Mermaid Hair and I Don’t Care: A romantic comedy about shoes, surf and second chances

by CJ Morrow

  ‘Oh, here comes Scare-a-von.’

  ‘I know, I’m late for my appointment,’ Lily said, before Veronica had even opened her mouth.

  ‘Cyril says to forget it; he’ll see you on Monday. I’ve emailed you the time. And he says congratulations. From me too.’ Veronica cast a quick glance at Lily’s ring, muttered, ‘very nice,’ and was gone.

  Lily logged her computer off, snatched up her bag and the flowers. ‘Just get my jacket.’ As she plucked it from the coat rack, she glanced out of the window; Jackson was in the car park, unlocking his car. He turned and gazed at her, an unfathomable look in his eyes. She looked away.

  It wasn’t a walk of shame, of course it wasn’t. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe a walk of embarrassment was a better description, she thought as she and Will clomped, clicked and rustled back up the office.

  Will struggled to get into her car then lay back in his seat.

  ‘Phew,’ he said. ‘I’m knackered after that.’

  ‘I’m still in shock.’ Lily started the engine.

  ‘I know it’s what you’ve always wanted.’

  ‘Did you? Really? Then why now?’

  ‘Why not? You’ve been looking after me so well, I thought, well why not? After you did that skydive, how could I resist?’ He laughed and let a satisfied smile spread across his face.

  Lily smiled back – her face was beginning to ache from all the forced smiling. Was Will’s proposal a reward? That’s what it sounded like. Was that how he viewed it?

  She concentrated on driving them home. Will’s home. Soon to be her home?

  It was only as they pulled onto the drive that she realised they hadn’t even sealed their engagement with a kiss.

  ‘Maybe we could make it a double wedding with your friend Tess and whatshisname,’ Will said, once he was back in his usual position on the sofa.

  ‘Oh. Um.’

  ‘It could work out a lot cheaper and get it all done in one. All your friends are the same aren’t they? Save a lot of fuss.’

  ‘A lot of fuss?’ Lily echoed. ‘Is that how you see it?’

  ‘Well, you know what I mean. Just being practical, babe. You have whatever you want.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Lily said, wondering exactly what she did want.

  ‘What shall we do tonight?’ Will asked, but he wasn’t even looking at her, he was flicking through the TV channels.

  ‘Haven’t you planned something?’ Lily affected a laugh.

  ‘We could go to that restaurant. You know, the one you like. As long as you don’t stomp out half way through like you did last time and for God’s sake don’t wear those damn shoes again. You know, the black and red ones that keep breaking.’ He laughed to himself.

  ‘Navy and pink,’ she corrected, walking away. ‘You’ll need to book a table.’

  ‘Already did,’ he chortled then waited for her to congratulate him.

  ‘Ooo, you were so sure of yourself.’ She held her hand out and admired the ring, it was exquisite. The emerald was enormous, even the diamonds around it were large enough to be solitaires in their own right.

  ‘Could always have cancelled.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘Come here, you haven’t even kissed me properly.’

  Lily went home to shower and change – she didn’t have the right clothes at Will’s. As she pulled on her dress – a soft, pink, floaty creation that had been sitting in her wardrobe waiting for the right moment – she pondered for a moment whether she could wear the shoes. They would go so well with this dress too, so well that she wondered if she subconsciously always bought dresses to go with the cursed shoes.

  Don’t tempt fate.

  She found a pair of strappy sandals and pulled them on. They didn’t go quite so well, but they still looked good.

  She messaged all her friends with her news – it would be weird if she didn’t, wouldn’t it?

  Tess came back immediately with an OMG. Then she rang.

  ‘Congratulations. I didn’t see that coming, did you? How exciting.’

  ‘No, I didn’t,’ Lily agreed before telling Tess about the whole proposal at work situation.

  ‘That’s very public,’ Tess said. ‘And you’ve doubted his commitment all these years. He must love you very much to make such a grand gesture and chance you saying no.’

  ‘Yeah. As if I would.’ Lily laughed lightly. ‘I’ve got to go, we’re dining out.’ Of course she wouldn’t have humiliated him like that, no one would. That would have been just too cruel.

  ‘Have a fab evening. I’m so happy for you.’

  She parked her car at Will’s then let herself into his house. Is this where they would live? There would have to be some changes. The pool table would have to go.

  ‘Babe,’ Will called. ‘Could have done with you here earlier. Got the damn cast wet in the shower. Look.’ Will stood in front of his sofa wearing shorts and a t-shirt, the cast was wrapped in a white towel; blue dye was bleeding onto it.

  ‘It’s fibreglass, isn’t it. Won’t that be okay?’

  ‘The cast is okay it’s the stuff underneath it, it’s all wet and squidgy.’

  Lily bent down to look, carefully removing the towel so she could see clearly.

  ‘At least it’s not smelly,’ she said, trying to make light of it. She used the towel to blot up the excess moisture. ‘Do you want to cancel?’ She wasn’t sure if she felt annoyed or relieved at the prospect of not going out.

  ‘No. Can’t you dry it off somehow?’

  ‘Hairdryer? We could try that. Where is it?’

  ‘No, I’m more of a wash and go man.’ He tossed his hair to make the point. ‘Could you go and get yours?’

  ‘Not if we’re going to get to the restaurant on time.’ They both stared at his cast. ‘How did you get it wet? Didn’t you put your waterproof sleeve on?’

  ‘Yeah, but I didn’t zip it up enough. I thought it would be okay.’

  ‘Fan heater,’ Lily said, suddenly inspired. ‘I’m sure I’ve seen one here.’

  Ten minutes later, after Lily had rummaged around in the under stairs cupboard, attracting spiders in the process, Will was sitting with his leg propped up and the stench of burnt dust blowing in his face.

  ‘Won’t that do?’ he moaned for the third time in as many minutes. ‘It’s burning me.’

  Lily inspected the cast and its lining. ‘That’ll do,’ she said, switching the fan off. She didn’t tell Will that it had singed the cast lining which had now turned brown, any longer and it would have caught fire.

  Lily drove; they had left it too late to wait for a taxi.

  Sitting at the table in the restaurant Will looked smart, he wore a crisp cotton shirt and dark linen jacket, beneath the table he was dressed in his baggy jeans. ‘Only thing I can get on over the cast, babe,’ he’d said when Lily protested. ‘These or joggers.’

  They were half way through their starters when the people at the next table complained, calling the waiter over and asking if something was on fire in the kitchen.

  ‘Yeah, I can smell burning,’ Will chipped in, giving support to his neighbour.

  ‘And me,’ offered another diner.

  ‘Me too,’ someone else added.

  ‘I can assure you that nothing is burning in the kitchen.’ The waiter narrowed his eyes before retreating through the swing door. ‘Absolutely no problem in the kitchen,’ he said on his return.

  ‘Must be out here then.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Will agreed. ‘Must be. You can smell it can’t you, babe?’

  ‘No, it’s you.’ Lily concentrated on her plate, pushing the food around with her fork and wishing Will would shut up.

  ‘I can definitely smell burning,’ someone said.

  ‘We have smoke detectors, they would go off if there was burning.’ The waiter sighed.

  ‘Burning?’ someone asked.

  ‘When were they last tested? Your smoke detectors.’

  ‘Recently,’ the waiter snapped.

  ‘I don’t li
ke it. You hear stories about people getting trapped in public places. You hear stories about batteries being removed.’ The people on the neighbouring table, who hadn’t ordered, stood up. ‘We’ll come back another time, when you’ve sorted out your fire alarms.’

  ‘There is no fire.’

  ‘Fire? Fire? Did someone say fire?’ Several diners stood up at once, bustling with their belongings, asking about paying, asking about not paying.

  Leaving.

  Will pulled his wallet out and left fifteen pounds on the table, then stumbled to his feet, wedging his arm into his crutch. ‘Come on, babe. I won’t be able to get out in a hurry when the burning starts.’

  ‘There isn’t a fire.’ Lily said, shaking her head. ‘It’s fine. It’s you. It’s your cast. Sit down.’

  ‘I can definitely smell something,’ Will said, his voice too loud. ‘I’m not chancing it.’ He turned to the waiter; thrust a five pound note in his hand. ‘Sorry mate.’

  Outside on the pavement, Lily felt shocked. ‘That was you,’ she said to Will as they shuffled towards her car.

  ‘Me what,’ he said, clicking his crutch on the pavement.

  ‘You. The smell was you. It’s your cast, actually it’s the lining. It got a bit singed by the fan heater.’

  ‘No. It wouldn’t smell that strong.’

  ‘It does. And you ruined everyone’s evening. And what about the restaurant? You’ve certainly ruined their evening, maybe even their business.’

  ‘Why didn’t you say something when we were in there?’

  ‘I did.’

  ‘I never heard you.’

  ‘No. You never do.’

  Twenty-two

  ‘Morning. You’re in early, Lily.’ Damon was already at his desk, deep into his work.

  ‘Not as early as you.’

  ‘Got a meeting with Cyril in a minute.’ Damon started scrabbling around on his desk for a pen.

  ‘Oh, what’s that about?’ Was there any cause for Lily to be alarmed?

  ‘Don’t know, got the request late Friday.’ Damon made an eek face. ‘Anyway, never mind that. How was your weekend? What’s it like being newly engaged? Let me see that ring again.’ Damon grabbed her hand and pulled it towards him. ‘Oh, you getting it resized? I noticed it was a bit of a squeeze.’

  Lily pulled her bare hand away. Did she want to tell Damon about her weekend? ‘Yeah, that’s right.’ She blinked back tears and headed for her desk. Thank God Damon was going to a meeting and wouldn’t be around to continually ask her questions. He’d want a blow-by-blow account; did they go out, did they celebrate with friends? Would there be a party? When?

  There would be nothing, there had been nothing. Just a major row in the car after they’d left the restaurant. He’d blamed her for singeing his cast; she’d blamed him for getting it wet. It wasn’t a good start to their future together.

  She’d dropped him off at home and hadn’t even followed him in. he left her car with the emerald ring and his front door key pushed into his jacket pocket.

  Lily knew that Damon’s meeting was scheduled to last an hour because that’s when her own meeting with Jackson started, so when Veronica appeared at her desk just as the hour was up, Lily’s heart sank.

  ‘He sends his apologies, but he’s stuck in a meeting. I’ll come and get you when he’s free. Heather knows.’ Veronica turned on her heels.

  ‘Heather?’

  ‘Heather. HR Heather.’ Veronica gave Lily a look that screamed: fool.

  So Heather would be in their meeting, yet again. There’d be no opportunity for honesty or frankness. It seemed that the week was beginning the way the weekend had ended. Frustrating.

  Tess messaged to see if Lily was all right. Lily lied and replied that all was well.

  Thank God for Tess. Her calmness, her level head, her sympathy had all helped to ease Lily’s pain after she’d told Will that there was no future for them together. Tess was the person Lily had rushed to in the aftermath.

  ‘What really hurt,’ Lily said to Tess as they sat in Tess’s sitting room with a box of tissues and a large mug of tea. ‘Was that he didn’t really seem that bothered, or that surprised.’

  ‘I’m sure he was. It’s just that some people have a different way of showing it. Especially men.’

  ‘When I gave him back the ring,’ Lily said, between sobs. ‘He popped it in his pocket and said it was okay, he had it on sale or return anyway.’

  ‘I think he was joking.’

  ‘Not funny.’

  ‘Maybe he said it to save face.’

  ‘I think he meant it. I really do think he had it on sale or return.’

  ‘Can you even do that?’

  ‘If anyone can, Will can.’

  ‘Yeah,’ agreed Tess.

  ‘Yeah,’ Lily echoed. Will would have no problem persuading a shop to take something back, even an engagement ring. ‘Do you think he asked them if he could bring it back if I said no?’

  ‘Does it matter? You have said no, haven’t you?’

  ‘I didn’t, not at first. I couldn’t, could I? I couldn’t humiliate him like that, in front of all those people. People I work with, people I will have to face everyday, they’ll all be looking at me and judging when they find out. But I knew, even as I was saying yes the voice in my head was screaming, No! Wait!.’ She didn’t tell Tess about the look of sadness on Jackson’s face as she’d said yes, didn’t mention him at all.

  ‘But you’ve always wanted him to commit. Isn’t that why you broke up with him before we went on holiday?’

  ‘I know. I know. That’s what I thought. You know I’ve always wanted him, I spent all my twenties pining after him, even when he wasn’t interested in me.’

  Tess patted Lily’s hand. ‘Would you like wine? Do you want to stay the night?’

  ‘I would, but what about Gareth?’

  ‘I’ve messaged him, he’s not coming over tonight.’

  ‘That’s very tactful of him.’ Selfless Lily admired Gareth, Tess has made a good choice; selfish Lily was pleased he was staying away. ‘Bring on the wine, then.’ She allowed herself a laugh, but it barely left her lips.

  ‘What about Jackson?’ Tess asked, after they had consumed a whole bottle of Pinot?

  ‘You mean Jackson-slash-Cyril. That’s how I think of him now. Jackson-slash-Cyril. Well, what about him? That’s what I want to know? I’ve got a meeting with him first thing Monday morning and I’m going to have it out with him. Sort out this double identity thing. Get it all out in the open.’ Lily banged her empty glass on the coffee table.

  ‘We’ve run out,’ Tess giggled.

  ‘What? How much have we had?’

  ‘A whole bottle.’

  ‘Each?’

  ‘No.’ Tess frowned. ‘Between us.’

  ‘Right.’ Lily scrabbled around on the floor for her handbag, extracted her purse and took out three ten pound notes. ‘You know what this means?’

  ‘No?’

  ‘We’ll have to walk down and get some more. I’m just going to have to front it out with those arses who run your Co-op. It should still be open.’

  ‘It’s not my Co-op.’

  ‘It’s at the end of your street, isn’t it? So it’s your Co-op.’ Lily forced her feet into her sandals. ‘And bring a carrier bag; I’m not paying them 5p for one.’

  Neither of the arses was in the Co-op; Lily and Tess bought two bottles of Pinot and a large selection of crisps, peanuts and chocolate without any drama and waddled their way back to Tess’s home.

  ‘I told you he was married, didn’t I?’ Lily said, as she scoffed a whole bag of crisps almost without stopping. Not quite the meal at Fabio’s she’d been expecting.

  ‘Who, Will?’

  ‘No, Jackson-slash-Cyril. Anyway, what sort of a name is Cyril? If you’re going to have an alter ego you wouldn’t choose a name like Cyril? It’s so…’ Lily waved her hands around as though trying to catch the word in the air.

  ‘Old,’ T
ess said. ‘I think my great granddad might have been called Cyril. Or maybe it was Cecil. Or something like that.’

  ‘Yeah. Old. It is old. Old and weird. Just like him.’ Except that Lily didn’t think he was old, or weird. Was he the real reason she had split up with Will?

  ‘Does Will know about Jackson-slash-Cyril?’

  Lily gasped. Trust mind reader Tess to say the unthinkable.

  ‘No. No. There’s nothing to know. Nothing at all. Anyway, he’s married. Remember? Ours was just a holiday fling.’ No past, no present, no strings. ‘And Tess, if you remember, it was your idea.’

  ‘And if Jackson-slash-Cyril wasn’t married?’

  ‘Well he is. So. There. And believe me, if you could see his wife, you’d know that there is no way I could compete with that. Even if I wanted to… which I don’t. Obviously.’ Lily snatched up a packet of peanuts and pulled the bag apart, venting her aggression. They both watched the peanuts scatter over Tess’s wood floor, skittering into corners and rolling under the sofa.

  ‘Leave ‘em, leave ‘em.’ Tess giggled. ‘Gareth will sort them out in the morning.

  ‘Will he? He’s a keeper, Tess.’ Lily raised her glass to Gareth. ‘And I’ve never seen you looking so happy.’ Lily took a long gulp of wine.

  ‘I’ve never been so happy.’ Tess gulped her own wine. ‘Or so drunk. I don’t normally drink this much.’

  ‘And, I might lose my job.’

  ‘No. You’re good at your job. You’re always saying so.’ Tess, realising what she’d just said, put her hand up to cover her mouth.

  Lily swiped at her, but missed. ‘Yeah, it’s me or Damon and Damon’s doing full on man-love with Jackson-slash-Cyril.’

  ‘But Jackson’s not…?’

  ‘No. No. Huh, who knows? What do I know? Anyway it might be all of us, Bensons is…pftt.’ Lily waved her arms around like a magician.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Nothing, just ignore me. I’m just being silly.’ But it could be true. Couldn’t it? It might happen.

  In the morning when Lily woke up in Tess’s spare room, her head throbbed and her mouth tasted and felt as though it was full of shag pile carpet. She lay in bed listening to the noises downstairs; someone was vacuuming.