Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  A smile spread across Elaina’s face, her hand resting on her lower abdomen. “Yeah. I’m doing great. Just a little achy.”

  “Maybe you should rest,” Eden added. “We can finish up these last two rows.”

  “I think that’s a good idea. Henry would be pissed if he saw me doing all this, especially after he told me to take it easy.”

  “He sounds sweet,” Farren said, smiling.

  Elaina chuckled. “He can be, but he can also be demanding. Have you ever been in love?”

  “No. I had a boyfriend before all this happened, though.”

  Eden burst out laughing. “A boyfriend? Try, like, a dozen.”

  “Shut up, brat!” Farren threw a handful of weeds and soil at her sister.

  “You two remind me of my brother and me. One minute we were best friends; the next, we hated each other’s guts.”

  “That about sums it up,” Eden muttered, pulling a clump of soil from her hair.

  “Well, you two enjoy. I’m going to check in with everyone, then probably head inside.”

  “See you later,” Farren said, tossing another clump of soil at Eden.

  Elaina laughed as she walked away to see the crops that were being collected. She reached into the bucket and picked up a tomato. “Oh, wow. These are nice.”

  Savannah stood and faced her. She had a smudge of dirt under her left eye. “Yeah, they are. We still have some that are not quite ready yet, so there will be plenty more to come.”

  Elaina smirked. “You got a little something under your left eye.”

  Savannah’s eye widened and she reached up to wipe the dirt away. “Is it gone?”

  “Yeah,” Elaina replied, trying to keep a straight face. In reality, she had just made it worse. Her hands were far dirtier than the smudge on her face.

  Elaina was surprised Savannah was able to pull herself away from her nail file for five minutes to help, let alone dirty her dainty hands. But Elaina had been working hard to bite back all she wanted to say. The fact Savannah lost Josiah was the only thing saving her from Elaina’s wrath. She knew the feeling all too well when it came to losing your only sibling.

  Savannah had changed since his passing. She was more willing to be a part of the community and assisted whenever needed, taking a page from Josiah’s book. She still popped an attitude occasionally and Elaina would glare at her, reminding her who was head bitch in charge. A little dig every now and again felt justified.

  As she walked away, Elaina heard Lauren tell Savannah the smudge was worse. Savannah barked, “That bitch!” Elaina laughed as she headed toward Anne.

  “What has given you a case of the giggles?” Anne asked.

  “Oh, nothing.” She softly laughed again.

  “You look knackered. How are you feeling?”

  She rested her hands on her hips. “I’m okay. My lower back and hips hurt. Who knew being pregnant would be so…”

  “Exhausting?”

  “Yeah. Claire talked about it, but rarely complained. She was a trooper.” She rolled her lips into her mouth.

  Anne rubbed Elaina’s shoulder. “Maybe you should go lie down for a bit. I’m sure Henry would be quite upset if he saw you doing so much work.”

  “He already told me he would rather I stay inside.”

  “Well, you best do as he wishes.” Anne winked.

  “Yeah.” Elaina rolled her eyes. “If he had his way, I would be in bed all day, every day. I was hoping he would’ve come out after his workout.” She shrugged. “Maybe he wore himself out and is taking a nap. Anyway, I’m going to go back inside for a while.”

  “Get some rest.” Anne smiled.

  “Will do,” she said, trying to stifle a yawn, and headed back into the school.

  At a snail’s pace, Elaina made her way down the halls and to their room. She had great hope Henry would rub her back and feet. She opened the door, but he wasn’t in there. She headed back out to the hall again as Gunther turned the corner all sweaty, obviously having just worked out.

  “Hey, Gunther. Where’s Henry?”

  “I haven’t seen him. Why?”

  “I thought he was going to work out with you.”

  “I thought so, too, but he never… Shit.”

  “Oh god.” Elaina’s hands shook as they covered her mouth. Since she became pregnant, she was an overly emotional, hormonal nightmare.

  Gunther noted Elaina was going off the deep end. “Don’t panic yet. Let me get my gun.”

  “Umm, hello! ‘Let me get my gun’ doesn’t help, asshole!”

  Gunther ignored Elaina’s sharp tone and ran into his and Cora’s room. She paced the hall for the thirty seconds it took for him to come back out, but felt like hours.

  “We’ll do a sweep of every room,” he said.

  “Do you think he’s in the building?” she asked in a panic.

  “I don’t know, but we have to check around here first.”

  “Should we alert the others? Get a search party together?”

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. He’s probably tied up with some community drama.”

  As they headed toward the cafeteria, Jake was jogging down the hallway leading from the other wing.

  “Elaina! Hurry!” He turned around and ran off. Gunther sprinted behind Jake, Elaina doing her best to keep up. “In here!” Jake shouted, opening the classroom door. Gunther and Elaina ran through the doorway…

  And there he was. Elaina’s husband, the alcoholic, passed out on the floor, an empty bottle of vodka clutched in his hand.

  “Shit,” Gunther whispered. “Jake, can you give us some privacy, please?” he asked, ushering him out of the room.

  “Ah, yeah. If you need any help, let me know.” Gunther nodded and closed the door.

  At first, Elaina was sad, then anger hit. Her jaw clenched. “Go…get…his…mother.” There was no time for pleasantries.

  “Are you going to be all right alone with him?”

  “Yes! Just go, goddamn it!” She sat on a stool at one of the tables, trying to calm herself.

  Various amounts of emotions were close to exploding from her body, but most of all, Elaina was deeply and emphatically hurt. On top of that, her heart ached for their unborn child, knowing his or her father was a complete and utter mess.

  Henry had been sober for a while. She had no idea what set him back, and wondered why he didn’t come to her about it. Then she blamed herself for missing the signs.

  Knowing he stole a bottle, which they needed to use in the clinic for antiseptic, really pissed Elaina off. They had five kids running around, soon to be six. Her anger grew at every thought. After leaning onto the table, she rested her face in her hands.

  The door swung open and Gunther and Anne came in. “Oh no…,” Anne whispered.

  “Yeah… Oh-fucking-no,” Elaina muttered with her classic attitude, which Anne hadn’t experienced much of yet.

  Softly, she padded up to Elaina. “I’m sorry. What do you want me to do? Let me see if I can get him up.”

  “No. I’m going to get him up, but I wanted you here because I can’t do this again. I spent many, many months fighting him, cleaning up his puke, dragging him to bed, crying over him, being angry with him, pleading with him, getting him sober. I was there every second of his detox, listening to him sob, beg, and plead for my forgiveness. Making promises he would never do this again.” She pointed toward Henry and sighed. “I was hoping you’d allow him to stay in your room because he’s moving out of mine.”

  Gunther’s face dropped, and Anne gasped. “Are you-”

  Elaina held her hands up. “I can’t do this again. I have a baby to worry about. It’s your turn to deal with him. I need to focus on baking this baby.” She rested her hand on the soft swell of her lower abdomen.

  “I understand. And yes, he can stay with me,” she replied softly.

  Elaina got off the stool and headed over to the drunken mess sprawled out on the floor. First, knowing Henry, she went to the close
t and grabbed a bucket before kneeling next to him. Every time Elaina found him in the same state before, he would puke for a while before she could get him anywhere. Why he did this to himself again was beyond her.

  “Henry.” She tried to keep her voice calm. “Henry, wake up.” He groaned. She fought the tears threatening to fall. “Henry!”

  He startled, then moaned.

  When the echo of Elaina’s voice cut through the static in my brain, my eyelids opened, one at a time.

  “’Laina…,” I mumbled, trying to focus on her.

  “Henry, sit up.” I blinked several times, putting the fractured bits of my vision back together. Behind her, my mum was crying. My eyelids fluttered closed again. “Henry! I said, sit up!”

  I startled, then pushed myself into a sitting position. What was happening? What did I do? The cognizance of the situation flooded my mind.

  I was pissed up.

  My body trembled and I lowered my eyes from Elaina’s enraged, yet disappointed glare. She moved right in front of me and, with brute force, gripped my jaw.

  “Are you awake? Because I want you to hear me loud and fucking clear.”

  “Yeah.” I fucked up big time and fought the tears coming on strong and thick. “I’m sorry. Please… I’m so-”

  “That’s all you have for me? A fucking ‘I’m sorry’?” I didn’t respond—no reason to—glancing down at the empty bottle I still clung to. My hand opened, the bottle rolling away from me. It was the loudest sound I’d heard in a while. “I want you out of my room. You can stay with your mother.” She stood and left before I could plead for her not to kick me out.

  “Elaina… No. Come back. Please…,” I called out as the door closed.

  I should have told her about my demons. Maybe she would have understood then.

  “Henry, just let it be for now,” my mum said. I jammed the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to push the tears back in. Stars in the blackness… Blackness was what I needed. She knelt in front of me and swept her hand over my hair. “I hurt deep inside for you, but you need to let this settle for a bit.”

  “I can’t. I have to…to fix it,” I whimpered, my voice breaking.

  “There’s no fixing it right now. She needs space. And, quite frankly, you’re a wreck.” I rested my head against the wall. “Let’s get you up and to bed to sleep some of this off.”

  When she tugged on my arm, the earth shifted under me, sending me into the spins. “Fuck…,” I garbled. “I’m going to be sick.”

  She grabbed the bucket beside me, and I heaved until I was sure I would die. Then she stood and spoke to…

  Gunther? Oh, perfect. Glad he’s here to witness, as well.

  “I’m going to get him water and a cloth. Can you just watch him for a minute and make sure he doesn’t drown in his own vomit?” She left the room in a rush, not even waiting for a yes or no.

  Once my belly seemed to settle, I pushed the bucket aside.

  “You really fucked up this time, mate,” Gunther said, standing off to the side, his arms across his chest, all holier than thou.

  Bastard. “Fuck off,” I grumbled.

  “What on earth possessed you to do this?”

  “Thinking too much.”

  “Elaina’s really angry.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the insight. Figured that out myself.”

  “Like, she’s so mad, she’s quiet.”

  My teeth chattered from the fear, and my eyes welled up. As the tears rolled down my face, I wiped them away with the sleeve of my hoodie. Gunther had hardly any reaction to my emotions, unwilling to indulge.

  My mum came back in and saw me crumbling into bits on the floor. “Lu… Henry.” She knelt and wiped my face with a wet cloth. “Come on. Let’s get you in bed. You need to sleep this off.”

  Gunther walked over and roughly helped me to my feet, doing his best to keep me steady while I stumbled, staggered, and weaved through the halls.

  When Elaina heard a knock on her door, she debated as to whether or not she should answer. If she opened it and saw Henry, she would snap.

  She got up, staggered to the door, and cracked it open. Pressing her leg against it, she was ready to slam it shut.

  Anne… She looked just as upset as Elaina.

  “Can I get him some of his clothes and belongings?”

  Allowing her to pass by, Elaina slammed the door, then stormed over to the shelves and grabbed a pile of his semi-clean clothes, plus several personal products. As she handed them to Anne, Elaina spotted Henry’s ball cap hanging on a cabinet knob. She snatched it and set it on top of the pile.

  “He likes having this to hide his eyes and hangover from everyone.” Then Elaina spat, “Oh, and he has OCD issues, so be prepared for him to straighten, re-straighten, then re-straighten everything again. Have fun with that.”

  “Elaina, he’s sick,” Anne countered.

  “I know! Don’t you think I realize that?! I have dealt with him before. Many, many times. It’s too fucking stressful. I cannot do it again…especially right now.” Elaina placed her hand across her lower abdomen.

  “He was crying, though.”

  She fought her own building sadness, a bubble swelling in her throat. “Tears which he’s already shed for me. I refuse to be guilted into this. He screwed up again, and he needs to fix it. It’s going to take a lot this time, though. An apology just won’t cut it. Look at it as a wake-up call. Now, please… I need to rest,” she whimpered. All she wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and cry her eyes out.

  Elaina opened the door and practically shoved Anne out. After the resounding slam, she locked it. She knew it wouldn’t keep Henry out if he really wanted to get in, as he could pick any lock with his eyes closed and both hands tied behind his back.

  Despondency overtook her. She was astonished Henry would do such a foolish thing to them…to himself. She hadn’t felt so much emotional pain in a long time. Curling up into a ball on the bed, her arms cradling her stomach, Elaina let it out.

  Her eyelids swelled so much, she could barely see out of them. Finally, Elaina fell into a fitful sleep, waking several times, crying. The sadness ran deep and seeped into her dreams.

  The worst one was about Henry.

  Darkness portrayed night. Elaina stood at the very edge of a massive body of water, which was spinning out of control. Henry drew closer to the center, funneling toward certain death. She let out a scream that set her throat ablaze. Wading in, she steadied herself against the unyielding current. Elaina continued to reach for him and Henry for her, screaming for each other, but unable to grasp hands. Mere inches apart, he was sucked down, the water covering him.

  Barren desert stole her footing, forcing Elaina to her knees. Winds picked up, blowing dust and debris at her from all directions. Her long, black locks whipped around her face. Sand burned her eyes, taking away any remaining moisture.

  With the fight of a lioness, she crawled to the remaining cavity that was closing up inch-by-inch. She sobbed, choking on the sandy dryness, which trapped her tongue and enveloped her mouth. As she reached the hole, it sealed shut, clenching her into a life of poignant repose.

  Elaina clawed at the sand where Henry once was. She dug her nails in and threw handfuls aside, soon realizing her efforts were worthless. A dim light emanated beyond the horizon. Far too weary to reach it, she surrendered to the despair. Lying down, Elaina allowed herself to wither away like the earth around her.

  Henry was gone. Gone into the darkness…into the void. And there was no life for Elaina without him.

  Gunther pushed my ass down in a chair and walked away, and Mum left the room to go collect a few things from Elaina. I wanted to do it, but walking wasn’t something I was exceeding at right now. Anyway, there was a vast amount of doubt she would even let me in.

  When my mum came back minutes later, I was sitting with my elbows braced on my knees, head firmly planted in my hands.

  “Henry, I’ve gotten you some clothes and incident
als.”

  “I don’t give a fuck,” I muttered.

  “Henry…”

  My tone grew sharp, but I still hadn’t moved. “Please, Mum. My wife just threw me out. Right now, I couldn’t care less about clothes or anything else.”

  “Well, why don’t you change into something a little more comfortable for sleeping?”

  “I don’t want to sleep without her.”

  “I understand. However, as of right now, your options are limited. This is where you are.”

  “Thanks for the fucking reminder.”

  After a hearty sigh, she picked through the pile and pulled out a pair of my pajama bottoms, holding them in front of me. Not taking them right away, she shook them. With a glance through my fingers, I snatched them out of her hand. I stood and staggered into the loo, slamming the door behind me.

  The door was bloody cold on my sweaty back. I cradled my head in my hands, fighting the urge to kick down the door to Elaina’s and my room and make my wife understand. She was the only thing I had that made my life worth all of the pain and agony. I would do anything for her…

  Such as quitting drinking, which was something I thought I had done already.

  Hatred filled me. I never meant for it to happen, but my demons just wouldn’t shut up. What else was I supposed to do? Drink or suicide… I chose the lesser of two evils.

  With a shake of my head, I decided to change. I couldn’t stay hiding in the loo forever.

  Only wearing my pajama bottoms, I came out with my clothes neatly folded. Mum pulled one of her mats over to the other side of the room, spread out a blanket, and placed a sad-looking pillow at the top.

  “Here, come on now. Get in bed,” she encouraged.

  After setting my clothes down on the chair, I stood back for a moment, then adjusted them so all the corners lined up. Once I achieved perfection, I knelt at the edge of the bed, poking at the pillow a bit. It felt cold and lonely.

  “Go on,” she said.

  “Mum…”

  “Crawl in. You need to sleep.”

  The emotions hit again, wrecking me. “I can’t sleep without her,” I whispered.

  “Well, you messed up and have to deal with the consequences now.”