Guarded Dreams

by L. J. Evans

  After quite a while, she smiled. Whatever she’d written pleased her. She stuck the pencil up into the mess of her bun and tossed the notebook onto the towel at her feet.

  She bounded off the rock and approached Truck who had made the mistake of turning his back on her. She easily stole the football from him, twirled it in her hands as if it was something she did every day, and then tossed it back to him as she moved toward the ocean.

  “Going in. Any of you Hulk wannabes think you can beat me to the buoy and back?”

  She was in the water, striding out toward the buoy with strong, perfect motions like she did everything, before Truck dropped the football and raced after her. Mac was behind him in two breaths. I shook my head. They were going to kill themselves competing over her.

  For some reason, it didn’t bother me the way it had the day before when they’d talked about sleeping with her or even when I’d been up on the deck listening to them on the beach. Maybe it was because, since I’d been on the sand with them, Ava had done nothing but treat them both like two big brothers. I hadn’t seen one moment of connection between her and them like the one that had zipped between us when we touched.

  Which was the problem. Nothing should be between me and a girl who I’d known less than twenty-four hours and who was a bigger danger to my future than anything ever had been in my life. Even my mom’s disapproval of my career choices had never threatened my future in a way this one girl did.

  I followed them into the water but didn’t even bother to join the race. Instead, I dove in, letting the calm waves of the bay drift around me. Once I was far enough out, I took a breath and sunk as far down as I could go with the waves pushing and pulling me.

  I was under there a long time, thinking about my future. Thinking about Ava. Thinking about ways to get her to leave. Suddenly, a pair of muscled girl legs and pink toe-nailed feet landed before me. I pushed off the bottom and came up in front of her, the water spraying off me and all over her.

  “I thought you drowned,” she said as I looked down into her eyes.

  “I told you not to worry,” Truck hollered out at her from the buoy.

  She flipped him the bird without ever taking her eyes off me.

  “You were under there a long time,” she said quietly, eyes taking me in as if she was trying to get underneath my skin and understand every thought that was going on inside me.

  “Training.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Of course. Stupid cadet corps.”

  “Why do you think it’s stupid?” I asked, not quite offended but something close. The Corps was not only my home, it was my future and my past twined together.

  She shrugged. “I don’t, really. I mean, my experience is probably just tainted looking at it through my dad’s eyes.”

  I reached out toward her, and she watched my hand almost like she had last night when I’d reached for the pillow. There was expectation and hesitation and something else in her eyes.

  I pulled out the pencil she’d stuck into her bun. I wasn’t sure how it had survived the water and the swim, but it was still tangled there, and it took me a bit to remove it.

  “I think you might have ruined your pencil.” I handed it to her, and she took it, her eyes still on mine as our fingers collided.

  We stood like that, staring at each other, feeling the tangle of desire that was floating around us in almost the same way as the ocean was ebbing back and forth around our waists.

  “You’re different from the rest,” she said quietly, eyes never leaving my face. Most people couldn’t maintain eye contact for that long. With Ava, it was like she purposefully extended every look, waiting for something in yours. It was intense and freeing at the same time.

  “Nope. I’m just the same,” I told her truthfully. Just another cadet. Just another guy trying to get ahead in this crazy world.

  Her pink lips turned up at the corners. One of the corners always tucked deeper into her cheek when she smiled like this. It was the reason I wanted to touch it. It was on the same side as her muddy green eye. Like they belonged together.

  She turned away and started walking through the waves toward the shore. “Keep telling yourself that, Mr. Grumpy.”

  I watched her as she made her way to the sand, untangling the bun on her head, shaking it out, her body and curves moving with the motion. She gathered all her belongings and headed up the path to the house.

  Mac Truck joined me. We were all watching her again. It was like a repeat motion from every time she left us.

  “She’s gonna give some guy a serious heart attack someday,” Mac said. I heard the tone in his voice with relief. He’d already thrown in the towel. If a girl was too much work, it was never Mac’s thing. He wanted quick, easy, and painless. He wanted to be in and done.

  Truck smacked me on the back of the head, Gibbs style. We all did it to each other. It was one of our things. “I think Captain Prude might just be having his own heart attack over her.”

  I rolled my eyes and slammed my fist into his shoulder, causing him to stumble in the water. But he was laughing and smiling. He’d thrown in the towel, too. Maybe because he could see the attraction that I felt and knew that I rarely got that way over a girl.

  Truthfully, though, I’d never thrown my hand into the game. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.

  Chapter Four

  Ava

  GROOVY LITTLE SUMMER SONG

  “One that we can dance to

  Start a big romance to

  Make it pretty simple so we all can sing along.”

  —Performed by James Otto

  —Written by Otto / Chamberlain / Anderson

  By the time the three guys made it back to the house, I had my country music blaring from the speakers again, and the place smelled like tacos. I had made dinner for everyone out of the supplies they’d bought the day before. I even had a pitcher of margaritas sitting ready on the counter.

  It was probably a little presumptuous, but I meant it as a peace offering, hoping they’d not use their muscles to throw me out of my own house.

  “Do you clean, too?” Mac asked with his normal snark, and I responded with a finger just like I had earlier. Seemed to have become our thing over the course of twenty-four hours. It felt strange that I’d only been with them that long. In some ways, I was as comfortable with the three of them as I was with Jenna. That was unusual. The only time I was usually comfortable with people was when I was onstage.

  We all made plates of food and went out to the deck again. I took the same spot on the table top as I had the day before. Most sane people would be pissed that my feet were on the table near their food, but none of the boys even made a comment. In fact, Eli seemed engrossed by my toes with their chipped nail polish from my time in the sand and the sea.

  We ate quietly again. It was weird and not weird. I finally broke the silence.

  “Who does the truck belong to?”

  “It’s just a rental,” Eli responded with a shrug.

  I took him in, surprised. He didn’t look old enough to be able to rent a car. “You’re twenty-five?”

  He shook his head. “Nah, I’m only twenty-two. I just have connections at the rental car company.”

  “Interesting,” was all I could respond because it was. Who was his connection? Why would they let someone who was not old enough rent a truck? What other rules did they break for him? My guess was that it was someone of the female persuasion, because I’d bet he could get a lot of women to break rules for him. He made me want to break my own rules. But he didn’t seem like the rule-breaking type.

  “Why do you ask?” His eyes lifted to mine, and I got lost in them a little. The wheatlike hazel had turned dark, like whiskey filtering through a gorgeous bottle. He was like the alcohol—strong and bitter but gorgeous.

  I pulled myself back from his eyes and back to the truck. “I need a ride into town, but if you have plans, I can Lyft it.”

  �
��You going out drinking again?” he asked, and I couldn’t help but smile at the slightly accusatory tone that was there.

  “Why do you care, Dad?”

  He didn’t get a chance to respond, though, because Truck responded for him.

  “Eli owes us a drink at the bar. We can take you.”

  Eli shot him a glare.

  “Cool.” I jumped down. “I’m going to go shower.”

  I headed inside toward the bedroom that Eli had claimed but relinquished to me the night before. Their voices halted me before I got too far.

  “Was that an invitation?” Mac asked.

  “Not for you, asswipe,” Eli snapped back.

  Mac laughed. “For you, Captain Prude? Would you even know what to do with a girl like her?”

  “Not me either, Macauley,” Eli said.

  Mac groaned. “Please. Not that.”

  “It’s at least your name. That shit you call me isn’t anything close to my name.”

  “Am I getting on your nerves, oh Captain, my Captain?”

  “Cut it out, or I’m gonna have to put you in a headlock.”

  I could hear the humor in their voices. The friendship. I just shook my head and continued into the bedroom.

  I had showered, changed, and was putting on a coat of lip gloss that I rarely wore when Eli finally made it into the bedroom. I knew he wouldn’t be able to put it off forever, because his things were there.

  I was sitting on the bed in my shorts, a pair of cowboy boots, and a slouchy top with a tank underneath. If the top ended up bugging me enough when I played tonight, I’d just lose it for the tank.

  I’d left my hair loose, too. It was more likely to irritate me than the top would. For now, I let the curls swing down to the middle of my back, cascading around me in the way that Jenna told me suited me best. I’d never been sold on it completely. Especially when it got tangled between my hands and my guitar strings.

  Eli seemed to appreciate the look, and it made my stomach flip in excitement that I knew I shouldn’t feel. That I didn’t want to feel for a cadet at Dad’s school. I watched him over the handheld mirror I was using as he took in my hair and my outfit and then back to my hair.

  He was both easy and hard to read. Typical guy, responding to typical girl things like hair and boobs, but he never had the same reactions that most of the guys I knew had. My last boyfriend—could I even call him that?— always dragged me onto his lap whenever he saw me with my hair down and shoulder bared, but I was never comfortable in another person’s embrace. It felt awkward and unfamiliar.

  Marco had been okay to fool around with. Not that I ever let it go too far, because I wasn’t going to get all emotional over some guy who would tie me to Galveston—like Jenna and all the girls I knew had gotten completely wrapped up in the guys they’d lost their virginity to. That wasn’t going to be me. I had bigger things in the works. Bigger dreams.

  It did make me think about what it would be like fooling around with Eli, though. If the intensity I felt every time his hands touched me was anything to go by, it would be over-the-top insane. Something I might lose my head over like my friends had. Yet another reason to make sure it didn’t happen.

  “You done in there?” He nodded toward the bathroom.

  “Would it matter?” I quirked back just to get a reaction from him, and I was rewarded with him squinting his eyes in disapproval. I chuckled. “Yes, Mr. Grumpy, it’s all yours.”

  He grabbed his clothes and shut the door behind him. I heard the lock click, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I knew he heard it, but I didn’t care. What did he think? That I was going to go barging in there and leap into the shower with his naked butt? Even though it had looked pretty amazing in his swim trunks. He hadn’t worn the typical baggie swim shorts like so many guys I knew. His had been more like what an athletic swimmer wore. It made me wonder if he did swim at A&M.

  I’d left the bedroom behind and was teasing Mac Truck when Eli came out of the bathroom in a pair of jeans and a tight T-shirt. His T-shirt had the Coast Guard symbol over his heart. It was the same symbol that I’d seen tattooed on his back when he’d been shirtless at the beach. Except the one on his back had some words written around it that I’d been too far away to read.

  It kind of surprised me that he was going into the Coast Guard. At least, that’s what I was guessing. Most cadets from the academy hit up the Navy or the Air Force, trying for the iconic SEALs or NASA astronaut program. Going for glory.

  Applying to the Coast Guard was usually a last option, not a first. It made him stand out even more. It made me want to ask a million questions that I knew he’d never answer. He didn’t share. And I was leaving…tonight. I couldn’t stay and put us all at risk from my father’s reprisals. I just needed the dollars from tonight to be tucked into my new bank account that my dad didn’t know about.

  Mac Truck gave me the front seat while they squeezed into the tiny back seats. I protested, but they just ignored me.

  When we pulled downtown, I directed Eli to the Bay Grill Bar and Bestaurant where I’d left my car the night before after leaving Lacey and Andy. The good thing about having an old, used Honda was that I could pretty much leave it anywhere, and no one bugged it. There wasn’t anything to want from it.

  Mac and Truck headed for the mahogany doors of the bar. Eli swirled the keys around on his fingers while he watched me unlock my car and throw my purse inside. My guitar was tucked into the trunk where I’d left it the night before.

  “Where are you going?” he asked.

  “Does it matter?” I answered and turned to take him in.

  God, he was heartbreakingly gorgeous. And I was definitely starting to see the appeal that Jenna had for tall, dark, and broody.

  “Are you leaving?” It was said without a trace of emotion, but the expression in his eyes didn’t match. There was emotion there. Relief mixed with disappointment.

  “Gonna miss me already?”

  He looked away. Most people looked away. I’d been practicing the long stare for a while now. Ever since I’d read 180 Seconds by Jessica Park. The longer you stared, the more you saw in people. I’d learned a lot that way. But the fact that he looked away, when he hadn’t before, confused me.

  “You know what Dolly says, ‘If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.’ So that’s me. Paving the new road,” I told him.

  “What should we tell your dad?”

  My turn to feel disappointed, and it curled through my gut like too much candy. He just wanted to know how to cover his tracks with my father. The truth was, I didn’t want them getting in trouble because of me, it was part of the reason why I was leaving now instead of at the end of the week. My dad could make life hell for anyone that got on his wrong side; I knew that in the harshest ways possible. I didn’t want that to be them.

  “Tell him whatever you want,” I told him with a shrug and went to get into the car.

  I didn’t hear him move, but then he had a hand on my arm, gently halting me. I was surprised enough that I fell into him again, like I had several times since he’d entered my life.

  He steadied me but didn’t remove his hand. Energy soared around us as thick as the humidity. Sewing us together in a way that was like my notes and lyrics. In a way that had caused me to write a whole song on the beach while he and the boys had played with the football.

  I looked up, and his eyes had darkened again, his almost black eyebrows furrowing together. “Ava, are you okay?”

  My heart stopped.

  Was I okay? When was the last time anyone but Jenna had asked me that? I couldn’t remember. Was I okay? I asked myself that question a lot. I didn’t really have an answer, even for myself. I met his stare. I wouldn’t be the one to look away. Didn’t he know that yet?

  “Why do you ask?” I finally breathed out continuing to watch the movement of his irises as they took me in.

  “Just…you said you were r
unning. And you’re here. And talking about the sea taking you back… and drinking…” His words trailed off as if he wasn’t sure what else to add, but his eyes still remained on mine, the pupils widening slightly, his eyes moving down to my lip-gloss-coated lips and then back to my eyes. I was slightly amazed that he’d listened to the John Kennedy quote I’d thrown out about the ocean. I wasn’t used to anyone really listening to my quotes. Even Jenna flew past them most of the time in our conversations.

  I thought for a moment more before I gave him a response.

  “I’m better than I’ve been in a long time,” I told him. And as I said the words, I realized they were true. I was better than I’d been in years. Because, for the first time, I was free. Free of guilt and expectations and regrets. I was free.

  I think he could see the truth in my eyes. He nodded.

  “Okay,” he said, and he backed away as if it was costing him a lot to do that simple action. He took me in, from head to toe, and a smile hit his lips. A full smile that I hadn’t seen yet. And it was stunning. It changed his whole face. Instead of hard lines and hard expressions, it became this glorious softness. I’d heard the expression before that a smile changed a face, but I’d never seen it until then. On Eli.

  He took a step toward the bar door. “If you need anything, will you call me?”

  The smile was gone again, but there was still a remaining softness lingering in his expression.

  “I don’t have your number, Dad,” I teased. I saw him flinch at the name and wished, immediately, that I hadn’t used it.

  “You do.” He left, entering the building and leaving me stunned.

  I got into the car, pulled my phone out, opened the contacts, and saw, instead of one, two. The first one was called “Girlie” and that was the one that I had entered with Jenna’s number. The other was called “Mr. Grumpy” and had an area code that I didn’t know.