A Promise to Believe In

by Tracie Peterson

  Her thinking might be unfair to Hank, but Gwen sincerely felt he’d be better off without her. At least now, before the store actually began to be built, Hank could cancel his plans and return to Boston, unfettered by ties, either emotional or financial.

  It really will be better this way.

  A knock at her door caused Gwen to stiffen. Had Hank come back to try again? “Who is it?”

  “It’s Patience Shepard. May I come in?”

  Gwen realized she’d not bothered to lock the door again after Hank left. “Go ahead,” she called and straightened in the chair.

  Patience smiled sympathetically. “Your sisters told me you weren’t feeling quite yourself.”

  “That’s putting it mildly, I suppose.”

  Taking a seat on the bed, Patience reached out to take hold of Gwen’s hand. “Why don’t you tell me about it.”

  With defeat settling over her like a wet blanket, Gwen didn’t know where to begin. “I can’t believe Harvey lied to me all those years. I can’t believe he continued to lie to me right up until his death. I feel like my entire life has been based on lies, and the worst of it is, I lied right along with everyone else.”

  “How did you lie?” Patience asked.

  “I lied to my mother when I promised not to go to the fortune-teller,” Gwen said, staring at her lap. “I lied about what I had done at the fair when she asked me after we’d returned home. I’ve lied to my sisters when I told them everything would be all right—that Pa’s only problem was the fact that Mama had died and he was sad and lonely.”

  “But he was sad and lonely. There’s no doubting that. You couldn’t possibly lose a mate and not be.”

  “I know, but Pa was always chasing one dream or another. He dragged us around when Mama was alive, and he kept dragging us around after she died. He was restless and could never find anything that satisfied him. If he’d lived, we would have found ourselves selling out to Rafe and moving within a matter of a year or two.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Gwen looked at her friend. “Because he talked about it. I never told anyone else, and you mustn’t say anything to the girls.”

  “But why?” Patience squeezed Gwen’s hand. “Why would he have ever wanted to sell to Rafe? This stage stop has been a tremendous success.”

  “But Pa was never satisfied with anything for long. Besides that, he told me that we girls would soon be married and gone, and he couldn’t run the place by himself. I assured him that I wouldn’t go and that, together, we two could keep Gallatin House going, but he said it would never be fair to me.”

  “He probably felt he’d forced it upon you.”

  “That’s what I tried to convince myself of, but I know it was a lie. Just one among many.” Gwen pulled her hand away from Patience and got to her feet. “Like I said, my life has a foundation of lies, and while I understand that Pa couldn’t help his wanderlust, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.”

  “But why should it matter now that he’s dead?”

  Gwen looked at her in disbelief. “Just because they’re dead doesn’t mean their lies don’t live on. Harvey told me he loved me. He told me how important my love was to him, because he’d never had anyone’s love. That was a lie. His brother and mother loved him, even if his stepfather didn’t—and who’s to say that he didn’t? And if he could lie about his family like that, why wouldn’t he also lie about his feelings for me? I feel like such a fool.”

  “And that’s what really bothers you about all of this, isn’t it?”

  Gwen shook her head and began to pace. “I don’t know. I don’t know what bothers me most about this.”

  “How does Hank figure in?”

  “He asked me to marry him,” Gwen admitted. Patience smiled, but Gwen held up her hand. “Before you comment on that, you should know I just broke the engagement. I can’t marry him if I can’t fully trust him.”

  “But why?” The older woman was clearly puzzled by this declaration. “Hank has done nothing wrong.”

  Gwen went to the window and stared out at the darkness. “We found the stock certificates that Hank had come looking for. I found them in the outhouse. Apparently Harvey had taken them and hid them there, under the newsprint.” She turned back and leaned against the sill. “That’s when all of this really sank in. Harvey had those certificates, and he knew he had to keep them from me. Otherwise, I’d know that everything else was a lie.

  “Hank came here for the sole purpose of recovering those certificates and the jewelry Harvey had taken. Hank lost sight of it by allowing his emotions to get in the way by feeling sorry for me, and for a time, I think the stocks no longer mattered.”

  “You think Hank fell in love with you because he felt sorry for you?”

  “Well, maybe not completely, but now that he has his stocks back, he needs to deliver them to his mother. He also has to tell her of Harvey’s death. That won’t be easy for a mother to hear.”

  “No, I don’t suppose so,” Patience admitted.

  “Especially if he tells her about all the lies.” Gwen buried her face in her hands for a moment. After several moments she looked up. Tears blurred her vision. “I love Hank, but I loved Harvey, too. I guess I just wasn’t a good judge of character or of love. What I thought I had wasn’t real.”

  “Gwen, I believe Harvey really did love you.”

  “If he loved me, then why couldn’t he just trust me?”

  “Why can’t you trust Hank, if you really love him?”

  Gwen wiped at her eyes with the edge of her apron. “Because I don’t want to get hurt again. I can’t bear the thought of being such a big fool. What will everyone think of me when the truth is told?”

  Patience got to her feet and came to Gwen. She put her hands on Gwen’s shoulders and took on a stern expression. “Your heart is bitter because you feel that you look foolish. You feel vulnerable and silly for having learned that your fairy tales were not true. Harvey was human—fallible and capable of making the wrong decisions. But, Gwen, so are you. So am I. That’s the fallen way of man. You must decide for yourself—but in my eyes, you will only be foolish if you allow pride to make your choices for you.”

  She abruptly turned away, leaving Gwen to stand there, rather stunned by the declaration. Patience exited the room without another word, and Gwen found her own voice would not come. The lump in her throat made speaking impossible. Was this really all about her pride? Was she about to lose her chance at happiness and love because she was too afraid to look silly?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Lacy saw Hank working with his black gelding and knew that he was packing to leave. Knowing that Hank had proposed marriage to her sister, Lacy wondered now if he’d called it all off on account of the stocks and Gwen’s strange mood. Would he head back to Boston and stay there?

  “I see you’ve decided to leave us,” Lacy said, leaning back against the fence rail.

  Hank looked up and nodded. “I need to return my mother’s property to her and let her know about Harvey.”

  “And will you come back, or have you given up on that idea?”

  He looked hard at Lacy for a moment, then turned his attention back to his saddlebags. “I plan to come back.”

  “I see.”

  He chuckled. “Don’t sound so disappointed.”

  “I’m not,” Lacy countered, pushing off the fence to come closer. “I might not have liked you much in the beginning, but I’ve come to respect you. And you love my sister and plan to marry her.”

  “I did plan to marry her.”

  “You’ve changed your mind?” Lacy rubbed the black’s face and waited for an answer.

  “I didn’t, but she did.” Hank finished with the bag and turned back to face Lacy. “She told me she doesn’t want to marry me—that I’d be better off without her.”

  “And would you?”

  Hank’s expression softened. “No. I can’t even imagine life without her.”

  “Th
en don’t give up on her that easily.”

  “I hadn’t planned to give up on her at all, Lacy. I’m just sort of nursing my wounds and trying to rethink my plans. Maybe going away will give her time to regret what she’s done and change her mind. Then again, maybe it won’t.”

  Lacy could see he was troubled by the very thought of leaving. “Gwen’s had a hard life. She’s the oldest and always felt responsible for Beth and me. She even stopped going to school in order to take care of us. She loved school, and I knew it was a real sad thing for her, but I was so young, I couldn’t do anything about it.” Hank seemed puzzled, so Lacy waited for him to pose the question on his mind.

  “Why did your father allow her to quit school? Surely he knew how hard it would be on her. Didn’t he care?”

  Lacy shrugged and moved away from the horse. Hank followed her and they walked for a ways down the road. She wondered how she could possibly explain her father to Hank.

  “Our pa was what our grandparents called a restless spirit. My grandmother once told me that from the time he was born, Pa was a wanderer. She lost him on so many occasions that it became the running joke in town. People were always looking for him.

  “Grandmother said that was just the way it was with some folks. She never figured he’d marry and settle down, so when he did, they thought maybe God had answered their prayers and taken away Pa’s desire to always be moving from place to place.”

  “But He hadn’t?”

  “No. They moved all the time before I was born and even after I joined the family. I was three when they settled in Texas for a time. Pa tried his hand at several jobs, and around the time I was nearly five he landed a job at a ranch, wrangling horses. That’s how I learned to ride so well. Sometimes he’d take me with him when he was breaking a new horse. The rancher took a liking to me and taught me to ride while Pa worked.”

  “Then your mother died. I suppose it was too hard to remain there after that happened.”

  “Yes, I suppose,” Lacy replied. “But if my memories of that time—what few there are—serve me well, I believe we were already making plans to move. I only remember bits and pieces. Arguments I overheard. Gwen would be able to tell you for certain. Anyway, after Mama died, we went from place to place, leaving dead relatives in our wake.” She laughed at Hank’s surprised expression. “Don’t worry—they died of illness or natural causes. We didn’t kill anyone.”

  He laughed and paused to take in the glorious view of the mountains to the east. “I didn’t figure you had. It was just a funny way of putting things.”

  “I’m that way. I always manage to shock folks. Truth is, I think I could be a lot like Pa. I didn’t mind moving around. Beth hated it. She used to cry and cry. All she ever wanted was for us to stay put.”

  “What about Gwen?”

  “I can’t really say. Being the oldest, I think Gwen felt she had to grow up and distance herself from Beth and me. Don’t get me wrong—we’re all very close. Gwen wanted to fill the void left by our mother, but she couldn’t. I remember telling her I just wanted her to be my sister, not my mother.”

  “But she didn’t understand?” Hank turned from the mountains and looked at Lacy.

  “I don’t think she did. I felt bad and stopped saying anything about it, because I thought she figured I was saying that nothing she did was good enough. It was never that. I always knew the sacrifice Gwen made. Like I said, our pa was never good at much of anything. From the time we were young, we girls knew we had to pull our weight and earn what we could to make things run smoothly. Gwen was always sewing for someone or doing their laundry. She wasn’t educated, but she was industrious.”

  Hank pulled out his pocket watch. “I should be going. I have directions and instructions from Nick and Simon, and if I want to get to my first stop, I will need to get on the road.”

  Lacy nodded. “I’ll miss having you around, Hank. I hope you’ll be back.”

  “You can count on it. I’m not finished with your sister, and you can tell her I said so.” He grinned, and Lacy couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I have a feeling you’ve both met your match. This should be one interesting marriage.”

  Gwen was hard at work cleaning the house with Beth when Lacy returned. Gwen asked them to sit a moment so she could apologize.

  “I need to tell you that I’m sorry. The way I acted was completely uncalled for. I’ve been foolish and prideful, and I never should have taken it out on you two.”

  “We’re just sorry . . . that . . . well . . . things were so hard on you,” Beth replied, a slight hesitation in her voice. “I know you’re upset about so many things, but I also don’t know what I can do to help.”

  “You can’t do anything. Patience was good to show me last night that I was being a spoiled child in many ways and simply prideful in others. I wanted to hide away from the world so I wouldn’t have to deal with anything, but that was completely unfair to you two.”

  “It’s not like we aren’t grown women who can handle things for ourselves. You’ve put yourself in the role of being our caretaker for too long, and I think it should stop,” Lacy declared.

  “I do, too,” Beth agreed. “You need to have time for yourself. In fact, Lacy and I have decided to take on more responsibility around here so you can have some time to enjoy yourself.”

  Gwen was touched at their concern for her. “I don’t know what I’d do without either one of you. I hope when I apologize to Hank, it goes even half this well.”

  “If you’re going to apologize to Hank,” Lacy said in an urgent tone, “you’d best get over to the stables right away. He’s leaving.”

  “What?” Gwen looked at her sister and then rushed to the window. “He’s leaving now?”

  “Yes. He and I were just talking, and he said he needed to leave right away in order to keep to some schedule Nick and Simon suggested.”

  Gwen rushed for the door. “He can’t leave without me telling him I’m sorry. I’ve been so foolish, and now I may have lost the man I truly care about.”

  She hurried down the porch steps and hiked her skirts. She ran as fast as she could to reach the Lassiters’ place. A prayer was on her lips that Hank might still be there—that he might forgive her and listen to what she had to say.

  “Where’s Hank?” she asked Nick.

  “He’s gone, Gwen. He rode out just a few minutes ago.”

  “Saddle my horse, please, Nick. I have to catch up with him. Which way did he go?”

  Nick let her know Hank’s planned route before hurrying to do her bidding. As he brought her saddled mount, he shook his head. “How are you going to ride? You aren’t wearing a split skirt.”

  “There’s no time to change,” Gwen told him. “I’ll just have to be a bit inappropriate.” She pulled her skirt over her knee in order to fit her foot in the stirrup. It was probably the most unladylike pose she’d ever struck, but she couldn’t stop now to worry about it. Goodness, but she was glad she’d chosen to wear a short corset today.

  Nick looked politely to one side as Gwen revealed the laced edges of her bloomers and petticoat. She hoisted herself quickly into the saddle, then hurried to arrange her skirts.

  “I’m decent now,” she said. Nick looked up to reveal his reddened face. He held the leather reins up to her and quickly looked away to avoid eye contact.

  Gwen took the reins from him and kicked the horse into action. Poor Nick had probably been completely scandalized by her lack of decency in mounting, but she knew she could always apologize later. Right now the only thing that mattered was finding Hank and letting him know she still cared—that she’d been wrong.

  The horse easily handled the dry road at a full gallop. Gwen began to worry when she didn’t immediately spot Hank on one of the first straightaways. Perhaps he’d pushed his horse to make up for lost time. Maybe she’d end up riding all the way to Ennis before she’d find him. Her mind whirled with thoughts.

  I have to let him know how stupid I’ve
been. I have to tell him that I don’t want him to release me from our engagement.

  She rounded a bend in the road and saw dust whip up ahead on the trail. Not far beyond this she could see a black horse and his rider. They were moving fast. Urging her gelding to pick up speed, Gwen bent low against the horse’s neck and gave no thought to the way the wind whipped at her gown.

  Apparently, the sound of her horse approaching at such a high rate of speed caused Hank to stop and turn as if to make way for more urgent traffic. Gwen pulled up just short of sending her horse into the side of the black. During the ride, the wind had wreaked havoc with her hair, and the pins had pulled out. When she straightened in the saddle, waves of golden curls fell over her shoulders and down her back.

  Hank shook his head and grinned. “And I used to think you were the more demure of the Gallatin sisters. Clearly, I was misled.”

  Gwen smiled and relaxed her grip on the reins. “I came to apologize.”

  “Funny way of doing it.”

  She could hear the amusement in his voice and knew he’d already forgiven her. It made the situation a little easier. “I’m sorry, Hank. I’ve been a fool. I was so worried about looking silly and being thought naïve that I took it out on you.”

  He sobered. “I hated having you push me out of your life like that.”

  “I know. I was wrong. I’m so afraid, and it got the best of me.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Afraid? What are you afraid of?”

  Drawing a deep breath, Gwen found the strength to be completely honest. “I’m afraid of caring too much about you, only to find that you don’t care about me. I’m afraid that I’m so vulnerable and dim-witted that I can’t possibly know when people are being honest with me or playing me for a fool. I don’t like feeling like that, Hank. I don’t like knowing that the man I thought loved me—who married me and shared the stories of his life with me—had been lying all those years. Do you know how that feels?”

  “I think I do. Even though he never told me the same lies, in a way I was just as much a victim of his stories as you were.