by Dow, Candice
It had been nearly a month since Cameron had seen Yasmin or Caron. I felt like he was slipping into a slight depression, but he pretended to be upbeat. He’d hired a new lawyer to handle his custody battle and was hoping to get custody of Caron. Yasmin called a few times a week to let him talk to his son, but no one knew where she was and she always called from different numbers.
My condo was finally finished and ready for me to move in. Cameron and I had gotten so comfortable living together. A part of me felt that I should move to the condo, but then there was the part that wanted to see Cameron every day. I rationalized that every good relationship needed a break.
We were headed out to dinner one night and I spent a really long time in the shower, thinking about how much I loved Cam’s house and how much I was going to miss coming home to him.
When I stepped out of the shower Cam was sitting on the side of the soaking tub. He had all his clothes on and was staring at me as if it were the first time he’d ever seen me. I looked back at him, confused. He said, “Ayana, I had planned to tell you something while we were out to dinner, but the longer you stayed in the shower, the more anxious I got.”
Hesitantly, I said, “What?”
“This has been the best three months of my life. Even with all the other background noise. You’re so levelheaded and beautiful and understanding. I just don’t know how I could live the rest of my life without you.”
I said, “Awwww.”
He pulled a jewelry box out of his pocket, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Still, I was thinking maybe earrings or a necklace. He opened the box and a big diamond ring shone my way.
“Will you marry me?”
I stood there in shock, unable to speak for several seconds, and finally I nodded. “Of course I will marry you, Cameron Small.”
I truly believed that it took longer than ninety days to really get to know someone, but Cameron proved my belief to be wrong because I felt that I knew the real Cameron Small and not just his representative. I had all these rules of thumb when it came to relationships. But this one had taught me that sometimes you just had to go with it. I really couldn’t imagine there was anyone more compatible with me in Atlanta.
He hugged me and my towel dropped to the floor. He whispered in my ear, “You still wanna go out to celebrate or do you want to celebrate here?”
“I want to do both.”
He unbuckled his pants while I unbuttoned his shirt. We kissed passionately and I was glad that he was a man who knew what he wanted and wasn’t about games. He was all that I thought a man should be. Provider. Leader. Lover. And he was mine. I pulled his shirt off as he stepped out of his pants. He carried me over to the bed and slowly entered me. Gently he thrust himself in and out while holding my legs up, giving me long, wet kisses while he loved me. “Ooh.” I sighed.
It was slow and passionate as he whispered words of commitment in my ear. He wanted to feel me forever. He never wanted to lose me. He wanted me to be the mother of his children. He belonged to me. Tears rolled from the corners of my eyes, because this was real and I knew it.
Cam and I had a small ceremony at our house four weeks after the engagement. It was something we felt compelled to do. I was no spring chicken and we both wanted to start a family. We had concluded that we could spend a year planning a fabulous wedding for everybody else or we could just have Cam’s pastor come over and have an intimate ceremony with my parents, his mother, our sisters, and our close friends. It was exactly what it needed to be. The energy in the room was perfect. There was no question that everyone in the room was cheering for us and wanted us to win. I think it’s so important to make that step with people you know are in your corner. The wrong energy can destroy the right connection any day of the week.
I knew it bothered Cam that Caron wasn’t there. When we exchanged vows I added a section about committing to his son and tears came to his eyes. There had been many nights when he’d go into himself and I knew those were the times he thought he’d never see Caron again. As time flew by Yasmin seemed to have left without a trace. We often prayed together that God would touch her evil heart and make her come back to Atlanta. In the meantime, we had no choice but to go on with our lives.
After the ceremony, a caterer came in to serve brunch, and my nieces ran through the house like it was a playground. I was so happy and Cameron appeared happy too. Quentin had his chest stuck out, telling the story of how he’d known we were compatible. He’d known that we would have an instant connection—he’d been so sure, he claimed he hadn’t told me just to see if it would come naturally.
Everyone stayed around for a few hours afterward. It wasn’t exactly how I’d imagined my wedding to be but I was content. After my parents and the minister left, we had sunset cocktails on our brick patio. We gave all our friends a chance to make a toast. I think that when two people fall in love and get married really fast, their close friends often feel left out of the process and are reluctant to accept everything. My friends are very important to me and I wanted to give them all a chance to say how this union made them feel. The general consensus was that everyone thought we had great chemistry and there was no way we could have ignored what was between us! It felt good to have that support. Aaliyah brought everyone to tears when she spoke.
“Anyone that knows me knows that my sister and I are inseparable and I love her so much. I know her so well and when I met Cam, I knew he was special. I felt like he would take care of my sister. She is my life partner and when you share that closeness with someone you want to be sure the person they dedicate their life to will love and protect them.” She turned to Cam. “I trust you. I respect you and I think you’ve made an awesome woman your wife.”
We clapped and sipped champagne. We talked into the night and cooked on the grill. It appeared as if we were going to have an adult slumber party, but close to eleven everyone began packing up and rolling out.
The caterers stayed and cleaned up. Cam and I sat in the family room reflecting on our day. It would have been easy to make it an all-out star-studded event, but this had been more personal. We planned to do an African safari vacation for our first anniversary. He didn’t want to leave the country until we found Caron.
Yasmin
I was reading one of the Atlanta celebrity gossip blogs and I thought I would drop dead when I saw “Atlanta Real Estate Mogul and Girlfriend Confidential Host Wed over the Weekend.” All the resentment in me wanted to spill out and strangle them. What made him think she was the one? I sabotaged the blog with a bunch of negative comments about her. I logged in with different names to comment on my comments. I wanted everyone to know that he was still married when they’d started seeing each other. I made false accusations about his being on the verge of bankruptcy and marrying her for the money.
It fueled my frenzy when other people began to comment and give their opinions about the short courtship. Women hate women who steal husbands and I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to destroy them. They were treating me like a null factor. I continued to make more shit up. Real love doesn’t just happen overnight. He should have been worried about his son’s whereabouts. Instead he was marrying someone else. I didn’t know who they thought they were.
Moving to North Carolina had been a bad idea, but my purpose had been to have Cam run after me. Instead he’d fucking gone off and jumped the damn broom. What type of shit was that? I wasn’t going to take this lying down and I needed Cam to know it.
I called him and there was no answer. He usually picked up on the first ring. How could he just pretend that his life was fine? How could he just go on and forget that he had a son?
I called Casey and Tayshawn. I expected them to unload all the drama on me. Instead they seemed really concerned, wondering if I was OK after hearing the news. I told them that I was fine but that it was time to return to the A with a vengeance. I’d been lying down way too long. I wasn’t sure I’d ever win Cam back but I was certainly going to fight for more child support. I
f I couldn’t have his heart, I would settle for his pockets.
Tayshawn asked, “When you coming back?”
“Maybe today.”
“Do you have any clients up there?”
“No, I just came here to get my mind right. Caron is in day camp but I may just come back for a few days. You know, whichever way the wind blows.”
“You be careful, I was concerned about you,” Tayshawn said.
Casey added, “There have been several summonses that have come here for you.”
“Fuck those summonses.”
“Yeah, but they come like every week.”
“That’s cool because I want to go to court now.”
“Really?” Casey asked.
“Yeah, I want more money. How about that?”
“Oh and yeah, I heard they have a mansion in Alpharetta.”
That struck me right in the jaw and left me speechless. Cam and I had always said that when things really turned over we were going to purchase a home there. It’s as if we broke up one month and the next month he was nearly a millionaire. He had several major deals come through, after all those years. And I’d been sitting back being the cheerleader. All of a sudden, when I got tired, he blew up. He got labeled Celebrity Realtor. What about me? I didn’t get it. How could my luck be so bad? His success was partially because of me.
I was running around the little extended-stay place we were living in, packing up our belongings. When I was done, I picked Caron up from camp.
“Guess what, baby? We’re going back to Atlanta.”
He nodded but didn’t respond. “Aren’t you happy?” I asked.
“I’m good.”
I was surprised that he didn’t ask if he could see his father. He’d asked about him nearly every day for the first two weeks we were gone. I was so glad that had ended.
We stopped to have a bite to eat before getting on the road and Caron almost seemed depressed. I’d thought going back to Atlanta would be fun for him.
“Are you OK?”
“I didn’t say goodbye to my friends.”
“I’m sorry, honey. It’s going to be OK.”
His head hung. “That’s what you said the last time.”
I had to ignore his overemotional response, because I had a lot going on in my head. My ex-husband had just upgraded. Everything I’d done to get his attention had backfired on me. I was hurt and angry. I felt like an outsider looking in on my own life. I felt as if one mistake had spun my life out of control and the loser I’d left Cameron for hadn’t even been worth it. Now I lay down each night and tried to force time to rewind, but it didn’t. How does one mistake mess up everything?
My heart was on fire and my body was trembling. I didn’t know if I should stay or go back. I was confused and stressed. I felt like a fool going back to Atlanta after disappearing. As I drove down the highway, I looked over at Caron and he was crying.
Was I transferring my emotions to him? I felt bad that he was caught in the middle, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I wanted to make things right but wasn’t sure how. The first thing I planned to do was visit my therapist. There was no way I could handle this all alone.
When I pulled up to my house, there were certified letter notifications stuffed in my mailbox and a bunch of summonses. We walked into the house through the garage and the heat smothered us. Caron said, “It’s like an oven in here.”
“Yeah, baby, we haven’t been home in forever. The air hasn’t been on.”
When he came into the house, he smiled for the first time all that day. He was happy to be back in his house and I felt bad that I had taken him away. I wasn’t sure if I should call Cam and tell him we were home or wait until the morning. I was sure he’d be happy to see Caron. I turned on the AC and sat in the kitchen. I didn’t know when it would be appropriate to start calling my clients and letting them know that I had returned.
I told Caron to come snuggle with me and watch TV. He grabbed a blanket from the ottoman and lay beside me. He looked into my eyes and said, “Mommy, it’s going to be OK.”
“Thank you, baby.”
We had gotten really close over the last month. I was glad that we’d had the opportunity. Without any distraction from Cameron, we were able to really build a bond that we’d never had before. He was a daddy’s boy from the second he was born. I’d gotten readmitted to the hospital because I kept having a fever. They discovered that some of the afterbirth had been left inside me. I was in the hospital for nearly two weeks after Cam and Caron went home. Caron connected with Cam as if he were the mother and that closeness stayed. I was always fighting for that closeness, hoping that one day he’d cry for me the same way he always cried for his father.
When Cam had said he wanted to move on, I didn’t know what else to do but take the one thing I owned from that relationship and run. There were nights that I regretted it but mainly I was happy with my decision, because this was the end result—a son who loved me unconditionally. A son who could tap into my feelings and know just what to say to make me feel better. I wouldn’t have traded that for anything in the world.
I began going through the stack in my mailbox. I paid all my bills online so I was up to date and pretty much tossed those to the side. I was most interested in the court papers. Small v. Small. I quickly scanned the document. Cameron had filed for full custody. The thought angered me. What made him think that he was a better parent than me? Caron hadn’t even met his new wife, so how the hell did he think he was going to steal my baby and give him a new mother? I was the only mother he needed. If Cam didn’t want to be with me, he didn’t deserve to be with Caron, plain and simple.
I sat up on the couch and Caron looked at me. He said, “What’s wrong, Mommy?”
I paced the floor. I wanted the morning to hurry up, because there was so much business I needed to handle. The deadline to counter-file had passed. We were scheduled for court in two weeks. I was so unprepared. I wondered if I should return to work or lie low for the next two weeks.
Ayana
Despite not having spoken to Yasmin, we showed up to court ready to fight for Caron. When we arrived, I was shocked to see her. She looked gorgeous with a pretty smile and long flowing hair. She was caramel brown and looked almost angelic, which was nothing like the terror I’d imagined all these months. I actually couldn’t believe my eyes. She could easily find another man. Why was she so committed to getting Cam back?
She tried to explain her disappearance, saying that she was the best parent in the situation, but Cam’s attorney tore her out of the frame. And just like that I became a wife and a stepmom in less than thirty days. I knew how important getting his son was for Cameron, but I was really excited and nervous at the same time. While I counseled people about blended families, I really wasn’t sure that I was totally prepared for this. Not to mention that Caron and I had never met. I was scared, but I was open to the challenge. Cam seemed like a really good father and I wanted to support him. The judge granted Cam full custody and visitation for Yasmin every other weekend. He also appointed psychiatric help for her. Yasmin claimed she was already seeing someone, but the judge told her the therapist had to be someone he referred. She looked pissed, but I was happy he’d done that. Every therapist is not equipped to help everyone.
She would have to turn Caron over within two weeks. Cam cried at the verdict and I was so happy for him. After listening to Yasmin speak, our attorney said, “You should have never been with her.”
“I know,” Cam replied.
For some reason, he didn’t say it with enough confidence to make me believe he believed it. We had to wait for the clerk to print out our court documents and Yasmin followed us to the clerk’s office.
She called his name in an argumentative fashion. “Cam. Cam.”
Our attorney advised him not to answer, so he didn’t. She walked behind him and pushed him. “Cam, I know you hear me.”
He turned around and shouted, “What?”
She l
ooked like she was burning with pain when she said, “What kind of man takes a child from his mother? I never thought you’d be such a sorry motherfucker!” She turned to me. “And you! Your day will come. You fucking take my husband away from his family and now you want my child too? Bitch, you can’t have your own kids?”
I sympathized with her, but I knew she wasn’t in her right mind and I wouldn’t be able to reason with her. She had a broken heart, but I hadn’t caused it. I wished she knew how to let go, but letting go is so much harder when you carry guilt. Our attorney pulled Cam to the side. “Don’t get into a shouting match with her. Let’s go.”
We turned around and kept walking. Then we heard a screech, almost as if someone had stabbed her. “Please,” she cried. “Don’t turn your back on me, Cam.”
I could see that ignoring her was upsetting Cam. Speaking to the attorney, I said, “He may need to go back and talk to her.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Just as we were debating what should be done next, security guards surrounded and restrained her. My heart went out to this woman. She noticed me staring at her and cried, “Girl power. Girl power. You’re a fucking hypocrite, Ayana Blue. You steal my man and my baby!”
I hated that she blamed me for all her problems. I knew I couldn’t fix an imaginary gripe, but I wanted to sit her down and let her know that I hadn’t stolen her husband or her child. It was a sad scenario, and so many nights I wondered how I’d gotten involved in this complex relationship. God could have let me fall in love with any man in the world, but it had been Cam and all his drama. Maybe I had a purpose here. I didn’t know.
Yasmin was restrained until we got on the elevator. Cam was the type of man who hated to hurt people and I could see the pain in his face. I told him to let me know when he was ready to talk, then stayed silent until he did so. He asked if I wanted to go to breakfast and I agreed.