House of Belonging

by Andrea Thome

  “I grew up with different men drifting in and out of my life. Most of them only stayed around long enough to discover that my mother was just dating them for their money. Security was her lover, and without it, she was miserable, always in search of our next lifeboat. She’s far from perfect, but as troubled as she is, I know she was only trying to do right by me. No one had ever taught her what to value in life. She was a foster kid from the time she was very young until she aged out of the system. I need to remind myself of that fact sometimes when I feel myself start to resent her manipulative behavior and become bitter.”

  Laina watched his face, his expression hard to read under his aviator sunglasses. “Do you have a relationship with her now?”

  Logan turned and pulled down a grassy lane that had been recently traveled, driving them deeper into the woods. The canopy overhead was dense, instantly making the temperature feel ten degrees cooler. Laina shivered.

  “Are you cold?” Logan started unbuttoning the flannel shirt he had thrown on over his T-shirt back at the barn. “I grabbed this as an afterthought. It can get pretty chilly up here in a hurry when the wind changes.”

  Laina laid her hand on his arm. “I’m fine, it was just a little chill. And if you don’t want to talk about your mom, I get it. It’s none of my business.”

  Logan slowed and put the truck in park next to a thick cluster of pine trees, then turned to face Laina. “It’s weird, but with you, I feel like there’s not much I couldn’t talk about. And to answer your question, no. I don’t have a relationship with my mom. It’s been over eighteen months since we’ve spoken. She’s sent letters, but I haven’t read them. Doubt if I ever will.” He took a deep breath and then exhaled. “That about sums up the drama in my life. I’m pretty boring, really.”

  Laina smiled. “So you don’t have any other skeletons in your closet? Nothing I need to be warned about, at least while I’m making my decision—whether or not to go out with you?”

  Logan shrugged his shoulders and crinkled his eyes, trying hard to think of something. “Honestly? Not really. That’s the worst of it. If that doesn’t frighten you off, everything else about me is pretty benign.”

  Laina squared her shoulders to him. “I don’t scare easily. My parents raised me to be a fearless, independent free spirit.” She spread her arms wide. “Can’t you tell? Mom and Dad covered the peace and love aspect, and I”—she gestured down toward her all-black outfit—“I guess I took care of the rockand-roll part, to balance things out. They’re proud of what I do, but I know they’d prefer I was still a totally plant-based chef. They’re the ones who encouraged me to go to a vegan culinary school. I’m glad I did, though. I never would have met Van otherwise.”

  Logan knew she’d been friends with Van for a long time. He’d actually wondered if they’d grown up together. “You went to school in New York, right? I heard Willow and India talking about it one night.”

  Laina nodded. “Yep, and that’s where I opened my first restaurant. My first two places, actually. In the city. That’s how I know India and Wyatt. I cooked for them at their resort in Tennessee. Actually, India and I dated the same guy; I was seeing her ex, Jack, when I met her in Tennessee. That was a short-lived relationship. What an ass he turned out to be. Then last summer, I ran into India at a yoga class here in Aspen. I was thrilled to hear they were going to be spending time out here regularly. Shortly after that, India hired me to do Willow and Garrett’s wedding—but you know all of that.” She realized he was indulging her.

  “So tell me something I don’t know. Where did you grow up? Any brothers or sisters?”

  Laina shook her head. “No brothers or sisters. That I’m aware of anyway. I was adopted when I was a baby. It’s not a story that I tell a lot of people, but I was literally given to my parents by my birth mother. She stopped my parents outside of the airport in Kathmandu as they were leaving Nepal and handed me to them to hold while she told them her story. All she said was that she was afraid of what would happen to us if we stayed with my birth father, a Nepalese man she’d been living with but had never married. She was young and he was abusive, and she didn’t have the means to keep us both safe. They tried to tell her that they were in the process of departing the country, but she literally ran away from them, leaving me behind crying in their arms and at their complete mercy. They don’t know for sure which nationality my birth mother was, but my genetic testing results show a lot of Italian blood, which feels right. Ironically, my adoptive mother is Italian, and my father is Chinese.”

  Laina looked to see if Logan was listening, and he was. Intently. So she continued. “They had to change their travel plans, and they fought hard for a long time to adopt me. After six months of traveling back and forth to Asia to visit me in the orphanage where I’d been placed, they were finally successful, and were able to bring me home to live with them in Southern California. They felt that we had a spiritual connection from the moment we met. They’re big believers in such things. Their trip to Nepal was a meditative retreat, and they still take the same journey every spring, to give thanks to the universe for bringing us together as a family.”

  Logan shook his head in disbelief. “That might be one of the most amazing stories I’ve ever heard. So I guess it’s safe to say that you believe in fate?” He watched her carefully as she answered.

  “Most definitely. But fate can deal you a tricky hand sometimes. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes you have some serious crap you have to work through to get to the other side. I thought I had reached my personal zenith a couple of years ago, but then my professional success and the Michelin stars and everything that came along with that was just a mirage. It wasn’t my bliss. Here in Aspen, I feel like I’m finally ready to experience some of the good stuff.”

  Logan studied her, and seemed like he wanted to ask a question, but he hesitated for a moment.

  “We should get out of this truck and start setting up your kitchen, or I’m going to present you with a long list of experiences that I think you should be having really soon, and every single one of them includes what I consider to be very good stuff.”

  The air in the vehicle was charged. They locked eyes and nodded to each other, grabbing the door handles simultaneously before scrambling out of the truck to make themselves busy.

  Before long, Laina had her various pots and pans organized on low tables set around the double fire pit. She’d begun dicing chives and garlic that would steam along with the fresh-caught trout she’d picked up from her supplier early that morning. The group had discussed the menu the night before, and decided that they wanted Laina to make simple, easy food so that she could share in the experience with them and not have to be working too hard. Laina knew that just because the recipes she’d chosen were simple, it didn’t mean that they’d be any less flavorful. This was a dish she made for herself a couple of times a week. Her number-one priority was using local, clean ingredients. She made it a point to know all her restaurant suppliers personally, so she was aware of where every product came from and how it was produced or grown.

  Logan had made himself busy chopping extra wood to have ready in the reserves next to the campsite. Looking over, Laina was momentarily distracted by the sight of him. He’d taken his flannel off as soon as they’d gotten out of the truck, and now he was shirtless, the ax rising and falling with a thud at the same time his muscles contracted, the split logs falling to the earth. A few more swings and he rose, wiping the sweat off his brow with a towel he’d gotten out of the back of his Bronco. He reached down for his T-shirt, slipping it back over his head in one quick motion, then bent over again to collect an armful of firewood.

  “Here, let me help you.” Laina stood up, rushing to help him stack the wood by the fire, which they hadn’t lit yet, but had prepared so it would be easy to start when Laina began cooking.

  They collected the rest of the logs before stopping for a water break. The afternoon had warmed up quickly, and there were impress
ive cumulus clouds building that made Logan think the forecasters may have been right on about the potential for overnight thunderstorms. Luckily the sturdy canvas tents were waterproof, so Logan wasn’t worried that anyone would get drenched while they slept.

  Logan set his water bottle down on a log, reaching for Laina’s hand. “Come on, I want to show you something.” She took his hand as he led her down a narrow dirt path through an old grove of aspen trees. They came around the corner into a clearing that surrounded a huge shimmering blue lake. Laina was speechless. There was a small sandy shore before them, but the rest of the lake was engulfed by dense, uninhabited forest, and it appeared to have no other points of entry.

  “Wow. This doesn’t even look real.” Laina reached down to touch the water, it’s chill nipping at the tips of her fingers. Cool but not unmanageable. Close to camp. Perfect for a midnight dip.

  Logan laughed. “Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. The first time Garrett brought me out here to fish, I was blown away. I’ve seen some beautiful lakes during my time as a ranger, but this one is special. I’ve yet to see anyone else out here. It’s not very accessible, and the owners are pretty private, but they must be fans of Walland House because they let us come out anytime we want. Willow reached out and asked if they would let us use it for this overnight, and they graciously said yes. I’ve never met them, but they sound really cool. Here, check this out.”

  Logan crossed to the other side of the small beach, reaching up to untie a tire swing that was secured to a protruding tree branch that hung out over the water. “Want to take it for a spin? You said you were ready to try some of the good stuff.” Is that a challenge in his eye?

  Laina couldn’t say no. She slipped out of her tennis shoes and peeled off her socks. The skin of her calves was milky white up against the black leggings, and she was acutely aware of her red toenails since he’d commented on them the night before. Logan held the swing still while she climbed on, threading her legs through the center and holding on to the rope at the top.

  “OK, ready? One, two—” On three, he gave the tire swing a push, sending Laina flying out over the lake. She laughed with delight as she flew back and forth across the water. As her momentum slowed, it dawned on her that she would eventually end up hanging over the lake, with no way to dismount and remain dry. Looking back at the shore, she could see Logan’s body shaking with laughter.

  He cupped his hands and yelled out to her, “I wondered when it was going to occur to you that you’ll need a ride home!” He doubled over laughing, clearly delighted with himself.

  “Logan, if you don’t want your dinner served with an extra helping of arsenic tonight, you’d better jump in that canoe and row out here and get me!” She was laughing when she said it, though, having surprised herself for having been too in the moment for once. She’d leapt without thinking, and it had felt great. Luckily, Van wasn’t around to turn the experience into a metaphor.

  Logan flipped over the canoe that was sitting on the shore, kicked off his shoes, and rolled up his jeans before dragging the vessel down into the lake to row out after her. He never took his eyes off her as he dug the paddles into the water on each side of the canoe, sending it gliding across the water in Laina’s direction. His movements were purposeful, and they filled her stomach with jitters.

  He was coming for her.

  Laina started to climb up out of the tire, crouching down on the lip of the swing and wrapping her arms around the body of the tire. Logan positioned the boat underneath her and rose carefully to take her by the waist and help her down into the boat. Laina ended up standing opposite him in the unsteady canoe, close enough to recognize the wicked look in his eye.

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, but I would.”

  When the rest of the group heard Laina scream, they ran down the path from the campsite where they’d just tied up the horses.

  There, in the middle of the lake, were Laina and Logan, clinging to opposite sides of the tipped canoe, their heads thrown back in laughter.

  CHAPTER

  TEN

  “I’m telling you, I trusted him, and he practically threw me in the lake.”

  Their friends were still laughing an hour later, hearing Laina retell the story. They’d stood on the beach, watching her swim back with the oars, while Logan pulled the canoe behind him. A splashing fight ensued once Laina had the oars in position, with Logan coming out on the losing end and humbly accepting his payback.

  They stood around the fire now, the flames crackling and hissing as they licked against the dry logs, sending plumes of smoke up into the canopy of trees. Laina had changed into the only other set of clothing she’d packed for the next day, a pair of blue jeans and a fitted black “Rattle and Hum” T-shirt that had been washed a thousand times. She’d gladly accepted Logan’s offer to wear his plaid shirt too, since the air had gotten noticeably cooler after the sun had dipped lower in the sky. Logan had changed too, into a new pair of jeans and a brown pullover sweater.

  Laina finished cooking dinner, and they gathered around the fire to eat. The food was simple, fresh, and perfectly seasoned, and everyone raved about the flavors. She’d even prepared some individual tins of blueberry buckle that were sitting on the grill pan suspended over the fire, fragrantly bubbling away. She passed them out so that everyone could enjoy dessert fireside from the comfort of their Adirondack chairs. Wyatt was in charge of drinks, and Laina accepted a hard cider from him, settling back into her own seat with an exhale.

  Logan was sitting across from her, watching her through the heat of the fire. Her hair had dried with a slight wave to it, softer and less structured than she usually wore it. She looked relaxed and happy as she chatted with the others about their morning at Food and Wine. Wyatt and India had attended a presentation by a famous Chicago-area chef, and Willow and Garrett had spent the morning networking in the VIP lounge. Organizers had brought in someone to lead a morning meditation session before serving up a gourmet breakfast to platinum cardholders attending the Classic. After a morning surrounded by foodies, Willow’s curiosity had been piqued, and she wanted to know more about Laina’s own journey into the culinary world.

  “What made you decide to be a chef?” Willow was perched on the arm of Garrett’s chair, her arm draped casually around his neck. They reeked of that newlywed kind of love.

  Laina took a sip of her cider, wiping the sweat off the bottle with her fingers as she spoke. “For me, food triggers memories. Growing up in California, my parents were always reverent about our meals, and they were very particular about where our food came from. It’s impossible to be raised with that kind of awareness and not grow up to care about the same things as an adult. When it was time for me to go to school, I thought I might go to art school, actually. I’ve always been a doodler. But I’d taken a raw foods class with my mom the summer before my senior year in high school and discovered that food was art too. I loved watching how the instructor took care of the food and composed dishes in the most unexpected ways. My mom recognized a flicker of passion, and took it upon herself to research NGI in New York. The rest is history.”

  Garrett was fascinated. “I appreciate your commitment to working with clean ingredients, and I’m glad we’re seeing more and more of that trend. I’m wondering, what made you decide to stray from working strictly with vegan food? I mean, I realize that’s kind of what you’re known for. I noticed you haven’t served us any animal proteins besides fish or eggs these past two evenings. How do you decide where to draw the line?”

  Laina loved that they were so interested in talking about food, and that they were presenting her with questions she hadn’t considered in quite a while.

  “Well, when I was only serving vegan food, which was really just at my first restaurant in New York, I felt like my customers were rather homogenous. Not in a bad way. They were obviously health-conscious, and compassionate. But I wanted to challenge myself a bit. I’ve always been fascinated by people I don’t kn
ow. I think it’s because strangers adopted me, so I have this natural instinct to try to learn more about the people that are most different from myself.”

  Logan spoke up for the first time. “Laina, if you’re open to it, you could share the story of your adoption with these guys. It really speaks to who you are; you’re within the circle of trust here.” Logan nodded to her, encouraging her to share her truth, so she did, telling them the story of how she’d ended up with her parents, and opening up more of herself to her new friends in the process.

  Vivian and Sienna had been quiet for most of the conversation, sipping their wine while sitting next to Laina, soaking up her story.

  When Laina finished, Sienna finally spoke. “Have you ever felt that being adopted made you feel like less than a part of your family than if you’d been raised by your biological parents?” Her expression was so earnest, and she blushed, glancing at Vivian before continuing. “I’m asking for a friend.”

  Laina smiled and shook her head. “My mom and dad are my parents. My family. I cannot imagine that even if I had the opportunity to meet my birth mother—which I’m not interested in doing—that she’d ever be able to come close to meaning to me what my parents do. Would you mind if I ask why your friend wants to know?”

  Sienna looked at Vivian, who nodded slightly at her wife before answering Laina herself. “Sienna and I have been thinking about starting a family, but we aren’t sure we’ll have an easy time of it if we choose to go the adoption route. Same-sex couples have an uphill battle, and we don’t know if we want to go through that at this stage of our lives. Another option would be to find a donor who would help us to start a family of our own, but that’s not something you can ask just anyone to do. Most of the candidates we know already have families, or want to have them one day, and are not interested in complicating their future family trees. Believe us. We’ve asked a few people we thought might be open to the idea, and it didn’t pan out. That’s why we’re revisiting the idea of adoption.”