by Tammy Bench
‘Beef cake!? I worry about you, I really do.’ Tom shook his head and laughed, ‘and I’m not so hard up yet that your sloppy seconds hold much appeal.’
‘I’ve had yours on more than one occasion,’ Neil said through his own laughter.
‘Yeah that’s because I’m better looking than you.’
‘Still the same arrogant bastard.’
‘The truth hurts,’ Tom smiled and looked out of the window. Tomorrow would be alright. He wouldn’t mess up.
‘Oh tell me one thing… you didn’t bring the photos did you?’ he asked narrowing his stare at Tom.
Tom had kept two photo booth pictures of himself and Alice from back then. He kept them in his car and if he was being honest he looked at them almost every day. At first it was a need to see her smile, to prove that what they had shared was real. As the years went by it had become habit. Now it was a temptation. In the last two weeks he had thought about little else but that temptation.
‘No, I didn’t bring the damn photos, don’t worry man I’m not that obsessed.’
He had brought the photos.
“TONIGHT IS YOUR NIGHT BRO”
Saturday July 31st
Alice stood in her parents’ en-suite shower and let the water flow over her already sensitised body. She was on edge and inconclusively excited. The water was hot but it did little to chase the goosebumps from her skin. She was stepping back in time tonight and she was feeling good about it.
“…looking from the window above, this is the story of love… can you hear me?” Alice sang her favourite song by Yazoo.
It’s funny how your voice doesn’t sound exactly like your own when taking a shower. It always makes you a slightly better singer, she thought absentmindedly.
“Came back only yesterday, moving farther away…”
That sounds really sexy.
‘Tom.’
A massive rush of nerves hit her stomach as she said his name out loud.
Why say that?
‘Tom,’ she said again and bit her lip. Her voice was outside of her body. She could hear it, but it was disconnected.
‘Tom Chambers…’ arousal shot into her temples and spread down her cheeks. It made the corners of her lips twitch of their own accord.
‘Mr Chambers.’
Stop it!
The memory of him giving her an antique bracelet with the little ceramic teapot charm, blazed across her mind. He had called her his Alice in Wonderland.
‘I’m not trying to buy you…’ he whispered.
‘If you were, I’d sell…’ she had replied.
Enough, this was silly and expected. Of course being in this house again and knowing she was going back to the old school this evening would bring back memories. It would remind her of everything that had happened. She shouldn’t dwell on it. She needed to treat tonight as a fantastic opportunity to see old friends and have some much needed and long overdue ‘me’ time and leave it at that.
She had to stop hoping he was going to be there.
Stuart popped his head around the door a few minutes later, ‘Hun, I’ve ironed your dress for you it’s on the bed and Stephanie has just got here. She’s on her own and she said she wants to give you a ‘pep talk’ before you leave?’
‘You didn’t have to do that, Stu, thanks. Tell her I’ll see her in my room in about twenty minutes. It’s an old ritual – don’t ask!’ she shouted back kindly.
‘Okay.’
Alice found her dress where Stuart had left it. They were sleeping in her parents’ room during their visit so they could have the room with the en-suite and enough space for the camp bed. Hayley still got nervous about sleeping in different houses so for transitional ease she bunked in with them.
Alice blasted her hair with the dryer and combed it into place. She carefully applied mascara, lip gloss and a little blusher. Slipped the navy dress over her head and spritzed with perfume. Finally, she pulled on her knee length boots and checked herself in the mirror. She thought she looked alright, maybe even quite nice.
‘Tonight is your night bro…’ Stephanie smiled as soon as Alice entered her old bedroom.
‘That again?’ Alice smiled back cheekily.
The room was no longer a teenage haven filled with the thousand things a girl had amassed over her childhood. It didn’t house her jar of shells or her sixty-four Troll figures with brightly coloured tufts of hair. Her complete works of Shakespeare had been evicted from the pine bookshelves and the neat pile of Smash Hits magazine had long since been recycled. But her old Commodore 64 PC still sat at her now clutter-free desk. The humongous cream coloured dinosaur probably hadn’t even been switched on since she left. She recalled hours spent at that computer writing and re-writing essays and coursework. She had no idea why her parents still kept it as they both had laptops?
Her bedroom had evolved into a small tasteful lilac inspired guestroom. With dried flowers on the window sill and too many scatter cushions on the bed. If Alice had any criticism at all, it would be that it felt a bit too circa 1992 for her taste. But then, her mother had anything but a minimalistic eye for design.
‘Tonight is your night bro,’ Steph sang again.
When they were teenagers they had started this little routine. Whenever one of them was going out on a date or some other significant venture, the other would sing those words. She was sure it had come from the Arnold Schwarzenegger film Twins. Danny De Vito sings it to Arnie just before he goes to get laid for the first time – that’s how she remembered it anyway.
‘Nervous?’ she asked.
‘A bit. It’s going to be weird seeing some of those guys. I hope I haven’t aged the worst.’ She sat down beside Stephanie on her old bed.
‘You’ve aged into a fox, chill out.’
‘Well at least my sister has my corner. Did you bring me a glass of that?’ Steph nodded and pointed to the bedside cabinet.
‘Cheers,’ Alice sipped the wine and the fledgling mouthful served some way to centre her growing apprehension.
‘I know what you’re thinking.’
‘Oh?’ Alice asked looking away.
‘Why isn’t he going, right?’ Her sister was the only person aside from Stuart that she had told about Tom, ‘He’s not going because he doesn’t want to mess with your head.’
‘Well by not going he has already done that,’ she replied, ‘but I didn’t want to see him anyway. I just wanted him to want to see me. How conceited is that?’
‘Put yourself in his shoes. If you had fucked a student repeatedly whilst teaching at the school you had just received a reunion invitation from, if you had told this girl you loved her, if you had then ran away from her and broke her heart, would you show up?’ She looked at Alice and shook her head slowly.
‘No, probably not. But I’m not Tom. Tom would show up… I know he would… at least I thought he would.’
‘Stop talking seventeen. He wouldn’t. Only an idiot would go tonight.’
‘He’s not so it doesn’t matter either way.’
‘Listen I know it matters to you. This is a tough night and I’m not sure why you even agreed to go? You’re brave, Alice. Because this is truly going to be closure and I’m not convinced that’s what you want?’
‘It is,’ she sighed.
The truth was Alice wasn’t sure if she was ready to say goodbye to all the stuff that still clung to the sides of her heart. Her sister was right. She was dancing with the devil.
‘If that’s the truth then good, go have a cracking night, get pissed and dance and don’t look back.’
‘I will.’ Alice nodded and got up. She tipped the rest of her wine into Stephanie’s glass.
‘Here’s looking at you kid.’ Stephanie raised her glass and smiled.
Alice picked up her best bag and headed for the door, ‘Thank you.’
‘What for this time?’ she joked and rolled her eyes.
‘Always being the angel on my shoulder,’ Alice winked at her sister.
>
THE REUNION
Saturday 31st July
Claude Bennett School – a cliché – but it was so much smaller than she remembered.
Alice walked slowly from the car park towards the lecture theatre. She wanted to breathe in the feel and spirit of the place. She wanted to take her time to remember the way things had been.
She wished she could spin around like Wonder Woman and magically change into a grey skirt and itchy blue blazer. Pull her hair into a scruffy ponytail in the toilets and idly wander to her next lesson without a care in the world.
She walked past the dinner hall. The light green eggshell coloured paint still chipped away on the thin doors. She put her hands up to the window to shield her gaze from the evening sun. She peered in, the stack of brown wood effect melamine dinner trays looked like they hadn’t been changed since she had left. Alice remembered the way she and her friends would sit and chat at the corner table near the door and watch as more students poured past the till point and into the already rammed-full dining area.
Tom often bought a sandwich from the canteen and took it back to the staff room or his classroom and before they had started a relationship the simple thrill of what he was having for lunch would make her day and often she would buy the same thing.
Alice turned and walked on. She looked up at the English block, situated on the second floor above the Languages department. Tom’s room was on the other side the building and it looked out over a sports field. When she didn’t have him for a lesson she would daydream about what he was doing, imagining him talking to a different class capturing their minds and awakening innocent first years to Shakespeare or Keats. He was nothing if he wasn’t a fantastic teacher.
As much as Alice loved her life, being back here now was making her wish that she was a child again. A time when all you had to worry about was being told off by a teacher hanging out of their classroom window not to cut the corners of the green patch of grass they called ‘The Quad’. That maybe there was homework that you had forgotten to do? Or fretting about whether your parents would buy you the latest pair of ‘Kickers’ so you could look the same as every other kid.
Alice reached the door to the lecture theatre. A colourful hand-painted sign welcomed her to the ‘Class of 1997’ reunion. Whoever was organising this event had gone to considerable trouble with the details. There was a large pin-board just inside with lots of photos of her year group and she spent a few moments looking at them.
Smiling, she felt a bittersweet sadness that couldn’t be avoided when you’re confronted with memories of people and a time that you had loved and lost. Through no fault of your own, you eventually lose all these little things. As you grow into an adult you have less and less opportunity to remain the person that smiled a goofy smile for the yearbook picture and signed the back page with an open hearted, ‘Friends forever’ or the world changing, ‘Stay cool’ or her personal favourite, ‘You better keep in touch or else…’
Alice took one last nervous breath and pushed the door open.
He still might be here…
She knew he wasn’t.
The music was loud but not too loud, they were in their thirties now after all. Breakfast at Tiffany’s blasted out and she smiled again. Someone had even worked on the perfect playlist.
“And I hate when things are over and so much is left undone…”
Alice walked in and looked around. The room was nearly full. Lots of people seemed to be hanging out at the makeshift bar near the centre of the room. A small dance floor had been taken over by a group of ladies she didn’t recognise and prayed she wasn’t the same age as or she was seriously living in denial about the state of her own wrinkles.
Someone grabbed her arm and she turned.
‘Why didn’t you bloody text, I would have come out to meet you?’ Cara said smiling.
One of her closest friends from school and one of a handful of girls she had kept in touch with. Cara was a sweetheart and surprisingly still with the same guy she was with back then, but now with four sons to boot.
‘Hey. That’s alright I wanted to soak it up a bit, you know what I’m like about school days,’ Alice giggled, ‘so who’s here?’
‘Loads of us, come and I’ll re-acquaint you with a few people,’ she said.
The next few hours passed quickly. Drinks flowed freely and what at the start had felt odd, after a short time seemed wonderful. The faces of kids you once knew didn’t seem all that different. The boys had got tall and become men. The girls were either wives or mothers like her or still living the single life and enjoyed a bit too much to drink. The teachers she recognised were mostly aging or retired.
But the bond was still there. The time they had shared when they were free and not always sure who they were, was very real.
It felt safe and nostalgic. Like leftover roast beef sandwiches and Birds of a feather on a Sunday evening before school on Monday.
One classic old school tune bled into the next and she felt content.
At about ten-thirty she was in conversation with a group of girls from her Drama class. Sarah, a girl she was quite close to back then started talking in a hushed voice. She glanced over guiltily to where some of the teachers were congregated.
‘How old did Davidson get?’ she whispered.
‘He was old when we were kids, what did you expect?’ Jenna, her friend replied.
‘Don’t know really? It’s just… they seem so different,’ she continued, ‘hey, does anyone remember that really hot English teacher we had for A-levels? He was an Irish guy… oh, what was his name again?’ Sarah asked.
Alice’s heart picked up and her face, she was sure, turned red.
‘Mr Chambers,’ someone offered.
‘Yes! Mr Chambers, that’s right. He was so handsome. I would have loved one of his detentions,’ Sarah laughed.
‘You and he were quite close Alice, he always talked to you?’ Jenna turned to her.
Alice smiled a little, ‘he was nice, he helped me a lot with my coursework when I was struggling.’
‘Teacher’s pet,’ she laughed kindly.
Alice shrugged her shoulders and smiled again.
‘I would have happily been his pet,’ Sarah flashed her eyes at the group.
Alice wanted to slap her. He wasn’t something that should be joked about – he was her first love and not remotely, anything to do with this girl.
She remembered his body moving inside of her, sweat gathering on his back and his harsh words as he lost control. Sarah could have never handled a detention with him.
Where’s your head at?
Alice knew her thoughts were irrational and pushed the childish jealousy to the back of her mind. It had been a great evening, an evening of craziness and probably too many drinks. But definitely one she would remember. All too soon she found herself kissing scores of people goodnight, swapping numbers and promising they wouldn’t wait as long to catch up next time. Her good friends she would see again before she went back home. But as for most of the others who knew when their paths would cross again?
Fittingly the last song she heard before Stuart appeared in the doorway, smiling and ready to drive her home was Wonderwall. She blinked back a few tears she hadn’t expected to shed and headed towards him. She took one last look behind her and smiled.
‘Goodbye a younger me, goodbye the days I miss so much… it was really good to see you again,’ she whispered.
“I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now…”
STAKEOUT?
Saturday 31st July
‘For the hundredth time Neil, this is not a stakeout,’ Tom dropped his head into his hands.
‘This is a stakeout mate and I’m quite excited. So if, in your head, this isn’t a stakeout don’t shatter my illusion. I am a computer geek by day and you’re an English teacher – this is great!’
Tom sighed.
‘Come on man don’t ruin it. If it wasn’t Alice we were looking
for, you would be right up for this. So as I was saying I’m Axel and you’re Billy okay?’ Neil was practically jumping up and down in his seat.
He had stopped at the all night shop for drinks, crisps and two huge bars of chocolate. He had even borrowed a pair of night vision goggles from his next but one neighbour who Tom referred to as Creepy Colin. Tom was more than a little concerned as to why he would have a pair of night vision goggles in the first place? And how Neil knew about them was a question he didn’t want the answer to either.
‘You wouldn’t be Axel,’ Tom corrected him.
‘Okay you be Axel. As long as you play,’ Neil replied.
‘Play?’ Tom started laughing and it made his head wring with all the beers of the previous night.
He had tried to convince Neil it was a good idea to let him go alone tonight. But he had failed. Neil was his self-appointed chaperone and now it would seem, his stakeout partner.
They had parked in the school’s brand new car park, near to the back and behind a collection of cars at about 8. 30pm. They wanted to get there after most of the guests had gone in and catch people leaving or just milling around outside when it was darker and it allowed them better cover.
It was gone eleven now and they hadn’t seen Alice yet.
‘You might not recognise her,’ Neil offered unhelpfully.
‘She hasn’t changed. I’ve seen her bloody Facebook picture.’
‘Facebook can tell you fibs dude. For example, your Facebook tells me you’re a boring bastard.’
‘I don’t like the fucking thing,’ Tom looked towards the school hall again, ‘…do you really think it makes me look boring?’
‘Afraid so, that or like you think you’re too cool.’
‘I am,’ Tom smiled at him.
Maybe it was a good thing that his friend was here? It was taking his mind off what he was doing. If all he could hear was Neil’s voice or Neil’s chewing tonight that was fine by him. If he had been alone for all he knew he might have been in there now, on his knees telling her he was wrong.