by Tammy Bench
Alice stood and hugged Beth. Then Lewis grabbed her and squeezed her tightly.
‘Alice, you’re so tiny,’ he squeezed on, ‘you’re like a little doll, I could snap you in half,’ he laughed.
‘Hey, don’t do that, put my wife down,’ Stuart joked patting Lewis on the back.
‘Wow you look amazing Beth. Your hair looks fab,’ Alice complimented her. She felt like she had to. If someone cares that much about their appearance, you almost feel rude not saying how great they look – and she did look great.
‘Thank you Hun!’ she swished her new do and pouted at Alice, ‘you always look lovely too Alice, so natural – you’re lucky.’
Plain.
Alice smiled back. Tom called her beautiful all the time. When he said it she believed him. He looked at her and she felt like she was the most desirable thing in the world. The passion in which he needed her made her feel sexy, made her feel like she had something that a man like him could crave. But here she was just ordinary Alice.
Stuart hung off every word that Beth uttered for the next five minutes, until their waiter came over to take their order. She practically sang ‘don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me’ to him. Lewis looked on smiling, he didn’t care. They were an open couple and happy to watch the other make a show of themselves.
‘Beth’s having the meatballs too,’ Stuart smiled smugly at Alice then back at Beth.
‘Nice choice,’ Alice replied.
‘So, Al what’s new with you?’ Lewis leaned in towards her and rested his arm on the back of her chair.
‘New? Nothing much really. The artists are still doing well, we’re getting more interest than we can handle and my workshops are starting to pay now, so I can’t complain.’
‘And how’s that beautiful little double of yours?’
‘Hayley, she’s amazing as always, but she wants a new puppy,’ Alice smiled at him.
‘We all fancy something small and cute from time to time, you can’t blame her,’ he raised his eyebrows and she felt his fingers brush the back of her sweater.
So now she’s a puppy… great!
Stuart glanced over and saw him touch her, he shook his head in a playful way, as if to say ‘what’re they like?’ he didn’t care either. And, in turn she wasn’t supposed to care that Stuart wanted to screw Beth. Marriage was kind of mad like that. There were some thing’s that just got overlooked.
Tom wouldn’t have overlooked it. He wouldn’t like a man flirting with her and he wouldn’t lust after another woman in front of her. He would sit beside her; he might even pull her chair a little closer to his. He would rest his warm hand on her leg under the table and she would know that for the whole night he would be thinking about when they could escape and be alone together. Tom would probably brake a man’s thumb if he saw it drift seductively down her back.
She looked towards the door quickly. Thinking about him here made her nervous.
‘Waiting for someone?’ Lewis asked.
‘Um… no.’
‘Alice, you’ve been odd all day,’ Stuart looked over.
‘Have I?’
‘Leave her alone boys, honestly,’ Beth laughed, ‘you won’t get laid tonight if you start picking on her?’ she aimed her last comment in Stuart’s direction.
‘If she kicks me out I’ll have to come and sleep on your sofa,’ he winked at Beth, who at least had the decency to blush a little.
‘I don’t think my wife would banish you to our sofa, mate,’ Lewis took a large sip of wine, ‘and in return if Alice needed some company I would be a gentleman and offer my services.’
She wanted to grab her bag and leave, instead the other three cracked up with laughter. She tried to smile along, forcing some fake chuckle to pass her lips. They might as well throw their car keys into the basket of bread and oils that had just been put down in front of them. She truly believed if the couple they were dining with, openly offered, Stuart would happily enter them into some kind of orgy/wife swapping scenario.
The evening continued in the same fashion. Stuart and Lewis got drunker and more cringe-worthy. She was stroked and breathed on more than she thought she could handle whilst still pretending to enjoy herself and Beth encouraged the sexual innuendo like it was her favourite dessert.
Alice had abstained from any further drinking since being told she was driving so just sat back and watched. Engaging in the conversation, but totally disengaging her mind. She watched her husband lean towards the other woman, talk to her and watch her eat. But even though she knew that women found him attractive she had never really been distant enough to notice how much he thrived on it until tonight. She wasn’t jealous, more annoyed really, and in the car on the way home, an hour or so later, she had to ask him.
‘Do you want to fuck Beth?’
‘Bloody hell Alice, do you want to be anymore foul mouthed?’ he coughed and turned to her, ‘no, I don’t.’
‘Why lie?’ she asked him, ‘we’re adults and human, I wouldn’t blame you she’s very attractive.’
She didn’t know if she was trying to make herself feel better about what she had done by getting him to admit a similar desire or give her actions some kind of justification?
‘She is really pretty. But I’m married to you, very happily. I wouldn’t do that to you.’
‘But you would do it if I wasn’t around? So, you do fancy her?’
‘What? If I was single, why not?’ he looked like he was on trial.
‘They practically offer us to swing every time we see them. What if I was to sleep with Lewis and you with Beth, would that be different?’
‘Do you want to?’ Stuart stammered, ‘what has Lewis said to you?’
‘Forget it Stu, I’m just being silly… Beth makes me feel inadequate that’s all,’ she laughed as they turned into her parent’s street.
‘You shouldn’t feel like that,’ he rested his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes, ‘I’m knackered… and a bit pissed.’
Three days ago that would have been enough. Her husband telling her she didn’t need to worry, that he loved her and she shouldn’t feel unattractive. But now all she could do was compare the two men. She had visions of Tom rushing at her, silencing her with a kiss that told her she was going to find out exactly how much she shouldn’t feel like that.
She pulled onto the drive and glanced over at her husband. She loved him so much but he didn’t make her feel the way Tom did, he never could and it wasn’t his fault.
He was her family, the father to her child and her life partner, hell even her best friend. But here, right now in this car she knew that wasn’t enough to keep her away from Tom. She wasn’t strong enough to deny him one more day. And Tom wasn’t selfless enough to give her up.
As a woman, she never believed that she would be capable of this level of deceit. She always held herself in a higher regard, and as a mother, the thought repulsed her. But tomorrow she was going to meet him again. Mrs Lyons would take her clothes off, make love to him and wish, like that silly teenager she once was, that it could last forever.
CALLING At
Wednesday 4th August
Tom would never get tired of watching Alice walk towards him. He sat on the train, his face casually turned towards the window. She walked onto the platform thirty seconds before the train was due to depart. Fresh-faced, beautiful and smiling, his heart picked up. She didn’t look into any of the windows, she didn’t look for him. She just jumped on and disappeared from his line of vision for a few moments.
He never wanted to be the other man, yet here he was.
The electric doors opened four rows in front of him and she was there. Her emerald green eyes found him quickly, she smiled and held up two polythene cups.
He wasn’t a ‘coffee on the go’ kind of guy. He mocked men under his breath for carrying them around. He disliked the way they subliminally said ‘look at me, I’m very important and busy.’ It was almost like sipping a well-known b
randed coffee from a little cardboard cup was the substitute for having a small penis. He was a mug man – instant coffee with two sugars and a little milk to lessen the bitterness. But if Alice had got him a take-out he would drink it with relish and let people happily assume he had a tiny cock. He loved her enough to suck it up.
‘Mr Chambers,’ she said smiling, placing the drink onto the table and sliding into the seat next to him.
‘Thanks,’ he looked at her.
Was he allowed to touch her? Kiss her? Monday night seemed like an age ago and given all the circumstances and barriers he wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was for second day of cheating?
‘Are you alright?’ she asked.
Tom sighed and moved his body to face her.
No, not really.
‘I’m good, you? How did yesterday go?’ he replied.
‘Alright, it was horrible lying to him, but it went alright.’
‘Good,’ Tom paused he had no idea what to do, it all felt so alien to him, ‘Alice?’
‘Yes?’ she glanced at him whilst she took the lid from her cup and started blowing her drink.
She seemed relaxed today, almost resolute. He on the other hand was wired and jumpy, the days were ticking by, his plane ticket was burning a hole in his pocket and all he wanted to do was push her, but he couldn’t. He wanted straight answers that he knew she couldn’t and wouldn’t give him. Ninety-five percent of his brain and one hundred percent of his heart was ready to get down on his knees and declare that death would be preferable if she didn’t agree to be his.
He shook his head, ‘where are we going anyway?’ he asked instead.
Late last night she had suggested each driving to separate stations on the same train line and meeting on-board. She said it was safer and less likely to be seen by anyone they knew. Tom would have happily got on at her home town station with a sign that said ‘I’m with Alice!’ if he had his way.
‘Two stops on, then get off at Stratford-upon-Avon. I can’t wait you know,’ she dropped her hand onto his upper thigh and lightly pressed into the denim with her fingers.
‘Me too,’ Tom grinned.
‘I’ve thought of nothing else,’ she unconsciously bit her lip and squeezed a little harder.
Tom closed his eyes and silently both pitied and envied any man that had never felt like this. To know the woman you love completely can’t wait to be alone with you. To have her sitting next to you, her body warming your arm and her smiles filling your eyes was all he could ever want. But at war with that euphoric regard was the fear that now constantly gripped him, debilitating his thoughts and emotions – what if she walked on Saturday? What if this, for her, was all it was ever going to be?
Man up.
Tom’s default response was sex. It always had been. His weakening heart and mind never seemed to dull or dampen the need for it. So he chose that to cling to amidst the very choppy waters that he found himself just about surviving in. With his head bobbing above sea level and a threatening mouthful of distasteful salty refreshment washing towards him fast, he reverted to type.
‘Since we aren’t student and teacher anymore and for the sake of this story we’re consenting adults… what do you want to do when we get there?’ he asked her, his hand resting on top of her little fingers and pulling them backwards to his groin.
Alice flashed a look at him, her eyelashes blinked a little faster and she looked just like the nervous girl he had corrupted so many years ago.
‘Honestly?’ she asked him shyly.
‘Definitely honestly,’ he confirmed.
‘I don’t want you to hold back,’ she stroked her hand over him.
Tom felt hot. He glanced out of the window. The countryside whizzed by merging into a Monet inspired panoramic watercolour. His reflection in the toughened glass looked skewed, one half of his face sort of disappeared into the background of the train carriage.
‘Okay,’ he looked back at her.
She nodded at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
‘This train better hurry the fuck up,’ he laughed.
What had he held back?
He wasn’t that sure? Okay he had been very self-controlled. He had pulled back when he thought he was being too dominant and he had never tied her up and spanked her – but he got the impression she meant something more than that.
‘What’re you thinking about?’ she whispered.
‘Tying you up and keeping you prisoner,’ he joked.
‘Hmm nice thought…’ she smiled back at him
‘Alice, you know this is serious for me don’t you?’
Grow some balls.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I know you think we’re playing here but I do want you back.’
Alice sighed, ‘I’m aware you’re not playing. I’m not playing either. Do you really think I’m that shallow to risk my marriage for a week of sex with someone that I have no feelings for?’
‘No, I don’t. But the problem is you don’t know what you want from all this?’ Tom pushed his hand through his hair.
‘True. You came out of the smoke like some kind of dream. You already knew how you felt. I was happily minding my own business when you told me you still loved me. That takes some time to digest, regardless of how much I still care about you. But I’m married to a great man, who I do love. We have a life that many people would envy. But then there’s you… and that changes things,’ she took another drink from her cup, a cloud of steam obscuring her face.
‘And you think you love me too?’ Tom tried to stiffen his voice.
‘I do. I’ve always been in love with you.’
‘Are you in love with him?’
‘I love him and I think I’m in love with him. But the love I feel for you is so different,’ she looked at him with tears in her eyes.
‘How is it different?’ he asked.
‘It’s mine,’ she paused, ‘It’s not something that is shared or multiplied. The way I love you is selfishly and honestly. When I’m with you I have the ability to forget everything else. It consumes me and owns me. It’s a feeling that I’ve never felt since and will never feel again with anyone else… it’s unique,’ Alice glanced around the carriage to make sure they weren’t being overheard.
He knew that love.
‘It’s dangerous isn’t it baby?’ he held her small hand tightly and pulled her against his side.
‘Make no mistake Tom, its deadly,’ she sighed deeply.
‘I should never have come. I didn’t want to screw up your perfect…’ he stopped.
‘With you still in this world away from me it could never have been perfect, Tom.’
‘What did we start?’ he turned to her and kissed her lips softly.
‘Something it seems we could never finish,’ she replied.
THE PARSON’S NOSE
Wednesday 4th August
The woman who she used to trust and thought she knew pretty well gave the girl that sat behind the small reception desk her name, ‘Chambers. I booked over the phone,’ when did this respectable mother and wife become a total shit?
The girl looked at Alice then at her computer screen and smiled, ‘Yes, Mrs Chambers, I have your booking here. I just need a signature and a credit card.’
Alice flinched when she called her by his name and looked towards Tom who was smiling broadly.
‘I’ll get that, darling,’ Tom leaned over and signed his name and handed his card to the girl.
Alice thanked him. She hadn’t thought that there might be a credit card trail leading back to her infidelity. So Tom’s quick thinking had avoided the awkward moment.
She had found this seventeenth century pub with bed and breakfast online last night. ‘The Parsons Nose’ was the quintessential middle England good pub guide establishment.
While Stuart had slept off the beers beside her she was surfing the internet, pulling together the repulsive plan of deceit. She wanted to vomit, to hit herself in the face with
her laptop… but still she made the necessary arrangements to exacting standards. She was doing this and there was nothing she could say to stop herself.
It was a total head fuck to be at war with one’s self. Talk about bloody Jekyll and Hyde.
‘We don’t have any bags?’ Tom whispered as they ascended the stairs behind a young skinny boy dressed head to toe in black who had been sent to show them to their room.
‘I know, but they don’t know that. They could be in our car.’
‘True. Are we staying over?’ he asked hopefully.
‘No, for today this is our drive by motel,’ she smiled and took his hand.
‘Dirty sex then?’ he mouthed.
‘Here we are,’ the young man opened the door and handed Tom the key.
‘Lovely, thank you,’ Tom grinned at him and Alice stepped inside.
‘Anything else you need just give us a shout or dial 9.’
‘We will thank you.’ Tom put on his most charming Irish accent, letting his words roll a little more than normal and patted the guy on his shoulder as he slowly shut the door in his face.
Alice walked around the room. It was sweet. There was a large mahogany bedstead with a jacquard quilt and cushions, two side tables and a writing desk. The en-suite was fairly large too and very Italian looking in comparison.
She watched Tom unscrew the lid from one of the complimentary bottles of water and take a drink.
‘You didn’t have to do all this you know? I could have sorted something,’ Tom looked at her.
‘I know, but I didn’t want you to think I was taking you for granted. That I thought I was some princess who always needs you to look after everything.’
‘You are,’ he smiled.
‘Are you always the perfect guy?’ she laughed.