Little Town, Great Big Life

by Curtiss Ann Matlock

  Belinda did her best to nod and say, “Uh-huh,” at the right moments. She simply had to be present for her friend. Either from her determination of will or by the grace of God, but the morning sickness passed.

  Emma talked all the way from the parking lot into the hospital shop and up the elevator to the third floor, then down the hall to John Cole’s room.

  Upon opening the door, she suddenly stopped both her speech and her steps so abruptly that Belinda ran into her. Looking over Emma’s shoulder, she saw the room crowded with people.

  “Oh, Emma, honey!” A woman with pale blond hair came slipping past people to throw herself on Emma. “You come on in here…I have saved you a chair.”

  The room was divided with John Cole’s family on one side, along the window, and his work colleagues—half a dozen people—on the other, standing against the bathroom and entry doors. John Cole was smack in the middle, sitting up in the bed, acting more as a host than a man with three clogged arteries who was scheduled for open-heart surgery in a few short hours.

  Emma sat in a chair next to him, with her hand in his, a smile plastered on her face. Her sister-in-law, Joella, stood next to her, and her husband, John Cole’s eldest brother, Charles, leaned against the windowsill. At the end of the bed, John Cole’s other brother, Lloyd, sat in the only other chair in the room. He had his right leg in a full cast. Lloyd was a rodeo bronc rider. Even if Belinda had not already known this, she would have known it instantly by one look at him.

  Belinda considered fleeing to the hall, where there was more air to breathe, but both her concern for Emma and her high curiosity had her take a place on the family side. She went so far as to perch on the arm of Lloyd Berry’s chair. In fact, he scooted over, giving her both room and a welcoming look, as if glad their side had increased.

  Among the work colleagues, Belinda recognized Shelley Dilks, John Cole’s secretary. The woman and man standing closest to Shelley were apparently managers at two of the Berry Quick Stops. Two young men in the corporation’s red shirts were assistant managers, evidenced by the name tags above their pockets. A large, boisterous man was a fuel supplier or something of that sort, and shortly they were all joined by a stylish professional woman, who was apparently the personal banker for the corporation. She brought a box of candy. John Cole had Shelley open it and pass it around the room.

  John Cole and the Berry Corp side chatted all about work. John Cole kept thinking of instructions, and the employees kept thinking of questions. There were about a thousand of these, although only a dozen were spoken. The rest seemed strung in the air, like a strong cord.

  The Berry family was totally silent. They all stood there staring at those across the room, as if trying to figure out who they were and why they were there. Belinda, being on the family side, tried to think of something to say. Amazingly, she found her mind blank. Finally Joella spoke up. She posed questions to the Berry employees, like, “Are you married?” “Do you have children?” “How long have you worked for Berry Corp?” Belinda, not to be nosy, found it all fascinating.

  Johnny and Gracie arrived, and people parted to let them through. They took the only available space, which was sitting on the foot of John Cole’s bed. Johnny, interestingly enough, sat on the Berry Corp side and Gracie on the family side.

  Tate Holloway, and Pastor Smith and his wife, Naomi, arrived. Belinda heard Tate’s voice from the hallway and saw the top of his head as he pushed through, bringing the much milder-mannered pastor and Naomi with him.

  It was at this point, much to Belinda’s relief, that the boisterous fuel distributor and stylish banker took their leave. Belinda had begun to feel as if there was not enough air in the room. She had gone into a hot flash. She had not known that she could have a hot flash and be pregnant, but apparently it was so. Glancing over to the windowsill, she saw a brochure. A hospital guide. She snatched it up and began fanning herself.

  After a brief chat, in which Emma actually spoke, Pastor Stanley offered a prayer. Belinda saw Naomi put her hand over on John Cole’s foot covered by the sheet. Naomi believed strongly in laying on hands. Belinda wanted to support her but could not reach John Cole’s foot. She took hold of Naomi’s other hand. Such as I am, Father.

  Tate and Pastor Stanley and Naomi bade everyone goodbye. Belinda saw John Cole’s eyes follow Tate.

  The Berry Corp people stayed and kept chatting, while the Berry family continued to hold their silence. Joella went out and returned with another bottle of water for Emma, who had drunk the one she had gotten when they arrived at the hospital. Charles Berry moved from foot to foot, and Lloyd Berry squirmed to ease his leg.

  A nurse came in. She looked surprised at everyone and said, “So, there’s a party.”

  Belinda expected the nurse to tell people to leave, but the woman simply did her checking of John Cole and the equipment, and left.

  Next came two large orderlies, who said they were there to prepare John Cole for surgery. They checked his vitals and hookup to the monitor, instructed him about what to expect when they came again, then left.

  Emma slipped out of the chair and crawled up into the bed with John Cole.

  No one left. Chatting resumed about all manner of business at the Berry Corporation. Belinda saw it suddenly: their need of and care for him were that great.

  Finally she could no longer stand it. “Well, I think we all need to get out of here and give John Cole and Emma some time alone.” She got to her feet.

  “Yes…that is a good idea,” Joella said instantly and began to move, too.

  Johnny started to rise, and Belinda put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down on the bed, while Joella instructed, “Not you, Johnny—you stay. Come on, Charles…Lloyd, here’s your crutches. Come on, ever’body, let’s go….”

  Having been moved into action, the woman gestured at the Berry Corporation people, who reluctantly offered John Cole good wishes and trickled out the door, with Joella more or less sweeping them along from behind. She cast a glance over her shoulder at Belinda, instructing with a nod, You get that last straggler.

  The last straggler was Shelley Dilks, who lingered, putting her hand on John Cole’s arm and saying she would see him later. The look of panic and need on the woman’s face struck Belinda deeply. She waited for Shelley to go ahead of her out of the room, cast a wave and kiss to Emma and John Cole, then closed the door after her.

  Fear gripped her, too. Not just for John Cole but for all of them.

  “Belinda…honey, we’re goin’ on to the waitin’ room. You’re gonna wait with us, aren’t you?” asked Joella in a sort of panic.

  “Yes. I’ll be there in a minute. I’m just goin’ in here for some…gum.”

  She went into the gift shop. There was a cushioned bench. She sank down upon it and breathed deeply. She relaxed her neck muscles, and then on down her body. Her spinning head settled.

  She looked over and saw there was a pharmacy in the back, and there, near the pharmacy window, was one of those chairs with a blood pressure cuff.

  Glancing around furtively, she slipped over to the chair and put her arm through the cuff, pushed the button.

  One eighty-eight over ninety-nine. Oh, dear.

  She sat gazing at the red digital numbers, followed by an exclamation point. That really was not helpful to lowering blood pressure.

  Her imagination pictured John Cole in the operating room, the doctors over him.

  She blinked and told herself to calm down. Breathe deeply. It would really be bad if she collapsed right during John Cole’s surgery. That would be the most embarrassing thing, and no help to Emma at all.

  Just stop it, she said to her body.

  She sat there, suddenly wishing for her mother and quite absurdly about to cry.

  Then she telephoned Lyle and woke him up. “Sugar, could you drive up here to the hospital. I’d just like you here.”

  “Honey, I’ll be there soon as I can,” said Lyle, who was amazed and thrilled that Belinda h
ad asked something that he could give.

  All the Berry Corp people went back to work when John Cole went into surgery, except Shelley Dilks. Joella took charge of the woman, sitting beside her and chatting nonstop. A lot of what Belinda overheard was a sort of grilling, consisting of the same questions: “How long have you worked for John Cole?” “How long have you been married?” “What does your husband do?” “Do you have children?” “How old?”

  The men gathered around the television. Pastor Smith joined them when he returned. Naomi, who came with him, sat beside Emma and offered both her sense of calm and tips on recovery after the surgery. Belinda—and Emma, too—had forgotten that Pastor Smith had undergone the same surgery a number of years before. When Naomi spoke of this, Emma tore her eyes from the double doors of the operating rooms, looked at Pastor Smith, and then at Naomi. Emma’s entire face relaxed, and she leaned toward the pastor’s wife as if to say, Tell me everything that you can.

  Glancing over at Gracie, Belinda saw the younger woman having much the same reaction. In all truth, and no matter that Belinda had been somewhat jealous of the girl, it was no secret how much Gracie adored her in-laws. Now she leaned forward to listen carefully to Naomi, who had a gentle voice with a Southern accent that Belinda loved to listen to, but which could sometimes be hard to hear.

  “I think you will find this somethin’ of a gift time,” said Naomi, looking into Emma’s eyes. “This is yours and John Cole’s time. You are goin’ through this surgery, too, honey. You both will need a lot of time to process it and to recover. A lot more time than it would seem. Time alone, just the two of you.

  “And you will need to make this clear to John Cole’s employees. They rely on him, and they will miss him terribly. The same for some friends. I had people callin’, wantin’ to talk to Stanley about the silliest things. One of his cousins who always cut firewood with him wanted to talk all about firewood.”

  “I’ll tell Johnny,” said Gracie, touching Emma’s hand. “He will handle it. He’ll tell everyone to report to him first.”

  “And, Gracie…I even told my children that they needed to keep their visits short. I instituted visiting hours.”

  Naomi had such a gracious way of speaking that she could tell someone to eat boogers, and they would not take offense.

  “We will only visit a short while in the evenings, Mom,” said Gracie earnestly, adding to Naomi that she and Johnny would take good care of Papa John Cole and Emma.

  Belinda was surprised to find tears in her eyes. Blinking them away, she looked over at Lyle. Suddenly the picture of herself and Lyle in Emma and John Cole’s situation flashed across her mind. Although it would likely be her in the surgery. Putting her hand to her belly, she wondered if Willie Lee was truly correct and she carried a daughter. She hoped so, and felt pity on the child at the same time. She also felt a sense of inadequacy as a daughter. She did not feel she had been much of a help to her mother when her father had been sick.

  “It looks like John Cole’s gonna do just fine, honey. I’m goin’ to go on to work.” Lyle put an arm around her shoulders. “If you’re okay.”

  “Yes…I’m fine.”

  “I’ll call you tonight, probably come by, if you are home.”

  She waved at him as the elevator doors began to close.

  Then he was gone.

  She had so wanted to say more, to say how much she appreciated his coming when she called. That she felt closer to him than she ever had, and how she had not known things could be this way for them.

  But she had not been able to say any of it.

  The visiting hours waned, and the hospital got much quieter. Belinda, Emma and Gracie were the only ones left in the ICU waiting room.

  Looking over at the other two women, Belinda knew she was no longer needed. She gathered her purse and bid them goodbye. She hugged each one. Gracie held tight a few seconds longer, whispering, “Thank you for being here, Miss Belinda. I’ll call you, keep you informed.”

  The two women gazed at each other. A new sort of bond had been born. It was odd how these things worked out. It so often took a crisis to bring people together.

  Belinda went down through the quiet hospital and out into the soft night. The concrete was still warm. She breathed deeply, again awash with profound gratitude of the sort that comes when a crisis has passed, leaving one’s emotions raw.

  Just then she saw Shelley Dilks standing down near a bus stop.

  After a moment’s hesitation, she changed direction and walked toward the woman, who looked up and saw her coming.

  “Are you waitin’ for a bus? I can give you a ride,” said Belinda.

  “Oh, no…I was just standin’ here to use this ash can,” she said, putting her cigarette out in the sand. “My car’s right over there.”

  “Ah.”

  Belinda gazed at the woman, who gazed back.

  Then Shelley Dilks said, “I thought I’d go back up, just to check and make sure John Cole’s restin’ okay. They said they were gonna take the breathin’ tube out about now.”

  “They did. He’s out of the critical time now and restin’ comfortably.” She repeated the nurse’s words.

  “Oh…well, good.” The woman made no move toward her car.

  Belinda said, “Gracie is up there with Emma. They may stay the night.”

  “Oh.”

  “I know that you are close with John Cole…that you’ve been his secretary for some time.”

  “I am manager of the Berry Corp offices and John Cole’s friend for over sixteen years.” Hand on her hip, she jutted her head slightly.

  “I know this must be a horrible time for you. It sure has scared me. But right now is their private family time. You can help John Cole best by keeping the office runnin’ smoothly. When he goes back to work, you will then have your place with him again. For right now, he needs his wife.”

  Shelley Dilks’s eyes regarded her for long seconds, while Belinda placidly looked back. Then the woman turned and walked away to her car, got in it and drove off.

  Belinda watched the taillights of the woman’s car, until it turned onto the boulevard. Then she started her own car and headed for home.

  As she drove along the dark highway, she peered into the black night beyond the lights, mindful of the unexpected—a stalled car, someone walking at the edge of the road, a stray dog or loose cow. In the distance she could see the glow of Valentine, where she was heading.

  Life, she thought, was a lot like that. One could see only what was immediately ahead. The glow of future ideas and dreams kept one heading on with hope, but in between was the vast dark unknown where anything could happen.

  Impulsively, she lowered the windows. The summer breeze blew inside, bringing the pungent scents of soil and grasses, and, as she came into Valentine, the scent of dust and concrete and fertilizer from MacCoy’s Feed and Grain.

  Only two cars were parked on Main Street, and a single truck, far down, was turning the corner. An energetic soul worked over his car at the car wash, and several people talked in the parking lot of the IGA, which was turning out its lights.

  The Berry Quick Stop was still open. Belinda pulled in to get gas. Paris Miller worked the cash register and asked eagerly after John Cole.

  “Mr. Johnny called earlier and said that Mr. Berry’s operation went well. Is he still okay?”

  “Very well, with an excellent prognosis. The doctors expect a full recovery, with little or no heart damage.”

  “Oh, good!” The girl’s intense expression relaxed, but then there were tears in her eyes.

  Belinda reached across the counter to squeeze the girl’s arm. “He’s gonna be okay, sugar.”

  On the drive home, faces and scenes from the day flitted across her mind: John Cole and Emma in the hospital bed together, and Johnny and Gracie, the brothers and sister-in-law. Joella was, well, unforgettable, and Belinda found herself smiling. She thought of Lyle, Pastor Stanley, the Berry Corporation people.

 
It was the hard times that really brought people together. Through John Cole’s suffering, Belinda had been brought back to her friendship with Emma, and to more understanding that relationships ebbed and flowed as people changed and grew. Both Gracie and Johnny were brought closer to their parents—Gracie, the daughter that Emma had always wanted. She had that now, and Belinda was glad for her.

  John Cole’s bond with Shelley Dilks and the others of the Berry Corporation came from all the hard struggles to build that corporation. Now they were a little lost without him, a little frightened in not knowing a way to help, yet in the struggle to cope, they were all brought closer together, too.

  Her thoughts traveled back to when she had been a young woman caught in her mistake, in believing in a romance that had never really been, and alone and pregnant. How different it might have been had she chosen to go to her mother and father. Perhaps if she had been able to open up and let them help her, they all might have been brought closer.

  But she had been too frightened of rejection. Too doubtful of being loved and lovable.