Shalia's Diary #9

by Tracy St. John

  The third explosion came the instant I felt Aslada’s cocks jerking inside me. He let go, his magnificent body straining as he emptied his lust into me. Our cries mingled. His were loud enough that he startled what looked like winged lizards out of the nearby trees and into flight.

  Meyso took the Dramok’s place in front of me, holding me so that Jaon could at last pound his rigid length in my ass. He didn’t take long, but I achieved one last climax just the same.

  Their excitement fed mine. It was as if each drop of desire increased my craving for them, igniting me into an inferno with each spark. They fed me, but I only responded by becoming more ravenous.

  “Ancestors,” Aslada gasped, trying to pull himself together. “You may be too much woman for one clan, Shalia.”

  We took our time recovering, letting the waterfall cool our heated bodies. Once we’d gotten dressed and made sure we were all quite presentable, Aslada called his pilot to bring the shuttle and pick us up.

  I went back to Mom refreshed. She took one look at my smug smile and rolled her eyes.

  October 31

  It had to happen sooner or later, but I was still not quite sure how to handle it when Mom asked me today, “Who is Anrel’s father?”

  At least she waited to ask when we were alone. If she was going to call me every name in the book, I didn’t want an audience. A part of me is still all too aware of what would have happened to me on Earth had I been discovered to not be a virgin. I know I’m safe from persecution on Kalquor, but it didn’t keep me from cringing when Mom brought it up. I expected judgment to come from somewhere.

  There was no way to mince words when it came to answering. “I’m not sure who her father is. I know the two most likely candidates, though there are four possibilities.”

  Mom gave me a look that was hard to read. “Four?”

  “Three are in the same clan.”

  “So in that situation, if you bang one, you gotta bang them all,” Mom guessed.

  I shrugged. “The fourth guy was in a clan too, but his clanmates don’t like women. So they never entered the equation.”

  Mom mused over that for a few minutes. I waited, wondering if there would be an explosion. Instead, she asked me, “You didn’t say where any of them are.”

  “As far as I know, the clan is still on Earth. The other guy is trying to get here. He wants to be a part of mine and Anrel’s life, but he’s not welcome.”

  I told Mom the whole story of young Clan Dusa and how they weren’t together long enough for me to join as their Matara. How though I adored them, I wasn’t sure they were who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. How they had cut me out of their lives, insisting I find a good clan and fathers for Anrel.

  I also told her about Nang, his obsession with me and Anrel, his attempt to get to Kalquor and make us a family. It took a good hour of talking to bring Mom up to speed on how things had shaken out so far.

  At the end of it, Mom shook her head. “You sure did make a mess of things, didn’t you?”

  At least she wasn’t yelling and calling me a slut or whore. “Yeah, I seem to have a knack for it.”

  “You must have got your taste in men from me. Lord knows, the only thing your father did right was to knock me up with you. He was pretty worthless otherwise. Same for the other two guys I hooked up with. At least David was decent in bed. He didn’t lay there like a slug and wait for me to do everything.”

  I really didn’t want to think of Mom having sex, but since she was being so understanding, I didn’t ask her to stop talking about her past lovers.

  Mom was done with that, thank goodness. She gave me another sharp look. “If that Clan Dusa showed up and wanted to clan you, would you do it?”

  Hmm. That thought had been on the fringes of my consciousness ever since I found out my dads were heading home. It seemed I’d been working on the question subconsciously, because I knew the answer right away.

  “No. I would not.” My tone was certain. “It may be awfully Earther of me to feel this way, but they haven’t made an effort to know anything about Anrel. They not only cut me off, but my child as well. They don’t deserve to be her fathers.”

  My answer wasn’t completely honest, because the one time I’d talked to Nobek Esak when he warned me about Nang coming after us, he had asked about the baby. But it had been more of an afterthought, hadn’t it? We happened to talk, so he’d taken the opportunity. He hadn’t made a real effort to know what his maybe-daughter was like or how she was doing.

  I realized in that moment that Anrel had been the one real test I’d set for Clan Dusa and any future we might have had. Even though Kalquorian custom dictated that they give up all claims on Anrel, I felt they should have at least wanted to know how she was doing. They had not made the effort.

  I was done with them. Really done.

  Mom seemed content with my answer. “Don’t be afraid to parent her solo, Shalia. If no one comes along that won’t put you two first, kick them to the side. I might have been the world’s worst mother, but at least I didn’t compound the problem by letting some piece of shit hang around.”

  I grinned at her. “You did have the strength to shove them out the door when they became more trouble than they were worth.”

  “You have that strength too. You don’t need any asshole, much less three of them, fucking up your life.”

  I got the feeling Mom wants me to give up on finding a clan. I think she’d like to see me remain single. I could do it. I don’t need a man or men to make mine and Anrel’s lives complete. But Clan Aslada or Clan Seot seem like they could add to my life.

  I can make my own decisions and stand on my own two feet. No one will make my decisions for me. That goes for significant others…and Mom as well.

  November 1

  I was happy to hear from Betra and Oses today. I miss those two. They looked healthy and delicious, as always. They said all was well and the journey was going great. Their spirits seemed to be up.

  I caught them up on Mom’s progress. “She’s high and low. There are moments when I can see she’s not so extreme in her emotions, which is great. But like everyone said, anger and depression are her defaults after reacting that way for so long. She doesn’t know how else to deal with the uncertainty over what the future has in store for her.”

  “At least she’s able to talk to you. It’s great that she loves Anrel so much,” Betra said.

  “I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am about that,” I enthused. “Anrel is the one person she can pour all her goodness into. But enough about us. What’s going on with you two?”

  “The usual,” Betra said, his tone vague. “A little of this and a little of that. Not much to report since we’ve only left Kalquorian space recently. However, we’re going to make the first vortex jump in a couple of days.”

  “Oh.” My spirits fell a little hearing that. “No more real-time conversations. At least not until you reach those mini-wormholes that allow instant transmissions.”

  Oses nodded. “We’ll have to rely on recorded messages, pet. I will miss hearing immediate updates.” His brows drew together. “I hate that I can’t mobilize help for you if you need it.”

  I shrugged. “Nobek Jaon is pretty protective. When I get back to the other continent, Larten will be nearby. I’m no lightweight myself.” I attempted a Nobek-like growl, much to the guys’ amusement.

  Oses looked at me with pride. “You are a formidable foe. Ancestors help anyone who makes an enemy of you.”

  We were close to wrapping up our conversation when Betra said, “By the way, you’ve got a surprise heading your way. Be ready.”

  “For what? What did you send me?” I wanted to know.

  “We didn’t send you anything. You’ll have to wait and see when it arrives.” His grin was full of mischief.

  “Are we talking something good or something that will make me run screaming?” I glared at him in suspicion.

  “I think you’ll like it, unless
you lied to me about how you felt about it before. Which maybe you did. In any case, know that what’s coming is a result of another’s concern and caring about you and Anrel. It is a gift from the heart.”

  “Betra!” I yelled in frustration. “What is it?”

  He only laughed. “Enjoy. We’ll talk one last time before we get to the portal, and you can tell me how you like it.”

  No number of threats, begging, or bribery could get him to tell me what was up. When I asked Oses, he held his hands up and shook his head.

  “I’m not getting in the middle of this one. There are some situations even a Nobek will avoid at all costs.”

  Grrr.

  November 2

  The surprise Betra had warned me about showed up in Mom’s room while I was visiting today. You could have knocked me over with a feather when his parents, Clan Serndi, came filing through the door.

  While Mom stared in confusion at the noble-looking group walking in, Matara Elwa leading the way, I jumped up with a shocked cry. “Oh my gosh! I’m going to strangle Betra for not telling me you were coming.”

  Elwa wrapped her arms around me. “Hello, my girl. You look beautiful but tired, as I feared you would. I knew you’d extend yourself too much.”

  “I’m fine,” I assured her. “Anrel will be here soon. Her manny just commed to tell me they were on their way.”

  “Wonderful,” Elwa said. “And here is your mother, Matara Eve. Hello, dear. My son is a good friend of Shalia’s, so our clan takes a great deal of interest in her. How are you feeling?”

  I was more than a little interested in Mom’s reaction to Elwa, as well as worried. I kept an eye on her as I greeted Serndi, Hilon, and Alfra.

  Mom stared at the tall Kalquorian woman who sat on the side of her bed. “I’m feeling better than when I first woke,” she said slowly.

  “I imagine it was confusing when you regained consciousness after being in stasis for so long,” Elwa agreed. “And so much to take in! Finding yourself on Kalquor, discovering Shalia had given birth to a child, having surgeries you didn’t agree to…that you are so calm and handling it with such grace is astounding.”

  Mom had nothing to say to that. She’d been taken by surprise. For my part, I silently thanked Betra for keeping Elwa informed of what was going on.

  “But I do apologize,” Elwa said, throwing her hands up dramatically. “How ignorant of me! I didn’t even allow Shalia to properly introduce us. I am Elwa of Clan Serndi. And here are my clanmates, Serndi himself, Hilon, and Alfra. You aren’t angry that I was so rude, are you?”

  She had Mom so off-balance that Elwa was forgiven immediately. “Not at all,” Mom insisted. “No, you’re fine. Thank you for visiting.”

  The next thing I knew, Betra’s parents and Mom were chattering away, like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years and couldn’t wait to reconnect. I watched in wonder and delight.

  A movement at the corner of my eye got my attention. I turned to see Meyso standing in the doorway, looking from Mom and her new friends to me in bewilderment.

  I went over to him. “Clan Serndi,” I whispered. “My ship’s liaison’s parent clan. They’ve come to visit Mom after hearing so much about her.”

  “She seems happy to see them,” he said. “I thought she instantly disliked Kalquorians.”

  “Mom has her charming days,” I acknowledged. “Plus Matara Elwa is hard to dislike.”

  Aslada and Jaon showed up, with Snoy and Anrel in tow. They were brought up to speed, and the clan came in to present themselves to the visitors.

  “Ah, Governor Aslada,” Dramok Serndi said. “We’ve spoken before about regulations on illegal software copying.”

  The men began to talk shop. Elwa claimed Anrel from Snoy and cuddled her for a moment before handing her over to Mom. They fussed over the baby and talked child rearing.

  Aslada, Jaon, and Meyso didn’t know how to act when Mom treated them with as much friendliness as Clan Serndi. They kept looking at me as if to say, who is this woman who looks like your mother? I had a hard time containing the laughter that wanted to burst out.

  Mom indeed has had times where she’s as sweet as sugar. I’ve always thought of those times as glimpses into the person she could be if she wasn’t bipolar. After the procedures, I found myself wondering if she could maintain this friendly, sociable persona that she exhibited now. Did I dare to hope?

  I did. I hoped with all my being.

  Elwa disclosed the rest of the surprise after several minutes of conversation had passed. “I do apologize for imposing on you, Clan Aslada, but am I right in assuming you can spare room for our clan in your home? I’ve come to be of assistance to Shalia and Anrel until I am satisfied Matara Eve is well on her way to complete health.”

  Aslada blinked in surprise. “Assistance, Matara Elwa? I assure you, we are providing Shalia and Anrel with all they need. We have a full staff on call at all times, ready to serve them.”

  Elwa chuckled, sounding much like the mother gently guiding her son. “I am sure you are doing everything in your power, Dramok. But you are all men. I dare say your staff is made up exclusively of men as well?” She leaned close to Mom and whispered, “Poor things have no idea how little they understand about us.”

  Mom smirked. “Less than nothing. Al couldn’t be more clueless.”

  “Exactly.” Elwa smiled at the nonplused Clan Aslada as her clan exchanged slight smirks. “I assumed you would be generous with guest quarters. That way, we won’t have to find rooms that would accommodate Shalia and Anrel as well as ourselves.”

  Meyso choked out, “Rooms for Shalia and Anrel? Outside of our home?”

  Elwa shrugged. “If necessary. It is imperative that I keep them close and offer the support only a woman can give at such a trying time. Eve needs me as well, because Shalia will worry until it wipes her out. She’ll need frequent respites.”

  “But – but we see to it that Shalia takes breaks. That she is taken care of.”

  “Except for the emotional storms that only another woman can understand. Poor things, I know you’ve done your best for these ladies. But now I’m here, and the entire lot will fall into place.” Elwa beamed at them as if they’d already agreed with her.

  I was as stunned by this demand as my potential clan was. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful to Elwa for running to my aid or irritated by what amounted to meddling in my life.

  However, I remembered what Betra had told me the day before. That this was coming from Elwa’s heart. That she was worried about me and Anrel. She’d interrupted her life…hell, her whole clan’s lives…to rush to my side. The realization put a lump in my throat. So I offered no resistance to her being there.

  In the end, Clan Aslada couldn’t either. Elwa was too assured in her mission, too certain of being right about this. And Mom made no effort to conceal she was on board with the whole thing.

  “Thank God there will be another woman to talk to,” she said. “Men are so ignorant about everything. I can’t believe you manage to deal with three of them at a time, Elwa. You must be a saint.”

  And that is why the men of Clan Serndi are currently unpacking in a guest suite only steps from mine at Clan Aslada’s home while Elwa and Mom play with Anrel. I have been excused from coming to the clinic tomorrow by both my female elders – okay, I’ve been ordered to not show up – and to instead do whatever my little heart desires with Clan Aslada. That part seems to have settled a few of my suitors’ misgivings about this sudden change in the situation. We get to explore our potential as a clan at long last.

  If nothing else, the next few days are going to be interesting.

  November 5

  Wow, what a difference having Elwa around has made. Mom likes her company. I like her company. And she was right about having a woman around I can pour my heart out to.

  I feel like there is nothing I can’t tell Elwa. Worries about Anrel? As a mom, she’s been there and done that. Being courted? Ditto. Dealing
with Mom? While she didn’t have as tumultuous a relationship with her own mother, Elwa listens to me and asks the right questions about our past. Plus she is getting to know Mom herself and hearing her side of things.

  Elwa doesn’t give advice so much as tease out the answers I’m searching for from me. She does give me the benefit of her own experience where it seems appropriate, but she keeps saying, “We are different people, Shalia. Your goals and mine at your stage of life are not quite the same. All I can do is tell you what I see from the outside. It’s up to you to decide what is right.”

  Another unexpected boon: her clanmates. Much like Clan Aslada, they come from wealth and privilege and are powerful men in their own realms. Whether it is Jaon’s reluctance to let me train, Aslada’s tendency to make decisions for me without benefit of consultation, or Meyso’s occasional inability to understand why I get irritated by certain things, I only have to talk to Serndi, Hilon, and Alfra to give me insight into how their minds work.