The smell of cooking reached him as he opened the front door. And then Anna walked out of the sitting room to greet him with a kiss. He held her tight, his limbs trembling.
‘How did everything go?’ Anna looked up at him, her eyes full of concern.
‘Good. I think things are going to be fine.’ He’d walked out of the youth centre feeling satisfied at a good outcome to the afternoon. It was what he’d found here that had brought him close to tears.
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yeah. Absolutely.’
‘Well, I’ve made a shepherd’s pie and I just need to put it in the oven for half an hour. Then we can eat. Would you like something to drink?’
He followed her into the sitting room. This was turning into a fantasy. Arriving home to find the lights on and a fire in the grate. The smell of cooking and a kiss. Anna wasn’t wearing an apron but then aprons were highly overrated. She looked wonderful, her long hair cascading down her back in a blonde shimmering waterfall. All that was missing was the knowledge that there was a sleeping child upstairs who looked just like its mother.
He cleared his throat, trying to shake the picture of a perfect domestic scene. ‘I have some beer in the fridge. Would you like some?’
‘Yes, I’ll join you.’ She shot him a smile. ‘Sit down, I’ll fetch it.’
The temptation was just too much. Jamie lowered himself into a seat in front of the fire and Anna bustled out into the kitchen, returning with two open bottles and two glasses. Instead of just giving him his, she started to pour his beer for him, tilting the glass carefully so that the head didn’t fizz up over the top.
‘Too much?’ The look of mischief in her eyes said it all.
‘Yeah. Far too much. I can pour my own beer.’
‘I know.’ She set the empty bottle down. ‘I just thought...’
Jamie chuckled. ‘I know what you thought. But you shouldn’t wait on me like this. I’m perfectly capable of coming home and making my own dinner, I do it all the time.’
‘I can make a bit of a fuss of you, can’t I? On a once in a blue moon basis?’
‘On that basis it’s very nice. As long as I get to do the same for you once in a while.’
‘Of course.’ She smiled brightly handing him the beer, and Jamie put it down onto the table.
‘That’s yours. I can pour my own.’ He caught her hand, pulling her down onto his knee and kissing her. ‘That’s the only welcome home I really want.’
‘What!’ She sat up straight in a motion of mock outrage. ‘Are you telling me you don’t want my shepherd’s pie?’
‘I crave your shepherd’s pie. It’s just that I’d crawl across a hundred of them in order to kiss you.’
‘That’s all right, then.’ She picked up her glass, taking a sip of beer, and leaned back into his arms. ‘So tell me what happened after I left this afternoon.’
‘Spark’s mum asked me to say thank you for the stitches.’
‘It was my pleasure. The least I could do for her.’
It wasn’t the stitches. It was the care that Anna had shown Spark. No asking her why on earth she’d cut herself or making her feel small. She’d allowed Jen to help her clean the wound, and when she’d finished she’d kissed Spark on the cheek and told her that she was glad she was okay. Anna knew that the hard part was going to be in the conversation that followed, and she’d trusted Jamie and the other staff at the youth centre to do that right.
‘Did you see any other scars?’
‘A couple, but it didn’t look as if the cuts had been too deep. I don’t think she’s done it a great deal before now.’
‘No, that’s what she told me.’ He was glad to have Anna’s confirmation of that, though.
‘And how did things go with her parents? Did they mind that you didn’t take her straight home?’
‘No, they were fine with that. They know us and I think that they were much more comfortable with having someone there to help mediate. Everyone got to say their piece, and Spark understands how traumatic it was for them when she went missing.’
Anna sighed. ‘She must be hurting so much. To do something like that.’
‘The worst thing is that she’s always been so determined not to show it. When she saw how upset her parents were, I think she realised that they can cope with her grief and she doesn’t need to protect them from it. What they can’t cope with is her disappearing without a word.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re there. For Spark and her parents. Will you be working with them again?’
‘Yes, I suggested that they might like to come to us for family therapy, and her mum and dad were really keen on the idea. I think there are a few things they need to talk about as well.’
‘I so wish I could help her.’ Anna turned the corners of her mouth down. ‘But there are some things that no one can ever put right.’
‘Yes and no. We can’t bring her brother back, and we can’t make all that grief go away. But we don’t exist to do that. Our aim is to help show our kids that there’s still a way forward.’
Anna fell silent, staring into the fire, her fingers clutching tightly at his shirt. Jamie hugged her, wondering what she was thinking. He was becoming more and more sure that there was something that she couldn’t put right. Something to do with her marriage, which had hurt her so badly that she’d chosen a way forward that didn’t allow for it to ever happen again.
Maybe she’d tell him. He hoped so, because it stood between them, a silent barrier that he couldn’t tackle because he didn’t know what it was. For the moment, though, he had to be content with just holding her.
‘So what about this shepherd’s pie, then?’
Anna shook herself out of her reverie. Kissing him, she gave him a bright smile. ‘I’ll just go and put it in the oven...’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘WOULD YOU SHOW me your software?’
‘Is that a proposition? Or are you really interested in computers?’
Jamie’s soft chuckle sounded from the other end of the phone. ‘It would be a proposition if this wasn’t a Wednesday. I’m sticking to computers today.’
It was an odd arrangement, but it worked. For the last two and a half weeks Jamie and Anna had been professional whenever they saw each other at the clinic. Never asking about what they were doing that night, never mentioning the Hastings Hustlers, apple pie, or anything else that belonged to the weekend. Never taking the other’s presence for granted, because they had their own lives.
The weekends were theirs alone, and they’d become what Anna liked to call loving friends. They didn’t go on dates. They just did things together. And their nights were full of tenderness and passion.
‘Okay. When are you free?’ Anna pulled her business diary across the desk.
‘Jon’s being discharged tomorrow, and I’m going to take him down to Caroline’s, he’s staying there for a while and travelling back up to London for counselling and to see Dr Lewis. But I’m free after about four o’clock.’
‘I have patients until five. Say half five? What exactly do you want to do with my software?’
His quiet laugh wasn’t exactly appropriate for a Wednesday. Anna ignored it, because it was so nice. ‘We’re holding a workshop at the youth centre next week on body image. A few of the kids have asked for one, and it’s an issue that affects most of them in one way or another. I was wondering whether you could take me through a typical consultation process and show me the software you use to indicate the difference that surgery will make, so I can answer any questions about that.’
‘Fine. No problem, I’ll see you then.’ Anna adopted a brisk, businesslike tone and Jamie followed suit, confirming the time and giving a brief goodbye.
* * *
He appeared in the doorway of her office at five thirty sharp the following day, holding two coffees. Anna
had brushed her hair and refreshed her make-up, but she’d do that for any meeting. Probably. He pushed one coffee across the desk and she thanked him.
‘Shall we get started, then? I’ll just give you a quick demonstration and you can ask questions as they occur to you.’
Jamie sat down in the chair she’d placed next to hers at her computer. She opened the software, aware suddenly of his scent. Enjoying that was okay as long as she didn’t mention it.
‘First I need a picture. Hold still a moment and don’t smile...’ She pointed the camera at the top of the screen at him, and he stared solemnly at it.
‘Then I can smooth out any imperfections.’ Anna peered at the screen, frowning. She couldn’t see anything that she’d want to change about Jamie’s face.
‘Like the little scar, there?’ He pointed to a tiny mark on his forehead.
‘Oh, yes. I didn’t even see that.’ She punched keys, and the scar obligingly disappeared.
‘Hmm. I’m not sure that I can tell the difference.’ Jamie stared at the screen and Anna smiled.
‘I think that’s an important point. Everyone has their own idea of what they don’t like about themselves, and they assume that everyone else notices those same things. That’s not always the case. Plastic surgery can be an objective choice when function is impaired, but in cases where someone simply wants to remove a disfigurement, it’s subjective.’
Jamie nodded. ‘Yeah. So, in terms of surgery, I’ve a reasonable idea of what’s possible. But what guidelines do you find most useful in advising people?’
‘Obviously if it’s a matter of restoring the function of a particular part of the body, then it’s exactly the same medical considerations you’d use. But cosmetic remodelling is entirely about how the patient feels. Jon’s an obvious example.’
‘The scars on his face are hardly noticeable now.’
‘Yes, exactly. The tissue viability nurse has worked with him to make the skin more comfortable, and he has a very different attitude to them now than when he first came here. Maybe he’ll be back to have some work done on them, and maybe not. As long as it’s his decision, either choice is okay.’
‘I suppose being twins makes a difference.’ Jamie leaned back in his seat. ‘I’ve been thinking a bit about how we identify with each other even now.’
Anna nodded. ‘Yeah. How you see yourselves as either the same or different is important in a lot of ways.’ Jon and Jamie’s relationship was changing. They were working things out and there was no longer the push and pull between them that had made their reunion so difficult.
‘So, show me a bit more about how the software works.’ Jamie leaned forward, studying the screen.
‘I’ll show you something that I do when I take workshops. I’ll take your face as an example.’
‘Sure you want to do that?’ Jamie grinned at her. He was entirely unaware of his own beauty.
‘Well, I’ll give it a go. I don’t do this with patients, it’s just a fun exercise. First of all I can take one half of your face and mirror it.’ Jamie watched as she manipulated the image, raising his eyebrows when Anna frowned.
‘What? I can’t see any difference.’
‘Neither can I. Let me try the other side...’ She quickly made a third image, putting it next to the first two on the screen and scanning them. ‘Well, it’s official, Jamie.’
‘What’s official? What have you done?’ A trace of panic showed in his beautiful eyes.
‘You have a perfectly symmetrical face!’
‘Is that good?’ Jamie had clearly never given his looks much thought.
‘It’s surprisingly uncommon. Let’s try something else. During the Renaissance, painters worked out something called “The Golden Ratio”, which mapped out the proportions of a perfect face. Obviously our definition of beauty has changed over time, and there are variations according to different ethnic groups.’ This was getting interesting.
‘Okay. Do your worst.’
There wasn’t a worst to do. Anna was usually able to predict how the results of these simple photo manipulations would turn out, but with Jamie she couldn’t. She wondered if maybe subconsciously she’d known...
‘Well, that’s just outrageous! Did you know that you have a perfectly proportioned face?’
He grinned. ‘You make it sound like an accusation. And, no, I had no idea.’
‘It’s really unusual. Mine’s way off, I’ll show you...’
She reached for the mouse but he pulled it away from her, his expression suddenly serious. ‘Your face is perfect. I don’t need anything to tell me that you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’
Anna could see in his eyes that he meant it. The temperature in the room seemed to rise suddenly, and playing with pictures of their faces became irrelevant.
‘I...guess that’s my point. It’s impossible to define beauty.’ Jamie’s was way beyond definition.
‘You make your point very well.’ Jamie’s gaze was still fixed on her face. Anna knew that she wasn’t classically beautiful, but he made her feel that way.
‘I’ve got some notes from talks I’ve done in the past.’ The lump in her throat was entirely inappropriate for a work environment. ‘Would you like to borrow them?’
‘I would, thank you. Or can I persuade you to come and take part in the workshop yourself? It’s next Saturday afternoon.’
This was blending their weekends with their jobs. But although she’d tried to keep the two separate, Anna couldn’t think of a single reason why she shouldn’t.
‘I’d really like that. Saturday afternoon, you say?’
He nodded. ‘We’ll have a few different people giving short presentations, and then we split everyone up into groups to talk.’
‘That sounds good. Um... I’ll send you my notes, then. They cover some of the more serious issues as well...’
‘That’s okay. I don’t need to see them.’ He smiled as Anna’s eyebrows shot up. ‘I trust you. Just come along and be perfect, the way you always are.’
‘I’ll drive down on Friday evening?’
Jamie nodded. ‘I’d love that.’
The conversation was turning into one of the long, slow seductions that belonged to the weekend. Sitting too close. Staring into each other’s eyes as they spoke. A little blurring of the boundaries was acceptable, but this was going a bit too far, and a hint of panic made her hand quiver as she grabbed the mouse. This was her office, and it was supposed to be for work.
‘Okay. I’ll see you then.’ She shut down her computer, aware that his gaze hadn’t left her face.
Suddenly he stood. ‘Yeah. Thanks for the...demonstration. I appreciate it. I’ll look forward to seeing you tomorrow.’
‘Yes. Me too.’
He left with a smile, and Anna resisted the temptation to open up her computer again and stare at Jamie’s picture. That would be courting trouble, because she could only contemplate their loving friendship if it stayed within the entirely arbitrary rules that they’d set.
‘Stupid rules!’ She murmured the words to herself, knowing that the rules weren’t stupid at all. She could never have all of Jamie, and this arrangement allowed her to have at least part of him. When something good happened, it was wise not to meddle with it.
* * *
Jamie sat at the back of the community room at the youth centre. Community room was a bit of a grand title as it doubled up as a basketball practice court, a chess hall and a large enough area to do any number of things. But at the moment it had just one purpose. Anna was standing at the centre of an arc of chairs, several rows deep, and holding everyone’s attention.
She was giving much the same message as the two other speakers, but without the clichés or the solemnity. He’d noticed that Spark and Jen, who were sitting to one side of him, had been fidgeting a bit through the first par
t of the afternoon, but now they were captivated, turning to each other and nodding from time to time when Anna made an important point.
Jamie was spellbound, too. He knew that Anna had chosen her bright red top to stand out and be seen. That the jokes she made were to reinforce serious points. But he still couldn’t take his eyes off her.
She smilingly announced the fun part of her talk, switching on the overhead projector and displaying the picture of herself from her computer, and comparing it with the ‘ideal’ proportions of a woman’s face. She gave herself an electronic rhinoplasty to straighten the slight kink in her nose, which Jamie happened to love very much. She also shaved her jaw, taking out some of the determined air that Jamie also loved. Finally she’d made her eyes bluer, obscuring the pale magic of her gaze.
‘What do you all think?’ She folded her arms, looking up at her work.
‘I prefer the real one.’ Jen spoke up, waggling her finger at the screen, and Spark nodded. A murmur of agreement went around the hall.
‘Well, that’s a relief.’ Anna grinned. ‘And the lesson that I’ve learned from showing this simple example to a lot of people is that it’s the things that are different about us that make us who we are. It’s very unusual to find someone who has a perfectly proportioned face, and I’m loving all of the different faces here...’
‘And here’s a little puzzle for you.’ She shot Jamie a momentary glance, and he felt the back of his neck begin to tingle. ‘By chance, I happen to know that there is one person here who does have a perfectly proportioned face. See if you can guess who it is.’
Everyone looked round and Anna laughed. Jamie saw Spark nudging Jen furiously, and their heads both turned toward him. He chuckled, spreading his hand across his chest in a who, me? gesture, and Jen rolled her eyes disbelievingly.
He was going to take some stick for that as soon as Spark and Jen got to share their suspicions with the others. Jamie didn’t care. Anna had opened up a conversation, and everyone was thinking about what she’d said and the more serious points she’d made.
A Rival to Steal Her Heart Page 14