop laughing!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. I was so angry I was shaking and I felt as if I could explode.

  I had to get out of there. I couldn’t think about my appointments. I just wanted to run away. I rushed to Caron’s school and picked him up and just started driving. I didn’t know where we were going but all I wanted to do was get away. There were only two school days left. If Cam wanted me out of his life I was gone. I was leaving forever. I wasn’t going to sit in Atlanta and let him and his new woman parade around like the goddamn golden couple and treat me as if I were nonexistent. If he wanted me gone, then his son was leaving too. I was over this. I was over him and I was definitely over them.

  Caron gave me a frightened look. “Mommy, are you OK?”

  “Yes, I’m OK.”

  “Why are we driving so fast?”

  “Because we have somewhere to go.”

  “Like where? It looks like we are driving in circles.”

  “Be quiet, little boy,” I demanded.

  “Am I going to Daddy’s house today?”

  “Daddy doesn’t want to see you anymore. He has a new life. He doesn’t want to see me or you.”

  I felt bad when he sniffled, but it was the truth. It was better he know it then than later.

  “Can we at least say goodbye?”

  “Caron, stop asking me a million questions.”

  I was watching my life from the outside in and I wasn’t in control. I wanted something or someone to save me from myself but I was too mad.

  “How could he? How could he?” I cried, banging on the steering wheel.

  Caron just watched me. Finally he said, “Mommy, I love you.”

  He sounded so sincere and I wanted to take him away from all the drama. We went to my house and packed up our things and headed to North Carolina. I didn’t know exactly why I’d chosen North Carolina but I had and I wasn’t going to let anyone know where I was. I called Tayshawn and told him to let my clients know that I was gone indefinitely.

  “Look, Yasmin, whatever is going on is not worth giving everything up. If Cam is in love with somebody else, just let it go. Stop ringing the goddamn alarm. We heard you, mama.”

  “It’s not just Cam. I have to get my head straight. I need a break. Some peace and quiet! I want to be away from everyone.”

  And just like that, I was gone. My therapist had told me that maybe getting out of town for a while would help me come to terms with my life as it had come to be. When he’d told me that, I’d said I couldn’t leave everything, but now I wanted everything and everyone to disappear. Caron and I deserved peace. We deserved to be away from the stupidity of it all.

  Ayana

  A fter I’d moved into Cam’s house, it seemed like the right thing to do. With my furniture, it didn’t seem as empty. I’d never imagined I would move in with a man after just a month of dating, but fate can’t be questioned.

  When I left the station and headed to the office, I really didn’t have the energy to talk to patients, but duty called. Last time I’d checked, I had a really light schedule for the evening.

  My first patient arrived a little late. He was a father of three with major anger issues. His wife had died of breast cancer a year ago and he was referred to me by the employee assistance program at his job. His coworkers recognized his anger and he was required to get help in order to keep his job. He was always down in the dumps. Though he loved his kids, he resented having to raise them alone. Sometimes I saw a glimmer of hope, but other times I thought I’d never break through. Thankfully, he was having an upbeat day. I’d encouraged him to join a single-parent support group. He was excited to tell me that over the weekend, at one of the group’s social events, he’d met a woman around his age with two kids.

  When we were done, I felt pretty good, thinking how wonderful it was to watch people grow. I was typing on my laptop when Margo arrived.

  “How are you today?” I asked.

  She didn’t respond and I figured it was one of those days for her. Instead she questioned me. “Why did you cancel our last two appointments?”

  “I’m sorry, Margo. I had other things I needed to work on.” I smiled nervously. “I’m just one person.”

  “And I’m one person too. One person that needed you and you haven’t been here,” she snapped.

  Intentionally not feeding into her rant, I said, “So what’s going on?”

  “I guess you got someone else to spend time with now, huh?”

  I didn’t respond. She had been doing so well. I had never imagined that two missed visits would put her in the space she was in. I asked again, “So how are you?”

  She didn’t answer. Instead she kept shaking her head as if there was something heavy on her mind. Sweat beads formed on her nose. It looked as if she had jogged to my office. My eyes moved from her face to the dampness on her shirt.

  “Did the car service drop you off today?”

  “Yeah, why?” she asked in a curt fashion.

  “It looks like you’ve been running or something.”

  She took a deep breath and I knew this was about to be one of those sessions. I opened my notepad and wrote the date down. She readjusted in her chair and dropped her head in her hands.

  “I’ve gone over and over this plan in my mind for the last ten years.”

  “What plan?”

  “What I want to do to my father in front of his other kids.”

  “What do you want to do to him?”

  Her chest puffed up and she shook her head. The look in her eyes warned me that whatever she’d been planning was serious. It surely wasn’t about approaching him and saying, “Hi, I’m Margo. I’m your daughter.”

  I said, “Before you go any further, let me remind you that I am mandated by law to protect you, me, and anyone else from harm.”

  I wasn’t sure what she was about to say, but I wanted to be clear that if she had plans to hurt this man, I was obligated to let someone know. In my experience, when people are bluffing they stop when I make that statement, but when the anger is raging high, they can’t stop themselves. I knew there was cause for concern. Her head ticked a little, as if she was cracking her neck. Then she said, “Yeah, I know.”

  I interrupted her. “Can I ask where this is coming from and why it seems so urgent now?”

  “Every year, when they start showing Father’s Day commercials, I get this sense of urgency, like I need to get rid of him.”

  “Your biological father, that is?”

  She snapped at me, “I don’t have another father!”

  “Correct.”

  “I just want him, his wife, and his other kids to feel all the pain I felt growing up. I want him to feel all the nights that I was hungry when we couldn’t afford food or when my mother would leave me for days.”

  “You want to hurt your father?”

  “No, I’m going to kill him.” She looked dead in my eyes. There was no remorse just absolute hate.

  “You understand that killing him won’t take your pain away. Right?”

  She ignored me and continued, “I can smell his corpse.”

  “You smell that now?”

  “Yes.” She chuckled. “I’m going to do this on Father’s Day.”

  “This Sunday? Why is it so important to kill him then?”

  “W
hy not?” She looked at me as if daring me to say something. Then she continued, “I’m going to go to his house.”

  “You know where he lives?”

  “Yes. I know exactly where he lives. I sit outside his house a lot. I watch him and his wife come in and out. His kids and everyone come over for Father’s Day, like he’s this great fucking man.”

  “I thought you didn’t have a car?”

  She let out an irritated, quick huff. “I know how to catch the bus.”

  “I understand. Do you want to hurt his kids and wife too?”

  “No, I just want them to witness me blowing my father’s brains out.”

  “Do you feel like it’s their fault you didn’t have a relationship with your father?”

  “Sometimes, but I mostly blame him. I can see the blood splatter on them. All over them. They’re going to cry.” She imitated her siblings. “‘Daddy! Daddy!’”

  Before I could speak she leaned forward in her seat. “I hate to hear someone say, ‘Daddy.’ I hate it. I think it’s selfish and mean and inconsiderate,” she said as she cringed.

  “Why do you think that?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Everyone doesn’t have a daddy.”

  The inflection in her voice gave me frightening chills as if she were attacking me personally. I was afraid for this man and his family, but I had to keep talking to get as much information as possible to turn over to authorities. This woman needed intensive inpatient treatment.

  “What’s your father’s name?”

  “Asshole.”

  “OK, so do you think it would be better if you gave me Asshole’s number and I call him and ask if he’d be willing to talk to you? That way, you can express some of the things you felt growing up and he can tell his side of the story.”

  “Fuck his side of the story, Ayana. He left me to die and I want him to die too.”

  “Do you think he knew everything you were going through?”

  She huffed like I was irritating her. “Don’t you get it? He didn’t care. He knew that my grandma ain’t have no money. He knew it was a bunch of people in and out of my grandma’s house. He knew my mama ain’t care about nobody but herself. He just didn’t care. All he cared about was that nobody knew I was his child.”

  “I’m sure that really hurt.”

  “Say something else. You say that all the time.”

  My neck snapped back. Margo was definitely experiencing a manic rage. I had to contact the authorities fast, before she really harmed someone.

  She continued as if she hadn’t insulted me. “After I shoot him, I’m going to walk over to him and make sure he’s gone. Then I’ll go out and sit on the steps with my arms up and wait for the police.”

  “Seeing your father dead is worth more than your freedom.”

  “No such thing as freedom when you’ve been through what I’ve been through.”

  I said, “I understand.”

  We talked to the end of the session and nothing I said could change her mind. I knew that I would have to call 911 once she was gone, because I also had to protect myself. Because I had no way of contacting this man, I started to go against my better judgment and call while she was still in the office. When we were done, I walked her out to the car picking her up. I took down the tag number and called the service, making them aware that I needed to have her restrained by authorities. Then I called 911 and explained to them exactly what she had told me and my professional opinion. It would be best if they picked her up and took her to an inpatient program.

  I called the car service and had them confirm the location at which she would be dropped off. The cops headed directly there. They called to let me know they had taken her to the hospital for psychological evaluation. It all happened in the space of an hour. I was so ready to go home.

  Instead of waiting for the psychiatrist on call to contact me, I called the hospital as I headed home. I was told that she hadn’t been evaluated yet but that they would keep me in the loop. I advised them to admit her into an extensive care program. Margo needed more help than I could give her.

  With all that had gone down, I hadn’t spoken to Cam all evening. When he answered, I asked, “What did you eat for dinner?”

  “Chick-fil-A.”

  “Aw, honey. You eat Chick-fil-A every night.”

  “Yup.”

  “Is that what you fed Caron?”

  He cleared his throat. “Nah, I didn’t pick up Caron today.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not completely sure but we’ll talk when you get home.”

  I was a little confused, but I could have sworn I heard a bit of sadness in his voice. I didn’t pry too much. I knew that whatever it was, he’d rather have the conversation in person. I said, “OK, baby. I’ll see you soon.”

  When I pulled up to the house, I noticed the exterior lights were off. Cameron always left the lights on. They showed the house’s beauty. That was strange. I pulled into the garage and sat in the car for a minute. I had to meditate because I wasn’t sure what was going on and I wanted to be free and open to hear him. My work drama was likely to overpower anything he had to say, so I told myself I wasn’t going to discuss Margo’s situation.

  When I walked into the house, I called out for him. Since I’d moved my living room furniture into his family room, he was often in there watching TV when I got home. But then he said, “I’m in the room.”

  I took off my shoes and headed upstairs. My heart sank deeper and deeper as I reached the top. Walking into the bedroom I said, “Honey…”

  He was lying on the bed in the dark.

  “Are you OK?”

  “Yasmin got the court order today.”

  “OK…” I said hesitantly.

  “No one has seen or heard from her or Caron since.”

  “Do you think she would hurt him?”

  “To be perfectly honest, I don’t know what she would do right now. She’s not in a good place. I really don’t think she’d leave her clients and all, but I just don’t know. At this point, we will have to wait and see.”

  I sat on the bed beside him and gave him a half-hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry all this is happening. You don’t deserve this.”

  “Yeah. I know, but that still doesn’t change things.”

  “Are you regretting the restraining order?”

  He shrugged.

  “Do you feel like I made you do something you didn’t want to do?”

  “No, because the stunt she pulled at your place was unacceptable. I’m finally on the path I’ve been trying to get to my entire career. I’ve got a partner that I’ve been searching for and now she wants to act plumb crazy. The only thing I regret right now is ever meeting her. Caron deserves a better mother.”

  “You can’t change who his mother is. Right now we just need to make sure he’s OK. Where is most of her family?”

  “They’re in Atlanta. I checked with her god-sister and she hadn’t heard from her. Her friends at the shop described it like she snapped. I’m just worried about Caron.”

  “I don’t think she would hurt him. Do you?”

  “Right now I’m starting to think that she would do anything to hurt me. And she knows he’s the only way she can hurt me.”

  I lay down beside him and rubbed his back. There was no point in talking. We needed to sit in silence and reflect on all that was occurring. Would this be happening if I weren’t in the picture? I don’t believe either of us slept that night. I tossed and turned, thinking about Margo and Yasmin. I could hear Cameron breathing heavily, but we remained silent.

  We woke up to his phone ringing. He quickly picked up and hopped out of bed. “Yasmin,” he said.

  My heart dropped because I wasn’t sure what she was saying and I didn’t want to be all up in his face. I felt that I should fall back and let him handle it. I walked out of the bedroom and paced back and forth in the upstairs hallway.

  “Yasmin, I didn’t get a restraining order because I hate you. But
you’ve been making my life miserable. I don’t like things like this either, but you’re unreasonable.”

  She was more than unreasonable, I thought.

  “Where are you? Where is Caron?”

  I could tell that she wasn’t revealing any of that, but I was confused about why she’d called. If she didn’t want him to know anything, why contact him at all? I think she wanted to hear his voice and needed to see if there was a chance her disappearance made him vulnerable. Suddenly, Cam’s voice got louder and he shouted, “Yasmin! Yasmin! Bring my son home now!”

  After she hung up, he stormed out of the room with the phone at his side. I assumed he had hung up and I just watched him. “Cam, sit down, baby. She’s not going to hurt him. Just give her a little space right now while she figures this all out. I’ll be moving into the condo soon and things will get better.”

  He leaned over and kissed me. “Everything is going to be OK,” I said. “It will all be back to normal shortly.”

  He laughed. “You trying to break up with me?”

  “No, but I think things will get better once I move into my place.”

  “Ayana, I’m not in a rush for you to move. I like you being here. Moving to the condo ain’t going to change Yasmin.”

  “It might. She just wants to know there is hope for you and her. She feels hopeless.”

  “And she can’t handle that the person I’m with is you. She’d prefer it to be some knucklehead woman that’s going to stoop down to her level. You’re above catfights and she knows it. You’re respected by every woman in the A. It’s just hard for her to get over that.”

  “I’m starting to get a short fuse.”

  He laughed. “Don’t get a short fuse now.”

  He was so handsome even in the morning. I asked, “Why?”

  Ignoring my question, he said, “I’ve been thinking.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind. Just forget it.”

  Ayana