Mermaid Hair and I Don’t Care: A romantic comedy about shoes, surf and second chances

by CJ Morrow

  ‘What. Are they mad? Who got it?’

  ‘External candidate,’ Lily muttered, thinking about the doppelganger Cyril.

  ‘Man?’

  Lily nodded.

  ‘Typical.’

  ‘Yeah.’ She sighed. Was it? Was that why she hadn’t got it? No one would ever admit it if it was the case.

  ‘So what about you? What’s going to happen to you?’ He looked genuinely concerned. Lily felt touched.

  ‘I don’t know. I love working at Bensons. But…’ She turned away. She could feel a lump in her throat and her eyes starting to tear up. What was going on? She never cried at work or about work. Never. It was part of the code: dress code, hair code, crying code.

  ‘What’s with the dirty trainers?’ Will asked.

  ‘Shoe got stuck in the drain again.’ Lily let out a long sob. The floodgates were now open.

  ‘Oh babe, not those stupid black and red things again?’ Will fought back a snigger.

  ‘Navy and pink,’ Lily managed between sobs. ‘Not black. Or red.’

  Will struggled to get off the sofa then hobbled towards Lily and hugged her.

  It felt good to be wrapped in his arms, it felt familiar and comforting. She sobbed on his shoulder for thirty seconds as he patted her back, before pulling herself together. She sniffed.

  ‘You stink,’ she said, without thinking.

  ‘Yeah. I know. Do you think you could help me have a shower before we go to the hospital?’

  Once Lily had found a strong plastic bag – a Sainsbury’s bag for life – she hunted through Will’s kitchen drawers until she found the electrician’s tape that every man has in at least one kitchen drawer. She wrapped his cast and followed him as he hobbled up the stairs.

  ‘I think you can manage without me now,’ she said, setting the shower for him and testing the temperature with her fingers.

  ‘Yeah. But can you hang around up here, just in case I fall, or something.’

  ‘Don’t fall. I won’t be able to pick you up.’

  Will pulled his T-shirt off and flung it on the floor. His tan was impressive, so were his muscles.

  ‘Did you go to the gym while you were away?’ Lily said and was immediately annoyed with herself for asking.

  ‘No. Not really.’ Will smiled, but not at her, it was a reminiscing smile. ‘Could you help with these?’ Will yanked at his jeans, wobbling in a way that suggested he would fall if she didn’t.

  She pulled them down to find he wasn’t wearing underpants; her face was level with his hairy backside. Normally she found his body so attractive, but now she recoiled.

  ‘There you go.’ She picked up his dirty clothes and pulled out a few more from the top of his still packed bags and took them downstairs while he hobbled into the bathroom.

  ‘I thought you were going to stay up here in case I need you.’

  ‘I’ll be back,’ she called up the stairs as she headed for the utility room where Will kept his washing machine.

  When she came back he was sitting on the unmade bed, a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair, tousled and damp, clung to his head.

  ‘You’ve had a shave,’ Lily said, smiling encouragement at him.

  ‘Thought I’d better make the effort. Can you help get this plastic bag off now? I’ve had a go but the tape is stuck.’ Will swung both legs onto the bed and lay down while Lily attempted to remove the black tape.

  ‘It’s going to pull,’ she warned him.

  And it did, as Lily yanked the tape off and Will howled like a mad dog, she found herself almost enjoying his discomfort.

  ‘Jeez, did you have to stick it so hard to my legs. You’re yanking all the hairs out. You’ve no idea how much that hurts.’

  ‘Yes I do. What do you think waxing feels like?’

  ‘Not the same,’ Will muttered before howling again as Lily pulled a particularly wide piece of tape off his leg.

  ‘You’ll have to man up.’ She had finished and stood up. ‘You’ve got weeks of this.’

  ‘Oh God. There’s got to be a better way.’

  While they waited until it was time for Will to go to his hospital appointment, Lily made them both lunch. Will ate his with gusto, Lily nibbled at her own.

  She sent Damon a message to let him know she wouldn’t be back, then sent an email to Veronica giving sketchy details about a non-fatal hospital emergency and asking if she would pass on the message to Cyril. Veronica came back straight away asking if Lily would be back the next day. Lily sent a reply saying that yes, of course she would.

  Why would Veronica even ask that? Maybe the doppelganger had hoped she wouldn’t return.

  At the hospital Will limped along on his crutches, he managed to look both sexy and vulnerable at the same time. Lily noticed the female heads turning as he made his way along hospital corridors and into waiting rooms as they travelled between fracture clinic and x-ray and back again.

  He told the story of how it had happened; the bike, its full weight falling against his leg. Everyone listened with rapt attention as though Will were recounting a journey to the moon, not a road trip with his mates. Yet Will charmed them with his tale, he charmed the women, and the men too, it was what he did, what he was. Lily could see the admiration in their eyes; he was tall and muscular and good-looking. The women wanted him and the men wanted to be him.

  He’d charmed Lily since the moment she’d first set eyes on him at university, which was three years before they finally got together at the graduation party. She’d seen him on the campus, in the bars and clubs. He never seemed to notice her until that party. Even the next morning when they woke up side by side, their heads rubbing together on the same pillow, Will had struggled to remember Lily’s name. Sometimes she wondered if he even remembered it now. Was that why he called her babe?

  ‘Babe,’ Will called as he click-clacked towards her on his crutches. ‘Look what the lovely nurse gave me.’ He waved a soft, oversized plastic sock at her. ‘It’s got a drawstring. See. No more black tape.’

  Lily glanced at the floppy plastic. ‘Good, you won’t need me to run around after you.’

  ‘Babe, don’t be like that.’

  ‘Why did you choose pink?’ Lily stared at the fibre glass cast, its colour particularly garish in the sharp hospital lights.

  ‘I didn’t. I just told them to surprise me. It’s a bit of fun.’ He laughed. ‘Anyway it’s only for a few weeks, then I have to come back and they’ll put one on with a heel so I can walk a bit.’

  Will ordered takeaway when they arrived back at his place.

  ‘I’ve just downloaded a chick flick for you,’ he called over as Lily found plates and cutlery in the kitchen. ‘A little reward for you after looking after me today and taking me to the hospital.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Lily called as she dished out their Chinese meal. Lily didn’t really like Chinese but it was Will’s favourite and he’d ordered it online while Lily was sorting out his washing.

  Later, as they lay slumped on the sofa full of monosodium glutamate and flat lemonade – a bottle Lily had found at the bottom of Will’s fridge – he asked her to stay the night. She refused and he accepted her explanation – a bit too quickly Lily thought – that she couldn’t possible sleep in the same bed as his cast. If he kicked out in the night her ankle would be broken too. Then what would they do? Will saw the sense in that, but he did persuade her to take the key to his house.

  Back home, Lily opened the box, took the key out and examined it. It was brass coloured, new and shiny; it caught the light as she turned it. Now it was hers, the very thing she had spent so long desiring. Now she didn’t even know if she wanted it.

  Be careful what you wish for.

  Fourteen

  ‘Medical emergency over?’ Damon whispered. ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Yeah, thanks. It was Will.’ Lily rolled her eyes. ‘Though it did include a hospital visit. Everything okay here?’

  ‘Fine. Just fine. I covered for you.’ Dam
on chortled to himself, though Lily was struggling to find anything funny at the moment.

  ‘Everything go okay in your meeting with…’ Lily winced before saying his name, ‘Cyril?’

  ‘Yes, he liked my ideas. And, he didn’t even ask where you were. I don’t think he noticed you’d gone. One of the advantages of his office being around the corner and out of sight. Mind you, Scare-a-von has eyes like a hawk, but even she didn’t say anything. I quite like him, don’t you? I think I could work for him, don’t you?’

  Lily forced a tight smile; she could imagine Damon giving Cyril full-on man love. She didn’t want to be drawn into a popularity contest with Damon over Cyril. ‘How did it go for your team?’

  ‘Oh, The Europeans? Let’s just say that their minds have been set at rest. I’ve come up with a plan that ensures their jobs are safe and Cyril was very receptive.’

  ‘That’s good.’ Lily glanced over at The Europeans, beavering away as usual. It would be grossly unfair if either of them lost their jobs. But life could be like that – unfair. She thought about Will’s key now on her key ring. The much-coveted key that wasn’t quite so desirable now she had it in her possession. It came with obligations, and they seemed to be those of a domestic slave to an injured Will. She wondered if he would want the key back once he was on his feet. Both feet, that is.

  ‘I could share it with you if you like. And perhaps, you could share yours?’

  ‘What’s that?’ Lily asked, realising that Damon had been speaking and she hadn’t been listening.

  ‘Our plans. For the future. You know, ‘saving our jobs’ plans.’

  ‘Oh. No. I don’t have a plan.’

  ‘God. Were you so sure you’d get the job?’

  Had she been? She’d hoped she would get it, but had she been convinced she would? Had she been over-confident?

  ‘Not really.’ She shrugged. ‘Maybe.’ Sighing, she stood up. What she needed more than anything was a good strong cup of coffee. ‘Anyway, I was on holiday and didn’t really have time to formulate a plan.’

  ‘You mean you didn’t have one up your sleeve just in case? Lily, you’re slipping.’

  ‘I’m going for coffee. Want to join me?’

  ‘Better not,’ Damon glanced in the direction of Cyril’s office, even though Cyril couldn’t see them – as Damon himself had just pointed out.

  Lily shrugged. Surely a finance director had better things to do than check on coffee breaks.

  She wandered down the office and headed for the miniscule kitchen that held the coffee percolator. It was always full of fresh coffee, no matter what time of day she went. Lily didn’t know who kept it going, but she was grateful they did.

  ‘Well, hello Cinderella,’ Oliver Banstead’s voice oozed over her from behind as she poured a coffee.

  She pretended she hadn’t heard him.

  ‘That was your shoe, wasn’t it? I did put it on the right car, didn’t I?’

  ‘Yes. Thanks,’ she said, turning around and attempting to pass him.

  ‘That’s what I thought when I saw it wedged in the drain. I thought, that shoe is so dainty, so stylish, it must belong to little Lily. And I was right.’ He gave her breasts a big grin.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, giving him a weary smile at the same time as being relieved that she was wearing a high neck top. Even so, he still managed to make her feel uncomfortable. She stuck her elbow out, in the hope that he would get the message and move his bulging belly aside and let her pass.

  ‘I’d love to see you in those shoes,’ he said. ‘Both of them, I mean.’

  That was it. No more. ‘Would you? Would you indeed? Do you think that’s appropriate behaviour? Do you think a remark like that is suitable office conversation?’ She stepped forward but Oliver Banstead continued to bar her way.

  ‘I’m just being friendly. After all I did retrieve your shoe for you.’

  ‘Well you needn’t have bothered.’

  ‘So ungrateful. Are you annoyed because you didn’t get the job? Don’t take it out on me, darling. If it’s any consolation we all thought you were a shoo-in.’ He laughed. ‘If you’ll excuse the pun. Shoe-in. Get it.’ He laughed again.

  ‘Will you excuse me please?’ Lily said, her lips tight with rage and indignation. How dare he?

  Oliver Banstead still didn’t budge.

  ‘Will you please move out of the way?’ Lily’s voice was loud and firm.

  ‘Make me,’ he grinned as he looked down on her, his eyes focusing on her chest again.

  Lily couldn’t believe the cheek of the man, the brazenness of his actions. She felt her manners slipping away, her politeness giving way to anger.

  ‘Do you know what everyone here calls you? Do you?’

  ‘Stud Muffin,’ Oliver Banstead said, preening and laughing.

  ‘Stud Muffin? Muffin top more like.’ She glanced at his belly-bulge. ‘Oily Bastard. That’s what your nickname is. Oily Bastard.’

  Oliver Banstead blinked several times and let his mouth drop in shock. Then he stepped aside and let Lily pass, his mouth still gaping.

  ‘You all right?’ Damon called over as Lily slipped into her desk. ‘Only you look a bit…’ he paused before mouthing, ‘flushed,’ and waved his hands over his face in a fanlike motion.

  ‘I’ve just had a run in with Oily Bastard.’

  ‘Urgh. He is disgusting. He was ogling my moobage again yesterday and I think he was checking me out in the trouser department. The man has no morals and no discernibility.’

  ‘I’ve had enough. He gets way with murder, has done for years. I’m going to report him to HR this time.’

  ‘Not today. HR Heather is on holiday.’ Damon turned back to his work.

  ‘Tomorrow then,’ Lily said to herself. ‘Definitely tomorrow.’

  ‘Hello hun.’ Lily stood at Tess’s front door waving a bottle of Pinot at her.

  ‘Hi, stranger. How are you?’ Tess opened the door and welcomed Lily in.

  ‘Been better. Have you got any glasses? It’s five-thirty so not too early.’

  ‘Err, sure.’

  Lily followed Tess through to the dining room where the table was set for two. Tess swiped the glasses from the table and set them down in front of Lily.

  ‘You’re expecting someone?’ Lily said, mentally kicking herself for assuming that Tess just sat around waiting to hear what Lily was up to. ‘I should have messaged.’

  ‘It’s okay. Gareth is coming round later, he’s bringing a takeaway. Don’t worry, we’ve got an hour.’ Tess smiled at Lily. ‘Shall I pour?’ She took the bottle and twisted the screw top before giving them each a large glass. ‘So, what’s new? What’s going on that makes this a bottle of Pinot conversation?’

  ‘I don’t know where to start.’ Lily sighed then took a large gulp of wine. ‘That’s good. I got this at the Co-op at the end of your road. Very reasonable and straight out of the fridge. Try it. What do you think?’

  ‘I don’t think you came here for a wine tasting session. You would have arranged it first.’ Tess gave a little smile that turned into a faux laugh. ‘Come on, I can tell by your face things aren’t good. Tell me all about it.’

  ‘I really don’t know where to start.’ Lily’s eyes flickered from left to right as she tried to get everything in order. ‘First off, I didn’t get the job.’

  ‘What? I can’t believe they’d find anyone more suitable or able or more loyal than you.’

  ‘Thanks hun, that’s the right answer.’ Lily took another gulp of wine. ‘Then Will persuaded me to pick him up from the airport in the middle of the night, which turned into me being a taxi service for some woman he met on the plane.’

  Tess grimaced. ‘Eugh. He’s so clever at that, and you’re not even together anymore, are you?’ Lily loved that about Tess – fiercely loyal, she would always be on Lily’s side and say all the right, soothing things.

  ‘Not really.’ Lily wasn’t at all sure what the status of her relationship with Will was.
‘Then I was almost late for my meeting with the man – of course it was a man – who got my job. Got my shoe stuck in the drain. Again.’

  ‘You weren’t wearing those shoes again… not to work?’

  ‘They went with my dress. I looked really smart and business-like. And tall. Anyway, I managed to get there on time, without the shoes, but, well this is the shocker, he looks like Jackson. Except for the hair and suit and stuff, but his eyes – not quite as blue. He’s like his… his evil twin. It took my breath away.’

  ‘You mean they look similar?’ Now Tess took her first taste of wine. ‘Mmm, that is good.’

  ‘Yeah. Your Co-op,’ Lily said, before continuing. ‘Not just similar. More like a double. You know, a doppelganger. But evil.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re not just…’ Tess’s voice trailed away.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, you know, sort of… fantasising? You know, to make it better because he got the job and you didn’t?’

  Lily paused for a moment. Had she done that? Had she? No. ‘How would that make it better?’

  When Tess spoke her voice was quiet and her tone considered. ‘I don’t know. But it’s rather odd. Don’t you think? It’s quite a coincidence. What are the chances?’

  ‘Well, that’s what I thought. How could I have spent the best part of two weeks with someone I really fancied then meet his evil double at work the following week? It’s just stupid.’

  ‘Are you sure he’s his double and you’re not just, you know, projecting Jackson’s face onto this man?’

  ‘No. No. Why would I do that?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Tess took another sip of wine while Lily took another large gulp. ‘Maybe you’re missing Jackson,’ she said tentatively.

  ‘No. No. It was just a holiday romance. That’s all it was ever going to be, even before it started. It was you who said I should have a holiday romance. Remember?’

  Tess nodded.

  ‘Anyway, that’s all it was. We agreed. I knew that. Why would I… Oh, nothing makes sense.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘And Will’s given me the key to his house.’