by Alexa Riley
“You’re special,” I whisper and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She ducks her head, but I see the blush on her cheeks before she turns away.
We sit in comfortable silence for a bit until I force her to eat another slice of pizza and half a cheeseburger and fries before she finally gives in.
“I’m going to die. I can’t eat anymore,” she says, trying to hold back a laugh.
“But you’ve got your dessert stomach, so it’s all good.”
“My what?” she says playfully, and I stifle the urge to pull her into my lap.
“You know, you’ve got one stomach for food, and then you’ve got one stomach for dessert. So no matter how much dinner you eat, there’s always room for sweets.” I’m telling her the same thing my mom has been saying since I was a kid. I unwrap the brownie and hold it out for her to take a bite.
She shakes her head at me, but I wiggle it a little and smile at her. She laughs and leans forward, opening her mouth, and I try not to stare at her full lips as they open and she takes a bite of the corner. I feel her mouth graze my thumb, and it sends heat pulsing down my spine. How did something so innocent and funny turn into something more in a matter of seconds?
“Don’t you two look cozy.”
I look over and watch Brent take a seat across from us. He tries to pull one of my trays over to him, but I reach out and grab it, pulling it back. He gives me a what’s your problem? look, but then he’s distracted by who’s beside me. His eyes roam over Lily, and the sneer he gives her infuriates me. I want to hide her and teach this guy some respect. I want to punch my quarterback in the eyes because he doesn’t deserve to look at her.
Lily tenses next to me, and I need to get her out of here before I do something Brent will regret.
7
Lily
I drop my gaze back down to the cafeteria table, fidgeting nervously. I swallow the bite of brownie still in my mouth, but the arrival of the new guy makes it turn to ash. He showed up and popped the little bubble that Ren had made around me. I’d actually forgotten for a moment where we were.
“Fuck off, Brent,” Ren says, and I tense up even more. Ren moves in closer like he’s trying to shield me from the guy. He laughs at Ren’s words, but something about it lets me know that he doesn’t think it’s funny at all.
“Coach wants to see you,” he says to Ren, trying to dismiss his attitude.
“Busy,” Ren fires back in a hard voice. I wonder if they’re friends. The way Brent sat down made it seem like they were at first, but Ren seems mad about him being here. Not that I care, because I don’t want him here either. Not with the look he gave me when he sat down. It was like I was some kind of bug he wanted to study. Like I don’t belong here and he wants to figure out why I think I do.
“You done?” Ren asks next to my ear. I nod, and I watch as he wraps up the rest of the brownie, then picks up my backpack and puts it in the front pocket. He’s saving it for later for me.
Feeling awkward and unsure if these two are about to have a fight or something, I look for an exit. I don’t want to be in the middle of it if it happens, and I want to see the quickest way out of here.
“Like Coach gives a shit you’re out here trying to get laid. You better—”
Ren slams his hand down hard on the cafeteria table, making me jump at the loud bang. It echoes through the room, and the whole cafeteria falls silent. I cringe knowing everyone is looking at us. God, I wish I could disappear. This is not good.
“I think you forget the season’s over, Brent. I don’t care if you take a hit anymore.” His tone is low but deadly and sends a streak of fear through me. My father can do that. Switch from nice to not so nice, but normally there’s alcohol involved.
I grab my bag from Ren’s hand and stand up, almost tripping over my own feet. Ren catches me from falling on my ass, and I hear a few laughs, adding to my already sky-high level of embarrassment. This keeps getting worse.
“Easy, sweetheart,” Ren says, righting me, the hard edge to his voice gone.
“I have to go.” I push the words out, turning to leave the cafeteria as fast as I can. I pull my schedule out as I make my way down the hallway looking for my next class. When I reach the door, I see that Ren has followed me but is hanging back a few steps. We make eye contact and he stops moving.
“Wait for me after class,” he tells me, but I don’t respond as I slip into the classroom and take my seat. As more students trickle into the room, I take a few breaths and relax, trying to calm down from the lunchroom drama.
After a moment, I pull out my drawing pad and start sketching as I wait for class to start. I remember Ren saying we had the same schedule, but as the class starts he’s nowhere to be seen. I wait all through class hoping to see him, but he never shows. Maybe I misunderstood him earlier.
After the bell rings, I slip out of the room, blending in with the other students. I don’t see him anywhere, and my mind whirls as I remember what happened in the cafeteria at lunch. I think about how different Ren became at the flip of a switch. How different he’d been with me. Maybe he and Brent have issues. I should worry that Ren would be like that with me. He seemed so nice and perfect and made me feel special. He made me feel at ease in a new place, and I’d never had that happen before.
Knowing last period is a study hall, I decide to leave. I can turn in the application I grabbed from the gas station I stopped at this morning. I’m not sure the hours will work, but I’m going to see if I can make it happen.
“Lily, wait up!” a female voice yells. I turn to see Kristen running towards me, her high ponytail bouncing behind her.
I stop, manners getting the best of me.
“Hey,” she says breathlessly. “I saw what happened in the cafeteria.”
I shrug, because what am I supposed to say to that? I’m not sure what happened in there. She probably has more of an idea than I do. I know Brent and Ren are the boys she and the redhead Carrie were talking about this morning.
“I wanted to let you know, girl to girl.” She steps in closer to me like she’s going to tell me a secret. “The football boys have this game they play with new girls.” She shakes her head like she can’t believe they are so immature. “They try to see who can nail the new girl first. I would’ve told you this from the start, but well…” She looks me over with that same look Brent gave me. Like I’m some weird bug. “I didn’t think they’d do it with you. You’re not really their type.”
Ouch. The little bit of hope for Ren I’d been carrying slips away. It burns deep. Deeper than it should for someone I’ve only known for hours. But it’s a loss I should be used to. I lose everyone. I should be accustomed to the feeling, but this is a heavy weight on my heart for some reason. I feel a stinging burn behind my eyes.
“Yeah, thanks for the warning,” I tell her, turning to leave.
“Us girls have to stick together, you know,” she says from behind me, and I keep walking. It isn’t until I’m outside do I remember I don’t have my coat. It’s still in Ren’s locker and there is no way I’m going back there to get it.
I hope tomorrow I don’t have the same classes as him.
8
Ren
I drive slow, creeping around the curve and praying I’m headed in the right direction.
By the time Coach let me out of his office, my class was over and I couldn’t find Lily anywhere. He wanted to talk to me about my scholarship and practices before I left. I think he’s trying to live vicariously through me because he blew out his knee in college. The whole meeting was pointless and irritating, and I couldn’t get out fast enough.
My heart sank when I realized Lily had ditched study hall, and then it plummeted when I got to my locker and saw her coat still in there. I grabbed it and raced out to the parking lot, thinking she couldn’t have had much of a head start on me.
“Thank God,” I say in prayer and throw my Jeep in park. Grabbing her jacket off the passenger seat, I jump out and call over t
o her. “Lily!”
She’s about to walk into the gas station when she sees me. I wave, but she stays rooted to the spot, and her eyes narrow on me. Something is wrong. I walk over to her and hold out her coat.
“You forgot this. I asked you to wait. Why did you leave?”
She looks down at her feet and then up at me. “You disappeared.”
There’s hurt in her voice, and it breaks me a little inside. I never want her to think that I wouldn’t come for her. “I’m sorry, Lily. I got held up talking to my coach. I should have walked out. I didn’t mean for you to think I ditched you.”
“It’s fine. Thanks for bringing my coat. I can manage on my own.”
She grabs her coat and tries to turn away from me, but I keep a grip on it and don’t let her walk away.
“I’m sorry for the way I behaved at lunch. I saw that it made you nervous and that’s why I kept my distance after. I wanted to give you some space. I don’t know that I’ve ever reacted that way to Brent, or anyone at school, for that matter. I normally go all day and hardly say five words total. But here I am with you and I can’t seem to stop.” I try to explain what happened so she’s not afraid of me. “Brent is an asshole. He doesn’t deserve to be around someone as sweet and beautiful as you. I don’t trust him around you, and I didn’t like the way he was looking at you. I didn’t mean to cause a scene, but I felt like I needed to step in.”
“You talk a lot for someone who says he doesn’t say much.”
I give her a half-smile. “It’s a first for me, too.” I open her coat, and after a second of hesitation she steps into it. “Let me give you a ride home.”
I zip her coat up for her, pulling up the side collars to make sure it's protecting her. She stares up at me, looking surprised by my actions. “No, I’m okay. I’m going to drop off an application in here and then walk. I’m not too far.”
I look up at the gas station and then down the road I saw her walking this morning. She’s at least a mile, if not more.
“Are you looking for a job?” I ask, trying to think on my feet.
“Yeah. I don’t think this one has the right hours, but I’m going to talk to the manager and see what I can work out.”
“My dad is hiring at his hardware store. It’s after school and weekends, depending on how many hours you can work.”
Her eyes widen, and she bites her lip as she thinks about it. “Where is it?”
My pulse picks up speed, thinking she might be interested. “It’s downtown. I could give you a ride since I help out there most days.” I see her hesitation and clarify for her. “Or if you wanted to walk, it’s about the same distance. Either way, he likes to hire kids from the high school, so if you want the job you’ve got it.”
“Really?” Her smile is big, and for a moment things slip to what they were at lunch.
“Absolutely. Let me take you home and I’ll get your number and tell him to call you.”
She shifts her weight from foot to foot and then looks back up at me. “I’m not going to sleep with you if that’s what you’re after. I’m not that kind of girl.”
Her words shock me, and I don’t like them. “Why would you say that? Have I given you the impression that’s all I was after? Because regardless of what you might think, I’m not that kind of guy either.”
Pink hits her cheeks, and she looks down at the ground and mumbles, “Kristen said…”
I reach out and touch her chin so she looks back at me. “I don’t care what anyone told you. I’m telling you that’s not what I’m after. I like you, Lily, and I want to get to know you. Let me take care of you and we can see how things go. Please.”
“Okay.” Her bright blue eyes lock on mine, and I feel a weight lift from my chest.
I take her hand and we walk over to the Jeep. I open the door for her. She’s so short, and my Jeep is lifted, so I have to grab her by the waist and lift her into the cab. She lets out a giggle when I do it, and I promise myself to make her do that more often.
She tells me how to get to her house, and I pull up out front. It’s clean, but smaller than I’d imagined. I don’t say anything about it, because I can see she’s a little wary. We exchange numbers and sit in comfortable silence for a second.
“Thank you for today, Ren. You made it a lot better than I anticipated. I appreciate the ride, too.” She grabs her backpack, and I get out to help her out of the Jeep.
“Thanks for today, too,” I say and hold her hand another minute, reluctant to let it go. “I’ll be here at seven-thirty in the morning.”
“Oh, you don’t have—”
“I’ll be here,” I say, cutting her off. She smiles and nods, and as much as I don’t want to, I let her hand go.
I climb in my Jeep and watch to make sure she gets inside okay before I leave. When I’m far enough away that I know she can’t see, I pull out my cell phone and hit the top saved number.
“Dad, I’m gonna need you to give my girlfriend a job.”
9
Lily
I look around the living room. I finally got the last box unpacked. Each move, we have less and less that we bring with us. Our old life is slowly disappearing. I wonder if the pain will still linger when it’s all gone. Will my father and I be able to stop living in this misery that’s always hanging around us?
When I hear the front door open, I turn to see my father stumble in. He almost trips over his own feet, and I rush over, trying to stop him from falling to the hardwood floor.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” he bellows and thrusts his arm at me.
He pushes me back, and the force causes my feet to tangle. I lose my balance and can’t catch myself in time, and I fall. A sharp point shoots through my back, the corner of a small table. I scream as the blinding pain sears through my body.
“Goddamn it, Lily.” My father bends towards me, his once-dark hair now streaked with gray, the wrinkles around his eyes stark. They’ve doubled over the last few years. He looks worn to the bone. The alcohol, combined with the death of my mother, shows all over his face. His filthy breath fills my lungs as his fingers dig into my arm, and he pulls me to stand. I bite back another yelp, my back now throbbing.
“Sorry,” I say, wanting to look anywhere but at him. He doesn’t release my arm, and I have to look back up at him. He stares down at me, his eyes wild. He doesn’t know where he is, and that knowledge sends terror rushing through me. His hold tightens on my arm, and I don’t know how far he’s about to go. “Dad,” I whimper.
“You look just like her. I can’t stand it.”
With that he releases me with a small shove and heads into the kitchen. I hear him banging around for a minute, then everything goes quiet. I know he’s eating the simple spaghetti with hamburger I made. I left a plate wrapped in plastic for him on the table. I didn’t know when he’d be back. Sometimes he comes right after work, and other times he ends up at a bar until late into the night. If that’s the case, he comes home well after I’m asleep. I prefer him to go to the bar. When he comes home straight from work, I have to watch him slip away drink by drink. At least when he does it there I don’t have to see it.
Slipping away upstairs, I go to my room and put as much distance between him and me as possible. I wish I had a phone or some kind of computer to look up the hardware store Ren told me about, anything to get my mind off what just happened. I look at myself in the mirror, lifting my shirt to see a bright red mark where my back hit the table. That’s going to hurt in the morning.
There was no regret from my dad tonight. Maybe he’s still too drunk. This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten hurt trying to help him. I don’t know why I keep trying, but I can’t help myself.
I let my shirt drop, not wanting to look at the mark anymore. I grab my notepad, lie back on my bed, and let my pencil go. I think about the boy who made me forget for the first time in years. I want to be back in the cafeteria for those few minutes we shared. Remembering the brownie, I reach into my backpack and p
ull it out. I debate eating it, but instead I put it on my nightstand, wanting to save it.
I want to believe what he told me, that what Kristen said didn’t matter, but it still lingers in the back of my mind. It’s hard to believe something good when everything has been so bad for so long. Why would she lie? She did seem catty when I heard her talking this morning. I know she has a thing for Ren, or wants to have one. If she really thought he was such a bad guy, then why would she want him?
I think back to all she said when she didn’t notice I was sitting in the office. She said he was an asshole, but she didn’t care. I know some girls like that. I don’t get it. I’d want sweet and loving.
My father was never the sweetest, but he loved my mom. Probably more than anything else in the whole world. Me, included. I’d once overheard them fighting over having another child after I’d asked my mom for a brother or sister. His words have always stuck in my head. “You wanted a baby and I gave you one, Marie. You know I’d give you anything I could, but I’m not sharing any more of you or your time. One is all we’re having. It’s enough.”
Now the woman he loves more than anything is gone, and he’s stuck with a kid he only had for her. And the worst part is every time he looks at me, all he can see is her, and I think it’s slowly driving him insane. Maybe I’m the reason he drinks. He can’t bear looking at me each day when he comes home. He stays late at the bar in hopes of not having to see me at all.
I look down at my notepad and gasp. It’s Ren, looking like a warrior. His face is hard like he’s ready for battle. His short dark hair is a mess, sweat coating his body. How can someone look so scary but so safe at the same time? He told me I was special. I don’t know why that keeps playing over and over in my head. Maybe because I haven’t felt special since my mother was alive. I want to be special to someone again. To know I’m cared for, and not out of obligation. I pull the notepad to my chest, letting my eyes fall closed as sleep takes me. For the first time in a long time, I look forward to tomorrow.