Wasted Words

by Staci Hart

I held her close, slipping a hand into her hair, holding her against me. “Don’t be sorry. I get it. Feel better?”

  “I do. I think I might need a lot of reassurance, and I’m afraid it’s going to push you away.”

  “Don’t be afraid. I don’t scare easy, and I’m patient. Just talk to me when you have doubts so I can remind you of the truth.”

  “You’re too good to be true, Tyler.” Her voice was tinged with regret.

  “Nah. I’m just me, and I know you. I trust you, and if you trust me, then we’ll be fine.”

  She didn’t say anything for a moment as she leaned on me in the silence, and I just held her and let her be. “Will you stay with me again tonight?” she finally asked.

  There wasn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. I bent down and kissed her hair. “Of course.”

  She sighed again, this time the sound full of relief, and propped her chin so she was looking up at me. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I bent down as best as I could with her in my arms, neck straining to kiss her. She rose up on her tip toes to meet my lips.

  She took my hand, and I followed her to her dark bedroom, the two of us climbing into her bed in silence.

  We found each other in the dark. She tucked into my chest, and I wrapped her up, both of us quiet, though I felt the weight of the silence as we lay together. Two days ago, I couldn’t have been here, in her bed. Two days ago, and for a year before that, we were separate. But with a word and a kiss, I’d been let in. I’d let her in just the same.

  But I could lose it all again with another word, a word I hoped I’d never hear. How strange it was that something so small could end a thing, or begin one. That something so simple could change two people so deeply.

  “I don’t want to sleep,” she said softly.

  “What do you want to do?” I asked, my heart thumping.

  “Kiss you more.”

  I chuckled. “Kiss me more.”

  So she arched her back, pressing her body against mine, and she did.

  Our legs wound together, hips meeting. My hand moved down her ribs, down the bend in her waist, to her hip as her legs tightened, bringing us even closer together. I rolled until I arched over her, kissing her deep, trying to separate our hips. Because with her so close, I didn’t know if I could keep my cool.

  Her hand trailed down my chest, down my abs, around my waist, fingers slipping just under the band of my jersey sleep pants. Her hips rolled toward mine again, legs squeezing to bring us closer together, and I let her, happy to give her what she wanted, hoping I could hang on and not push her. Her thigh was so soft under my palm, and I dug my fingers in gently. A soft hum passed her lips, and I let go to touch her face, wanting nothing more than to hear that sound again.

  She broke away, leaning back.

  “Are you okay?” I asked quietly.

  “Yeah. Better than fine. We’ve barely touched and I already don’t know if I can stop.”

  “I know.” I kissed her tenderly.

  She sighed. “Can we wait a little longer?”

  “We can wait as long as you want, Cam.”

  She didn’t say anything, and I wished I could see her face. “Why are you perfect?”

  “I’m far from perfect.”

  “You’re spot on, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Ditto,” I said and kissed her again, hoping she knew how much I meant it.

  BIG BAD BRAINS

  Cam

  THE AGGRESSIVE BEEPING OF MY alarm woke me the next morning, and I loathed the sound, not because it woke me up, but because it meant I had to get out of bed. And Tyler was in my bed.

  He sighed, still mostly asleep as I turned off the offending noise, and when I looked back, I paused for just a second to watch him. The sun streamed in softly through the window, and he lay on his back, one hand under his pillow, the other on his chest. The muscles of his arms, his chest and stomach, the curves and shadows of his long body as he lay next to me simply beautiful.

  I was filled with a sense of possession and wonder, the feeling so strong that I needed to transfer the emotion, pass it to him so he’d know how I felt, so I slipped back into bed and curled into him, pulling the covers up to my chin.

  He wrapped his arms around me, turning so I was tucked in his chest. “Morning,” he said, voice rough.

  “Morning.” I nestled deeper into his chest, eyes closed, breathing deep, wishing I could stay right there all day.

  “I don’t wanna go to work.” His words rumbled through me.

  I chuckled. “I was just thinking that.”

  “What are you up to today?”

  I leaned back so I could see him. “Rose and I are working together all day on administrative stuff. Super boring. But at least we have each other, and there will be drinks at lunch, so I guess I can’t complain. You?”

  He propped his head on his hand and looked down at me. “Jack is back from Atlanta, so we’ll have a busy day getting caught up, I’m sure.”

  “We’re lucky our bosses don’t suck.”

  “We’re lucky our bosses love whiskey.”

  I laughed. “Ugh, it’s so warm right here. Six in the morning shouldn’t exist.”

  He ran his hand around my waist and pulled me a little closer. “The early bird doesn’t want to get out of bed?”

  “Not when it’s Knight time. Get it? Knight?” I poked his chest.

  He laughed, his brown eyes soft. “This weekend’s been …”

  “A disaster?” I joked.

  “The football game, maybe. But I was going to say unexpected, and in the best possible way.”

  My heart fluttered. “I still can’t believe it even happened, which makes it that much harder to get back to the grind.”

  He lay down on the pillow next to me again, close enough that his face wasn’t blurry for lack of my glasses. I could see all the little details — the flecks of amber in his dark irises, the occasional blond eyelash, the creases in his lips.

  “Are you still worried?” he asked. “About us?”

  “Right now, no,” I answered truthfully. “But I worry about when we’re apart. My imagination is … well, it’s big, and it runs away. This scares me.”

  He smirked. “You don’t say?”

  I chuckled, so thankful he could joke about it when I’d tried to break up with him the night before. Shame washed over me. “Big brains are sometimes a big problem.”

  But he smiled. “I love your big brains. The bigger the better, I always say.”

  “I love big brains and I cannot lie.” I sang, wiggling my butt as much as I could while laying down.

  He tried to spank me as I jiggled, and we laughed. When we’d stilled, he pushed my hair back and trailed his fingers under my ear, down my neck.

  “Okay, so you need reassurance. I can reassure you.” He crinkled his eyes in thought. “Let’s see. How can we be together all day and also be at work?” he asked.

  “Hmm,” I hummed, thinking. “Pocket voodoo dolls?”

  “Too morbid,” he said. “Texting and emailing seems too obvious.”

  I chuckled. “So passé.” I got an idea and rolled over onto my back, holding my hand up. I took off my thumb ring and reached for his hand. Problem was, his hand was gigantic — he could basically palm my entire face. But in some twist of fortune, it fit snugly on his left pinkie.

  He inspected his hand. “I like it. It kind of puts out that Godfather feel. Does it make me look dangerous?” He made a menacing face.

  I laughed. “No.”

  Tyler smiled. “Well, I’ve got something of yours, but that doesn’t really help your big brains remember that I think you’re amazing.” His face lit up, and he rolled away from me. “Hang on, I’ve got it.”

  I smiled and reached for my glasses, propping myself up in bed as he walked out and back in, climbing back in on top of the covers to lie down on his stomach.

  “Give me your hand.”

  I laid my small hand in his big
one, and he revealed his worn, faded friendship bracelet, smiling like he’d had the best idea ever. I’d never seen him take it off before, not as long as I’d known him. The ties were frayed and crimped where it had been knotted for so long.

  I laughed. “Seriously, Tyler? First of all, isn’t it against some law of the universe to recycle a friendship bracelet someone else gave to you?”

  He shrugged. “I bought it with my allowance when I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. I was twelve. I got it to give away, but I never wanted to give it to anyone, besides Kyle. But we were in college, and college football players don’t exchange friendship bracelets.”

  The thought faltered my smile, and I reached for his face, leaning forward to kiss him. “Okay,” I said, leaning back. “But second problem is that you’re giving me a symbol of friendship to remind me that you think of me as more than a friend.”

  He smirked. “Well, if I told you I bought it to give to my one true love, would you believe me?”

  I laughed, trying to forget he’d just used the word love. “No, I wouldn’t believe you.”

  “Good, because it would have been a lie. But really, Cam,” he said as his finger stroked my wrist, his eyes on my hand. “I’ve worn it since I bought it, and for all those years, I wanted to give it to someone. No one’s ever deserved it before, not like you do. Will you wear it?” He met my eyes, his words full of hope, colored with uncertainty.

  My chest ached. “Of course I’ll wear it, Tyler.”

  He bent and kissed my palm. “Thank you,” he said as he wrapped the bracelet around my wrist and tied it tight. “Now, come on, let me make you some eggs before we start this shitty day. Because the sooner we start, the sooner it’s over and we’re back here together.”

  I smiled, feeling a hundred feet tall and bulletproof. “Lead the way.”

  I made coffee while he showered, he made the eggs while I watched him. We dressed and headed to the train station together, where he picked me up like he did, with my feet dangling off the ground, kissing me sweetly before we parted ways. I skipped nearly all the way to work, unlocking the door to Wasted Words and humming as I walked through the quiet store and to the office.

  Rose was already there, hair in a messy bun, wearing leggings and an oversized sweater, prepared for a day locked in the office, no doubt. She yawned, waving at me when she saw me.

  “Morning,” I chimed.

  Her eyebrow rose, and she looked me over, skeptical. “What are you so chipper about?”

  I shrugged and set down my bag. “Aren’t I always chipper in the mornings?”

  “Maddeningly, yes. But you’re extra-special chipper this morning.”

  “Well, it’s a fine morning, wouldn’t you say?”

  Her suspicion deepened. “Seriously, what’s this all about?” She motioned to all of me.

  I smiled. “I maybe hung out with Tyler all weekend.”

  She still looked confused. “What do you mean? You always hang out with Tyler all weekend.” Then it dawned on her. “Oh. Oh, you hung out with him?”

  I giggled like a teenager. “I mean, he didn’t hang out. Or in. Or, I mean, we didn’t—”

  Rose snorted. “Yeah, I get it. Now, spill the details.”

  I pulled out the chair at my desk, which faced hers. “Well, I set him up on a date with Adrienne—”

  “Hot Catwoman?”

  “Yeah. And when he left, I ate a gallon of ice cream and regretted it completely.”

  “The ice cream or the date?”

  “The date. The ice cream was a blessing. But he came home early and kissed me.”

  “Just like that?” she asked, disbelieving. “He just opened the door and marched up to you and kissed you?”

  I wrinkled my nose, but I was smiling. “No. I maybe told him I wanted him to.”

  She laughed. “Oh, my God.”

  “I just blurted it out like a crazy person, and then he marched up to me and kissed me. We spent all that night and yesterday and last night together.”

  Her brow was up again. “And you didn’t hook up? How is that possible? Tyler is a lot of man. I don’t know if I would have been able to resist.”

  “Trust me, it wasn’t exactly easy. I’m a little worried about that too, the size of the man. I have genuine concern for the well-being of my vag.”

  “Your vag can handle more than you think.”

  “Maybe. Can you bruise your cervix?”

  She laughed. “I don’t know. Google it.”

  I opened my laptop, curious, typing in the search. “Ugh. Yes. Shit.”

  Her smile fell. “Seriously?”

  I turned the computer to face her and held a hand out in display. Her face wrinkled up as she read.

  “Ouch. There’s nothing you can do about it either.”

  I sat back in my chair. “Yeah, can’t exactly ice that.”

  “I mean, you could …”

  Now my face wrinkled up.

  She was still reading, and she leaned a little closer to the screen. “Oh, my God. Did you know your vagina gets longer when you’re turned on?”

  My jaw hung open. “Get the fuck out.”

  “No, apparently that’s for real. Look.” She turned the laptop so we could both see.

  I read through. “Holy fucking shit. So he can’t just go ram his rod in there.”

  “Well, I hope he doesn’t do that anyway.”

  “Me too. It also says it’s lower before your period. What the fuck, it’s like an accordion.”

  She laughed. “Or a slinky.”

  “Ew.”

  Rose shook her head. “So you slept in the same bed?”

  I sighed and closed my computer. “Yeah. We just kissed. Like, for hours.”

  “He didn’t even get to second base?”

  “Nope, because if there were base action, it would have ended up in at least a triple. We’re holding out. I’m not quite ready for that … I mean, he’s still my roommate. Not that I’m trying to wait like a month or anything, but I want to make sure we’re smart about things before we just go banging.”

  She nodded, appeased. “Fair enough.”

  “Plus, he’s got to be the best cuddler in the world. Like, he’s just so big.”

  Rose laughed. “He really is huge.”

  I sighed and rocked my office chair back and forth. “I dunno. He didn’t pressure me and I was okay with that. I don’t think I’ll hold out long though.”

  “I wouldn’t fault you for caving.” She smirked at me and shook her head. “You and Tyler. I mean, I hate to say ‘Finally!’ but seriously, Cam. You guys have been circling each other for as long as I’ve known you.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t see it that way at all. I didn’t think he could ever want someone like me. He was just my buddy from the start. My really hot buddy who was too sexy for his shirt.”

  “So sexy it hurts.” She laughed. “I’m not as attracted to the good boys, but for you, he’s kinda perfect.”

  You’re the last person he’d date. I pushed Kyle’s voice away, touching Tyler’s bracelet to remind me of his words from this morning. But it was too late. My smile had fallen, and Rose’s did too.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I don’t know. It’s just weird, you know? He’s a filet mignon, and I’m tofu. We don’t really make a meal that’s not laughable.”

  “I think he’s like peanut butter and you’re like jelly. Why do you focus so much on your differences?”

  I huffed. “Because people work based on their commonalities, not their differences.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Some people would say that they work based on elements you can’t control.”

  “Well, those people are dumb. It’s chemistry and math. People are like pegs and holes.”

  She snickered.

  I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean. It’s the things that are the same that make them fit into each other.”

  “So one puts thei
r peg in the other one’s hole.”

  “Yeah, but it has to fit.” I made a rude hand gesture using the OK sign and my index finger.

  “It can fit tight, right?”

  I tightened the O around my finger. “I mean, if it doesn’t fit tight then it’s kind of a loss anyway, right?”

  “It’s too early,” Rose said with a laugh. “I think we’re delirious.”

  I chuckled. “Maybe.”

  She let out a breath. “I’m just saying. Let it be what it is and don’t overthink it.”

  “That’s like saying, ‘Hey, Cam, could you just stop breathing for the indefinite future?’”

  “True. But you can try.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I can try.”

  Tyler

  I walked into work that morning with a spring in my step — everything seemed brighter, bigger, better than it had been the last time I’d been there. Jack was already in his office, sleeves rolled up, phone hooked in his shoulder as he jotted down notes.

  I waved as I walked in, and he flagged me, motioning for me to come inside and wait.

  “Sure thing. Got it. No, sir, I feel the same way about it.” He laughed. “You and me both. I’ll talk too you soon, Jim.” He set the phone back on its cradle and smiled at me. “Good to see you, kid.”

  “You too. I’m sure glad you’re back.”

  He chuffed. “That makes two of us. Atlanta’s hot even in the fall, especially with the press lights pointed at you.”

  I nodded. “Everything looks good on the PR front. I think you did it, Jack.”

  His smile fell. “Yeah, well. Pharaoh at least has an inkling of self-preservation. I’ll give him credit for that. Rehab was the only way to save him, even if it is a farce. He’s not an alcoholic. Just stupid.”

  “And mouthy.”

  “Yes, and that.” He leaned back in his chair. “You did well without me, Tyler. Cathy said you held down the fort well, and it looks like his sponsors are placated. I appreciate you handling it all without me — I had my hands full with Pharaoh. How’d you feel about it?”

  “It felt good. I mean, it was stressful and shitty — no one wants to get yelled at by an angry mob of corporate reps — but I felt capable. Like I knew what to do and how to keep things tamped down.”