One to Save

by Tia Louise

  “You’re so far in my life, I don’t know where you begin and where I end. It’s why we can’t be separated.”

  From somewhere deep in my heart comes a question I’m not sure I want to ask. Yet out it spills. “Did you keep secrets from Allison?”

  “Of course not, but—” His answer is so fast, so automatic, it crushes me.

  “I need you to give me my key and go.”

  His fists clench, and for a moment, I’m afraid he might grab me. His voice grows louder as he speaks. “Stop this goddamn stubbornness, Melissa. I hear you now. I understand what you need, and I’m ready to give it to you.”

  Dex’s whimpering from his room matches the quaking of my own insides. My head is light as I back away. I can’t argue with him anymore. I don’t have the strength. Putting my necklace on the end table, I clutch it for a moment, saying my final words. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  Holding the walls I make my way to Dex’s room. At this point, I’m feeling so broken down, I don’t know if I’ll make it through this. If I won this battle he wins the war. When I’d said I still loved him, I’d spoken from the depths of my soul. My heart is battered, broken, and torn, and all I want is to crawl into his arms and let him hold me. Take this pain away and come home.

  Only how can I say that? He doesn’t treat me like he should. He flat out admitted he never hid things from her... He knows this isn’t the way we should live, and I have to mean more to him than that.

  Dex is standing in his crib, blue eyes round, a tear hangs on his little dark lashes. I lift him into my arms and walk to the glider in the corner. He snuggles into me, and the closeness of him, his baby scent eases the bleeding hole in my chest.

  It would be so easy to give in, to say it doesn’t matter and take him back. At the same time, everything inside me revolts at the prospect of going back to a life of half-truths and double-lives. Even if I know Derek isn’t Sloan, I can’t shake the ghosts of how my life used to be. The faintest hint of it sends ice water running through my veins.

  If I willingly go back and nothing changes, I can only blame myself for making the same mistake twice, and this time, I can’t blame it on ignorance. This time I’d be making the decision with my eyes wide open.

  Dex scrubs his little head against my shoulder, and I hug him closer. As much as it hurts being away from Derek, I also have to consider our little boy. A baby is something I never had with Sloan, thank goodness.

  His little fist grips my sleeve, and I kiss his dark hair. His little humming noises as he soothes himself actually soothe me.

  Derek would never hurt me the way Sloan did. His lies are different from Sloan’s in that while my ex-husband cheated on me and humiliated me at every turn, Derek has only risked everything to protect me—and then kept it a secret.

  My survival instinct says to protect myself from even the hint of how my life used to be. What if my survival instinct and the man I love are on the same team, fighting the same battle? Derek says he’ll change, and maybe he will. But if he doesn’t, can I overlook this side of his personality?

  “I’m going to figure this out, baby,” I whisper, kissing Dex’s ear. “I’m going to make the right decision for us. I promise.”

  I just need more time.

  Chapter 8: Hard Lines

  Derek

  Leaving her is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’ll be damned if I give that fucking key back. I’ll be damned if I give any of it back. Melissa is mine. She and Dex belong with me. I won’t back down from that.

  Listening to her say those words was like being gutted with a dull knife. She fucking compared me to Sloan. God dammit. The mere suggestion rains acid all over my shredded insides. I would never treat her like that bastard. I killed that fucker because of what he did to her, what he wanted to do to her.

  Anger pushes me too hard. I’m at a hundred on I-95, and I don’t even see the cars as they pass. I have to drive back to Princeton tonight. I don’t know what I’ll do if I stay in Wilmington, but I know it won’t help my case any.

  Melissa is my heart and my soul and my life and my love, and every word she said made me want to grab her and shake her until... No. I’d never do that. I’ve just never been in that position where every word out of her mouth was so impossibly insane. My skull feels like it’s coming apart from the pressure in my head.

  I’ve suffered through someone I loved slipping away from me. When Allison had cancer, and all I could do was watch her die, I never thought I’d survive it. Yet, Melissa stands there with our little boy in her arms talking to me like nothing we’ve done even matters.

  “Fucking bullshit!” I shout inside the car, slamming my fist against the steering wheel.

  Yeah, getting out of Wilmington is the right call. Staying wouldn’t lead anywhere productive. I’ll step back, decompress, do some work, and see if I can figure out a better solution than tearing her door down with my bare hands.

  The eight-hour drive is done, and I’m parking in my usual spot, heading into the building by eleven.

  “Welcome home, sir,” Jason, Walt’s regular backup greets me.

  “Hey, Jase.” I pause inside the doors. “Did Walt mention my guests to you?”

  “Yes, sir.” Jason’s overgrown eyebrows pull together like two black caterpillars. “We’ve alerted the other staff to be cautious of new runners and such. We won’t let you down, sir.”

  Clasping his shoulder, I nod. “I appreciate it. The mother’s okay, but her baby—”

  “She’s a cute little girl.” Jason’s oval face splits with a smile. “Dark hair and eyes. A real show stopper.”

  “Thanks.” Nodding, I head to the elevator, wondering what Star was doing with Cammie in the lobby. I’ll have to talk to her about being more discreet.

  My condo is empty when I enter, which surprises me. I can only assume they’re across the hall with Stuart and Mariska. It’s late, but the little girl could easily sleep on a palette or a bed, and honestly, I appreciate the time alone. I need to recover from Melissa’s blistering words.

  Opening the cabinet, my scotch is gone. A bottle of Belvedere sits in the background, and I pull it down. Amber last night, clear tonight. My insides are loose and shaken. I haven’t felt this helpless in years.

  Walking to the couch, tumbler of ice in one hand, bottle in the other, I kick off my shoes and collapse into soft black leather. My phone is in my pocket, and I pull it out. Holding it in my hand, I stare at her beautiful face smiling, blue eyes glowing.

  I want to call her. I want to shake her. I want to pull her to me and hold her until these fears in her melt away. Sloan put them there, and now from beyond the grave, his ghost still threatens us. I can barely take the thought, and I pull the cork out with my teeth. God, what am I? A fucking pirate?

  Setting the phone on the end table, I pour until the tumbler is full. Fuck control. Fuck sensibility. I’m killing the pain tonight.

  Leaning back on the sofa, my head drops back against the leather. I haven’t checked in with anybody. I haven’t answered the calls from Patrick. I’m sure Elaine told him I was there, but fuck if I feel like discussing it.

  Another long pull, and the tumbler is half empty. Behind me, I hear the noise of my front door open. I expect it to be Star bringing Cammie back for the night, but the voice is my partner’s.

  “Patrick suspected you drove back.” Stuart walks into the living room and takes the bergere facing me. “How long you been in?”

  Lifting the tumbler, I finish my drink. “Five, ten minutes.”

  His eyes move from my hand holding the glass to my face. “That bad?”

  “Shittier than bad.” Leaning forward, I take the vodka and start pouring again.

  “Give me some of that.” He leans forward and catches the bottle before I’ve topped off my cup. Walking past he goes to the kitchen, and I drink while he fishes out another glass. “Did you talk to her?”

  “She compared me to her fucking ex.”

 
“The abuser?” Stuart’s back, taking the seat across from me, keeping the bottle closer to him on the coffee table.

  “One and the same.”

  “She knows better than that.”

  We’re both quiet. He’s nursing his drink, but I lean back and polish mine off then reach across for more. Before I grab it, he’s picked the bottle up and is pouring more for himself. My brows lower as I watch. If he’s trying to piss me off...

  “Why don’t you come into the office tomorrow,” he says. “It’ll take your mind off things.”

  “Why don’t you fucking back off.”

  He actually has the nerve to chuckle.

  “Don’t fuck with me, Stuart. I’m in no mood.”

  “You don’t have to tell me,” he leans back, holding his glass. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this way.”

  “Buckle up. It’s about to get worse.”

  “Strike that.” He’s in my way again, holding the bottle so I can’t refill my glass. “I’ve never seen you this way.”

  “Fill it up,” I growl, slamming down my tumbler.

  He opens the bottle, but he only pours a shot. “This isn’t going to change anything. It’s only going to make you feel like shit.”

  “I already feel like shit. This is going to keep me from trashing this condo.”

  He stands and goes to the kitchen. “What about Cammie and Star?”

  I’m leaning forward now, shoving my hands into the front of my hair, gripping the sides of my skull. “She asked for the key. She tried to give back her necklace. I’m surprised she didn’t think of her engagement ring.”

  “Give her time. She’ll think of it.”

  “Whose fucking side are you on?”

  He walks back and leans against the wall of windows facing me. “I’ve only been around Melissa a few times, but I can tell she loves you. You crossed a line.”

  “She keeps saying it’s over.” Dropping my hands, I stare at my fists. “If she says that one more time.”

  “Grab the reins, and give her space. At least this time, she’s still here. You still have a chance.”

  My fists open, and I reach for my glass. Only one sip is left, but I’ve made it through the scorching burn of rage. Now my pain is dulled from the vodka, and all I’m left with is the helplessness.

  “Losing Allison is nothing like losing Mel. It was out of my hands. I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

  “The situations might be more similar than you think.”

  Glancing up, I study his face. “How so?”

  “You can’t do anything now. You’re going to have to let her come around in her own time.”

  “I don’t know if I can wait that long.”

  We’re interrupted by the sound of the door opening again. Looking back, I see Star enter with her daughter asleep on her shoulder. She does a little wave, and I stand.

  “I’m sorry. I needed to come back,” I say softly. “Were you...”

  She shakes her head and points to the guest room. “I’m sleeping with Cammie.”

  Stuart pats my shoulder and heads for the door, leaving his full glass of vodka by the sink. “I’ll pick you up in the morning. Get some sleep.”

  The two doors close simultaneously, and I pick up my phone. She doesn’t want to hear from me, but I’m sticking to my policy of full disclosure.

  I drove back to Princeton tonight. I’m going to go in and talk to Nikki, see if Patrick’s found any leads on Star’s situation, see if I can find anything. I’ll be home this weekend. I’ll be thinking of you every minute until then.

  I hit Send and wait. Seconds tick past, and there’s no answer. A minute, and I let it go. Stuart’s right. It’s tearing me apart, but I have to let her take the lead.

  * * *

  Nikki doesn’t even look up from her desk when we enter the glass doors of the Princeton office. It’s not until I speak that her white-blonde head snaps to attention.

  “What’s this I hear about you quitting?” My tone is mock disapproval, and her blue eyes go wide.

  “Derek!” Her pinup mouth drops open, and I can’t help shaking my head. Of all the secretaries I expected to stick around, it wasn’t this airhead blonde.

  “Can I see you in my office?”

  She hops up and follows me in the same too-tight dresses she’s worn since Day one. We step inside the office, and I push the door closed.

  “What’s going on?” I go around and sit behind the desk, and she takes the chair in front of me, not meeting my eyes.

  “I got a better offer at another firm. A law firm.”

  “You don’t know anything about being a legal secretary.” She’s bluffing, and I know it. “Try again.”

  Clearing her throat, she shifts in her seat, pulling on the hem of her skirt. “Okay, well, I just thought I’d take a break. Maybe go back to school...”

  “Remember when it was just the two of us in this office?” She nods, and I continue. “I got pretty good at knowing when you weren’t being completely honest with me.”

  “I can’t work here with him anymore.” She says it so fast, I lean back in my chair. I hadn’t expected her to cave in the first round of questioning. “I did everything right. I waited. I... I...”

  Her eyes well up, and she drops her chin, pressing her fingertips to her forehead. “I wasted three years, and now I’m too old to meet anybody.” Her shoulders shudder as she cries, and I’m at a loss.

  Scanning my former office, I spot a tissue cube in the back corner. Going to fetch it, I cross back and hold it out to her.

  “First, you’re young and fit. I’m sure plenty of guys would want to ask you out.” Not me necessarily, but I prefer brunettes. I prefer Melissa. “Second, I don’t think he was expecting you to wait.” It’s a shitty thing to say, but somebody has to tell her the truth.

  “I know!” She wails, breaking down even more. She’s full-on sobbing now, pressing a handful of tissues against her nose, her glittered fingernails catching the light. “I’m the loser here. I’m the one who gambled and lost.”

  She cries harder, and I flip through my papers trying to think of an excuse to send her home. “Tell you what. Why don’t you take the day, and maybe you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

  “No!” She wails shaking her head. Mascara is smeared on her cheeks, and she’s starting to look pretty bad. “It’s so much worse than that. I have to resign.”

  “Settle down, now.” Walking around the desk, I put my hand on her shoulder. “If you have to resign, I won’t stop you. At least stay and train your replacement.”

  All the bone-headed mistakes I’ve put up with from her, she can do that much.

  “I don’t know,” she sniffs. “As long as I don’t have to see... them.”

  Considering this, I figure we can make it work. “Stuart will be in the office, but if we can get a replacement this week, it shouldn’t be a problem. Will that work?”

  She nods still looking down, still wobbly from crying. “I’m going to miss you guys. I really liked working here.”

  Patrick’s lines drift through my head, but I don’t have it in me to lie to her. “You’ve been here a while... we’ll miss you, too.”

  It’s not a lie. Patrick will miss her, and I know Melissa was her friend, whether that still counts, I’m not sure. Nikki’s reaction to my words comes out of the blue.

  “Oh!” She jumps out of her chair, catching me around the neck. “I always knew we were friends, even if you are a hard ass at the office.”

  “Take the morning off if you need it,” I say, patting her arm then pulling it off my neck.

  “It’s okay,” she sniffs, straightening up and wiping her eyes. “Let me know if you need anything.” She’s at my office door when she stops and looks back. “How’s Melissa and Dex?”

  Doing my best not to wince, I open my MacBook. “Good. Thanks for asking.”

  She pauses for a moment, and I can see curiosity stirring in her eyes.

  �
��Thanks, Nikki.” I pull open files and try to appear busy. She shakes her head and leaves.

  The rest of the day, I comb through every file I have on Sloan Reynolds. After Melissa showed up in my office that day in November, I became mildly obsessed with nailing him. I tracked down every dirty deal, every misstep, every possible way I could expose him. Going through all of those files, looking for anything I might have thought insignificant, I’m struck again by how well he’d been able to cover his tracks.

  “Fucker,” I mutter under my breath. “You will not win. I didn’t let you win then, and I sure as hell won’t let you win now.”

  “That’s the spirit.” Glancing up, I see Stuart standing in my doorway. “It’s after six. Let’s call it a day.”

  Leaning back in my chair, I realize I worked through lunch. Brown accordion files surround me on the desk and the floor. “I collected a lot of shit here.” My eyes travel over the mess.

  “This is why you were better at academia than me.” He exhales a laugh, opening one of the files and reading the cover sheet. “I could never bury myself in research this way.”

  “Don’t be so sure.” I stand, closing my computer and slipping it into my case. “Let somebody threaten Mariska, and we’ll see how much you like research.”

  A light flashes in his hazel eyes, and he spins his keys. “Somebody threatens Mariska, that’ll be the last fuck-up he ever makes.”

  Gripping his shoulder, I follow him out the door. “Good answer. Keep in mind we’re supposed to uphold the law.”

  “I never took any oaths.” He glances back as the elevator doors open. “Even if I had, it didn’t make a difference to you.”

  “I’m paying for that now.”

  “This story isn’t over.” His face turns serious. “Not by a longshot.”

  * * *

  The girls are camped out in Stuart’s condo playing Boggle when we arrive. Mariska has Cammie on her hip, and Star’s hastily scribbling words as the egg timer counts down.

  I’m feeling mildly better after spending a concentrated day tracking down potential connections to Sloan. It’s not getting me closer to Melissa, but I have to believe with every passing day, she’s softening. She loves me. She belongs to me. I’ll report my progress to her tonight, and even if she doesn’t reply, she’ll get the message. I heard her, and I’m serious about giving her what she needs.