Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “Calm down or we will have to place you in the back of the car!”

  “You son of a bitch! You motherfucking bastard!” Elaina screamed, flailing in the officer’s arms. “Look at him! He’s gone! You motherfucker! He’s gone…”

  Blood dripped from Gunther’s nose, and tears burned the fresh scratches on his face. Cuffs rattled as the officer pulled them from his side. “I’m not pressing charges,” Gunther murmured as he stared into Elaina’s eyes.

  “Sir, she has assaulted you,” the officer exclaimed.

  “I really don’t care right now. Can you escort her inside and keep her there, please?”

  “No! I’ll stay with him. You don’t deserve to be near him, you son of a bitch!”

  “Go with the officer, Elaina. Allow me to see this through.”

  Even though she fought the entire way, the officer marched her inside the house, Anne following. Gunther turned around and knelt in front of Henry.

  “I’m going to have to ask you to step back when the coroner arrives,” the paramedic said, wrapping his palm around Gunther’s shoulder.

  “Give me a moment with my brother,” Gunther said roughly.

  “I need you to stay-”

  Gunther rose to his full height and stepped up to the paramedic, growling, “Listen, you fucking cunt. I need a moment with my brother. Unless you back off, you will leave here in a body bag, as well. Clear?”

  The paramedic scoffed. “Are you threatening me? Because I can have you arrested for that.”

  “I assure you, it was a promise, not a threat.” Gunther’s heavy gaze held the paramedic’s. The grave look on his face spoke volumes. He wasn’t about to let anyone deny him his last moment with Henry.

  Holding his hands up in front of him, the paramedic backed off. “All right… All right.”

  Gunther knelt by Henry again. “Goddamn, mate,” he mumbled. “Fuck. I can’t believe you did this.” He rested his forehead on his arm, trying to suck back his emotions. He looked at Henry, tears streaming down his face. “You take care of my unborn and Quinn, and I will take care of your family. You have my word. That’s all we can do for each other now.” Gunther reached out and touched Henry’s knee. “Christ, mate. I hate you for this. I really fucking do.”

  He stood and paced around the yard until the paramedics and coroner cleared the scene. The police stayed and questioned him and Elaina before deciding they were clear of any charges.

  Before they left, one officer pulled Gunther aside. “Listen, it’s clear to the coroner and myself it was a suicide. We’ve dealt with a lot of them since we’ve been back, trying to keep the peace. It’s never easy seeing families torn up like yours today.”

  “I understand. Thank you.”

  “This isn’t our first this week, let alone today.”

  “He’s been…” Gunther swallowed. “He had a lot of depression, anxiety, and paranoia issues. I can’t blame him. It’s been difficult for everyone, but he’s taken it more personally than some. Many people—friends and family—died in front of him. Then having to kill so many of those walking corpses… He hasn’t been right since.”

  “Understood. It’s a damn shame what this virus has done.”

  “It really is. He was a great man and I’m not looking forward to the future without him. It’s going to be tough for a long time. Perhaps for the rest of my life.” He struggled to keep his composure.

  The officer patted Gunther on his back. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you.”

  As the officer headed down the driveway to his patrol car, Gunther turned around and looked at Elaina’s house, hearing her sob through the shut windows. He decided to go home, close himself in his own room, and release some of the sorrow crashing down on him. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t have much time for himself before he had to go back to the gym and run the business.

  Cora met him at the door, Everette on one hip and Nicky on the other. “Gunther…”

  He shook his head and rubbed Everette on the back. “Horrific scene,” he said, tousling Nicky’s hair.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Thanks.” He glanced at the stairs where the rest of the kids sat quietly, tears running down their faces, which made him tear up again.

  “Do you want me to fix you something to eat or drink?”

  “No. I’m just going to go lay down for a bit. I need a minute to sort myself before I have to go back to work.”

  “I understand. Guys, clear out and let Daddy go up.”

  The kids all stood and headed into the living room. All had a profound sadness hanging around them.

  Gunther trudged up the stairs. He rounded the second set and paused, feeling the agony hit his chest. The vice was back and he didn’t think it would ever go away. He dogged up the last six stairs and headed straight for his room.

  He pulled the shades taut, thankful for the dark blue walls because he didn’t want anything bright and cheery. He kicked off his trainers and face-planted in his king-sized bed. It creaked and the headboard slammed against the wall.

  He groaned. He was achy and in need of a donation, but he wasn’t in the mood to bother asking. Cora was busy with the kids anyway.

  Exhaling, he rolled over onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. A light rap on the door sounded, then it cracked open, allowing a section of light to hit his face, forcing him to cover his eyes with his arm.

  “Gunther? Are you awake?”

  “Close the door, please. I have a headache.”

  “Sorry,” Cora murmured, stepping into his room, shutting the door behind her. “I wanted to come check on you.”

  “Where are the kids?”

  “Kate’s watching them for a minute.”

  Gunther felt the mattress sink next to him as Cora sat. Minutes went by before he said anything. “It fucking hurts.”

  “I’m so sorry you lost your brother. After all you two have been through together and accomplished in your relationship…” Cora worked her throat, trying to keep the ball of emotions from escaping. She wanted to stay strong for Gunther. He needed that from her.

  Gunther’s body shuddered from trying to hold it in, but he failed. The silent cries turned into sobs. Cora lay and curled her body around him. She was so close, every breath that left him tickled her face. She rested her hand around his neck, and he pulled himself impossibly closer, seeking comfort.

  “Shh… I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.”

  “Bring him back,” he said, snuggling into her.

  “I would if I could.”

  “Fuck, Cora… Why?”

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  “So much of his agony is on me. I planned to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for all my wrongs, but he goes and does something stupid.”

  Cora rubbed his scarred cheek with her thumb. “You need to release yourself from this. He did this on his own.”

  “He wouldn’t be this fucked up if it weren’t for me. I feel like this is all my fault.”

  “I don’t want you to blame yourself for something you couldn’t control before. You are a changed man, a wonderful man who has been trying to make everything right.”

  “I’m such a fucking dick.”

  “Gunther, you’re a loving man, an amazing father, and a great friend.”

  “I don’t feel like any of those right now.”

  “Just know I’m here for you.”

  He nodded and wrapped his big arms around her. “Thank you.”

  They held one another for a while before Gunther nodded off. She unwrapped him from her body and headed back downstairs. She phoned the gym to let the others know to close up, saying Gunther would let them know when they would reopen.

  Chapter 55

  I traipsed through the woods for a while until I heard a whistle. The pot-bellied, mullet-wearing bloke stepped out from behind a tree. After a quick once-over, I immediately recognized him.

&n
bsp; I threw my head back and smacked my forehead with my hand. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He chuckled and pulled off the mullet. “Fucking Xander Meade.”

  He held his hands out to his sides and spun around. “The one and only.”

  “You’ve been following me?”

  He nodded. “Shortly after your return to New York.”

  “Fuck me. And everyone thought I was a nutter thinking someone was following me.”

  “I know more about you than I ever wanted to, and have pictures to prove it.” I shook my head. If I found out he had naked pictures of my wife, I would gut him. “All set? You have everything?”

  I stood still for a moment, hesitating. What I heard next chilled me to the very core. “No!” Elaina… Slamming my lids shut, every sound coming from her plucked at every nerve. I wanted to rush back and tell her it was fake…a really bad prank…a mistake.

  But when the distant laughter and whispers rushed forward in my head, I knew I had to keep going. It was my last hope to break myself free from the chains binding me to my past.

  “You all right?”

  “No, not really. That’s my wife screaming.”

  Xander placed his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He looked at his watch. “Come on. We gotta rush. Your plane is leaving in two hours. We need to get you and Erik to the airport.”

  As we jogged through the woods, sirens blared in the distance. When we made it to the road, Erik was sitting in the rented Toyota pulled over on the shoulder.

  “Hop in,” Xander coaxed as he grabbed the back passenger door handle. I slid in and met Erik’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

  “You ready, Luke?”

  Luke? I narrowed my eyes at him. “Not really.”

  “That other backpack… Switch it out,” Erik directed. “There are basic toiletries, an outfit, and shoes in there. I want you to clean up and change while we drive. Stuff the clothes in the old pack. If you have anything you’re taking, switch it out. Xander will incinerate the old one. Oh, your paperwork is in the front pocket. Read it over for a refresher.”

  After taking care of business, I pulled out the paperwork. My eyes grew wide when I opened the passport…

  I saw my picture, one taken when Solly made a mold of my face, with my birth name, Luke Aaron Richards. A shiver went straight through my body.

  “How?” I asked, staring at my name.

  Erik glanced into the rearview mirror. “I have people in high places who owe me favors. Miraculously, you’re back from the dead.” He grinned and chuckled, then refocused on the road. I rode the rest of the way in silence, staring out the window like a lost puppy dog.

  Erik pulled up to the drop-off zone at the airport. All three of us hopped out and Xander headed to the driver’s seat. Erik popped the trunk and pulled out two small suitcases, handing one to me. “I figured you would want a few more articles of clothing, Luke.”

  “Thanks, Leo,” I murmured.

  We walked at a quick clip to the British Airways gate. The attendant at the counter checked our information, printed off our tickets, and we headed to customs. Once we cleared, we were off to board the plane.

  While staring at the runway from the window seat, I didn’t hear the captain’s announcements or the flight attendant’s instructions. As the plane taxied forward, I felt nothing except a strain in my chest. An icy numbness invaded every part of my body. I wondered what Elaina was doing, imagining she was in hysterics. I hoped my mum would be strong for Nicky and her.

  Chapter 56

  Darkness had fallen over the house. Cora called and insisted on keeping Nicky for the night, but Anne wouldn’t have it. She wanted Nicky home because he was a piece of Henry and she needed him close.

  Once she got Nicky tucked in, she went back downstairs to get Elaina off the couch in the living room.

  Kneeling, Anne stroked the back of Elaina’s head. “Sweetheart, let’s get you upstairs, showered, and into bed.”

  Elaina rolled over, balled up tissues falling all over the floor. The sight of her crushed Anne. Her face was creased from the cushions, eyes swollen and red-rimmed. “I want to die,” she whispered through her parched throat.

  Anne reached for another tissue and patted the fresh tears on Elaina’s cheeks. “Sweetheart, please don’t say that.”

  “I can’t live without him,” she cried.

  “I don’t want to, either, but we have Nicky. We have a part of him.”

  “I hate what he did.”

  “As do I, but what’s done is done. We have to live for Nicky now.”

  “I don’t care what Henry has done to me in the past. All that anger, hate, and sickness we lived through…” Elaina clutched her chest. “None of it hurts as much as this.” She lay back, sobbing.

  “Come on.”

  Even though Anne was of slight stature, she dragged Elaina off the couch and supported her all the way up the stairs.

  With Anne’s coaxing, Elaina showered and dressed in one of Henry’s t-shirts and a pair of his workout pants she found in the hamper. Crawling into bed, she pulled the blanket from his side, clutching it tight. The scent of his sweat and body wash filled her nasal passages. She inhaled, feeling as if he was right with her.

  She spent the rest of the night in disbelief, in tears, in shock. Henry was gone…forever. Guilty feelings flooded in. Elaina wondered if there was something she could have done. Maybe even forced hospitalization, as Dr. Winley offered.

  It gutted Elaina that Henry felt he had to kill himself to end the reign of terror on his mind.

  The sobs came back. She hadn’t been able to stop them for more than a few minutes at a time. It was so bad in the shower, she sat in the tub and let the water run over her, hoping it would wash her pain away.

  Not a chance.

  She worried what she would tell Nicky when he was older. Rolling over, she picked up the picture that was on top of his black, leather-bound journal. She thought it was odd, but maybe he was looking at it beforehand.

  The smile on his face was unmistakably because of the love he felt for her. She was nestled between his knees as they hung out on the front porch. His chin was on top of her head and his arms were wrapped around her body. She would never feel that from him again.

  The journal slid off the pillow and opened to where the ribbon marker held a place. She saw her name…

  “Oh god…” Her voice was strangled.

  Elaina spent the next couple minutes reading over Henry’s perfectly penned words. Mindlessly, she traced them with her fingertips as she read each one. She grabbed the pen from the nightstand. Thinking it must have been the one he used, she placed a tick mark at the top of the page.

  Once she slid the picture in between the pages, Elaina closed the journal and laid it on her chest. It lay steady, moving in cadence with her breathing. Unsure of how to handle his words, she stared at the ceiling.

  Through Elaina’s fog, she heard Nicky crying in his crib, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up. Henry’s mother came up the stairs and tended to him, allowing Elaina to stay right where she was. She reached out and shut off the bedside lamp, letting the darkness settle through her soul.

  Joy from Henry’s smile or laugh would never light Elaina again. He seemed ready to be happy again. Why would he do such a thing when he had Nicky to keep him buoyant?

  Tilting her head toward the window, she knew the shed was just outside. Luckily, she couldn’t see it with the curtains closed. However, in her mind’s eye, she would forever see the rainbow of blood and his body leaning against the wall.

  The little energy she had waivered. Her eyelids fluttered shut, then she relived every second in slow motion. Her body convulsed. Withdrawals from her only addiction had hit and she knew she wouldn’t ever be able to let go.

  More guilt seeped into her thoughts. Feeling like Henry’s blood was on her hands, Elaina curled into a ball. “I love you, Henry Daniels. I loved you whole, I loved you broken, and now I will love until the end of
me.”

  Full Circle

  A Teaser from Shattered Lives, Book 5

  (Coming in 2016)

  -East End of London-

  Upon opening the door, I grabbed the jamb as a shudder wracked my entire body. I turned the camera on myself. My legs wobbled while stepping into the room. I peeled the mask off and crinkled it in my fist, then reached out and flicked on the light. The harsh assault of the fluorescents on my eyes made me hiss. As my focus returned, the first thing I saw was that fucking folding metal chair positioned in front of the mirror. I turned the camera toward it and focused in on it.

  As the memories rushed forward, I shut them down, but I would be damned forever. I tried to step forward, but it was as if my feet were stuck in concrete. I wanted to face the room and everything it stood for, but there was no moving.

  The distraught feeling became debilitating, leaving me to let out a hushed whimper. My heartbeat thundering in my ears was deafening. Sweat cascaded down my back. I was shaking to my very core.

  A hand rested on the small of back, then I heard a whisper in my ear. “Do you need me to help?” I turned. Michelle stood strong next to me, looking like the strength I needed. I reached out and clasped her hand, wishing it were Elaina helping me through the pain. “Tell me about it. Tell me what you’re feeling…seeing…remembering.”

  My jaw trembled as I tried to swallow. “They strapped me to that chair.” My gaze shifted to the small table where they would lay out whatever torture implement they felt like using that day. I clutched her hand harder. There would be a cup full of zip ties and the cutters they used to snip them away. I could feel them taut around my wrists and ankles. “They blindfolded and gagged me, then they would beat me.” I walked forward, letting go of her hand, and stood in front of the chair. Turning, I sat, remembering what it felt like to be there. To be physically forced to submit to horrific punishments. Goosebumps rose everywhere, and bile crept up my throat. I wanted to run, but I needed to face it. I stared into the mirror, then turned the camera on myself again. “He used to watch from the other side. Entertainment value for him.”