Everything Is Figureoutable

by Marie Forleo

  This exercise helps us realize that even if it all implodes (again, highly unlikely—especially when you address potential problems in advance), there’s always something we can do to lift ourselves back up.

  Worst-case scenarios are often low-probability events. They’re even less likely to happen if you strategize how to prevent them from happening, and how you’d deal with them if they did.

  Once you’ve articulated your darkest fears and recovery plan on paper, flip your perspective. This time, write down the best-case scenarios. What are all the possible upsides that could come from moving ahead? Will you reignite your joy and passion? Learn and grow? Live without a nagging sense of regret? Positively impact others? Are there financial rewards? Creative gains? Relationship benefits? Certain freedoms that may only come if you take a risk and say yes? Write these down, too. Be as concrete and specific as possible.

  Once you do this exercise, you’ll be ready to either move forward with step one of your idea (which is all you need to focus on right now), or adjust your plan so that the absolute worst-case scenario and recovery plan is something you can live with. An adjustment might look like breaking an enormous dream down into more doable, achievable chunks. Instead of quitting your job to write the next Great American Novel, keep your job and write your first short story. Maybe you can do a small-scale test before taking a higher-stake risk (e.g., living and working abroad for three weeks instead of three years).

  The point is this: do not allow your fears to stay amorphous. Face them on the page. Chances are, your biggest fears are little more than figureoutable paper tigers.

  LEVERAGE THE ALCHEMY OF LANGUAGE

  There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

  William Shakespeare

  Josh’s dad was a renowned theoretical physicist who worked with Einstein (yes, that Einstein). When Josh was a boy, his dad would explain that, at the deepest level, everything in the universe was made of the same stuff. An oak tree, a sports car, a human hand—all things are composed of atoms and energy, vibrating at ever-changing frequencies.

  Josh grew up to become an actor and alongside his work in TV, film, and theater, he founded Committed Impulse, which trains actors and speakers to create spontaneous and electric performances.

  One of the most powerful lessons in Committed Impulse challenges the idea that there are such things as “good” and “bad” emotions. What if all supposedly “bad” emotions, including fear or nervousness or anxiety, are just atoms and energy vibrating at different frequencies that we’ve been taught to label as “bad”? For example, if you described the emotion you call fear as a pure bodily sensation, how would you do it? Maybe you’d report a fluttering in your stomach. Or a tightening of your chest. Or a heaviness in your heart. Where exactly would that fear be located—your neck, forehead, or big toe? What would be its color, shape, texture, or movement pattern?

  Remove the negative story you tell yourself about what those sensations mean—are those sensations themselves that terrible? Have you ever allowed yourself to really feel those sensations without going into a mental drama about them? Sure, they might not feel pleasant, but are they so intolerable that it’s worth abandoning your biggest dreams in order to occasionally not experience them, even for just a few moments?

  Consider the following. Is it possible that the emotion you’ve previously labeled as “fear” might be another emotion altogether? Is it possible that the sensation you’ve assumed is “fear” could also be called anticipation, expectation, or perhaps even excitement?

  Legend has it that when Bruce Springsteen is about to go onstage in stadiums full of screaming fans, the Boss feels a host of physical sensations in his body:

  Just before I go onstage my heart beats a little faster . . . my hands sweat a little . . . my legs go numb as if I’m getting pins and needles . . . and then I get a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach that starts to spin round and round . . . When I get all those feelings, I know I’m excited, pumped up and ready to go onstage.1

  Fascinating, right? Springsteen interprets those body sensations as a sign of readiness, not a sign that he’s afraid, anxious, or incompetent. He’s chosen to believe that the vibrations and sensations in his physical vessel are telling him he’s prepared to give his fans a legendary performance. He’s chosen an interpretation that serves him.

  Nothing has any meaning besides the meaning we give it. Whether we realize it or not, we assign a meaning to everything in our lives—every event, every interaction, and (yes) every sensation. Just for fun, try this Committed Impulse exercise. Choose a new name for the “fear” sensation that stops you most often. Rather than saying you’re scared or nervous or anxious or terrified, name that body sensation something cute and harmless like “shooshie” or “nooney” or “jambly.” As in:

  I’m about to ask for a raise and I’m feeling so damn shooshie about it.

  OMG, consumed with nooney right now—sending off my pitch to the editor!

  Holy cow. I’m bursting with jambly! I’m about to get onstage and give my talk to five thousand people!

  Yes, I know. This sounds ridiculous. Which is precisely why it works. Sometimes, we need to stop taking ourselves so seriously. A silly word like “shooshie” breaks the trance of terror we put ourselves in and helps us lighten up. As Catelyn Stark in Game of Thrones so wisely said, “Laughter is poison to fear.”

  To be clear, relabeling your emotions doesn’t mean denying them, suppressing them, or pretending they don’t exist. You’re still experiencing your physical sensations. You’re breathing and present. You’re feeling what you feel. You’re metabolizing the energy inside you.

  You’re just not assigning what you feel a negative label or dramatic interpretation that hurts you rather than helps you. Emotions are just energy, and all energy can be transformed. Be like the Boss. Practice interpreting sweaty palms and a swirling, whirling stomach not as signs that you’re afraid but as signs that you’re ready to rock.

  FEAR VS. INTUITION: HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE

  There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  When you’re faced with an opportunity to grow, it’s normal to feel hesitant and unsure. But how do you tell the difference between helpful, directive fear that needs to be metabolized and moved through, and your intuition trying to tell you not to do something that you’ll later regret?

  This is an important distinction. I run my business and life by trusting my intuition. It’s never steered me wrong. When those gut-based alarm bells go off, it’s for good reason.

  Whenever I feel torn about a situation and can’t immediately tell whether I’m experiencing normal, healthy, directive fear (a sign to say yes and GROW!) or an intuitive hit to run the other way, I always find my answer through a subtle, visceral body check. This only takes seconds and it produces a clear answer. Every. Single. Time.

  Here’s how it works. Get in a comfortable seated or standing position. Close your eyes. Take a few deep, full breaths (at least three) and allow your mind to settle. Be present in your body. Then ask yourself the following question and pay careful attention to your instant, involuntary interior body reaction:

  Does saying yes to this make me feel expansive or contracted?

  In other words, when you imagine moving ahead with this opportunity, what happens in your body the nanosecond after you ask that question? Do you feel an openness, a sense of moving forward, a lightness in your chest? Joy, excitement, or fun?

  Or do you feel an immediate sense of heaviness and dread? Does your heart sink? Do you detect a tightening in your chest or a sick feeling in your tummy? Does something subtle inside of you retreat, pull back, close down, shut off, or somehow energetically say no—even though declining may not make logical sense?

  I’m not talking about your thoughts. I’m not interested in w
hat your mind thinks you “should” do. I’m asking you to pay attention to the truth and wisdom in your body. In your heart. When you pay close attention and listen to your nonverbal, almost preverbal cues—you’ll notice a predominance of energy moving in one direction or the other. Obviously, if you feel anything close to expansive, joyful, or excited, that’s intuition signaling to move ahead and say yes. Contraction, or any sense of dread, means it’s a no-go.

  Your body has innate wisdom that extends far beyond reason and logic. You can’t think your way into accessing your body’s intelligence, you have to feel your way in. Your heart, gut, intuition—whatever you want to call it—is far more intelligent than your mind. In a sedentary, screen-focused culture that normalizes living from the neck up, feeling and “hearing” what your body communicates takes practice. But like any other skill, it can be developed.

  To gain better control over distinguishing between your fear and intuition, the following questions can help. Remember, the wisdom is in your body. Direct your attention inward as you answer these questions.

  Do I really want to do this?

  Do I feel expansive or contracted when I imagine saying yes to this?

  Does saying yes make me feel delight or dread?

  Does this feel joyful and fun?

  If I had $20 million sitting in the bank, would I still do this?

  When I’m around this person (or organization or environment), do I feel more confident and capable, or do I compare myself and feel “less than”?

  After I’m around this person, do I feel more energized or less energized?

  Do I trust them?

  Do I feel safe, understood, and respected?

  Notice the first thing you feel or blurt out, even if it surprises you.

  THE TRUTH ABOUT FAILURE

  Once in an interview I was asked about my biggest failures. I choked. Froze like a deer in headlights. I had nothing. After, I felt weird and shitty about it. Why couldn’t I answer that simple question? It’s not like I never make mistakes—I make them all the time!

  Then it hit me. There’s no permanent failure folder in the file cabinet of my mind. Before you hate me or think I’m a special-snowflake-asshole life coach, let me explain. The reason I don’t have that folder in my head anymore is because of an old adage I heard in my early twenties:

  I win or I learn, but I never lose.

  Immediately, it became one of my go-to mantras. Hearing it completely shifted my perspective. And thank God it did, because I used to love cataloging my mistakes. But the truth is, there’s not one instance in my past where my supposed “wrong” action or “botched” attempt didn’t eventually lead to something good and useful.

  That’s why I stumbled over that interview question. When I look back on this breathtaking, heartbreaking adventure called life, I legitimately don’t see failures. Every painful misstep I’ve made has been a stepping-stone to a better me.

  Now let’s be real. In the midst of or immediately following a mess-up, do I sometimes cry and feel like a clueless idiot? Yes. Do I beat myself up if I wasted massive amounts of time, money, or energy? Yes, yes, and yes. But the nanosecond I remember “I win or I learn, but I never lose,” I begin to regain sanity and perspective. Something good will (eventually) come out of this shitstorm. Something that’ll help me grow and do better next time.

  Failure as a concept is incredibly shortsighted. It’s like watching a movie and stopping in the middle because the characters hit conflict. You have no clue where the story ends unless you keep going. This is true on the big screen and true for the ever-unfolding adventure of your life. Unless you’re dead and reading this from the other side, you have no idea where this is all heading.

  Right now, think about your past failures—projects that went nowhere, or times you crashed and burned. Relationships that took an unexpected left turn. Words, actions, or decisions that blew up. As painful as those memories may be, isn’t it also true that, in the process, you learned something? Didn’t you gain insight, understanding, or valuable experience? Haven’t some of your setbacks or failures actually been redirects that guided you to a higher path?

  One of the best insights on failure came from a MarieTV guest, Judge Victoria Pratt. Judge Pratt gained international acclaim for her work reforming the criminal justice system in Newark, New Jersey. Instead of prison sentences, she handed out introspective essay assignments. Her courtroom had so much applause that it was compared to an off-Broadway show. Judge Pratt said to me:

  “Failure is just an event. It is not a characteristic. People can’t be failures.”

  Let that sink in. People can’t be failures. Look. We all make shitty judgment calls. But your flops are events, not permanent character traits. Failure is not who you are.

  YOU are not a failure and can never be one.

  Think about the word “FAIL” like this: it’s a faithful attempt in learning. That’s it. A faithful attempt in learning. It’s nothing to fear and nothing to avoid. From this perspective, failure is not a glitch in your figureoutable journey, it’s a must-have feature. As cliché as it sounds, you can only truly fail if you stop learning and growing.

  INSIGHT TO ACTION CHALLENGE

  You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

  Eleanor Roosevelt

  What’s the worst-worst-worst-case scenario you imagine could happen if you moved ahead on your idea? Is it losing money? Looking stupid? Could you lose your job or business? Disappoint family or loved ones? Your goal is to brain dump and get your deepest fears out of your head and onto the page. Keep going until you hit your fear’s rock bottom. Then ask yourself, “Okay. So what’s the worst thing possible if that happened?” Push yourself until you get to the basement of your fear.

  Take a look at what you’ve written. How likely do you think it is that this full-blown nightmare will occur? On a scale from one to ten—one being not at all likely and ten being guaranteed—how probable is this?

  Now write out the exact steps you’d take to recover and rebuild if the worst of the worst did in fact happen. If you had to, how would you get back on your feet?

  Flip the script. What’s the best-case scenario? What are all the possible payoffs—the upsides—that could come from moving ahead? Write down as many as you can.

  Explore fear as your GPS. Get curious and listen to your fear. What helpful, positive signal might fear be sending? What productive message is she attempting to communicate? What is she directing you toward?

  Leverage your language. If saying that you feel terrified, stressed, afraid, anxious, or nervous tends to get you frozen or overwhelmed, rename it. Borrow “shooshie” or “nooney,” or come up with your own new word. (Hint: Strive for something that sounds ridiculous.)

  Think about a specific time you “failed” (or more accurately, made a faithful attempt in learning). Mine the gold from it. What are three good things that came from it? What lessons did you learn? What valuable understanding do you now have that you wouldn’t have otherwise?

  Bonus Material

  Fear is a sprawling subject. We’ve got dozens of free MarieTV episodes and podcasts that touch upon all flavors of fear including: the fear of success, the fear of public speaking, the fear of money, the fear of self-promotion, the fear of being a fraud, the fear that you’re just not good enough, etc. Find them at MarieForleo.com/MarieTV.

  Figureoutable Field Notes

  She used everything is figureoutable to leave an abusive relationship—with two kids and no backup plan. She broke a toxic cycle and is rebuilding her life, one smart step at a time.

  I left my abusive marriage after twenty years. Honestly, Marie, I was psychologically paralyzed during this marriage. The level of abuse b
rought me to the point where I believed I simply was not strong enough to leave.

  Your calm approach to chaos is one of the main concepts that allowed me to know that, while I didn’t know what was on the other side of leaving, I knew I could “figure it out.” With my two children in tow, I left with their keepsakes, my education, my career, my dignity, and my dying car. I am figuring it out, one day at a time. And now my children are witnessing how to break a toxic cycle.

  Thank you, Marie. Truly, everything is figureoutable. Even the things I believed were impossible. Listening to you, and how you approach life, made me see that I could take one step (in this case, a plan to be financially stable on my own), and then another (obtaining a competent attorney and an escape plan). Then, I took action.

  The end result is that I’m away from that horrible situation, my children are on a better path to understanding that preserving one’s sense of self and integrity far outweighs the public perception of perfection, and I am now building a solid reputation in my career.

  —JESSICA

  MISSOURI