How (Not) to Fall in Love

by Lisa Brown Roberts

  “Fine,” I agreed.

  “Your mom doesn’t want to keep any of it?”

  “We’ve kept a few things aside. They’re in the master bedroom.” I’d had to force Mom to make those decisions, plying her with coffee and dragging her to each room in the house to tell me what she wanted to keep and what could go.

  Ms. Hetherington nodded and made notes on her clipboard. “We’ll need to put stickers on everything you want to keep,” she told me as we stood in the kitchen. “I’ll have my crew with me to price everything. We’ll come the Tuesday before the sale. It will take us a good three days to price it all and display it properly. The sale will start on Friday and go through Sunday.” She eyed me, businesslike but kind. “It’s probably best if you and your mother aren’t here. It can be…difficult…to watch strangers haggle over your things. To see them carted away.”

  I swallowed. “If you think that’s best.”

  “I do.”

  She prepared the contract while I made us tea. It seemed appropriate somehow. I felt like a character in one of my regency novels, at the whim of strangers who controlled my “estate.”

  “Because I know your uncle so well I’m trusting that your mother’s signature will be authentic.” Ms. Hetherington eyed me over the teacup.

  I blushed. I had thought of forging it, but there was no need. Mom would sign. “It will be. Should I fax it to you?”

  “That will work temporarily, but I’ll need the original when we come to get things ready.” We shook hands and said good-bye.

  I sank onto the foyer floor after closing the front door. Toby plopped down next to me. “We did it, Toby.” We lay on the cool tiles, just breathing. Once my heart stopped racing and my breathing calmed, I sat up. “We deserve a reward.” Toby panted in agreement. I headed for the freezer, intent on ice cream, but I veered toward the garage instead. I grabbed Toby’s leash from the hook. He danced with excitement.

  We ran awkwardly at first. I’d gone too long between runs. My breathing was ragged, but I pushed through. My body protested but eventually settled into a familiar groove. “Better than ice cream,” I said to the stars winking above us. Sometimes I hated how early it got dark in the winter, but as we jogged through our neighborhood, the blanket of stars above us felt familiar and comforting. Toby jogged alongside me, his dog grin splitting his face.

  And it was much better than ice cream.

  Chapter Eighteen

  November 7

  Sal came by Liz’s on Friday night, true to her word. I’d just made her a triple-shot mocha with extra whip cream when the door opened and everything switched to slow motion.

  It was like a scene from a movie. Everyone in the coffee shop turned to the door. How could they not? Lucas and Heather belonged on the big screen, though 3D IMAX could hardly do them justice. He was stunning in his tux. She’d cause car crashes in her strapless red dress and stiletto heels. They stood just inside the doorway, talking to some regular customers who’d recognized Lucas.

  “Who the hell is that?” Sal whispered. She’d visited me at Liz’s before, but never when Lucas was around. I’d described him to her, but obviously I hadn’t done him justice.

  My heart felt shattered as I watched him put his hand on Heather’s lower back, steering her into the shop. That day we’d walked together, when he’d almost held my hand, I must’ve been imagining the connection. I’d definitely hallucinated the part about him wanting to kiss me on the bridge.

  I leaned in close so only Sal could hear me. “That’s Lucas. And she’s the reason he’ll never look twice at someone like me. Her name is Heather.”

  Sal turned to me, her eyes huge. “That’s Lucas? Holy shizballs, girl. No wonder you’re spending all your time here.”

  I blushed. “Shut it, DQ.”

  Liz flitted around the cover model couple, forcing them to pose while she snapped photos. I’d wondered why she hadn’t left for the concert when I arrived. I busied myself washing clean cups, trying not to stare, while my heart shattered even more.

  Sal leaned over the counter, talking under her breath. “Darcy, honey, when it’s time for you to finally pick your boy toy, he’s the one.”

  “Shut up,” I hissed.

  “Oh, come on, sweetie. He’s unbelievable. I didn’t know they made them like that in this neighborhood or I would’ve moved here years ago.”

  “You’re obnoxious.”

  “Yet still you love me.”

  I threw a towel at her just as Lucas and Heather approached us. Sal dodged the towel, which hit Lucas in the chest. Just kill me now. I was already dying inside anyway. “Sorry, Lucas,” I muttered, mortified.

  He bent down to retrieve the towel, and then tossed it to me, a tense smile on his movie star face. I stuffed the towel in the hamper under the sink as Heather watched us, annoyance wrinkling her tiny, perfect nose.

  “Darcy, you remember Heather,” he said, his jaw tight as he inclined his head toward her.

  I wiped my hands on my apron. “You look amazing,” I said to Heather, forcing a smile. I glanced at Lucas. “You both do.” Lucas ducked his head and I thought I saw his neck redden slightly, but Heather nodded, as if I’d only stated the obvious.

  “I didn’t think you were working tonight,” Lucas said, looking up, his brow furrowed.

  I cleared my throat, noticing that Heather was antsy, obviously ready to leave. “It was last minute. Liz asked me to close up so she can leave early for a concert with Charlie.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Closing solo?”

  “Sure.” I forced a smile I didn’t feel. “I’ll be fine. I know where the first aid kit is.”

  His answering smile looked forced, too. I missed his easy, sexy grin. Heather tugged on his arm. “We should get going, Luke. Our reservations are at seven thirty.” Luke? I’d never heard anyone call him that, unless I counted Pickles calling him Lukie.

  Lucas glanced curiously at Sal, who’d been watching our exchange intently.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Forgot my manners. This is my friend Salena. Salena, this is Lucas.”

  I paused. “And this is Heather.”

  “Call me Sal,” she said, offering her hand to Lucas, batting her eyelashes while ignoring Heather. Heather’s eyes narrowed. “So is this just a regular Friday look for you two?” Sal asked.

  Lucas laughed nervously. Heather didn’t. “It’s, uh, Homecoming,” he said, turning away from me to face Sal. “We’re on our way to dinner.” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “I told Charlie and Liz we’d stop by. Photo op. They insisted.”

  I nodded. “They would.”

  Sal tapped a finger on her chin. “No offense, Lucas, but you look a tad old to be a high school dance escort.”

  His eyes widened, then he laughed. “You think they won’t let me in? I graduated from Sky Ridge two years ago.”

  “I’m a senior at Sky Ridge High,” Heather piped up. “Luke and I met last summer.” She looked up at him, dreamy-eyed.

  Liz rushed back into the store, an out-of-breath Charlie trailing behind her. “Oh, thank goodness you’re still here. I ran next door to borrow Charlie’s video camera.”

  “Looks like you borrowed Charlie, too,” I said. Liz bopped around like Lucas was her son.

  Lucas briefly closed his eyes, looking embarrassed as Charlie zoomed in on him with the camera. “You guys are too much.” His voice sounded strained.

  Heather giggled. “I want copies of the video.” Behind her, Sal stuck a finger down her throat, pretending to puke.

  One of the knitting ladies circled around the paparazzi hubbub and asked me for a latte. I was never so happy to wait on someone in my life.

  “Have fun tonight,” I heard Charlie say over all the chattering. “You can party all night, Lucas. You’ve got the day off tomorrow.”

  I tried not to imagine Lucas spending all night with Heather. They finally left, Heather waving to everyone like she was on top
of a float. Lucas looked distracted, nodding a curt good-bye to Liz and Charlie, not even looking my way as the door closed behind them.

  Sal turned to me, looking like the Cheshire cat. “My, my. How very interesting.”

  My heart ricocheted wildly in my chest. Lucas thought of us as friends. But seeing him with Heather made me realize how much I cared. How much I wanted something more.

  Give it up, Darcy. It doesn’t matter how much you want it.

  Guys like Lucas were destined for girls like Heather. It was an unwritten law of the universe.

  “Don’t you have a party to go to?” I slammed coffee mugs into the sink.

  Sal shrugged. “I do. But I’m glad I didn’t miss all that drama.”

  Liz joined us at the counter, bubbling like a shaken-up soda can. “Weren’t they something? My goodness, she was so beautiful. And Lucas…” Her voice trailed away as she looked at me. She cleared her throat and some of the fizz went out of her voice. “Darcy, thanks so much for closing up tonight. Charlie and I are so appreciative.”

  I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I imagined Liz and Sal examining me like a lab specimen, wondering how the sight of Lucas and Heather together had affected me. I couldn’t let them know how much it had.

  “It’s fine,” I told Liz. “I’m happy to do it.” I forced a smile even as my eyes brimmed with tears. “Not like I had a big date tonight.” Sal stared at me, sudden realization dawning in her eyes. I dropped my gaze.

  Liz squeezed my shoulders. “You sure you’re okay by yourself tonight?”

  I nodded, willing the tears to dry before they fell. I had to keep it together.

  Liz said good-bye to Sal and her regulars, the fizz bubbling up in her again as she left the store, encompassing all of us in her good-bye wave. Why was that type of wave endearing from her but annoying as hell from Heather?

  “You really should go,” I told Sal, not looking at her. “I know your drama posse is expecting you.” I knelt down and busied myself under the sink, wiping away tears while I pretended to look for something.

  “I know when I’m not wanted,” Sal said. “And I also know what you’re hiding from, Darcy.”

  I stayed on my knees, refusing to look at her.

  “It doesn’t work, you know. Denying your feelings. Especially for you. Your heart is huge.”

  I looked up at her in surprise.

  “It’s why we’re friends.” She shrugged. “You have an enormous heart, but you keep it hidden. Because you’re afraid of it getting broken.” She glanced at the door as if she were looking for someone. “I see it, Darcy. I always have, because you let me.” She took a deep breath. “But I think…I think maybe he sees it, too.”

  My knees popped and cracked in protest as I stood up. “What are you talking about?”

  “Just a feeling I have.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I’m very sensitive to male energy. And Lucas’s energy was whacked out tonight.”

  I walked around her to shove tea into the tea racks. “Whatever, Sal. Lucas and I are friends.” I sounded like a glitching MP3 track. “He was just nervous with everybody making such a big deal with the photos and video.” It was true that I’d never seen him act so weird. So distracted. He must really like Heather. Maybe he even loved her.

  Ugh.

  I had to bury my feelings for him. I didn’t know how, but I had to figure out a way.

  Sal nodded at my excuse. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “You really need—”

  “—to go,” she finished, grinning. “I am, right now.” She hugged me good-bye and was out the door.

  Whatever energy had been keeping me upright faded away. I sat down at one of the tables and rested my head in my hands. What was that prayer about accepting things we couldn’t change? There was so much in my life right now I couldn’t change.

  Lucas saw me, all right. As a friend. So what if we liked the same music? So what if our walks with Toby had become a regular thing now? So what if I’d finally told him about my map, and about the henge at our cabin? So what if he hadn’t made fun of me or dismissed my ideas, but had listened and asked questions?

  So what if we couldn’t stop laughing when we redid Charlie’s store window, with Pickles’ help, arranging the squirrels into a ridiculous Christmas morning scene, complete with coal-stuffed stockings? That was nothing compared to how he was with Heather tonight. She was so incredible he couldn’t even relax around her. I definitely didn’t impact him like that.

  It was time to put my feelings for him in the same place with all my other impossible dreams, like Dad coming home to rescue us and Harvest, like Mom snapping out of it and becoming herself again. Like life going back to what it used to be.

  I could make some things happen, like getting the board to extend our moving date, but making someone fall in love with me? That wasn’t something I could control.

  Love was mysterious that way, surprising us when we least expected it. And I did love Lucas, I realized that now. But I’d keep that secret safe inside me, next to all my other impossible dreams.

  Chapter Nineteen

  November 9

  The Grim Reaper belched blue smoke as I drove to Charlie’s early Sunday morning to pick up moving boxes. My chest tightened when I saw Lucas’s car in the alley. What was he doing here? Shouldn’t he be home recovering from his wild dance party weekend? I pushed away images of him entwined with Heather. Unlike Lucas, I hadn’t had a wild weekend. I’d drowned my sorrows in ice cream and a weepy old movie, The Way We Were, one of the best doomed romances of all time.

  Charlie had given me a key to his store and I went in through the back, heading straight for the storeroom to avoid Lucas. But he was already there, stacking and shoving things around with a vengeance. His hair was messy, like he hadn’t bothered to shower. Maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he’d spent the past thirty-six hours with Heather.

  He whirled to face me, his face tensing when he saw me. “What are you doing here?”

  He sounded so angry that I took a step backward. “I, uh, I came for boxes. I just—” I took a breath to calm myself. I didn’t know what he was mad about, but whatever it was, I had a right to be here, too. “We’re starting to pack. And we need more boxes.”

  He held my gaze then looked away. “Of course.” His voice was rough. “I can help you break some down.”

  I walked toward the stack of cardboard in the corner of the room. “That’s okay,” I said. “It looks like you have other stuff to do.”

  He appeared next to me and took a box from the stack. Our eyes met, then we both looked away. He still looked furious, but I had no idea why.

  I picked up an X-acto knife from the table and sliced through the packing tape holding the box together. It was going to be a long morning if he stayed there with me. “Do you want some coffee?” Liz wouldn’t be opening the store for another couple of hours, but I knew she wouldn’t mind if I let myself in and made us drinks. Maybe caffeine would improve his mood.

  He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know.” He focused on the box, not looking at me.

  What was his damage?

  I finished disassembling the box, then collapsed it and started a pile. I’d tape them back together at home. As I sliced through the tape on another box, I wondered what I could say to shake Lucas out of his black mood. I thought of the movie I’d watched last night.

  “‘Your girl is lovely, Hubbell,’” I quoted.

  He looked up from the collapsed box he was folding. “Who’s Hubbell?”

  “It’s a quote from a movie. One of my favorites.”

  “What movie?” He wasn’t smiling yet, but he didn’t look quite as angry.

  “Just google what I said. You’ll find it.”

  “Why not just give me a straight answer?” He frowned and grabbed another box, dismantling it with more energy than necessary.

  “Maybe you bring out the worst in me,” I teased. Almost there. I’d get him
laughing any minute.

  “Whatever,” he said. “I know you’re bringing out the worst in me this morning.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Surprised and hurt, I turned away and focused on another box.

  He sighed behind me. “Sorry, Darcy. I’m just…tired. So tell me, what’s the point of your obscure movie quote?”

  I turned to face him. Was he dense or what? “‘Your girl is lovely.’ As in, Heather, your girl, is lovely. Spectacular, in fact. You two must have made quite an entrance Friday night.” If this friendship thing was going to work, I had to get comfortable talking about his girlfriend, even as my heart broke just saying her name.

  Lucas sighed again and brushed his hair out of his eyes. I’d never seen him like this…wrinkled and disheveled and unshaven. I didn’t think it was possible he could look even sexier than usual.

  “I don’t really know what to say to that,” he said. “It’s not like I had anything to do with her looks.” He took the collapsed box I was holding and tossed it on the stack.

  I struggled for a funny comeback but didn’t have one, so I spoke my thoughts aloud. “Most guys can only dream of dating someone like Heather. I was paying you a compliment.” I shrugged. “Never mind.”

  Lucas grabbed another box and sliced through the tape as if it were his worst enemy. “Most guys aim too low,” he said, so softly I thought maybe he was talking to himself. Then he looked right at me. “Girls like Heather are a dime a dozen.”

  I choked out a laugh. “Dime a dozen? Where are you shopping, dude?”

  He grabbed his water bottle off a shelf and took a long swig. I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down, hypnotized. He capped the bottle and leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. “Anyway, she’s not my girl.”

  I almost sliced right through my finger. I dropped my gaze, focusing very carefully on my cutting. I didn’t dare ask what I wanted most to know. I had to think of something else to say.

  “She’s not? Maybe you should let Pickles know. I don’t think she’s a fan.”

  Finally he graced me with a laugh. “Pickles has way too many opinions about my personal life. I don’t need to give her any more ammo.”