Stag and the Ash (The Rowan Harbor Cycle Book 5)

by Sam Burns

Joshua snorted, but he hit the mute button on some woman who looked like she was having a breakdown over a haircut. Jesse hoped she didn’t hurt herself. That was why he didn’t watch reality shows: too stressful. Poor lady.

  “Let me guess, that teacher wants you to ask me to rethink the college thing?”

  “Who, Mrs. Cormier? No, she hasn’t talked to me about you guys. You’re all adults—you get to make those decisions for yourselves.” Jesse shook his head and tried not to be distracted by the bright colors and movement on the TV, but it was hard. “If you don’t want to go to college, that’s whatever. Your call.”

  Joshua looked startled, eyes wide, like he’d never heard anyone say such a thing before.

  “You do have to decide what you’re going to do with yourself, but that’s your choice. Lots of places in town that would be willing to take you on as an employee.” He waved in the general direction of town as though that demonstrated his point. “I can help if you want. I’m more worried about the moon coming up.”

  “You afraid I’m going to freak out and lose control?”

  “Man, no.” Jesse huffed in frustration and frowned at him. He hated to quote his mother, but she’d been right. “You need to stop getting your information from werewolf movies. Being a werewolf is nothing like that. You aren’t going to lose control.”

  “Mr. Blake did.”

  There it was—the root of Joshua’s fear. Jesse would have been relieved at the realization if it hadn’t been so sad. “That wasn’t about him being a werewolf, Joshua—”

  “Josh.”

  “Josh. It was about him. People lose control of themselves sometimes. This is the same. He—” Jesse stopped and listened. Anthony was upstairs in the room he shared with Josh, listening to music through headphones. Madison was at work. He didn’t think either of them needed to hear about their father’s failings. They were both hyperaware of them already. He turned back to Josh. “He had a mental breakdown, man. It wasn’t a wolf thing, it was a grief and mental illness thing. I wish he’d gotten help instead of biting you, but you’ve got to know that isn’t normal behavior.”

  “How?” Josh asked.

  It was an excellent question. How would Josh know that, and if he didn’t, why would he trust a werewolf to tell him the truth?

  Jesse sat back against the arm of the couch and tried to decide how to explain. He couldn’t say he personally had never killed anyone. Or that he’d never lost control of himself. He was sure those were Jesse failings and not wolf failings, but that wouldn’t mean anything to Josh.

  “I’ve lived in this town for thirty years,” he finally said. “My whole life. And not once, in those years, has anyone bitten a person to make them a werewolf.”

  “How do you know? Do they all talk about how they became werewolves?”

  “We don’t have to, Josh. You’re the first person I’ve ever met who was bitten. I know the theory on how to bite someone and make them a wolf, but I’ve never done it. Part of me always wondered if it was a myth.” He drew his legs up in front of him and crossed them. “Every single werewolf in Rowan Harbor was born a werewolf, except you.”

  Josh looked confused. “How to bite someone to make them a werewolf?”

  As much as he didn’t want to go into the science, if only because his knowledge was lacking, he supposed it was inevitable. “If someone with the measles bites you, you’re not automatically going to get the measles. Did you get sick after being bitten? That would have been your body trying to fight it off. There are ways to make certain the bite takes.”

  Josh nodded, brows drawn together in confusion. “Are you saying it’s a sickness? I’m, like, infected?”

  “Not the term I’d use, but I guess you could call it that. The point is that, hell, Josh, it’s so rare that I don’t have words to describe it. It’s not a thing we do.” He fell back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. “My grandmother lost her mate and didn’t bite anyone. I got in a fistfight with an abusive asshole ex and didn’t bite him.”

  Thank fuck for that. Imagining Charles as a werewolf was a nightmare. Jesse realized he’d just told a near-stranger about Charles. He looked up and was relieved to find no judgement or anger in Josh’s expression. He was gnawing on his lip, head cocked and eyes unfocused, deep in thought.

  “Was it another werewolf? Your, um, boyfriend?” Josh asked.

  Jesse shook his head. “No, he was human. I’ve never dated a werewolf.”

  “But you didn’t want to bite him?”

  He couldn’t help his snort at that. “No. He was a manipulative bastard, and the last person I’d want to become a wolf. But you mean my control, like ‘did I have the urge to bite him,’ right? No to that, too.” He breathed deep, then made a point of meeting Josh’s eyes. “I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t grow a little claw and fang when he pulled a knife on me, but I never would have bitten him, much less with intent to turn.”

  “I suppose now you’re gonna tell me being a werewolf is a gift?”

  That was an odd idea. Jesse wasn’t a philosopher; he hadn’t ever put much thought into what it meant to be a werewolf. “I, um, don’t know? I’ve never been anything but a werewolf, and I’ve never bitten anyone. I like being a wolf, and I’m not ashamed of it, but I don’t know if I’d call it a gift. It just—is. Does that make sense?”

  Instead of looking reassured, Josh looked even more bothered, and his words were more confusing than his expression. “Yeah. Yeah it does.”

  “Were you fighting with Mr. Blake?” he asked, trying to get the conversation back on track. It was all he could think of as a reason for Josh to assume that the bite sprung from violence.

  Surprising him, Josh shook his head. “No. I was staying over at the Blake’s. I snuck out to the kitchen to grab a drink, and his dad cornered me. Said I was too breakable, and he had to protect me because I was important to Anthony.”

  “It sounds like he was a sick man,” Jesse said. He wasn’t sure whether to be more sad or angry toward the dead werewolf. He’d been put in a terrible position, but he’d also completely failed his children and their friend. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry he bit you without your permission. I’d kick his ass for you if I could.”

  Josh gave a tiny smile at that. “Thanks. I’d like to have seen that. I think you coulda taken him.”

  When he leaned in and gave Jesse a hug, it couldn’t have shocked him any more than it did.

  “I’m gonna go for a walk, if that’s okay,” Josh said.

  Jesse waved him off. “Knock yourself out.”

  Once Josh left, Jesse sat there staring at the spot where he had been sitting. Nausea pooled in his belly, and he couldn’t put a finger on why. The talk had gone well, and Josh had been mostly receptive. So why did Jesse feel cornered and frightened and angry?

  Then the ghost of a scent hit his nose, and he took a minute to understand what he was smelling. It was Josh’s cologne, and it had been almost undetectable, even up close. It was also the same ubiquitous drugstore brand Charles had always worn; that a million frat boys across the country wore.

  Jesse shuddered.

  He’d have to get the kid better cologne if he was going to be staying. He caught sight of the tiny bouquet of lilacs, sitting on a table in front of the window. He stood and went to pick them up, took a deep, refreshing sniff of them, and his whole body relaxed. It was like the scent of Sean, all dirt and sun and flowers. It was perfect.

  He watched Josh head down toward the forest jogging trail and hoped that whatever he decided to do with his life, it worked out for him. The poor kid had been dealt a crappy hand, and he deserved better.

  6

  A Night to Remember

  The next day was quiet, at least for Jesse. He had collected information from a few of the shops he worked with, and spent his day sitting in bed, trying to catch up on some of what he’d missed.

  Downstairs, the kids watched television, chatted about their plans, and were generally uno
btrusive. He was sure it helped that Sean hung out downstairs with them and answered any questions they had. It felt like he suspected being a parent would; hoping his partner could handle any issues while he tried to catch up on work missed because of his own turn taking care of the kids.

  The idea that Sean wanted kids terrified him. He hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about kids, other than “thank goodness I don’t have any, since I’m barely capable of caring for myself.” The treehouse and squirrels were a lot easier to think about.

  It wasn’t until the sun was shining through the bedroom windows to indicate late afternoon that he decided he’d done enough. He hadn’t, really, but he needed to stop sitting down for a while, anyway.

  Sean and the kids were watching some action flick that he’d either seen before, or he’d seen so many like it that he might as well have.

  With a bright, guileless smile, Sean patted the spot next to him on the loveseat. “Come watch some guy blow things up with us.”

  “Some guy,” Jesse asked. “You’ve been here the whole time, and you don’t know his name?”

  “Not sure they gave it,” Anthony said without looking away from the screen. “It doesn’t seem to be important.”

  So Jesse joined Sean on the loveseat, and they snuggled up to watch the movie and then its sequel—at the end of which he still wasn’t sure of the main character’s name—before they turned to talk of dinner.

  Madison was getting uncomfortable with being taken care of, but she wasn’t going to get a paycheck for a while—Jesse knew; he filled them out for Hana—so she decided that she and the boys needed to take up more duties in the kitchen. Jesse wasn’t going to complain about not having to cook, so he accepted the suggestion with a smile and another, “Whatever works best for you guys.”

  The three of them trooped off to the kitchen. Jesse was not jealous of trying to fit that many people in there to work at once. Indeed, after a few minutes, Josh was shunted back out with a suggestion from Madison that he set the table.

  He shot Jesse a sheepish grin and shrug from the hallway. “Guess I’m in the way.”

  “Story of my life, man. I feel you.”

  “You’re never in the way,” Sean protested, pulling him in tight.

  Jesse leaned on him. “Best part of living with you. At Mom and Dad’s, I always felt like I was bothering them. You don’t let me feel like that even when I am in your way.”

  “Maybe I like when you’re in my way.” Sean kissed him, so he kissed Sean back, chaste little pecks on the lips passed back and forth half a dozen times. Jesse felt a little self-conscious about it because of the kids in the other room, but they were adults, and they could live with seeing two other adults kissing a little.

  In fact, when Madison came to summon them to dinner some time later and found them cuddling, he could almost see her with little emoji heart eyes, the way she looked at them. That was kind of weird.

  “So,” Madison said almost as soon as everyone had their dinner, “I’ve been thinking about the future.”

  Anthony snorted. “I’ll bet. Planning a wedding yet?” He’d been pleased to see his sister with Andrei, but it wasn’t hard to tell that he was also nervous about further upheaval to his life. He’d lost enough, and he was worried about losing his sister.

  She rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t be silly. We’ve been on, like, one date. I was thinking more about the three of us getting an apartment.” She turned to Jesse. “There are apartments in town, right? Would someplace rent to me, even though I don’t have any credit?”

  “As it happens, I’ve been thinking about that too. And I’m pretty sure there’s at least one guy in town who’d be happy to rent a place to you.” Sean quirked a brow at him knowingly, and Jesse shrugged.

  The kids didn’t seem to catch on, and Madison was off in her own little financial crisis.

  “I’m not sure if we could afford anything fancy. Could we get a one-bedroom place, maybe? I could see if I can find another job here in town, and—”

  “You’ll be fine,” Jesse told her. “Though I don’t think it’s legal for three people to rent a one bedroom—think the limit is two. But there’s a two-bedroom place that would be perfect for you.”

  She looked dubious but waited for him to continue.

  Jesse held out his hands to indicate the surrounding room.

  “One of these houses is for sale? I don’t think they’d let me buy a house, no matter how nice—”

  “Jesse’s going to be moving into my house,” Sean interrupted. “So it only makes sense that he lease this place to you guys. I mean, you’re already here.”

  Madison stared at him, then at Jesse. “You must be paying way more for this place than I can afford.”

  “You’d be surprised, but I’m not worried about it either way. We’ll set up a lease agreement. The mayor’s older daughter sold me the place. She’ll help us set something up. If you decide to stay, maybe you’ll want to buy it eventually.”

  “Dude,” Josh whispered. “You’re giving us your house? I mean, I know it’s not really giving, but you know we’ll only be able to pay you peanuts for rent.”

  Jesse shrugged it off. “I do okay for myself. I can handle it. Plus it’s part of my job to help pack, and if you guys are staying in Rowan Harbor, that will make you pack.”

  Madison cried into her napkin, nodding at Jesse but not meeting his eyes. Jesse was worried the others were going to cry too, so he decided that a hasty exit was in order. “I’d better get back to catching up on my accounts. You guys enjoy the rest of your dinner.”

  “You don’t want to take it with you?” Josh asked. He was staring at Jesse’s half-finished plate, biting his lip.

  “All yours, man. Even if I wanted to, Sean would kick my ass for getting tomato sauce on the bed, and I surely would. It was good, guys, thanks for cooking.” He wiped his face and set his napkin on the table, then stood and made his way upstairs as fast as he could manage without looking like he was running away.

  Sure, he failed, but at least he tried his best, right?

  Contrary to what he’d said, Jesse didn’t get back to work. Instead, he fell asleep almost as soon as he sat down, which he supposed was one of the dangers of working in bed. He didn’t wake until he felt Sean sit down next to him.

  “Jess?” Sean asked, and his voice was oddly concerned.

  Jesse tried to open his eyes and see what was wrong, but it turned out what was wrong was him. The overhead light burned his eyes. Everything was too bright, the colors nauseatingly oversaturated. Sean’s soft blue eyes stood out like a neon sign, almost glowing. The whole room seemed to ripple and sway around him, like it was made of Jell-O and there was a strong wind.

  He opened his mouth to try to answer, but had to clamp it shut again when his gag reflex triggered. He ran for the attached bathroom, stumbling and falling to his knees before he reached the toilet, forced to crawl the rest of the way and barely managing to hang his head over the bowl before losing every bit of his dinner.

  And so much blood.

  “Oh my god,” Sean whispered from above him. For a second, he stood there staring. Then he leapt into action. He ran out of the room, then back in, phone in hand as he dialed. While the phone rang, he ran cold water on a washcloth and held it to the back of Jesse’s neck. It felt like bliss, but only for a second, after which it became too cold, freezing his brain and convincing him his whole body was encased in ice.

  Jesse couldn’t make sense of the voice on the other end of the line when it answered. He thought it was a man, but that didn’t make sense, did it? The doctor was a woman. But she didn’t work at night.

  Oh gods, was he going to die because Doctor Jha couldn’t be found?

  It didn’t make sense. He’d thrown up a scant handful of times in his life, the majority of them when he’d had too much to drink and his stomach had rebelled against him. That had never been like this.

  “—but can he come here?” Sean was asking
. “Dad, we need—I don’t know, but I need help. I can’t get him to the clinic, not like this.”

  “Dad?” Jesse asked, and his voice was raw and scratchy. “Want Dad too.”

  It was only after the words left his mouth that he realized Sean was talking about his father, not Jesse’s. Of course that was who he would call in an emergency. Not the most sensible option, but not the least, either. Plus Frank practically lived with one of their local ER nurses a block away from Jesse’s house, so maybe it was the most sensible option.

  He didn’t have time to ask if Nurse Lane could come before his stomach heaved again, and his eyes blurred from the tears that came unbidden. It felt like his body was determined to send up not just dinner, but everything he’d eaten in his life.

  And more blood. Jesse hoped it looked like more than it was. He wasn’t sure how much blood he had, but he liked it on the inside, where it belonged.

  It was interminable, the retching, and when it stopped again, he realized that Sean was wiping his sweating neck and forehead with the cool rag. It helped for longer this time because everything was so hot. Then he heard his father’s voice in his ear. “—be okay, Jess. Everything’s gonna be okay. Sean’s got the nurse on the way, and your mother and I are coming too. We’ll figure it out, okay, kiddo?”

  “Dad?” Oh hell, he was crying. “I love you.”

  “We all love you too. So much. But everything’s gonna be fine, all right? You got that? No checking out on us. You haven’t seen the front-porch swing I’m making as a wedding present for you and Sean. It’s my best work. Finest thing I’ve ever made, and you’ve got to use it, right?”

  “Okay, Dad,” he sniffled. Irrationally, he thought of the tiny sapling he hadn’t moved from the window right in front of the house. “Is it oak? My new friend might get offended.”

  “It’s ash. Like those trees in the backyard you and Wade used to hide in, remember?”

  “I remember.” They’d spent almost all of their time out there between Wade learning to walk and Jesse starting the sixth grade. He and Wade had drifted apart when Jesse had left elementary school three years before Wade, and they hadn’t been in the same school again until Jesse was a senior in high school who was much too cool to hang out with his freshman brother.