Seeker (Shadows)

by Jolene Perry

  Our small group destroyed an organization that had warped out of control over time. We set people free who had been trapped for hundreds of years, and they somehow spared us our talents in gratitude. We definitely did the right thing.

  “You’re looking very thoughtful for someone who was just hollering as we sped around the Caribbean in his new toy.” She smirks and the way I love her hits me again.

  I either have to do it now or not for a while. I pull the boat to a stop and cut the engine, letting us bob in the small waves.

  It’s one thing to do this as a joke, but another to do it for real. And I’m not even sure why it matters so much. She’s right. We’re young. Way too young to be thinking about this, but I take her hands anyway.

  “Micah.”

  “I think we’ve established that,” she teases.

  “No.” I’m seriously freaking out a bit. “I need you serious for a minute.”

  Her eyes widen as I pull out the very simple ring. A band made of tiny diamonds.

  “You don’t have to marry me tomorrow, Micah. I mean, I’d do it. But…” I push out a breath and decide if I’m doing this, I’m doing it all the way so I get down on one knee, still keeping her hand in mine. “Micah Johnson. I love you like crazy. There is absolutely no other woman in the universe that could make me happy. You complete me.” I wink because I’ve used that line on her before. “Marry me.”

  Her hand starts to shake in mine before she drops to her knees in front of me, and nods.

  “See?” I tease. “That wasn’t so hard.”

  Now my hands are shaking as I slide the ring on her finger.

  Micah’s arms are around me before I can admire how freaking perfect the ring is I picked out.

  “Yes. Of course, yes.” She pulls away slightly. “But you’re telling my dad.”

  I hold her as tightly as I can—pressing us together and it still doesn’t feel close enough. This amazing girl who practically dropped into my backyard and changed my life forever.

  “Here’s to a million more adventures.” I give her a kiss.

  “And a million more after that.” She kisses me back.

  “And more after that.” I kiss her again.

  She pulls back just far enough for me to see her face. “I love you Landon Michaels. You have no idea.”

  This time I throw one of her lines back at her from what feels like lifetimes ago. “I have some.”

  THIRTY-ONE

  Kara

  For the past two weeks, I’ve been staying at a hotel and trying to help in any way I can while hiding myself from Middle Men who might not “react well” to me being at the house. My parents’ words, not mine. Not that I’ve actually spoken to them.

  I’ve been focusing on the task. On the now. On what needs to be done, but things are slowing down. I actually wrote a report on my total failure. The thing is, it wasn’t a failure. It was, but it wasn’t.

  I hate that I know Landon’s group did the right thing. I wanted to be right—it would have meant that the things I grew up with were right—but they weren’t. My world feels shattered, like I’m floating without direction or anything to ground me. I wish beyond anything that setting the shadows free hadn’t happened the way it did, but looking at it all now that it’s over, I’m finally starting to understand. I wish beyond anything to go back in time and tell myself that Landon’s right. That he knows what he’s doing, but I can’t. I don’t get that second chance. Right now I need to figure out who I am outside of being a Seeker.

  I kick my feet in the shallow hotel pool, enjoying the cool water moving between my toes. Without conscious thought, I flip my phone open again to see Ocean’s text.

  I miss you. I want to talk. I want to see you. As soon as you’re ready, tell me and I’ll be there.

  I leave the text on my screen as I think about how completely I’ve lost everything. How my whole life was sort of shattered, and I don’t want to go to him just because I have nowhere else to be.

  “Just go, Kara.” Samson rests an arm over my shoulders. Startling me.

  “What are you doing here? And what are you talking about?” I shove the phone in my pocket.

  “Go get the guy. We both know you want to. We both know your parents are going to be buried in work for so long that there’s no point in sticking around.”

  And because I’m not sure if I even want a relationship with them at this point.

  “So, what will you do?” I ask.

  “I’m moving to San Francisco. I love it there. Gorgeous city. Great school. I’m going to college for something totally useless like art.” He gives me a squeeze. “Which answers another one of your questions in that I’m here because I’m catching a plane.”

  “Art isn’t useless.” I bump him.

  “You know what I mean. Being part of them.” He widens his eyes. “Felt like everything, and I think I missed out on a lot because of that.”

  I know he’s trying to make me feel better, but it doesn’t help. It wasn’t his life in the same way it was mine. It was everything for me, and after the blow of being wrong about the shadows, being outside of that circle when I could have been in, and feeling betrayed by the first guy I’ve let myself really have feelings for…

  “Just go to him, Kara. Go talk to your parents, and then go. You won’t be able to move on until you get that settled.” Even Samson’s freckly face is so serious, and I hate it when I know he’s right.

  I let myself give a dramatic slump and he immediately gives me a smacking kiss on the side of my head. “That’s my girl. Tell me all about it after you talk, okay?”

  “Promise.” I peck his cheek before he turns and walks away.

  “Take care of yourself!” He waves without looking back and I sit next to the pool of my hotel feeling more lost and alone than I ever remember feeling.

  “So…” I stand, uncertain, in the door of Dad’s office. I know they don’t want me here, but I came early in the morning in the hopes of seeing as few people as possible. I’m not sure how many of them are still my friends, and as we all start new lives, I’m wondering how important that is.

  Dad runs his hands over and over his grey hair and stares absently out the window. Almost all our missing people are back from their travels, but not quite all. Dad still isn’t sure what to do with everyone, but energy in the house won’t be a problem anymore and it’s not like they don’t have room.

  MAC has disappeared to who knows where. Licking his wounds probably. I’d stay hidden if my company crumpled.

  “I was thinking of taking off for a while,” I say. My voice shakes because I’m not even sure why I’m here talking to him. He certainly doesn’t deserve it—neither of my parents do.

  Dad sighs and turns to face me. There’s regret in his features, but I don’t know if it’s regret in sending me to do a job he knew was nearly impossible, or regret that he even attempted to use me at all. Or maybe it’s not regret and simply disappointment. No matter what, I need space from this place for a while.

  “Dad?” I ask.

  “Same offer as everyone else. Wouldn’t be fair if it wasn’t. A hundred thousand dollars to get a start, and money to get you to where you’re going. I can direct deposit into your account.”

  His words are harsh. This is my home. Has been my home. Does this mean I’m just a number?

  “But…”

  “I can’t play favorites, not even now.” He sighs. “Especially not now. It’s not like you can stay here.”

  Especially.

  Right. Because some people might see it as my fault what’s happened to us all instead of blaming my parents for lying (which most people won’t know) or blaming them for sending me along with someone who had almost no training. He should be groveling. Begging forgiveness. Instead I’m being dismissed.

  “You going away for a while would probably be smart.” He sighs.

  I swallow the lump in my throat as I glance around for signs of mom and then I’m sad again when I don
’t see any.

  “Thank you.” I take a step back.

  “Keep in touch.” He gives me the smallest of smiles.

  Instead of reading a million disappointing and horrible things into his small gesture, I move away from Dad and decide to take it as a sign that he’s proud of me no matter what, because it’s better than anything else it could mean.

  I’m relieved for Mom’s absence, knowing there would be no way to mistake the look in her eyes, and feeling better about my decision to leave all the time.

  I rub my fingers over my phone, and hike my pack higher on my shoulder.

  The small highway feels stifling until I hit the clay dirt road that’s supposed to take me to Ocean’s mother’s house. The Mercedes isn’t designed for this kind of trail-like road, and I’m forced to drive at about five miles an hour, making me want to turn back, but I don’t.

  And then I see him. Ocean. Sitting underneath a rusted mailbox, like he was waiting for me. His blue eyes hit mine and I throw the car in park and stare at him through the dusty windshield.

  Energy buzzes through me, but it has nothing to do with talents or anything but seeing him again. His smile is faint, hopeful, and he stands up but doesn’t come closer, like he’s waiting for me to make the first move.

  My hand grasps the handle, and I clutch it, hoping for something else to propel me out of the car, but it doesn’t happen. It’s just me, waiting for the courage to… But I’m not even sure what so I push open the door and close it behind me before giving my brain any more chances to sabotage this.

  “You look like you’re waiting,” I whisper.

  “I was.” He does this odd faint nod, like he’s unsure or is maybe surprised I’m here. “Micah,” he explains.

  “Right.” I’m not sure what else to say, and as I step closer to him there’s a part of me that wants to throw my arms around his neck, but without my talent we won’t feel the same. He loved that. He wanted to know what it would be like to be together with so much pulling us together. And now that’s gone.

  I’m not worried about whether or not I can forgive him, because I sort of get why everything happened the way it did. Now I’m worried that he won’t want me anymore. That he won’t feel the same. That it was just our energy pulling us together. Maybe I was stupid to come here.

  “Why didn’t you come for me?” I ask, terrified of his answer.

  “Micah called me every time I decided to get you so she could tell me not to. I’m sorry you had to be the one to make the first step.”

  And I did. I made it, but I’m still not sure if this is where I’m supposed to be, or maybe there isn’t a “supposed to” and I’ll just float around.

  “Why are you afraid?” he whispers, like too much sound will break the moment.

  I’m about to ask him how he knows I’m afraid, but he’s probably just reading my wavelengths and knows me well enough. I hate that after being so sure of moving forward my whole life, that with the loss of one part of who I am, I’m losing other parts, too. Like with my talent being stripped away, I’m suddenly afraid of everything. I don’t want that.

  He stands and starts my way. Slowly. “I trusted Micah. It’s been killing me. I haven’t slept. It’s hard to eat.”

  I can’t reconcile right now the idea that I didn’t want my energy to dictate who I’m with, and at the same time, I’m terrified that there will be nothing left of what Ocean and I had without it. And now I’m frustrated because Micah’s gift is what kept him from me for so long.

  “And you couldn’t call?” I stop about twenty feet away, but Ocean doesn’t stop.

  “I’ve picked up my phone a million times a day. Every day.”

  “Then…” But all my resolve to be angry is beginning to crackle as he slows and then stops a couple feet away.

  “You weren’t ready, Kara. I’m hoping you are now. I’ve missed you like crazy, and if I hadn’t have been able to check in on you through Micah…”

  “But I couldn’t check on you.” Doesn’t he see how unfair it is?

  “Phone works both ways.”

  Right.

  I reach out and grasp his hand, pressing our palms together and wanting to feel him again. His eyes close as his fingers close more tightly. “I’ve missed this.”

  I’m not sure what to say because my heart’s jumping around and my stomach’s all tense from touching him but the need that came with the energy popping between us is gone. No. Not gone. It’s not gone. It’s just different.

  “You got your wish,” he says as his eyes open.

  “What’s that?” I can’t see how anything that’s happened could be seen as me getting my way.

  “You didn’t want your energy to dictate who you were with.” He leans in slightly and I stop breathing for a moment as I grasp the idea that I’m here. After all that we’ve been through, we’re both here.

  Wait. “Do I… How different is it for you? Am I?”

  “It’s good.” His hand squeezes mine. “It’s different.”

  My gut folds over on itself as I think about what “different” might mean.

  “It’s better, Kara. More real. Less crazy.” He steps closer. “But no less intense. Everyone has energy, Kara. Everyone. Yours is the same. It touches me the same. I love you the same.”

  He’s right. Touching him is still intense, even for me and my lack of talent. When Ocean breathes out, we’re close enough that it brushes over my forehead and sends a wave of goose bumps across my skin.

  He rests his lips on my forehead before speaking again. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been… I haven’t been good. Not without you. I don’t know how you became such a huge part of my life so fast, but you did, and then you reacted exactly like I was afraid you would—”

  “But you did it anyway.” I move back just enough to see his reaction.

  “You know why.” He squeezes my hand. “You know it was the right thing.”

  “I do.” And it’s the first time that I really mean it. “I just wish…” I can’t look at him now and stare down the road behind him instead.

  He pulls me into him until my arms are around his waist, and his are around mine. “I’m about to sound like the worst, most selfish person in the world, but there’s a part of me that’s glad that you see all the things that are and that could be between us aren’t just because of what we could do. Because of our energy.”

  And maybe I should be offended, but I’m so relieved that this small part of my life feels okay that I hold him tighter.

  “The group’s all here.”

  “What?” My heart hammers as I pull away.

  “Micah saw you coming, and they all came. We’ve got a proposition for you, if you think you might like to spend some time with the group on the boat.”

  “And if I don’t?” I ask.

  “Then I hope you’ll let me do something else with you, because right now, you’re the part of my future I’m most worried about securing.”

  “And they’re all here?” I ask.

  “They’re all here because we need you. Dean, Addison, Micah and Landon. His boat’s in a port in New Orleans, and we’ve been waiting until you were ready to come, or until my decision to go to you didn’t end in disaster.” He smirks. “I wanted to come to you, but every time I decided to go, Micah would call me and tell me that it wasn’t going to go well. Waiting’s been torture.”

  “You want me,” I blurt.

  He takes in a deep breath and runs his hands along my jawline until they rest on the back of my neck. “Yes.” His lips press against my forehead. “More than anything.”

  I tilt my face toward him until our lips come together, and energy zips through me. Not the magic kind, the regular kind, and it’s even better.

  “This is some crazy ending,” I whisper as I tighten my arms around him.

  “One crazy beginning.” He gives me another kiss just before he starts leading me up his driveway, and the rest of the group. “Just you wait.”


  EPILOGUE

  Kara

  The anchor drops after I give Landon the OK on location. Moments later Dean and Addison do their shout of “pool’s open” and drop off the side of the boat.

  “Come swim, Kara!” Addison waves. ‘The water’s always warm!”

  I wave back as Dean gives her a splash, which ends her begging.

  I have too much to do to be screwing around in the water. Kent Prince bought all sorts of electronics no one but me knows how to use and I’m trying to get everything installed and working together, but it hasn’t been easy with everyone poking around in the boxes of new stuff.

  “Wait for it…” Ocean whispers, but I barely register what he’s saying.

  Landon has state of the art navigational equipment, laptops, communications gear, and everything he thinks we’ll need to start The Middle Men over. Of course he’d deny that’s what he’s doing, and there’s no official name for us or anything. Right now we’re just a group of people on a boat who want to do good deeds. A really, really nice boat. And we all realize that if we want to continue doing our good deeds that the boat isn’t a forever thing, so we’re taking advantage while we can.

  He whispers again. “Wait…”

  The final bit of software installs on the laptop and the navigational screen pops up from the boat. I jump in immediately to synchronize the date I’ve been collecting in both places. It all begins to align, and my laptop shows the final radar registering recognition of the two other Garmin navigation aids I’ve plugged in. This is perfect, just one more—

  “Zap!” Ocean slaps his hands together and I jump a foot off the seat.

  “What!” I snap, as I grab my chest, but I can’t help but smile at the way he’s grinning.

  “That’s beautiful. The energy that just… zaps… when someone’s in a state of total focus. Gorgeous.” His fingers touch my face and I bat him away, still smiling.

  “Glad I amuse you,” I say dryly and go back to my work.

  “Come swim with me,” he whispers as he scoots closer.

  “I’ve been working on this stuff for two days,” I explain. “And I almost have it.”