Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)
Page 36
"I love you too," I panted.
Ethan resumed at a steady pace before giving away to a relentless one that I welcomed. He continued pushing faster and harder. I met each thrust clenching myself even tighter around him before I couldn't hold back any further. He quickly followed once I let go. He released my hands and I wrapped them around him as he buried himself into me.
Ethan brought his head up from my chest and rested next to me on the pillow. We stared at each completely lost in the love that had been between us but never spoken until this evening. I ran my finger along his brow to wipe away a bead of sweat that was about to trickle down. He clutched my hand after I finished. I cuddled into the crook of his shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to be as close to him as possible for as long as he would have me.
~
I awoke the next morning to the blinds open with the sunlight flooding in around me. I went to reach for Ethan but came up with nothing but the cold side of the bed. I sat up in a panic. My chest tightened as I whipped my head around the room. He wasn't in here. I looked around his room for any signs of where he might be but I came up with nothing. I gave up in the bedroom. Against my better judgment, I snooped around the rest of his place but it was empty.
The frail edges of my heart began to splinter at the idea of him leaving me. It was déjà vu and it was close to killing me this time. With each step I took along the cool tiles, my heart began to tear open. The agony seeped into every vein and travelled into every part of my body. My eyes watered on my way back to his bedroom. He had left me. I went into the bathroom to collect my things and get the hell out of here so that I could have the proper meltdown that my body demanded.
I barely made it to the bathroom without falling over. I gripped the sink while hyperventilating to the uncertainty of what this meant. He said he loved me but followed it with a disappearing act. The pain subsided after I let the terror of what this meant for my life. If he betrayed me, Harrison would start executing his threats. I slid to the floor as tears streamed down my face. I should've never told him yet I did because love blinded me again. I crawled over to grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I couldn't be here any longer without it crippling me into the fetal position. I staggered to my feet and over to the vanity to grab the rest of my things. On approach, I caught sight of the envelope on the mirror.
Mia ~
I'm sorry for leaving you alone this morning. I need a little space. It doesn't change my feelings for you but I need to come to terms with the fact that you lied to me. I can't be without you so I'm asking you for time. I need some time to determine our road together. I stress our road. I won't do anything to jeopardize your situation with Harrison. I would never do anything to bring harm to you or your loved ones. You must trust me when I say that but you also need to know that I'm not a man that will let anyone dictate my life. I need to determine why he preyed on you. There is a ticket inside this envelope. I've taken the liberty of planning your weekend for you. I know how much you hate when I do this but believe me when I say that it is for your own good. I don't want you sitting around becoming deranged because I need some time away from you. Bri will meet you at the airport. Appearances need to remain in place so you will return Sunday evening so you can be in the office on Monday morning. I'm not leaving you. I love you. I'm not sure if you believe it as you read this but I hope you give me the benefit of the doubt. I'll be in touch.
Ethan
My hands shook nonstop while reading his letter. My heart twisted with the uncertainty while the rest of my body dealt with the continuous waves of agony shooting out from every direction. As was everything with him from the very beginning, my heart believed he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I believed that he wasn't evil like his counterparts. As my breathing evened, I worked to control the tears that refused to stop. I didn't have a lot of faith in this letter but then he knew me well enough to know it was exactly how I'd feel.
I wanted to curl up on the floor and let the overwhelming ache in my heart win. I managed to find the last shred of strength in my feeble bones to get away from his apartment. I gathered the rest of my things while swiping away the tears that continued to cascade. With each swipe, my wrath surfaced and replaced the ache. On my way out of the door, I opened the envelope and looked at the ticket information. My anger radiated throughout me at even entertaining what he wanted me to do. Curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know where he planned to ship me off to while he ran around doing God knows what as he took his "time".
Hmmm...Now that is one place I can get on board with to disappear to for the weekend. If he wants time, he has it. He just might not have me when he returns.
EPILOGUE
Two months ago I set out on a path with a desperate need to have a plan for my life again. I had experienced unfathomable pain that almost took me out of this world. My body remained but my insides were dead to the world. I hit rock bottom with no direction on what was right or wrong. I stopped caring if my actions could hurt people. In my pursuit to find purpose, I settled on a path that threatened to take the last bit of humane morals within me.
I never believed that one person could shake you to the core until he came along. Ethan turned my world upside down. He breathed life back into me with a love that scorched my soul. In a short amount of time, he stole my heart in every way. He made me realize the depths of deception in my life as well as remember how much I love my friends. Ethan did it all while remaining the biggest mystery I'd ever come across in a person. His soul was pure and the depth of love in his deep brown eyes tugged at my heart even now. They were pushing me to believe in him.
Faith was difficult to give someone that you hardly know especially when it was more than your life on the line. The people I was fortunate enough to give all my faith to were the same people that stood to suffer because of my poor choices. I had a letter asking me to hand over that same faith. It was hard without knowing him. Faith and love were two very different things. It was possible to have one without the other. I learned that today.
Forgiveness was an even harder thing to come to terms with after this year. I didn't deserve to be forgiven for my recent actions. Was it better to forgive and forget? Was it better to keep things buried so that you didn't end up revealing too much of yourself to be betrayed? I didn't have any of those answers. In the loneliness of this hallway, I fell even deeper into the abyss. I welcomed the emptiness that spread throughout me.
The secrets and lies that dictated my life almost made me miss out on a life changing love. Walking away, I wanted to believe in the power of love but my mind was full of doubt. In falling for him, I learned how very dangerous living a lie could be and that secrets do nothing but shatter your world in the end. Ultimately, it now all came down to one question.
Is loving someone with every fiber of your being enough to save you?
COMPLICATED
BY M. M. KOENIG
SYNOPSIS
Mia Ryan has been hiding things from the man who stole her heart as well as the people she loves most in her life. Coming to the realization she can no longer live a lie, she strives to correct her mistakes but sometimes even our best efforts are not enough. Now, she finds herself blackmailed into a position to keep those that she loves dearly safe from her poor decisions.
In the second installment of the Secrets and Lies saga, Mia moves forward on a path against her will. Not one to let things go, she begins to push for answers to the questions that left her so deeply conflicted.
Will she keep her friends safe? Why did Harrison take an interest in her? Why did Micah return? Does she stand a shot at a relationship with Ethan? Will she ever be able to crack the mystery behind the man?
So many questions with even more complicated answers...and no one will ever be the same once she discovers the truth...
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First and foremost, I have to say thank you to Nikki. Mia's story would not have made it to paper if it hadn't been for a good kick in the ass from
you. You've always believed that I could do something like this even when I didn't. You and your family have changed my life beyond measurable words. I will forever be grateful that I kicked that trashcan in your direction our freshman year. Who knew such a simple act would be life changing?
I have to give a huge shout out to my very first reader Teri. Bless your heart for taking this story in its rawest form and reading it and not smacking me over the head with all the errors. Your feedback, suggestions, thoughts, opinions, and support got this book to the finish line. I truly believe that the path life takes us on dictates the people that we meet within our lives. I am so grateful that our paths intersected leading to a wonderful friendship. I have learned so much about life, love, strength, courage, and faith through you.
To my second reader and dear friend, Maureen, thank you so much for everything. As you know, I was absolutely terrified to give you my story. You are a bright, intelligent, and well-read woman so I knew it had to be up to par to put into your hands. The feedback and encouragement you gave me has been invaluable. Most importantly, you gave the untitled book a title that I still absolutely love. I cannot express enough thanks for your support and countless hours of listening to me ramble. It is truly difficult to come up with enough ways to say thank you for all that you did for me on this journey.
To the first part of Sassafrass, Emily, I am truly blessed to call you a friend. You have one of the kindest souls I have ever met. We are alike in so many ways yet different in all the ones that help make me a better person just by knowing you. I cannot thank you enough for listening to me go on about this crazy little idea of writing and giving me your support. Our friendship is one that I will always cherish.
To my first work wife, Amber, I am so grateful that we met each other. You are one of the sweetest, kindest, funniest, and carefree spirits I have encountered and I'm so happy we have remained friends all these years. Thank you for all your thoughts and enthusiasm with this story. It has helped more than you will ever know. The biggest thank you is for giving me the gift that keeps on giving - Marley. He is my every day example of unconditional love.
To my second work wife, Siobhan, I am glad you got over your aversion to me quickly so that we could become the amazing friends that we are now. I have never met anyone that compliments my personality as much as you do. Thank you for being one of my beta readers and boosting up my confidence on the days that I need it and tearing it down on the days I need a reality check.
To my dear friend Sam, thank you so much for taking me into your family. It's rare that we get to meet people that understand exactly what we mean when we tell a story from the past. There are so many things that I've been able to share with you that have helped me heal and for that I am so grateful. You have helped me out so much over the years and a thank you will never be enough. I appreciate everything you have done for me more than you will ever know.
To my counterpart mole at work, Kelly, thank you for keeping me sane at the place that pays the bills. I am so grateful that we met and that we have maintained a friendship with one another even though we never see each other. Your support throughout this adventure of mine has been so important. It's another fine example that life leads you to the people are you supposed to have in your life. I'm thankful our paths crossed.
To the guys at www.ebooklaunch.com, thank you for a cover that I absolutely adore. You patience with me as I requested subtle revisions was much appreciated. I will be returning to you for all my future writing projects as your professionalism and quickness amazed me.
Finally, Jakob, Kade, and Kali, thank you so much for touching my heart in so many ways. There is nothing more wonderful than seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Thank you for inspiring me each and every day with your innocence and brilliance.
The greatest thank you goes to each person that gave this novel a chance. Please know I share your love for a good story. I truly hope that you were entertained and thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking a chance on Mia and me.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo Credit: Amber Eckman
M. M. Koenig, a graduate from the University of Minnesota, has remained in the Twin Cities area with her loving dog Marley. She is a passionate person with many interests. The greatest of those is a good story accompanied by a killer soundtrack.
Complicated, Secrets and Lies Volume II, is due to come out in the spring of 2014. While readers absorb the second installment, she will be back in the writers cave working on the next installment in this saga.
For more information about the Secrets and Lies series or the author, please visit her website http://www.mmkoenig.com.