There was some lively discussion, and Anna answered the difficult questions that were fired at her honestly and with a large helping of common sense. The speakers were all thanked, and then it was time for drinks before everyone split up into their discussion groups. A group crowded around Anna almost immediately, and he could see her animated and smiling in the centre of it. Jamie knew that a lot of thought had gone into her presentation, and a lot of experience into her answers, but she made it all seem so natural and personal.
He saw Joe’s father making his way towards him, while Joe and his mother hung back a bit. ‘Hi, Steven. I’m glad you could make it.’
‘We wouldn’t have missed it, I thought that all the speakers made some very valuable points. Is there any chance that we might have a few words with Miss Caulder?’
‘Anna? Yes, of course, I’ll go and fetch her. Would you like to go into the sitting room and see her there? It’s a bit noisy in here.’
Steven nodded. His son Joe had was eleven years old and the transition from junior to secondary school hadn’t been easy for him. He had a dark red birthmark on the side of his neck and jaw, and some of the older kids at his new school had started to bully him. Steven and his wife were at a loss for some direction about what to do about it, and had contacted Jamie about the possibility of counselling.
‘You go ahead, then. We’ll be with you in a minute.’
Jamie caught Anna’s eye, beckoning to her. She smiled, extricating herself from the group of people that surrounded her.
‘What did you think?’
She shouldn’t even need to ask. ‘I thought you were great. There’s someone I’d like you to see, if you don’t mind.’
‘Of course not, that’s what I’m here for. Do I need my laptop?’
‘You could bring it along, just in case.’
Anna fetched her laptop, and he led her to the small sitting room that adjoined the hall, quickly telling her about Joe. When they entered, he introduced her to Steven and Josie and she smilingly shook their hands, saving her special smile for Joe.
‘Hi, Joe. It’s nice to meet you.’ She plumped herself down in a chair. ‘I hear that you’ve got some questions for me.’
Steven started to explain, and Anna nodded, watching for Joe’s reaction to everything. Haltingly, Joe started to join in, telling her about the bullying. Anna’s face darkened.
‘And what’s the school doing?’ She asked the obvious question.
Steven sighed. ‘We went to see the headmistress and she said she’d do what she could. She suggested that having the birthmark removed might be a way forward.’
‘Oh. Well, I don’t think that’s a particularly helpful attitude.’ Anna’s outrage made Steven smile. ‘Joe’s quite fine as he is, it’s the bullies that need to change.’
Slowly but surely she was coaxing Joe out of his shell. He began to talk to her, and then quite of his own accord he got up from his seat, walking over to Anna. ‘Do you want to look?’ He gestured towards his neck.
‘Thank you, Joe. Yes, I’d like to see your birthmark.’ Anna waited as Joe took off his sweater and unbuttoned the neck of his shirt. Carefully she examined the skin around his neck and jaw.
‘So what do you want, Joe?’
The boy frowned. ‘Can you show me what I’d look like without it?’ He gestured towards Anna’s laptop. She glanced at Steven and Josie and Steven nodded.
‘Yes, I can do that. Come and sit here beside me and I’ll take your picture...’
She was doing it all without suggesting any one solution, letting Joe dictate what he wanted. Jamie saw Josie slip her hand into Steven’s as they watched. This was clearly what they’d been waiting for someone to do with Joe.
Anna showed Joe the software first, and then turned the screen away from him while she altered his photograph. ‘Do you have an email address I can send these pictures to, Steven?’
‘Yeah.’ Steven gestured towards his wife, who quickly pulled pen and paper out of her handbag. ‘We really appreciate this, thank you.’
‘It’s my pleasure.’ Anna turned to Joe, tipping the screen towards him so that he could see it. ‘I’m going to send these pictures to your dad and so you can have another look at them. If you want to email me back, I’d really like to hear what you think.’
Joe stared at the photographs. Steven and Josie were both holding their breath.
‘That’s who I am.’ Joe pointed at the picture of himself that Anna hadn’t altered.
Anna nodded. ‘Yes, it is.’
The whole family started to talk. Anna sat back, listening and answering questions. This was what she was really good at—opening avenues of communication.
‘Here’s my card.’ Anna handed Joe one of her cards from the clinic, and he looked at the elegant script. Anna was treating him like a grown-up, and he was responding. The boy who always seemed to be clinging to one or the other of his parents had already gained a little confidence.
‘You can get your mum or dad to call me anytime, if there’s something you want to talk about.’ She glanced at Steven. ‘There’ll be no cost involved if you want to bring Joe along to see me and discuss his options.’
‘I’m sure there should be.’ Steven narrowed his eyes. ‘But thank you, Miss Caulder.’
‘Anna, please. The important thing is that Joe makes his own decision about what he wants to do. When he’s done that, I can make a few calls to make sure he gets whatever he needs’
Jamie nodded. ‘We can help with that, if necessary.’
‘And in the meantime...’ Anna moved on smoothly ‘... I’d like to write a letter to you, outlining some of the things we’ve talked about today. It’s my view that Joe doesn’t have an issue with his birthmark, it’s the bullying. His headmistress needs to understand that and perhaps a surgeon’s letter will reinforce the point.’
‘Thank you, Anna. I think that’ll really help, don’t you, Steve?’ Josie turned to her husband and he nodded in agreement.
‘And Joe’s having counselling here?’ Anna’s gaze turned to Jamie.
‘Yes, that’s right. We’ll be seeing you again next week, won’t we, Joe?’ Jamie reckoned that the counsellor might be speaking to a different boy than the one she’d first met last week. Joe’s brief talk with Anna seemed to have set him firmly on the right track, and it was just a matter of following up now.
The chatter from the main hall was subsiding a little, and it was about time for the organisers to divide everyone into discussion groups. Anna reached for her laptop and closed it.
‘Is there anything else you’d like to ask? Joe?’
Joe shook his head, and Steven answered. ‘We’ve already kept you long enough. We really appreciate being able to talk to you.’
‘It’s been my pleasure. I enjoyed meeting you.’
Jamie guided her back to the community room, pointing out the group leaders so that Anna could visit each group and talk to them. She turned her smile up towards him. ‘I’m not enjoying this at all, you know.’
Jamie laughed. ‘No, I can see you aren’t. They don’t love having you here either.’
She gave a mock sigh. ‘I suppose it’s a boring old evening again afterwards.’
‘Yeah. Dry as dust.’ Even thinking about it sent shivers of pleasure down Jamie’s spine.
‘Oh, well. Better get on.’ Anna’s finger found his hand, her light touch giving him a first taste of the evening ahead. There was an undeniable joy in her step as she walked away from him, making for the first group and sitting down with them.
He didn’t need to tell her that she’d done wonders here today—she’d seen it on Joe’s face and in the faces of the other kids. She didn’t need to tell him that tonight would be anything but dull. It was all unspoken between him and Anna, and that was nice, but Jamie was beginning to want more.
CHAPTE
R FOURTEEN
EIGHT O’CLOCK ON a Friday evening. Another week had flown by, and the weekend was here again. Jamie heard Anna’s car draw up in the drive, and he greeted her at the door. He’d been cooking, and when she stepped into the hallway she wiggled her nose at him.
‘I know what you’ve been up to.’
‘Yes. Would you like me to pour you a drink?’
She chuckled, taking off her coat and hanging it on the stand. ‘I can pour my own beer, thank you very much.’
‘That’s not what I had in mind...’
Jamie had never felt as happy as he did now. In the month he and Anna had been together she’d spent every weekend here, with him. They’d come a long way. They’d explored trust, and found that came easily and naturally. Honesty had come naturally too, even if Anna was steadfastly honest about not wanting to talk about her marriage. They’d spent a great deal of time exploring wonderful, tumultuous, tender lovemaking and had shared a hundred everyday things, which felt special when he did them with Anna.
She’d changed him. In ways that he’d never thought possible. And although she was perfect already, there was just one thing that he wanted to change about her.
He led her into the sitting room, gesturing for her to sit down by the fire. He could feel her gaze following him as he walked over to the polished sideboard, from which he’d cleared the usual clutter of books, and switched on the lamp. The light reflected off a row of bottles, a silver ice bucket that he’d found in a junk shop and which had polished up nicely, and two slender glasses.
‘Cocktails. I have...um...well, tell me what you want, and I might have it.’
‘Mmm.’ Anna’s gaze ran along the bottles. ‘Surprise me.’
That was turning into one of his bounden duties in life. ‘Suppose we start with something...as near to virgin as it gets. We can work our way onto something a bit stronger later.’
‘Sounds good to me.’
Jamie measured out the liquids, pouring them carefully so that the rainbow effect of the different densities of liquid wasn’t disturbed. A dash of spirits, and then a cherry on top. He carried the drinks over to the sofa, and they sat down together.
‘This is all very nice.’ She took a sip from her glass. ‘And that’s lovely. So what’s the occasion?’
Jamie grinned. ‘Oh, it’s Friday evening. You’ve been working hard all week, and you’ve just driven all the way down from London.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Well, I know it’s not my birthday. It’s not yours, is it?’ He knew so little of the minutiae of Anna’s life, but still he felt he knew everything about her.
‘No.’ She slipped off her shoes, tucking her legs up underneath her. ‘Although if it meant getting one of your foot massages, I could always change it.’
‘It’s Friday. That’s sufficient excuse for a foot massage.’
‘Ah, wonderful.’ She leaned forward, kissing him. ‘You are a dream.’
Jamie wanted to be more than just a dream. He wanted to be part of Anna’s reality. But he’d ask about that later.
‘We’ll eat first, though? I’m not planning on stopping with just your feet...’
‘Mmm. Good idea. Do you want a hand?’
‘No, everything’s sorted. Just relax in here for ten minutes and then we’ll eat.’
* * *
It was really nice of him. He’d made a tasty chicken casserole with roast potatoes, and they ate in the dining room rather than the kitchen. There was a snowy white tablecloth, heavy silver cutlery and candles on the table, and after crème brûlée for dessert he served coffee.
‘There’s something I wanted to ask you.’ His eyes were sparkling in the flickering candlelight and he looked so handsome. Anna was sure that her answer was going to be yes.
‘What is it?’
‘We’ve been seeing each other for a month now. We’ve shared so much and... I want you to trust me.’
A flutter of uneasiness beat suddenly in her chest, and it occurred to Anna that this wasn’t going to be the automatic yes that she’d thought. ‘Trust you? With what?’
‘I want you to trust me enough to tell me what hurt you so badly. You always say that your marriage is in the past, but I know there’s something you can’t break free from.’
The flutter became a determined beat of panic. Jamie had asked before, but there was something about his manner that told Anna he wasn’t going to back off this time.
‘I don’t want to talk about it, Jamie.’
She couldn’t talk about it. If she told him why Daniel had left her then he’d know that she couldn’t have children. Maybe he’d say that he didn’t care, and she’d believe him. Anna suddenly realised that it would hurt a great deal more if Jamie did as Daniel had done, accepted her as she was and then changed his mind. And he would change his mind, Jamie so obviously wanted kids of his own.
He was shaking his head slowly. ‘I need to know, Anna. What we have now...’
She stared at him. What they had now was suddenly changing. She dreaded it, but it seemed unstoppable.
‘I need to know that you trust me, the way I trust you.’ His voice was as gentle as a lover’s sigh. ‘I made one huge mistake when I blundered blindly into a relationship with Gill, and... I want ours to be different.’
‘But...’ Anna shivered. He’d used the ‘R’ word, and they’d promised not to do that. It seemed Jamie had already found a promise to go back on. ‘We said this wasn’t a relationship, didn’t we?’
‘Yeah, I know. But things change, Anna. I think about you all the time, and I want to share everything with you. You’ve changed me on a level that I just didn’t realise anyone had access to. And I love being with you.’
He reached forward, catching her hand and pressing her fingers to his lips. Despite herself, Anna smiled.
‘I love being with you, too.’
He took one ragged breath, his gaze tender. ‘All I’ve been thinking about lately is a future with you, Anna. I know that’s not what we agreed, and if you’re not ready for that it’s okay. But if you are... I want you to know that I’m ready for it too.’
Anna squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. She’d hung onto the notion that she and Jamie would never get to the point of having this conversation. That he was as damaged as she was, and that they could continue on together with no thought of commitment or the future. But it seemed that somewhere along the way Jamie had done some healing.
‘Okay. That’s fair enough. Whenever you’re ready.’
She was never going to be ready. Jamie might have moved forward, but Anna couldn’t.
‘Look, Jamie, I know that you’ve been through a lot, and I’m really glad that you feel that you can put that behind you now. And I know you believe that it’s possible to mend things in the future...’ Anna shook her head.
He gave her an uncomprehending look. ‘I have to believe it. I believed it when I went to medical school, and managed to stay the course despite my dyslexia. And the kids I work with are making better futures for themselves, too.’
‘There are some things you can’t mend, Jamie. They’re just facts of life and it’s not possible to make them any different. You just have to accept them.’
‘So...you won’t even accept that we might have a chance? I don’t understand, Anna.’
Jamie wasn’t going to give up. She was going to have to tell him. She was going to have to see the look on his face before she could fully believe that he was capable of breaking her heart.
‘Jamie, the reason my marriage broke up was because I can’t have children. My husband knew that right from the start, and he said that he was fine with it. A year after we got married he suddenly decided he wasn’t fine with it after all and he left me.’
He stared at her. Somewhere deep down she’d still believed in a fairy-tale world wher
e it wouldn’t matter and she could love Jamie the way she wanted to. But then she saw it. Denial.
‘Are you sure?’
A tear rolled down her face. This was the beginning of an end that couldn’t be averted now.
‘Yes, I’m sure. I’m a surgeon, Jamie, do you really think that I haven’t explored all the options?’
He was staring at her, shaking his head. Jamie never gave up, and she loved him for it. The trouble was that he didn’t know when he was beaten either.
‘I have a congenital abnormality that affects both my Fallopian tubes and my uterus. I can’t have children.’
‘I don’t care.’
He was still holding on. Still believing in a future that just couldn’t happen.
‘Have you ever thought you might have children?’
He shrugged. ‘Well, yes, of course, but—’
‘But nothing! I’ve seen you with your niece and nephews, you love them. You’re going to make a great dad, but you can’t do it with me.’ Anna stood up. She had to go. There wasn’t enough air in the room and she was going to suffocate if she stayed.
‘Wait. Anna, will you stop second-guessing me? Can you give me a moment to process this, and then we can talk about it?’
Talking wasn’t going to change anything. ‘No, because you’re going to tell me that it doesn’t matter—’
‘Right in one. It doesn’t.’ His face darkened with anger.
‘And then I’ll believe you. And I’ll believe we have a future. Don’t you dare make me do that, Jamie, because I know for sure that it’s going to break me when you come to your senses and decide you want a family of your own.’
‘Sit down!’
‘Do not tell me what to do, Jamie. We never promised each other anything, and I’m leaving now. I won’t be back.’
Anger propelled Anna out into the hallway. She picked up her coat and the overnight bag that she’d left there when she’d come in tonight, and ran out to her car. She couldn’t stay. She couldn’t face his disappointment or his pity or whatever else it was he had to throw at her. She just had to get away.
A Rival to Steal Her Heart Page 15