I felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for him to say something to me. Something, anything. I just needed answers, and it was clear that he wasn’t giving them to me. Yet, I also felt that I couldn’t speak. I didn’t want to confront him, because I had no idea what was going to come out of his mouth. I was afraid to find out, too, so I chose just to sit there in resolute silence while he did the same. Even so, he was sipping his drink, and staring out into the distance.
From far down below, I heard the distant sound of a foghorn on the harbor. From closer in, I heard cars honking. Traffic lights were changing colors on the street, from green to red and back again. The twinkling lights of hundreds of skyscrapers lit up the entire night sky. The air was misty and slightly cool, and I could see, in the streetlights, the signs of the heavy fog that had enveloped the city.
I couldn’t help but imagine, ruefully, that the fog that had blanketed New York was emblematic of my state of mind. I had felt like there was just too many things that were competing for my headspace, and I couldn’t see my way through any of them.
Asher was rattling the ice around in his glass, still staring at the horizon. His jaw was clenched, and he kept running his hands through his hair.
Finally, he spoke. “I love this view,” he said. “When I first got to the city, I craved having a view like this. There’s such beauty in the city, even though there’s this core that’s seamy and dirty. But, after living in absolute squalor, having this kind of beauty around me was just like heaven.”
I wondered if he felt like the city – beautiful on the outside, yet dark on the inside. I felt just a little bit taken aback by him talking about living in squalor.. “But your father is extremely wealthy. Why would you have been living in squalor?”
He laughed just a little bit ruefully, and took another sip of his drink. “He abandoned us when Natalia and I were only a few months old. He didn’t support the family at all, either. I don’t think that he sent a thin dime to help us. We lived off the social safety net, what little there was for us, along with my mom’s extremely meager salary that she earned as a hospital orderly. It was desperate poverty, but we were pretty happy until Anton started to disappear for days at a time.”
I nodded my head. “That’s when he started to work for your father, right?”
“Yes,” he said. “That’s right. Suddenly, there was money for groceries and for paying the light bill. Before Anton started working for my father, we generally went for weeks without any electricity at all, just because there wasn’t money to pay it. I tried to find jobs to help out, but there weren’t any. When Anton started to bring in money, we were just grateful, and none of us even tried to question where this money was coming from. Looking back, I think that we probably should have.”
I was quiet, letting him talk. It seemed that he had a lot on his mind. It was vaguely disturbing that he wasn’t addressing my original concern about Sophie, but, at the same time, I knew that he was eventually going to get to it.
He took another sip of his drink. “I’m so sorry, CJ, I’m being rude. Can I get you anything?”
It seemed that he was becoming more himself, so I felt cheered by the offer. “No, Asher, I’m good.”
Nonetheless, he got up, still totally naked, and prepared a pitcher of water and brought it to the table between us. He also had a glass in his hand. He poured some water for me, and I sipped it politely.
He shook his head at the memory. “We should’ve questioned it. Especially my mother. I still think that she knew what our father did, although that’s far from established. But, assuming that she did know, she probably should have wondered where Anton was suddenly getting all this money. He said that he had a job at a factory, but, generally, those jobs didn’t pay that much. I wish that she would’ve told me more about my father, too, when I used to ask her questions about him. Then maybe I could have been more prepared when I finally did meet him.”
I still listened, wondering where this was all going. It was absorbing and interesting, but I really wanted to know about Sophie.
He finally sighed. “CJ, you will find out the truth all in good time. In the meantime, please, just trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you. And I would never do anything deliberately stupid, either. You may take those words as you will. All that I ask is that you reserve judgment until I know that you’ll be safe from Sophie. Once that happens, I’ll tell you everything.”
I nodded my head. I guessed that these words would be all I would be getting as far as explanation for why Asher wouldn’t use protection with Sophie. I read between the lines, though, and surmised that my hunch about him and Sophie was probably true. He probably slept with her so that he could find out information about me, and that was noble of him.
I just wished that he hadn’t slept with her at all. That woman made my skin crawl, and I hadn’t even met her.
Chapter Thirteen
The next day or so was a whirlwind. Asher was busy getting the preparations in order so that we could leave for London that week. He called a guy he knew that prepared fake passports, and he was on the phone with his father, explaining what was about to happen.
I felt just a tad bit of whiplash about it all, considering that I hadn’t ever been overseas. I did feel just a tad bit better, though, because my magazine was thrilled that I was going overseas. As Asher had said, they did have an assignment for me in London – they were planning a story about London’s underground punk scene, and wanted me to do the photo spread for the story.
I told Scarlett of my plans, not telling her why I was taking the trip to London. Instead, I just said that I was doing a photojournalism assignment over there, and that Asher was coming along to scout out some new prospects. She bought that story, and told me to have a good time.
Everything was moving along for our trip. But something happened to delay us. And this was something that was completely unexpected.
Asher and I were almost ready to take our trip to London when Stella called. Of all people. I eagerly picked up the phone, excited that she would be calling me. I had despaired that she and my mom would ever accept me back into the family again. I knew that they hadn’t spoken to me since Nathaniel had died, and that last meeting with them didn’t exactly go well, to say the very least.
So, when Stella called, I was more than happy to talk to her.
“CJ,” she said breathlessly. “I’m so happy I could get ahold of you.”
“What’s going on?” I looked over at Asher, who had a look of concern on his face. I knew that he was anxious to get out of the country, and anything that delayed us would be something that wouldn’t sit well with him.
“It’s mom. She’s in the hospital.”
I felt alarmed. “What? Why? When? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you when you get here,” she said, giving me the name of the hospital. “And there’s something else that you need to know, too.”
“What’s that?”
“I can’t tell you over the phone. It’s literally too shocking, even for me.”
I wondered what she was talking about. What would be too shocking for Stella? She was never shocked about anything.
My mind started racing. “Stella, tell me something now. What happened? What’s wrong? You’re going to drive me crazy.”
“CJ, I can’t go into it right now. I just need you to come to the hospital. I just can’t talk about it all right now. I’m still kind of stunned.”
I hung up the phone after saying goodbye, and I looked over at Asher. “I can’t go right now. There’s something wrong with my mother, and Stella was being totally weird over the phone. I’m so sorry.”
Asher shook his head. “CJ, I know that you’re excited to be included in a family crisis. Well, maybe excited is the wrong word, but I think that you get my gist. But we can’t delay this trip. I don’t trust Sophie at all these days. She might have something diabolical up her sleeve, even as we speak, and CJ, you aren’t safe right now in this
city. Please reconsider.”
I shook my head. “No, Asher, I need to go down there right now. There’s something afoot that I’m not liking. And, you’re right – I am excited to be included in this crisis. You don’t know how much my family means to me, and just the fact that Stella is calling me to meet her and mom tells me that things just might turn a corner in our relationship.”
“CJ…”
“I’m going, Asher, whether you come along or not.” I put my hands on my hips for emphasis. “Now, are you coming?”
He looked like he was pissed, but he saw how serious I was, so he relented. “Okay. But we need to be on the plane as soon as you find out that your mother is out of the woods. Is that understood? We go down to the hospital, see how your mother is, and then we prepare to leave. That’s the only compromise that I’m willing to make.”
I took a deep breath, not wanting to go along with his “compromise.” It didn’t sound like much of a compromise to me. If there was something seriously wrong with mom, then I might have to stick around longer.
Nevertheless, I knew how serious Asher was about us getting the hell out of Dodge, so I just said “okay.”
A hint of a smile played on his face, and he called his limo driver to come and pick us up. Then, when he got off the phone, he thought better of it. “The hospital’s in Brooklyn, let’s take the Tesla.” He then called his limo driver and told him not to come, and then he got his keys. “Let’s go.”
At that, we went to his car and took off.
The car was purring along The Brooklyn Bridge, with
Asher and me sitting in strained silence. He wasn’t happy about this change in plans. I knew this. But I also knew that Stella calling me was momentous to me, and it seemed to be an ideal time to get back into the family’s graces. When I found out that they wouldn’t speak to me because of Nathaniel, I thought that I would never be welcomed into the family again. But it seemed that I had a second chance, and it felt wonderful.
I also was intensely curious about what Stella was talking about on the phone. What was that mysterious “other thing” that she was referring to?
My mind was turning, over and over, trying to figure it all out.
We finally got to the hospital, where Stella was sitting in the waiting room, a cup of coffee in her hand. There were about fifty other people in the waiting room, most of them looking bored. Fox News was on the television, and there was some story about yet another cop shooting.
She saw me come in, and rose to her feet awkwardly. She stood there, unsure how to greet me.
I finally put my arms out, and she came to me and allowed me to envelope her in a hug. I found that I had tears in my eyes as Stella and I embraced there in the waiting room. I looked over at Asher, whose expression told me that this meeting with Stella was almost worth the risk. He looked pleased and proud, and he nodded his head while Stella and I continued to embrace one another.
“Oh, CJ,” she said. “I’ve missed you so much. I was so angry with you about Nathaniel, but, after tonight, I think that it’s time for us to bury the hatchet and become family again. Like we’re supposed to be. Life is too damned short for anything else.”
I smiled, unable to say anything through my sudden tears. I was so happy that Stella was treating me like a sister that I didn’t even think to become alarmed about what else she was saying.
Then it finally struck me. “I’m so happy that you and I are going to be family again, Stella, but what did you mean just now? About finding out that life is too short and all of that?” I felt my alarm bells crescendoing in my ears when I saw the look on her face.
“Sit down,” she said to me.
I sat down, and Asher sat down next to me. He took my hand, and gripped it tightly.
She took a deep breath. “I guess you haven’t been following the news for the past hour or so, huh?”
I felt even more alarmed when she said that. “No, why? Why?” I felt my heart start to pound. It sounded bad. Why would my mom be on the news?
Stella hung her head. “There was a robbery. Mom was an innocent bystander. She got caught in the crossfire, CJ.” She started to cry. “She was shot in the chest. She lost a lot of blood, and…” Then she started to shake her head. “They don’t know, CJ. The doctors have been giving me updates, but it doesn’t look good.”
I started to shake. No. This can’t be. I never got a chance to make things right with her. I thought back to my last encounter with her, and how I had stormed off with Asher in tow. I had assumed that I would have a chance to try to come back and be a daughter to her again.
Would I ever get that chance?
I realized that I was crying hysterically, and Asher had his arm around me. He pulled me to his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and bawled. Stella was on the other side of me, and she, too, put her arm around my back. “CJ, she’s not dead. She’s in surgery. There’s a 20% chance that she’ll pull through, according to the doctors. Those aren’t great odds, but she’s a tough bird. You know she is. Look at all that she’s survived so far.”
I looked at Stella. “Twenty percent? Oh my God.” I hung my head, and realized that my hand was shaking. “Oh, please, please, please, not my mother.” I was addressing God, I guessed, or whoever happened to be out there. “Please, no.”
Then I saw Stella looking over at Asher with pleading eyes. He looked like he had no idea what she was trying to convey.
Finally, Stella said “and there’s more, CJ.”
“More? What do you mean, more?”
She hesitated for a long, long time and then finally said “your father is here.”
Chapter Fourteen
“My father?” I was astounded. I had never even met the man. Ever. “I don’t understand. Why is he here?”
Stella sighed. “He heard the news, and came on down. I guess that he never really got over mom, so, when he found out she was shot, he came here to find out what was going on.”
I was feeling confused. “How did he know to talk to you? He doesn’t know either of us, does he?”
“It’s the weirdest thing. He saw me, and he instantly knew that I was her daughter. I guess we look more alike than I knew. He introduced himself, and we got to talking. I asked when he and mom were together, and apparently they were pretty serious about the same time you would have been conceived. They broke up soon after.”
“I still don’t understand. I thought dad was a rando or something like that. He and mom were serious? Why would she keep him from me?”
“You know how she is. Once she’s done with a guy, she’s done with him. Clifford was the one exception. She’s still trying to get him back.” She looked sad. “Or, at least, she was.”
“Oh, come on, Stella, don’t talk like that. She’s going to pull through. I just know it.” I wished that I was as confident as I sounded, but I just wasn’t.
“I know.” She sighed. “Anyhow, your father is over there.” She pointed to a section of the waiting room that was filled with people. Then she pointed directly to a man who was sitting in a chair. He was dressed in a plaid shirt, blue jeans and had a baseball cap on his head. He had a cup of coffee in his hand that he seemed to be studying intently.
I looked at Asher, who smiled at me encouragingly. “Go on over there,” he said. “I know how you feel, meeting your father for the first time. It’s scary, but hopefully it will turn out better for you than it did for me.”
I had to smile at that. Asher really meant that he hoped that my father wouldn’t be a sex trader, drug dealer and money launderer like his father. I supposed that my father would probably be considered dad of the year next to Asher’s.
I shook my head. “No. I mean, he abandoned me, didn’t he? He’s not worthy of my going over there and saying hello.”
Stella put her arm around me. “CJ, I don’t think that he knew about you. From what he said, he and mom broke up soon after you would have been conceived. Then he moved away to California. So, how woul
d he have known about you? If he wasn’t in your life, it wasn’t his fault. Go over there, CJ, and talk to him.”
I bit my lip. What did I have to lose?
I tentatively walked over to the man. I looked back, and Asher was looking at me with an encouraging smile on my face. Still, I felt like a fool. A fool who was absolutely bracing herself for rejection.
I managed to find a seat close to where he was. He smelled of cigarette smoke and alcohol. He had a three-day stubble on his face. But, he didn’t seem to be bad-looking. He looked to be about mom’s age – fortyish. But he was much more weathered than mom, like he spent a lifetime outdoors.
I cleared my throat and he looked up. I saw that his eyes were my eyes, really – the same color of deep blue. I blinked and held out my hand. “Hello,” I said, suddenly realizing that Stella didn’t bother to tell me this man’s name. “My name is CJ. I’m Gianna Parker’s daughter.”
He looked at me, and narrowed his eyes. “Name’s Clint,” he said. “Good to meet you.” He shook my hand and smiled. “You look…” And then he shook his head. My mother was Italian and had black hair, deep brown eyes and olive skin. I had pale skin, blue eyes and black hair. I didn’t think that I looked much like her, but, in looking at this man, I could definitely see the resemblance between him and me.
I took another deep breath. “Uh, Clint, I think…” I couldn’t finish that sentence. I suddenly felt self-conscious and ridiculous.
“How old are you?”
I bit my lip. “I’m 25. I just turned 25.” I then saw his face change.
He cocked his head slightly. “25.” I knew that he realized what all this meant. I could see it in his face. Yet he didn’t say anything to me about it.
Close Up: Exposure Book Three Page 9