Friday AM
(00:13) Back. Had to make some tea and get my head around the fact that you just openly stated you liked me.
(00:16) As insufferable and STUPIDLY patient as you are, I know you’re also smart if idiotic. Logical yet irrational. Cautious yet reckless. You, Cavan, are a paradox to me.
(00:23) A paradox, eh?
(00:25) Not a bad thought. That’s what you thought up while I went downstairs?
(00:29) Yes. I can barely understand YOU, Cavan. Can you understand how I fail to see why you like me? Why you talk to me?
(00:32) I suppose I can understand, to a degree.
(00:36) I don’t understand why a handsome intellect such as yourself is putting up with one extra snotty brat when he literally works with tons every day of the week.
(00:40) We seem to be as bad as each other.
(00:43) Yeah we do.
(00:47) I am sorry for having been so quiet. I needed to do some thinking and didn’t want to burden you.
(00:51) I got anxious. And angry.
(00:54) And may have broken my desk chair.
(00:56) Sorry.
(00:59) So? Are you going to tell me why you freaked?
(1:04) I panicked that we were getting too close and I wasn’t ready for that.
(1:07) Lucas … There’s nothing wrong with having another friend … is there?
(1:10) Technically no. However, I’ve had many people leave me. Friends and otherwise.
(1:14) It feels like you don’t trust me.
(1:17) Over time, perhaps I might.
(1:20) I have only met you the one time, Cavan. Remember that.
(1:23) I do. Doesn’t make it any easier to read, though.
(1:27) Sorry.
(1:30) This is what I get for prying, eh?
(1:34) Try not to take it personally. These are my hang-ups not yours.
(1:36) Easier said than done.
(1:38) I know.
(1:40) I guess I can try.
(1:43) Anyway, I should probably head to bed.
(1:45) Same.
(1:47) Night Lucas.
(1:50) Goodnight Cavan.
Sunday PM
“So, what did he say after that?” Sophie’s voice sounded tinny through his headset but Cavan sighed for a completely diffCavant reason.
“Nothing,” he shrugged. “We just …Sort of stopped talking, said goodnight then went to bed.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t know.” It was the truth. His thoughts had been a mess for the last two days. “On the one hand –I get it but on the other hand I just feel like it’s an excuse.”
“You are nosey, Cavan. Even you know that.”
“I’m fully aware,” he deadpanned at the webcam. “I also warned him about that.”
“And I warn you every time not to eat peanut butter out of the jar, but you still end up with a dead arm by the end of it.”
“So what? His listening sucks more than mine?”
Sophie shrugged, although there was a faint smile on her lips. “Wouldn’t surprise me really.”
“Do you have any real advice oh wondrous traveller?” he quipped.
“Not really,” she cocked her head to the side. “I guess just try not to think about it, keep texting and see how it goes. If it still feels weird in a week or two try and talk about it again.”
“That’s so long!”
“Good grief, Cavan! You’d only known this man for two months and you’re already pining this hard? You’re lucky I haven’t ratted you out yet to mum and dad.”
“Oi!” he glared at the screen. “You said you would hear me out about all this. And need I remind you how many times you doodled yours and Jordan’s names in the back of your notebooks?”
“Hardly,” she grunted. “I had to throw them out.”
It was still a sore topic for the both of them. Cavan’s arm was healing somewhat slower than he’d anticipated but the creams his dad got him were some of the best money could buy.
“Sorry,” Cavan said. “Foot and mouth disease.”
“I know,” she smiled faintly at him. “I’m used to you, remember? But this Lucas isn’t. Try and bear that in mind.”
“Heh … He said the same thing.”
“Then I guess the universe is sending you a sign.”
He tried to return the smile, but his heart wasn’t in it. Not really. “Thanks Soph.”
“No worries. I need to shoot off now. I’ll call you soon?”
“Sure, just let me know and I’ll make sure I’m free.”
“Cool. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
It took a moment before the skype call ended. Cavan was left staring at their sparse messaging that had taken place before she’d called him. With a sigh, he logged off his laptop and made his way over to his bed. The sheets were chilly against his skin as he pressed his thumping head into the cool pillows and tried to relax.
~0~
He was almost glad to have lectures to go to so that he was distracted from his phone for a little while. He replied to Lucas between lectures and during the evening whilst doing other things. He tried to make his actual life his main focal point instead of his phone.
Arthur joked that Cavan acted as though he’d been dumped.
In truth, he wasn’t far wrong. It was how Cavan felt at least.
Lucas’s messages had been sporadic as well. Cavan read them and couldn’t help the little skip his heart did when he saw Lucas’s name pop up on his screen. He tried to control himself he really did. They talked about mundane things; the weather, cooking, Cavan’s lectures, the poor students Lucas bothered to give detention to, and what their friends were up to. They didn’t call. It felt as though that wasn’t allowed at the moment; Lucas always made an excuse to avoid it, although throughout their brief conversations, he’d mentioned a headache, sore throat or a cough. They were both dancing around large, flashing red question marks and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore.
It was like there was a huge pink elephant in the room.
All he wanted in that moment was for Lucas to feel as though he could trust him, even a little. He felt as though he’d undone all of the progress they’d made in the last two months all because he’d gone and teased a man who was no stranger to pushing people away. Cavan loathed the idea of so much isolation. He didn’t even want Lucas to feel that way. There wasn’t anything he could do about it though.
Arthur often told Cavan that he did a lot of over-thinking.
Maybe he was right.
Glancing at his screensaver through the gloom, Cavan ran his thumb down the edge of his phone. His feelings, though intense as they always were, were charged with an eager energy to get to know the older man –which had landed him in his current predicament. He bit his bottom lip. His birthday was coming up soon. He was a little nervous. He was finally going to be twenty-one and he had yet to plan anything. He’d been so caught-up with Lucas’s mood swing that he’d forgotten about his own birthday!
That would have to change.
His birthday landed on a Friday which would be perfect!
He opened the Facebook app on his phone and started typing up an event for his birthday, inviting a bunch of people from Uni, a few relatives from nearby and Sophie –hoping she could return for the weekend at least.
His finger hovered over Lucas’s name.
In the end, Cavan opted not to invite him over Facebook. It wasn’t as though he was online often anyway. He did, however, copy and paste the information into a text to Bonnie. He don’t know what possessed him –in hindsight he would blame the late hour –and pressed ‘SEND’.
His heart lurched. It was done.
The ball was in Bonnie’s court now, and she could do as she pleased with the information. He only hoped his birthday was a night to remember –and not for any of the bad reasons he kept having nightmares about. Worst case scenario, he’d pin the blame on Jean and punch his stu
pid face in.
His skin prickled as he settled down to sleep, his eyes focused on his laptop across the room. A million thoughts rushed through his head. Would Bonnie tell Lucas about his birthday event? There was no reason why she wouldn’t. Would Lucas even come? Would he even care? If he did come did that mean he cared for Cavan? Or was it just a friendly thing you did for a stranger fourteen years younger than you?
‘Wow,’ Cavan thought, blinking in surprised at himself. ‘Arthur’s right. I’m such a fucking drama queen!’
Chapter 12
Friday PM
Someone tapped his shoulder.
Lucas glared up at the person who had interrupted his staring contest with the belligerent squirrel outside his window and suppressed a groan when he caught sight of Rodrick staring down at him. If there was one thing he loathed about the older man, was that his very eyes demanded subservience. They were cold, hard and bright blue. They made every member of the faculty cower before him.
Everyone except Lucas.
During his first year as a teacher, Rodrick had assessed him at the end of the last term and had admitted that he admired how Lucas didn’t bend over backwards for him. He admired that Lucas was a straight-arrow and didn’t take any bullshit. He’d offered the promotion of vice-principal right there and then, but Lucas had declined. Every year Rodrick offered him the position and every time Lucas said ‘no’.
It was almost like a game at this point.
Wordlessly, Rodrick closed the classroom door behind him and stood to attention, broad arms folded across his chest. “So, Lucas, how’re your classes going this term?”
“As well as can be expected,” the shorter man quipped.
“Your class grades have maintained throughout the year.”
“That’s good.”
“I only wish you could tutor the rest of the teachers to be like you.”
“Then no one would do anything you wanted,” Lucas smirked.
Rodrick chuckled. “No, I supposed that’s true.”
There was a moment of silence that made the hairs on the back of Lucas’s neck stand up on end. “What do you want, Rodrick?”
“A little bird told me you have been texting during some of your lessons.”
Ah, so that was it.
Lucas shrugged. “And?”
“Well, it’s not very professional, is it?”
“Considering my students’ grades have stayed consistent throughout the year so far I’d say it didn’t make a bit of difference.”
Rodrick inclined his head in agreement. “This isn’t me berating you for that, Lucas. I was more –curious as to who it was.”
Lucas turned to the taller man with surprised eyes. Rodrick wanted to know about Cavan? Where was this coming from? Setting his mug down, Lucas turned to lean back against the cupboards lined under his window. “Why do you want to know?”
“Lucas, we’re friends. I’m a little hurt that you didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”
“I’m not seeing someone!” he snapped. “Not really. We met-up one time.”
“Which you didn’t tell me about.”
Lucas pressed his lips together. “Is this really the place to be discussing things, Rodrick?”
“Perhaps not,” the tall blonde agreed. “However, you have been rather hard to catch recently. How about we go out tonight? You’ve missed the last few Friday night get togethers.”
“You’ve missed a few yourself,” Lucas deadpanned. “Are you being kept up by someone too, Rodrick, or do you just suck at being sociable?”
“I think we’re both bad at being sociable.”
Lucas rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. “If I agree to coming out with you guys, will you leave me alone for the rest of the school day?”
“I would, although Bonnie told me you weren’t feeling too well lately.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?
“Perfectly fine enough to eat food and swig a beer.”
“Hm,” Rodrick frowned, pursing his lips a little. “We’ll see you at the usual place at 6PM then?”
“Fine.”
Rodrick shot him a disarming smile. Lucas glared at the broad man as he turned on his heel and marched out of the classroom just as the bell rang for the end of the first break. Lucas wrinkled his nose as he set his mug of tea on his desk. Any minute he would have those young idiots coming into his class. He needed to clear his head and stay focused.
A couple hours later the last of the year 9’s filed out for their lunch break and Lucas was left to his own devices. He gathered his books up, patted his pockets down to make sure he had everything before heading out of his classroom and locking the door behind him. He went down the corridor to his office, went inside, and collapsed into his large, leather chair. He had a mini-fridge in his office in one of the cupboards and he usually kept his lunch in there. He didn’t trust any of the staff when it came to not steal other people’s lunches from the communal fridge.
Yes, he was paranoid.
As he settled down at his desk and spread a clean dishtowel over the smooth wood and prepped his Tupperware and drink upon it, his eye wondered over to the calendar. It was March. Cavan’s birthday was at the end of the month and it was a train of thought Lucas kept finding himself trying to quash. All he needed to do was focus on his work and get through the rest of the month without further incident.
As he ate his soup, he contemplated what else Rodrick wanted to talk to him about. Was it perhaps that he was snapping more at his students? Or that he’d started giving even more homework over the last two weeks under the pretext of preparing his students for the end-of-year exams?
Taking his glasses off, he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a weary sigh. He had a lot to think about, and it was only getting harder now that his head refused to stop thumping. His friends had done nothing but be on his case about Cavan since he’d had his initial freak-out. They’d never been this interested in his love-life before. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Last time it was just easier to ignore them when he had someone else’s house to go to.
He didn’t even know where Cavan lived, specifically.
‘Why are you stressing over the brat’s birthday?’ the voice in his head hissed. ‘It’s not like you’re going to celebrate in any way. You’d send him an e-card at best with some bullshit you got off the internet.’
He was lying to himself. It made his stomach twist and clench uncomfortably at the thought of it. He didn’t know why he felt like that; his twenty-first had hardly been a barrel of laughs and he just wanted Cavan to have a good time, especially after all the Jordan nonsense he’d had to deal with. It had been a trying few months and the kid deserved to let loose and go a little mad.
Maybe he was just getting too old for this type of shit? Then again … Cavan liked him. Whenever that thought entered his head, Lucas couldn’t deny the warm flush that spread through his chest. He knew the real reason Cavan needed to have a good birthday; he cared for the shitty brat. Against all his better judgement he really and truly cared for Cavan –maybe even beyond the bounds of friendship.
“Don’t be stupid,” he sighed to himself. “Do you really want to be there anyway? To watch him grind and suck face with other snotty brats his age?” He scoffed at himself, “Knowing my luck he’d pull all the hot, bi-curious football lads and be done with it. Why settle for a grumpy old man when you can have a gang-bang on your birthday?”
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