Mermaid Hair and I Don’t Care: A romantic comedy about shoes, surf and second chances

by CJ Morrow

  Sugar, just what she needed.

  They were alone in the office kitchen and Damon shut the door behind them.

  ‘Spill,’ he said. ‘Tell me all about your meeting with the man. I hung around on Friday but you went on too late.’

  ‘Nothing to tell.’ Lily filled the kettle.

  ‘Really? Really? Are you getting a warning? Did you get your wrist slapped? I must say I wouldn’t mind a wrist slapping from our man.’

  At the mention of wrists Lily shuddered at the memory of that mermaid peaking at her. ‘Stop it,’ she said, shaking her head.

  ‘Well what happened?’

  ‘It’s still under investigation.’

  ‘Have you made a complaint against Oily Bastard?’

  Lily thought about it for a moment, had she? Not officially. Her recollection was that Cyril or Jackson or whatever the hell his name was would be looking at historic complaints, but he’d never really asked for much detail about hers, other than smirking about the shoes. ‘I can’t talk about it,’ she said. ‘You understand.’

  ‘Urgh. How boring. No sugar in mine.’

  ‘I know.’ But she had been about to sugar Damon’s coffee.

  ‘Cake is nice, thank you,’ Lily said after she’d bitten in to it.

  ‘I thought you might be in need of a sweet treat.’ He giggled. ‘Especially if you were getting the sack.’

  ‘I’m not. And don’t start a rumour like that.’

  ‘As if. Seriously though, is everything all right? You look so glum today.’

  ‘I don’t know. Bit of a weird weekend. And I don’t know what’s going to happen here. Do you? Is one of us going?’

  ‘I asked the man and all I got was a fudgy answer about it being too soon to say. So who knows?’

  ‘Same here. Are we fighting for our jobs?’ Lily asked quietly. ‘Are we fighting each other?’

  ‘I hope it won’t come to that.’ Damon dropped his eyes and his voice. ‘I’ve been job hunting. Have you?’

  ‘Not yet.’

  ‘Since I’ve been involved in this investigation and report writing into our…’ Damon glanced around to make sure the kitchen door was still shut, ‘financial irregularities,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve started to worry for all our jobs. Keep that to yourself.’

  ‘Keep it to yourself too. Are you serious?’

  ‘I don’t have the full picture, but things are definitely not as clean and tidy as we thought.’

  ‘In what way?’

  Damon smiled briefly at Lily then looked away. ‘I can’t say. Like you, the man has sealed my lips.’

  At lunchtime Lily began her job search, but it was the same jobs repeated over and over on different websites. None of them really appealed. Perhaps it was time for a complete change in career. Was she having a confidence crisis? She hadn’t spotted any irregularities in Bensons; maybe she didn’t have what it took to succeed in finance, to get to the top. Perhaps finance and Lily had run their course. What else could she do? What else did she want to do?

  She allowed her mind to drift and found herself thinking of the café on that Devon beach. She shook herself. How clichéd. She wasn’t going to work in a beach café, no matter how appealing that might seem. Anyway, the evil non-doppelganger would probably turn up in that café. She needed to go somewhere he could never find her.

  She messaged Will to say she could get the afternoon off for the skydive. He sent back a one-word reply: Great!

  Great. Was that it? What had she let herself in for?

  Ten minutes later he sent her another message saying that he had successfully changed the insurance to her name, so she wasn’t to worry as she had five million pounds worth of cover.

  No.

  Then he sent the link to the skydiving website:

  “You will exit the aircraft from an altitude of up to 13,000 feet securely strapped to the front of your instructor, who will control the freefall element of your tandem skydiving experience, open the parachute for you at around 5,000 feet, and then steer you both safely back to the landing area for a controlled landing.”

  Lily swallowed hard. It sounded horrendous. Freefalling for, she did a quick calculation, eight thousand feet. Urgh. She didn’t like the prospect of being securely strapped to the front of her instructor either. What if he landed on her? What if he squashed her? What if she squashed him?

  ‘God help us all,’ she said.

  ‘What was that?’ Damon’s ears pricked up.

  ‘Nothing. I was just thinking aloud.’

  ‘Work?’

  ‘No. Not work.’ She certainly didn’t want to be part of starting any more rumours. She shook her head and turned back to her job search. Same old jobs.

  At his insistence Lily spent Tuesday night at Will’s. She soon realised why he was so eager for her to stay; he didn’t want her to chicken out of the skydive. He spent the entire evening and early morning telling how great she was, how much she would enjoy it and how much money she’d be raising for charity.

  ‘I could still come and cheer from the sidelines, babe,’ Will said.

  ‘No. It’s too much trouble. I’d have to leave work, come all the way over here to get you then drive all the way to the airfield. Work is on the way there. Don’t worry.’ She didn’t want any more of his pep talks and she certainly didn’t want him to witness the event.

  ‘But I feel mean. You’re doing it on my behalf.’

  ‘Yeah but you couldn’t stand up and watch, could you. You’d be in the car. What’s the point?’

  ‘I could lean on the car.’

  ‘It’s fine, really. I’ll message you when it’s over.’

  She wished he would shut up. He was making her nervous; well, more nervous. As she left his house she wondered if he didn’t trust her to turn up. She was beginning to not trust herself to go either. But she definitely didn’t want an audience, not Will, not anyone else.

  On her way to work she felt sick just thinking about falling out of the sky. When she reached the car park she got out of the car and took several deep gulps of fresh air.

  ‘Well, if it isn’t little Lily two shoes.’

  She spun round to see Oliver Banstead’s overhanging belly pointing in her direction. A wide smile spread across his smug-toad face as he approached.

  ‘I’m surprised to see you here. I would have thought you would at least have been suspended after what you said to me.’ His words were directed at her chest.

  ‘You’re disgusting,’ Lily muttered, turning away from him.

  ‘You think you’re so it, don’t you? Well you’re not.’ He shook his head. ‘Do you think they’ll believe you over me? Do you think they’ll side with a little finance administrator against the top salesman in the company?’

  Lily shook her head as she walked away. She couldn’t say anything to him. Didn’t dare. She could still hear him chuckling to himself as she pushed the building door open.

  ‘Today’s the day,’ Damon said as she came in. ‘Excited?’ He plonked himself on her desk. ‘Or shit scared,’ he whispered.

  ‘Scared. Very scared.’

  ‘You’ll be just fine. Think of the money you’re raising.’

  ‘You sound just like Will. I don’t know why I ever agreed to it.’

  ‘What time are you leaving?’

  ‘Twelve. Why?’

  ‘I’m coming with you. A bit of moral support.’

  ‘I’d rather you didn’t,’ Lily said, a feeling of panic sweeping over her.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t want anyone who knows me witnessing my humiliation.’ She inhaled sharply, stifling the tears that were pricking the back of her eyes. ‘I just want to get it over and done with, like going to the dentist.’

  ‘It’s not that bad, surely.’

  ‘Yes, it is. I don’t want to do it.’

  ‘Then don’t, Lily. If you’re that scared, don’t.’

  ‘I have to. Will’s relying on me. There’s four grand in sponsorshi
p money at stake. I have no choice.’

  ‘Let me come with you. I can hold your handbag, cheer you on.’

  Lily shook her head.

  ‘I’ve booked the afternoon off. And I’m happy to drive. Let me come.’

  Lily shook her head again and Damon wandered back to his desk.

  At quarter to twelve Lily went into the toilets to change, she wasn’t sure what was appropriate wear for skydiving, but had chosen to wear her gym gear with an extra sweatshirt on top – she reasoned it would be cold at thirteen thousand feet. On her way back to her desk she muttered ‘Okay,’ to Damon as she passed him.

  He beamed his pleasure back at her and winked. ‘I’m driving,’ he mouthed which was probably just as well; given the chance Lily might just drive in the opposite direction.

  ‘Have we got time for some lunch before we get there?’ Damon said, as Lily handed over her keys and he started the engine.

  ‘Maybe. But I can’t eat anything. I might be sick mid-air.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I’d rather not chance it. We could grab something afterwards if you like. I don’t think the ordeal lasts very long.’

  ‘Of course. It’ll be over in minutes. I’m going to treat you to a slap up meal; it’ll give you a nice treat to look forward to.’

  Afterwards couldn’t come soon enough. Just surviving would be a treat.

  ‘Thirteen thousand feet,’ Damon read from the leaflet after they’d been ushered into the waiting area. He whipped out his phone. ‘That’s nearly two and a half miles according to Google. Shit, Lily. Did you realise you were going up that high?’

  ‘No. Thanks for that.’

  ‘Lillian Ward,’ a voice called. Damon sniggered as Lily went to answer the health and safety questions. When she came back she was strapped into the harness and wearing a vibrant, yellow jumpsuit beneath it, the legs were too long so were rolled up.

  ‘Very fetching.’ Damon took a quick photo of her. ‘For your Facebook page,’ he said, when she scowled at him.

  ‘It’s not going on Facebook. Delete it.’ She grabbed for the phone but Damon was too tall and kept it out of her reach.

  ‘No. You’ll be pleased afterwards.’

  ‘Huh.’

  ‘Just think of the children, think of the charity. Keep focused.’

  ‘Shut up. It’s so tight.’ Lily pulled at the straps. ‘It’s cutting me in half.’

  ‘Yes, it’s certainly highlighting your assets.’

  ‘Stop it. You sound like Oily Bastard.’

  ‘Sorry. Sorry. Didn’t mean it.’ He smirked at her and gave her a quick reassuring hug.

  The harness was tight across her chest but Lily knew it had to be. The straps between her legs were already starting to chafe; it brought to mind Will and his chafing crutches. Now she knew what it felt like. She really should have gone to the loo before getting all this clobber on. It was just nerves, she told herself. But what if she wet herself mid-air?

  A female instructor started circulating around the skydivers, she was checking harnesses and dishing out helmets with integrated cameras.

  ‘You’ll need to loosen your hair to get this on,’ she said to Lily whose hair was in its normal work configuration – up, tight and lacquered into place.

  ‘But it’ll fly everywhere if I take it out.’

  ‘Squash it down or something, the helmet won’t fit otherwise.’

  Lily loosened her hair making it look like a squashed doughnut and the instructor rammed the helmet on, set the camera and fastened the strap tightly under Lily’s chin.

  Damon snorted. Lily thumped him.

  Across the room several men waved to Lily. Shyly she waved back.

  ‘Ooh, you’ve made some friends.’

  ‘No. They’re Will’s mates. The ones he should be jumping with.’

  ‘Should you join them?’

  ‘No. No. It’s bad enough that they’ve seen me.’ But it was too late.

  ‘Ooo, a big boy is on his way over.’

  Lily glanced in the direction of Damon’s admiring gaze. ‘Yeah, that’s Big Lee.’

  ‘Yes, I can see that.’

  ‘Hey Lily,’ Big Lee shouted as he approached. ‘I hardly recognised you with your face… all sort of squashed up like that.’ He laughed a big bellowing laugh that drew everyone’s attention.

  ‘Yeah, she does look a bit like a muskrat,’ tittered a treacherous Damon. She’d get him back for that later.

  ‘When Will said you were doing this in his place I couldn’t quite believe it. I said, little Lily wouldn’t jump out of a plane.’

  ‘Hi Lee, I haven’t yet, so…’ Lily tried to laugh but it came out as a squeak.

  ‘Don’t go chickening out up there now, will you? Don’t go making a fool of yourself and letting the side down. Good luck.’ He slapped her on the back, too hard, and wandered back to his mates.

  ‘Oww. Thanks Lee,’ she muttered.

  ‘Jumpers, if you’d like to step forward when your name is called, we’ll pair you with your instructors.’ It was the helmet woman again, shouting to get attention.

  As names were called and instructors greeted their pupils, each pairing went through a series of checks and agreed signals, which seemed to comprise mainly of thumbs up. As well as the helmet cameras each instructor wore a wrist camera; everything was being filmed and would be uploaded to the charity website later. Lily cringed – would there be no anonymity?

  Most of the instructors were men, but there were a few women and Lily hoped and prayed that she would get a woman; even if it was helmet-woman. The prospect of having a man, a stranger at that, strapped to her back was appalling. As the entire group stood in twos, Lily’s name was last to be called. She stepped forward.

  ‘Sorry about this Lillian.’

  ‘Lily,’ she corrected.

  ‘Lily. Yeah. Your instructor’s been delayed, he says he should make it, but, I’m afraid we’re running out of time so we will have to postpone your jump.’

  Lily’s heart soared. Hurray, hurray, and it wasn’t her fault. She was off the hook and she hadn’t chickened out.

  ‘As you know this flight is only for the sponsored jumps and we’ve contributed a lot of the cost to the charity, but, in the circumstances, we would be able to fit you onto another flight, at no charge. It just might be a while, as we’re very busy at this time of year.’ Helmet-woman smiled and Lily smiled back, her biggest, brightest smile. With luck, Will would be recovered enough to do it himself. What a reprieve.

  ‘Ah, that’s no problem.’ Lily started to undo her helmet, desperate to get its choking strap off. Now free, her hair started to escape.

  Suddenly helmet-woman was doing thumbs up to someone in the distance. Then she placed her hand over Lily’s.

  ‘Put that helmet back on; it looks as though he’s arrived. What great timing. What luck.’

  Noooo.

  ‘Okay group, let’s go.’

  Lily turned to look at Damon; he gave her a thumbs up and smiled, but he looked as worried as Lily felt.

  The group went out in twos, like animals to the ark. Lily tagged along, last in line. She hadn’t even met her instructor yet but she already hated him. Why couldn’t he have arrived five minutes later? Why couldn’t he have missed the flight?

  Everyone was excited as they piled into the plane, but Lily hung back on the tarmac. Her fellow victims sat in their tandem pairs, the instructors behind, who then clipped themselves to their pupils. Excited voices mixed with nervous laughter as people settled into their places.

  ‘You’ll need these,’ a male voice said from behind her, thrusting a pair of plastic goggles into Lily’s hand. ‘Put them on now, so you don’t forget. They’ll ensure your eyes aren’t damaged.’

  She pulled the glasses on; they were tight and uncomfortable and distorted her face even more.

  ‘Okay everyone,’ helmet-woman was shouting again. ‘This is Steve, he’ll be filming some of you as you exit the plane and captur
ing your experience as you dive. Just ignore him.’

  Lily looked around the rest of the people on the plane, they looked excited. Maybe she should just calm down and enjoy it.

  ‘Get on, get on,’ helmet-woman urged Lily as the plane engines roared.

  A shiver ran down her spine.

  ‘Two minutes. We just need to do our safety checks and signals,’ Lily’s instructor yelled, putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her around to face him. ‘Hi, I’m Jackson.’

  Nineteen

  Before Lily knew what was happening she was bundled onto the plane, found herself wedged between Jackson legs – almost sitting in his lap – and he was busy leaning forward and attaching himself to her.

  Could today get any worse?

  The only consolation – and she knew it wouldn’t last – was that she was sure he hadn’t recognised her. Thank God she looked like a muskrat – a goggle-eyed one now.

  But there was no doubt in her mind that this was Jackson, or Cyril, or whatever name he was using today. Those piercing blue eyes were just too familiar and they were definitely bluer outside; the light in the office apparently muted their intensity. She’d been so horrified by the whole situation that she had hardly heard a word of the hurried safety checks Jackson had gone through. Too late now to start questioning him especially at the risk of identifying herself.

  The plane taxied a short distance then began to hurtle down the runway. The rattling beneath her backside was increasing her need to go to the loo. Wetting herself – now wouldn’t that be nice.

  The plane climbed fast and high – nearly two and a half miles Damon had said. Lily felt sick. The doors were open, the wind bellowed in, it was cold, it was noisy; she wanted to get off.

  And pretty soon she would be doing just that.

  Helmet-woman began giving thumbs up signs and the occupants of the whole plane, except Lily, returned them. Jackson leaned forward and grabbed her hands with his and formed them into a thumbs up.

  Lily shivered, an electric sensation running up and down her spine. The last time she’d had skin to skin contact with him… don’t even think about it, she chided herself. He’s a deceitful, married liar.