Dork Diaries Book 6: Tales From a Not-So-Happy Heartbreaker

by Rachel Renée Russell

  But the most humiliating thing is that everyone thinks I plastered those hideous posters around the school because I WANT to be voted Sweetheart Princess.

  When in reality, I DIDN’T put up the posters! And I DON’T want to be voted Sweetheart Princess! Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t mind all that much if it actually happened.

  But come on! I’m the biggest loser in the entire school. Like, WHO would even vote for me?!

  And even if there WAS the possibility of gettinK0RS8">“

  WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19

  Today in swim class we had a skills test on diving.

  “Now, class, the object of this skills test is to measure your ability to dive AND retrieve the objects from the bottom of the pool as quickly as possible,” our teacher explained. “You’ll be diving for seven plastic rings.”

  Come on! What going to the Sweetheart Dance with Brandony c over the ’s the point? What are we training for? A dolphin show or something?! Why doesn’t the teacher just sell tickets to see us perform and throw us fish as a reward when we do a good job? I’m just sayin’!

  But get this! I couldn’t believe there was no ambulance or some elite emergency team here to rescue us.

  You know, like the ones you always see on the sidelines at our football games.

  Didn’t it dawn on our teacher that we might need CPR or maybe even oxygen?

  Or how about one of those supersized rescue-hook thingies to pull us out of the water in the event of an emergency?

  MacKenzie was next in line to take her skills test. When the teacher yelled “DIVE!” MacKenzie dove into the pool, barely making a splash. Within seconds she had scooped up all of the rings and was back out of the pool with the fastest time in the entire class.

  She waved and blew kisses to everyone like she had just won a gold medal in the Olympics or something.

  That girl is so VAIN!

  However, I was not the least bit intimidated.

  Dad had purchased everything I needed for my skills test from a yard sale last summer . . . .

  ME, READY TO DIVE IN MY SCUBA GEAR

  Anyway, when my teacher hollered “DIVE!” I jumped in and grabbed all the rings in record time. Even faster than MacKenzie!

  My gym teacher congratulated me on my remarkable performance. But then she got an attitude about the whole thing and gave me a . . .

  big fat D !

  I was so DISGUSTED!

  “Sorry, Miss Maxwell,” my teacher said. “But you’re diving for plastic rings, NOT sunken tlp me rip the

  THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20

  I’m really starting to worry about my grade in swimming. If I get lower than a C as a final grade, my teacher will request a meeting with my parents.

  OMG! What if I end up losing my bug extermination scholarship and can’t attend this school any longer?

  And as if I don’t already have enough problems, I noticed Brandon staring at me in the halls today. He actually tried to talk to me in bio, but I totally ignored him.

  AGAIN!

  But then things got even weirder!

  I was working in the library and minding my own business, and guess who just popped in like he owned the place or something??!!

  BRANDON !!

  I know! I couldn’t believe it either!

  Anyway, he asked if he could talk to me, and I said yes, but right then I was really busy putting away books.

  Then he said, “Well, I’ll help you put them away, and then we can talk while we’re working.”

  And I said, “Actually, you CAN’T help me because you don’t know where the books are supposed to go on the shelves.”

  That’s when he suggested that HE could help by handing ME the books so I could place them on the shelves.

  He was being very nice, sweet, and helpful, and getting on my LAST nerve all at the same time!

  So he was handing me books, and I was putting them on the shelves.

  Which made me SUPERnervous because he kept kind of . . . staring at me.

  BRANDON KIND OF STARES AT ME WHILE WE’RE PUTTING AWAY LIBRARY BOOKS.

  Finally he cleared his throat. “Nikki, I just wanted to let you know that I felt really bad about you getting in trouble in bio for trying to do something nice for me.”

  “Like I said before, it wasn’t that big of a deal!”

  “Well, it was to ME. So I want to do something nice for you.”

  “Actually, that’s not necessary. It was just a stupid card!”

  “I don’t think it was stupid.” at myself in the mirror. grabbed diMom

  “Well, I do!” I shot back.

  Brandon stared at the floor. “Anyway, I thought maybe we could hang out at Crazy Burger this Saturday. I know the last time I mentioned it, you said you didn’t want to go because you were SUPERbusy!”

  I could not believe he actually said that to me!

  Not the part about hanging out at Crazy Burger. But that part about me NOT wanting to go to Crazy Burger because I was SUPERbusy.

  “WHAAAT?! No way! Brandon, YOU said you couldn’t go to Crazy Burger because YOU were SUPERbusy!”

  “HUH?! No, Nikki! YOU told ME you were too busy and couldn’t go. It was at your locker. I wanted to go, but that Saturday and Sunday didn’t work out.”

  “Actually, you kind of stood me up,” I said.

  “No, I didn’t. When I tried to explain what happened, you shut me down.”

  “That’s NOT what happened. I was trying to talk to YOU, and you just walked away!”

  Lately, whenever we tried to have a conversation, we ended up fighting. Brandon and I just stared at each other in frustration . . . .

  For some strange reason, we were having major communication problems.

  I knew in my guterh" aid="LTSV

  FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 21

  I’m still so excited about Crazy Burger that I barely got any sleep last night.

  Of course I couldn’t wait to see Brandon in bio.

  SQUEEE !

  We blushed, smiled, and made goo-goo eyes the ENTIRE hour. I could see MacKenzie and Jessica staring at us and whispering like crazy. But I didn’t care.

  To be honest, I don’t remember a single word my teacher said about today’s lesson. But it was the BEST. CLASS. EVER!

  I’m SO happy Brandon and I are FINALLY getting along again. I just hope spending time together at Crazy Burger will help strengthen our friendship.

  But right now my immediate problem is that I don’t have the slightest idea what to wear on our first date.

  I don’t want my outfit to be too dressy, but not too casual, either. It needs to be . . . PERFECT!

  I just stood there staring inside my closet for what seemed like FOREVER! But unfortunately, I didn’t see anything that was PERFECT !

  SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22

  OMG! Today’s the big day! Brandon and I have a date at Crazy Burger in just a few hours!!

  SQUEEE !

  By the time I showered, did my hair, and got dressed, it was 6:15 p.m. and time for my mom to drive me to the restaurant.

  I was a nervous wreck!

  I had sat next to Brandon in bio, like, forever. But the thought of sitting next to him at Crazy Burger was more scary than those Friday the 13th movies that my parents refused to let me watch.

  “Hi, Nikki!” he said, smiling. “It’s cool that we’re FINALLY getting to hang out here.”

  I quickly checked behind me just to make sure he wasn’t talking to someone else named Nikki.

  “Hi, Brandon!” I said, blushing profusely.

  For the next five minutes, we just sat there nervously sipping our sodas and staring at each other with these big, dorky grins plastered across our faces. It was SO romantic! Well, kind of.

  It felt like the butterflies in my stomach were having a big party. And some of them must have flown up to my brain, because I could barely think straight.

  Brandon seemed more quiet than usual too.

  Then I picked up the paper thingy from my straw and st
arted wrapping it around and around my finger while I tried to think of something funny, witty, or interesting to say. I came up with . . .

  “Hmm, I wonder what stuff is in that ketchup?”

  That’s when Brandon picked up the ketchup bottle and started reading off all of the ingredients. “Well, it says tomato concentrate, distilled vinegar, corn syrup, salt, spice, onion powder, and other ingredients.”

  I grabbed a piece of the straw paper thingy and made a giant spit wad and shot it right out of my straw, and it landed on the/p>

  SMACK!

  Brandon was surprised that I knew how to make spit wads.

  Then he took a few sips of his soda.

  But when his straw made those loud slurpy noises, like SKURR-SKURR, he coughed nervously and almost knocked over his glass.

  Then we stared at each other some more. Next I took the salt shaker and poured salt into my hand and made these little miniature mountains while Brandon watched.

  Suddenly his stomach started making these loud grumbling sounds, probably because he was hungry or something.

  “OMG! Brandon, your stomach sounds just like a jet engine!” I teased. You should have seen the look on his face. I thought he was going to DIE of embarrassment!

  Then, finally, our burgers came . . . !

  OMG! They were crazy delicious! Soon our nervous jitters went away and we actually had an intelligent conversation.

  He gave me an update on Fuzzy Friends, his work for the school newspaper, and his photography projects.

  I told him about losing a hair chunk at Salon Brianna, Mrs. Wallabanger’s grandson, and the horrors of swim class.

  We both laughed until our sides hurt. It was amazing how Brandon was just so . . .

  FUNNY and NICE!

  Then things got SUPERserious. He said he felt awful when he heard that someone had plastered those crazy posters of me around the school. He said he’s ALLERGIC to mean people!

  We both agreed that MacKenzie was probably behind it.

  I really wanted to ask him if he had any idea how she’d gotten her hands on that photo since Brianna had only e-mailed it to Chloe, Zoey, and him.

  But I was sure he would have been highly insulted and disappointed that I’d accuse him of helping MacKenzie pull a nasty prank like that. So I decided NOT to mention it right then.

  Somehow, we ended up talking about the Sweetheart Dance.

  “So, are you going?” I asked.

  “No. But I would if the right person asked me.”

  “Does that mean the wrong person asked you?”

  “Yeah, MacKenzie actually came to my birthday party and asked me. But I told her no. Since then she’s been hanging around, trying to get me to change my mind. She even offered to have her dad make a sizable donation to Fuzzy Friends if I’d go with her. Hey, we need the money badly, but . . .” His voice trailed off.

  I started playing with the straw paper thingy again as my mind raced.

  So MacKenzie had asked Brandon to the dance?!

  And he turned her down?!

  I was SUPERhappy AND relieved to hear that news.

  Now I could ask him to the dance!

  If I could just muster up the courage.

  “Well, maybe someone else wants to ask you but she’s afraid you might say no,” I said, blushing.

  “Really?!” Brandon blinked in surprise. “Actually, I’d probably . . . no, definitely say YES! Like, IF she actually at myself in the mirror.B8t rsasked,” he said, staring at me.

  That was my cue!

  Brandon was basically asking ME to ask HIM to the dance!

  “Well . . . um, about the dance. I wanted to ask you . . . if you . . . um, think, er . . . WE . . . will have another BLIZZARD?! We got a whopping nine inches of snow last time!” I babbled like an idiot.

  STRIKE ONE!

  Brandon continued to stare at me. “Nope. Do you want to ask me anything else?”

  “Actually, there IS something I’d like to ask.”

  “Okay . . .”

  “So, would you . . . like to, um, have DESSERT??!! I hear the red velvet chocolate cake at this place is to DIE for!”

  Brandon smiled and nodded his head. “Sure, Nikki! That sounds great!”

  I wanted to kick myself. STRIKE TWO!!

  “Um, Brandon, there’s j-just one last thing I want to ask you . . .,” I stammered nervously.

  “Wait. Let me guess!” Brandon teased. “You want to know if . . . I want ice cream?”

  “No! Not that!” l replied.

  “Hot fudge on the side, with whipped cream?”

  “NO!” I giggled.

  “I know! Those little sprinkle thingies!”

  “NOOO!” I shouted.

  “Then, WHAT . . . ?!” Brandon asked in mock frustration.

  “I want to know if you’d . . . you know . . . go to the Sweetheart Dance with me!” I blurted out, blushing profusely.

  Suddenly Brandon got this SUPERserious look on his face and started fidgeting with his straw. Okay, now I was really nervous. Maybe asking him was a big mistake.

  “Actually, Nikki, there’s just no way I could—”

  “That’s fine! Really!” I interrupted. “I totally understand. I asked you at the last minute and everything!”

  I gave him a weak smile.

  SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 23

  It’s hard to believe that I’m actually going to the Sweetheart Dance with Brandon.

  SQUEEE !!

  I think Chloe and Zoey are even more excited about it than I am. They’ve already called me a dozen times and I just told them the news an hour ago.

  The dress code is class="noinde

  formal attire, which means girls get to wear floor-length dresses! You know, like Cinderella and all of the Disney Princesses.

  How COOL is THAT?!

  Chloe and Zoey already have their dresses.

  But being the great friends that they are, they agreed to meet ahelp find the perfect one for ME.

  Anyway, I must have tried on fifty dresses . . . .

  But they were either too FRUMPY . . .

  Or too FRILLY!

  Or too FORMAL . . .

  Or too FUNKY!

  We came back from the mall empty-handed.

  Of course I was pretty bummed out.

  It didn’t help matters that we ran into Jessica, and she saw me shopping for a dress. And since she’s MacKenzie’s BFF, that means she’s going to BLAB all of my personal business.

  But the good news is that there are STILL four more shopping days until the dance! at myself in the mirror.?mime=image/jpg" alt="ImagediMom

  I’m pretty SURE I’ll find the perfect dress.

  Somewhere!

  I mean, how HARD could it bet the mall to

  MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24

  Okay, I’m starting to PANIC! Mom said she would take me shopping for a dress on Wednesday. But that’s only two days before the dance!! She said if we can’t find a new dress, I can just use the very ugly silver and seaweed-green bridesmaid dress from my aunt Kim’s wedding.

  Mom, are you KA-RAY-ZEE?! I REFUSE to go to the Sweetheart Dance looking like some kind of MUTANT FISH!

  Sorry, Mom, but this is a formal dance—NOT a COSTUME party!

  Anyway, after dinner I got the sweetest text from Brandon.

  SQUEEE!! I think hanging out at Crazy Burger really helped our friendship.

  *****

  FROM BRANDON:

  Hi Nikki,

  Looking forward 2 going 2 the dance with you. Good luck finding a dress that will actually make you look beautiful!

  7:39 p.m.

  *****

  Wait a minute!! Did he just say . . . ?!

  Now I REALLY need to BURN this DRESS!

  !

  TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25

  Today in gym class we were having timed swim races against each other.

  For some strange reason, whenever I try to swim more than twenty feet, my legs cramp up and get stuck in really weird position
s. I look kind of like one of Brianna’s old Barbie dolls with TWO broken legs. And once my legs are all messed up, I start to panic and rarely make it to the other end of the pool.

  But mostly I was SUPERworried because this race was going to be 50% of our swimming grade !

  Our gym teacher blew her whistle. TWEET, TWEET!! “Next group, please take the starting line!”

  It was finally time for MY race to begin.

  Chloe gave me a big h at myself in the mirror. to the danceh[ug and jazz hands for good luck. Zoey gave me a hug too and recited another of her inspirational quotes, this time from John Lennon . . . .

  “ ‘When you’re drowning, you don’t say “I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,” you just scream!’ ”

  I was like, “Thanks a million for that, Zoey!”

  I think that quote was supposed to encourage me. But quite frankly, it scared the SNOT out of me! You just SCREAM?!! What kind of advice is THAT?!

  Oh! And did I forget to mention that I was swimming against MacKenzie and three CCPs?

  “So, Nikki! I see you’re going to attempt to swim today without your scuba suit or ridiculous floaty toys.” MacKenzie sneered.

  Her friends snickered. I just rolled my eyes at that girl. I wanted to say something. But right then my knees were so shaky I was more worried about accidentally falling face-first into the water before the race even got started.

  Our teacher stood on a podium to begin the race. “Swimmers, take your mark. Get set . . .” TWEET!

  ME, TRYING NOT TO FALL FACE-FIRST INTO THE WATER

  I dove into the water and began swimming frantically.

  Although we had just gotten started, I could already clearly see I was way behind.

  Yep! Dead last! It was so HUMILIATING !

  To make matters worse, I was slowing down and my leg muscles were starting to cramp up.