Setting the Pace

by Bonnie Bryant

Carole stared toward the stall nearby where Geronimo, Pine Hollow’s only stallion, was kept. Like all stallions, he could be fractious at times, and he’d been known to kick a few stall doors in his time. But Geronimo was gazing lazily in their direction, his ears relaxed as he surveyed the darkened aisle.

  The thud came again, and this time Carole thought she could pinpoint its origin. “Oh,” she said. “It’s probably Firefly. She’s that new filly we’re training—well, actually, she’s not that new anymore, but sort of. Anyway, she can be a little—What?” she interrupted herself as Cam sighed.

  “Oh, nothing,” he said, stroking her hair. “It’s just that I was hoping this would be the best place to come for us to be alone, with no distractions.” He smiled ruefully. “I guess I should have known better. There’s no place more distracting for Carole Hanson than a stable.”

  Carole immediately felt a little guilty. Was Cam insulted? She supposed he might have some reason to be. How flattering could it be, after all? He’d been kissing her, and she’d been distracted by a horse kicking its stall. “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “Don’t be.” Cam smiled. “But listen, why don’t we find someplace we can be more comfortable? You know, so we can really relax and talk.”

  “Okay.” Carole thought that sounded like a great idea. Now that she thought about it, she and Cam really hadn’t had a chance to do much real talking since his return. “How about the office? There are chairs in there.”

  Cam glanced up toward the ceiling. “Actually, I was thinking maybe we could try the hayloft,” he said. “It would be cozy up there—you know, with that great hay smell and all.”

  “Oh.” Carole was a little surprised at the suggestion. She loved Pine Hollow’s spacious hayloft and had spent many happy hours up there gossiping with her friends and spying on the people and horses below. Still, it seemed like an unlikely choice at the moment. “Um, okay. Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.” Cam took her hand gently in his own. “Come on, it’ll be perfect.”

  Carole followed as he led the way toward the wooden ladder leading to the loft. He stepped back, allowing her to climb up first. She did so, feeling a little self-conscious—as far as she could remember, she’d never climbed into the loft while wearing a skirt. Or if she ever had, there certainly hadn’t been a handsome guy right behind her.

  But when she glanced down, Cam had his eyes averted. She breathed a sigh of relief, feeling slightly foolish. Cam wasn’t some five-year-old boy on a playground somewhere, peeping up girls’ skirts while they played on the jungle gym. He was a classy, mature guy who knew how to treat a girl and make her feel special.

  Up in the loft, Carole glanced around. Only a little of the light from below seeped through the floorboards, and it was pretty dark. As she surveyed the bales stacked neatly all around her, she automatically found herself estimating the number and trying to decide how long they would last before it was time to reorder. Then, as Cam swung himself up off the top of the ladder, she snapped back to reality, feeling another twinge of guilt. She wasn’t working—she was there with Cam. Why did she keep getting distracted? He never seemed to be distracted from her.

  He certainly seemed to be totally focused on her at the moment. As she turned toward him, he stepped forward and took her in his arms. “Alone at last,” he whispered as he bent to kiss her.

  Then he led her toward a low section of hay bales, sinking down onto the nearest one and pulling her down beside him. Carole felt the scratchy hay prick her slightly through the thin fabric of her dress and pull at the nylon of her stockings, but she didn’t pay much attention to that. She was much more concerned with what Cam was doing. He was leaning into her, pressing her back against a taller stack of bales behind them. His hands, which had started at her waist, were already sliding upward.

  Uh-oh, Carole thought, doing her best to block his hands with her elbows. I guess I was wrong. It doesn’t seem like Cam really got the message this afternoon after all. Maybe he just thought I was embarrassed because his mother walked in on us.

  This time, Carole knew there was no chance of Cam’s mother walking in and interrupting. They were alone in the stable, late at night, with nobody around at all. If anyone was going to stop things from going too far, it was going to have to be her.

  But do I really want to stop it? she wondered faintly as Cam nudged her elbow aside and continued to explore, still kissing her at the same time. I mean, what am I so afraid of, anyway? Cam and I are in love. It’s no big deal, not really.

  Somehow, though, she couldn’t quite make herself believe that. It just didn’t feel right—not so soon, not just like that, with no discussion or anything. And she knew that Cam would never want to make her do something she didn’t want to do. She just had to explain things so that he would understand. “Stop,” she gasped, shoving at him so hard that he let out a grunt of surprise. “Please, Cam. Wait. We have to talk.”

  “What’s the matter?” Cam sat up straight and looked at her in alarm.

  Carole sat up, too, doing her best to catch her breath and get her runaway heartbeat under control. “I—I don’t think I was clear enough, um, earlier,” she said, thinking of that afternoon. She was doing her best to be loving but firm so that Cam would understand what she was saying without feeling rejected. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt his feelings. “You know I, um, haven’t really dated all that much. So I’d rather we just, you know, take things kind of slow. You know, physically.”

  “What’s the matter?” Cam looked hurt. “I’m just trying to get close to you, Carole. Don’t you like being close to me?”

  “Of course!” Carole said immediately. “It’s not that. You know I love being with you. It’s just that I’m a little nervous about … you know.”

  “Don’t worry,” Cam crooned, leaning in to place a series of small kisses along her jawline. “There’s no need to be nervous. Not when you’re with me.” His hands traced their way up her arms and across her collarbone.

  Carole pushed him away. “No, you don’t understand,” she said. “I just can’t do this right now. I’m really sorry.”

  Cam frowned. “I guess I didn’t understand,” he said. “I thought you were saying you love me.”

  “I do!” Carole protested. “I just—”

  “I don’t know, Carole,” Cam interrupted. “If you loved me as much as I love you, you would want this as much as I do. I guess I was wrong about your feelings, that’s all.”

  “No, you weren’t,” Carole protested, grabbing his hands and squeezing them. “I do love you.”

  Cam leaned toward her. “Really?” he said, loosening one hand from her grip and gently touching her cheek with his fingers. “Then I don’t understand. I mean, it’s natural for you to be a little nervous, since you don’t have much experience. But I thought we were having fun.”

  “We were,” Carole replied uncertainly, her cheek tingling slightly. “Um, I just don’t think we should have too much fun right away, you know?”

  Cam picked a piece of straw off her shoulder. “It’s just that I hoped this could be sort of an extra holiday gift, you know, to each other.” He stroked her arm gently, making her skin tingle all the more. “I mean, what better way for us to show each other how much we really care? Please let me show you, Carole. I promise you won’t be sorry.”

  Carole bit her lip, feeling her resolve waver. When he put it like that, it really did make sense. She’d spent much of the past week trying to figure out a way to show Cam how much she cared about him, and this was one way she could do it—a way he’d appreciate a lot more than a few pictures in a frame.

  “No,” she said after a moment. “I’m sorry, Cam. I really want to make you happy, but I can’t do something that makes me uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with how much I love you, it’s just that I don’t feel right about it. I hope you understand.”

  Cam frowned. “I’m starting to think you’re serious about this,” he said slowly. “You’re sur
e you won’t change your mind?”

  “I’m sure,” Carole said, relieved. Maybe now they could go back to the party—dance, have a good time with their friends, and forget all about what had just happened.

  But when she smiled tentatively at Cam, his frown deepened. “I see,” he said coldly. “I guess I was wrong about you, Carole. I thought you cared about me, like you said. I thought you were mature enough for a serious relationship. But if you’re going to act like a kid, maybe I shouldn’t waste any more of my time.”

  Carole gasped, hardly believing her ears. “What?” she cried. “No, Cam! Please tell me you’re joking. I do love you! More than anything!”

  His face softened immediately. “Really?” he said, sliding closer and taking her in his arms again. “Oh, Carole. I’m so happy to hear you say that. Do you really mean it?”

  “Of course I do,” Carole replied with relief. She relaxed into his arms as he began kissing her face.

  Whew! That was close, she thought. Cam really freaked out there for a second. But I should have known we could work through it. I guess maybe his male ego was just a little hurt by—

  She froze, suddenly realizing that Cam’s hands were fumbling with the zipper at the back of her dress. “What are you doing?” she gasped.

  “Hold still,” he whispered. “Just a second.…”

  Carole felt the zipper sliding down, first a few inches, then halfway down her back. She still seemed to be frozen in place, her body and mind unable to respond to what was happening. Only when she felt Cam’s warm hands begin caressing her back did she snap out of it.

  “Stop!” she cried, jumping away and grabbing at the back of her dress, trying to pull the zipper back up. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  Cam stared at her in surprise. “What do you’ think?” he asked. “I thought we’d covered this. I thought you said you loved me.”

  “I do!” Carole exclaimed again, feeling flustered as the zipper caught on her hair. “But that’s what I was trying to say. I love you, but I’m not ready. I’m sorry, Cam.”

  Cam scowled. “Whatever. Then I suppose I am wasting my time.” He stood up and brushed off his pants. “I thought we’d worked this out.”

  “So did I,” Carole said, not really understanding why he looked so upset.

  Cam crossed his arms over his chest. “You said you loved me more than anything,” he said coolly. “But you don’t seem to be willing to prove it. That’s answer enough for me. Good-bye, Carole.”

  Carole blinked, her jaw dropping as she tried to figure out what was going on. Who was this angry stranger standing in front of her? It wasn’t the Cam she’d grown to love over the past few weeks, that was for sure. “B-But wait,” she stammered. “I don’t understand.”

  Cam didn’t respond. He spun on his heel and stalked toward the ladder, disappearing down it without another word.

  “Whew! I’ll be right back,” Stevie told Phil breathlessly, fanning her face with her hand. “I’m going to get some fresh air.”

  “Okay.” Phil grinned, his face hot and flushed. “Want a soda? I’ll grab you one.”

  “Thanks.”

  Stevie elbowed her way off the dance floor, humming along with the song playing on the stereo. She and Phil had been dancing nonstop for the past half hour, and she was beat. The room was still crowded with wedding guests, and it was getting a little warm and stuffy.

  Making her way to the front door, Stevie glanced around the room. Callie and Scott had left a little while earlier, claiming family obligations—though Stevie was pretty sure that George’s presence had a lot more to do with it.

  I wonder where everyone else is, though? Stevie thought as she opened the door and stepped through it into the chilly night air. She checked her watch. Only half an hour until midnight. If they’re not careful, they’re all going to miss out on the big New Year’s moment. Of course, I might forgive Alex and Lisa if they’re tucked away in some private spot, making up.…

  She nearly jumped out of her skin as she stepped out onto the porch and realized she wasn’t alone. “Eep!” she cried as a figure shifted on the porch swing. “Oops, sorry. I didn’t realize anyone else was—Lisa?” She peered more closely at the figure. “Is that you?”

  “It’s me.” Lisa’s voice was soft and sounded slightly sheepish. “Sorry to scare you. That’s what I get for sitting around in the dark, I guess.”

  Stevie walked over and sat down beside her friend. Lisa was huddled at one end of the swing, wrapped in her winter coat. “So?” Stevie said.

  “So.” Lisa sighed. “Alex and I broke up. For good this time.”

  Stevie winced. “Really?” she said carefully. “Um, I’m sorry. I really am.”

  “I know.” Lisa smiled at her, though her expression in the dim light was melancholy. “I’m sorry, too. But it’s for the best.”

  What does she mean by that? Stevie wondered. It almost sounds as if she’s just given up—on her relationship with Alex, and, just maybe, on her whole life here in Willow Creek.

  Still, she didn’t quite dare to ask Lisa to explain. She hated the idea that Lisa seemed to be giving up without a fight. But when she thought back to her little chat with Mrs. Atwood, Stevie couldn’t quite muster up her former optimism. Could this really be the beginning of the end?

  Lisa turned to glance at the window. “Hey, check it out,” she said, her voice suddenly returning almost to normal. “I think something’s happening in there.”

  Looking inside, Stevie saw Deborah waving her hands for attention. Max was standing beside her, and Red and Denise were behind him, looking flushed and happy. “Looks like the happy couple might be getting ready to go,” Stevie said. “Maybe they want to miss that post-midnight traffic on the way into town.”

  “Let’s go in and help see them off,” Lisa suggested, already climbing to her feet.

  Suddenly realizing that she was freezing—she’d come outside without a coat, not planning to stay so long—Stevie shivered and nodded. “Right behind you.”

  Sure enough, as they entered the house, Red and Denise, hand in hand, were addressing the crowd of well-wishers, thanking them for coming. “And most of all,” Red added, glancing over at his hosts, “we want to thank Max and Deborah. Their generosity made this whole magical night possible.”

  Stevie joined enthusiastically in the cheers, clapping and stomping her feet as the newlyweds made their way through the crowd, heading for the back door. As Stevie glanced around the room, looking for Phil, she noticed the front door opening again, admitting a slightly disheveled-looking Carole.

  I guess she was down checking on the horses or something, Stevie thought, noticing a few pieces of hay in Carole’s hair.

  She squinted at her friend, suddenly concerned. Carole often had hay in her hair, but that wasn’t really the point. When she’d left the party with Cam earlier, she had looked great—hair and makeup neat and pretty, clothes perfect, expression happy. Now she looked as though she’d spent the past half hour wrestling bales out of the hayloft. She also looked more than a little upset.

  I wonder… Stevie thought worriedly. Before she could finish the thought, she noticed Ben standing nearby, his gaze trained in the same direction as hers had been. Hmmm, I wonder when he turned up again? Stevie thought, vaguely remembering his departure sometime earlier. And why’s he staring at Carole like that?

  She blinked curiously. Ben was watching Carole’s entrance closely, an odd look on his face. His expression was usually so guarded that Stevie couldn’t help studying it now—it was sort of sad, or maybe worried.

  Wondering if Ben could possibly know something that she didn’t, Stevie glanced back at Carole. Her friend was alone—that was strange in itself. Stevie was getting accustomed to seeing Cam practically glued to Carole’s side most of the time.

  Stevie was about to go over and see what was going on when Phil tapped her on the shoulder. “Care to dance?” he said with a gallant little bow. “In case you didn’
t notice, they’re playing our song.”

  Stevie gasped, realizing he was right. Someone had just switched the CD player back on and a slow song was playing. It was an old song, the one that she and Phil had first slow-danced to way back in junior high, and it brought back a flood of memories, almost all of them wonderful. Sometimes it was easy for Stevie to take her relationship with Phil a little bit for granted—they had been together so long, knew each other so well. But at other times, it really came home to her just how lucky she was to have him. How lucky they both were to have found each other and managed to stay together, through ups and downs, good times and not-so-good ones. Managed to fall in love and stay there, while other couples crashed and burned all around them. For a second, as the music swelled, Stevie almost felt as though she might cry.

  Instead, she smiled at her boyfriend. “I’d love to dance,” she said, momentarily forgetting about Carole and Ben and Lisa and Alex. As Phil swept her into his arms and onto the makeshift dance floor, the two of them might as well have been the only people in the world.

  Carole felt shaky and nauseous and very, very alone, even in the crowded room. In some ways she felt as if she were a completely different person than the one who’d left some hour and a half earlier. The one who’d left with Cam.

  How could he do this to me? she wondered bleakly, her eyes staring sightlessly at the happy dancing couples just a few yards away. Why didn’t I see it coming?

  She had spent the last hour huddled in an empty stall, thinking about those questions and many more. Finally, when her fingers and toes had started to go numb, she’d reluctantly returned to the party. A glance at the parking lot was all it took to let her know that Cam had left, which meant she needed to find another ride home. Otherwise, it would have been tempting to just slink off into the dark Virginia night and never come back.

  Cam certainly wouldn’t miss me if I took off, she thought with a touch of bitterness. He’s a completely different person than the guy I knew years ago. I know that now. He never loved me—he was just using me all along. And I was the big fool who believed every stupid line he fed me.