Smoke & Mirrors

by Charlie Cochet

  “Fair enough. Are you all right now? Considering?”

  “I will be. How about some coffee?” Dex held a finger up. “Actually, I think there’s still some of that English breakfast tea you gave Sloane a couple months back.” Hudson was a guy after his own heart. He drank as much black tea as Dex drank coffee, and he was damned scary when he didn’t get it. Never keep an Englishman away from his afternoon cup of tea.

  “Tea would be lovely. Thank you.”

  Dex motioned for Hudson to follow him into the kitchen. He pulled the electric teakettle out from one of the bottom cabinets. Tea wasn’t Dex’s favorite drink, but since he’d met Hudson he’d been drinking more of it. He wasn’t a fan of some of the herbal ones. The whole boiled-grass thing didn’t appeal to him.

  “How are you doing?” Hudson asked, taking a seat on one of the chairs behind the kitchen counter as Dex took out a couple of mugs. He might as well make himself a latte.

  “Sore as hell, but—”

  “That’s not what I was referring to,” Hudson said gently.

  Dex turned to see what Hudson was referring to. He swallowed hard when Hudson motioned to Dex’s arm. On instinct, he put a hand over the healed wounds. He did his best to smile wide. “Good. Great.”

  “Dex, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

  “Of course we are.” Dex really liked Hudson. Had liked him from the moment they met. He was such a sweet guy. Smart, funny, and at times charmingly awkward. When he was drunk, he was hilarious and threw caution to the wind. Whenever Hudson joined them at Dekatria, he and Dex would get cheerfully drunk, and the two became partners in crime, singing karaoke, dancing, hugging everyone, causing mischief. Dex wished Hudson joined them more often.

  “Then you know you can confide in me. I meant to offer sooner, but it’s been a rather eventful few months, hasn’t it?”

  Dex snickered. “Never a dull moment in Destructive Delta.”

  “Quite right.”

  “When you say offer….”

  “You must have so many questions. I’m here. Whatever you need, and I know you need. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “See what?” Dex turned and busied himself getting their hot drinks ready.

  “The fear, the onslaught of overwhelming emotions that threatens to drown you at any moment. The feel of him always on your skin. His scent, his touch. It’s exhilarating and yet incredibly terrifying. I imagine even more so for you.”

  Hudson was the only one he knew who was marked. Dex had so many questions, but he didn’t want to bring up anything that might be painful for his friend, so he never asked. “I didn’t want to say something that might hurt.”

  “I’m constantly hurting, Dex.”

  Dex turned to stare at him. “Jesus. Like, physically?”

  “In every way imaginable.” Hudson’s pale blue eyes filled with sadness. “It’s been my state of being since I walked away from Seb.”

  “How do you do it? Why do you do it? Just the thought of not being with Sloane….”

  A rush of anguish flooded through Dex at the thought, and his body shivered. He was unaware of how hard he’d been gripping the edge of the counter, or how he’d momentarily lost himself until Hudson placed a hand on Dex’s shoulder. Shit, he hadn’t even noticed Hudson get up and come around the island counter to stand in front of him. What was wrong with him?

  “It’s all right. Sloane isn’t going anywhere. He’s most likely thinking of you at this very moment, missing you, smiling at the thought of your laughter. You’re everything to him. Is that his mug?” Hudson smiled and pointed to the clear glass mug with a black cat nose and whiskers.

  “Yeah.” Dex picked it up, unable to help his chuckle. They’d been grocery shopping when Dex came across it. The moment he saw it, he had to buy it for Sloane. Sloane had rolled his eyes but humored him. As expected, it made Dex laugh every time Sloane used it. When Sloane drank from it, it made him look like he had a cat nose and whiskers. Dex felt himself relax. “It’s getting worse, I think. I mean, I missed him when we weren’t together, but now I feel kind of queasy.”

  “You feel ill when he’s not at your side?”

  “I didn’t before, but it happened this morning when he left for work. I threw up.”

  Hudson nodded. “It will pass. Your body’s reacting to his absence. It’ll soon catch up to your mind and know he’ll be returning to you. When he comes home it will be rather euphoric.”

  “Yeah? Why is that?”

  “Our bonds are forged from our most animalistic nature, even for a Human who is marked. When Sloane leaves you, you feel his absence deeply, and your body reacts accordingly, causing you to feel physically ill. In your mind, you know he intends to return to you, but your body has yet to grow accustomed to this knowledge. This is why you’ll feel euphoric when he returns.”

  “So you’re saying what I’m feeling is like what a dog feels when his owner leaves the house and comes back?”

  Hudson wrinkled his nose. “A somewhat rudimentary example, but I suppose so.”

  “Okay, so eventually I’ll stop retching when he leaves and dry humping his leg when he gets home? That’s good news. What about that sense of loss when he’s not with me?” He could deal with the wanting to jump his partner’s bones. When didn’t he want to jump Sloane’s bones? The feeling nauseated or getting sick part didn’t appeal to him one bit.

  “That, I’m afraid, will never leave you. He’s a part of you. You’ll always mourn his loss when he’s not at your side.”

  “Is there a way to make it… less painful?” He could hardly be at Sloane’s side twenty-four hours a day. That wasn’t healthy for any relationship, bonding or no. It was also impossible considering their professions. Luckily they were on the same team, but out in the field they went where they were needed. Dex couldn’t—and didn’t want to—follow Sloane around like a lost puppy.

  “Yes, there is.” Hudson began to unbutton his shirt, and Dex arched an eyebrow. Things were certainly taking an interesting turn.

  “Oookay. Is the stripping a part of it, or are you just giving me a show? ’Cause you know, the tea’s on the house.” Dex slid Hudson’s tea mug closer to him.

  Hudson arched an eyebrow at him before revealing the charcoal gray T-shirt underneath. Aside from the shirt being too big for him, it was Led Zeppelin. Hudson didn’t strike him as a rock kind of guy, but then again, who was he to judge? The shirt was well-worn, the design faded. It was clearly a favorite.

  Hudson’s cheeks flushed. “It was Seb’s. I had it resized, as it was far too big on me. He used to wear it on the weekends when he stayed at my flat. I… um, when I was packing up his belongings to have dropped off at his house, I may have left out a few things.”

  Dex’s heart hurt for Hudson. What happened between Hudson and Seb hurt, but after Dex was marked, it was like there was a connection between him, Sloane, Hudson, and Seb. Now that he thought about it, he’d noticed Sloane and Seb talking more, hanging out at work more. They were friends, had been for years, but there’d always been a small rift between them since Seb had been transferred from Destructive Delta. It was like Sloane marking Dex had brought about an unspoken understanding between them.

  “Hudson, man….” Dex didn’t even have words.

  Hudson gave him a small smile as he buttoned up his shirt. “Terribly pathetic, I know.”

  “No. Not pathetic. It just….” Dex rubbed at his chest. It hurt, as if he could feel Hudson’s pain. Not exactly what he felt—Dex could imagine how excruciating it must be—but enough to feel the burn in the back of his eyes. Hudson put a hand to his own chest, and it was as if the throbbing pain in Dex’s chest eased.

  “Touching something of his, something he enjoyed or loved, it soothes me. It shouldn’t, really, but it does. I always have something of his on me.” He swallowed hard. “It helps me get through the days.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “That’s why bonds are so rare, Dex. The risk is extraordinary.�
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  Hudson prepared his tea and took a sip. He motioned over to the living room, and Dex grabbed his latte. They sat down on the couch, and Dex took a sip of his coffee. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared about the whole thing. There was so much more to it than he could have imagined.

  “But there’s the other side too,” Hudson said, a blush coming onto his cheeks. “Knowing that he will always be there to hold you, protect you, love you like no other. When he looks at you, he believes with all his heart that the sun’s light pales in comparison to your smile.”

  “Seb would be here if you let him. It makes me wonder how he could stay away. How fiercely he loves you. I don’t get it.” Maybe Seb wasn’t physically hurting because he wasn’t the one marked, but he was still in pain. Everyone could see that.

  “I left him no choice,” Hudson replied quietly.

  “What do you mean?”

  Hudson pushed his trendy glasses up his nose and sighed. “I… very cruelly informed him I would return to England if he didn’t accept things were over between us. Being apart is painful enough. Being an ocean apart would be unbearable.”

  “Wouldn’t he just follow you?” Dex had no doubt Seb would follow Hudson wherever he went just to be close to him.

  “No. As much as Seb loves me, he would never abandon Ethan or his family. I knew that. I knew he could never leave his little brother behind, and I used that against him.”

  Tears pooled in Hudson’s eyes, and Dex put his mug on the coffee table to pull Hudson into his embrace.

  Hudson let his head rest on Dex’s shoulder. “I’m deplorable.”

  “Hey, no you’re not. You did what you felt you had to.”

  “The worst part is, he should hate me, and he bloody doesn’t. I took a piece of him with me, tore out his heart, threatened him, and he still loves me as if I’d never left.”

  “It’s hard to hate someone you know loves you.”

  “He couldn’t possibly know,” Hudson sniffed.

  “Dude, you took like three bullets for him. I’m pretty sure he knows.”

  Hudson pulled away with a laugh, thanking Dex when he handed Hudson a tissue from inside the drawer on the end table.

  “Would you really do it? Would you leave?”

  Hudson released a heart-wrenching sigh and shook his head. “I’ve tried. But I can’t.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m his in every way, Dex. My bond to him has been sealed and is unbreakable. As I said, my body is in physical pain from his absence. I can move to another state, but the farther I go from him, the more painful it will become. If I moved to England without him, my body would never last. It would eat away at itself.”

  Dex gaped at him. “Jesus Christ. Are you telling me you’d actually die from the separation?”

  Hudson nodded somberly. “My feral half would rather kill us than live without its mate.”

  Fuck a duck. “So… does that mean you can’t even go on vacation outside the US?”

  “Holiday isn’t permanent. Believe me, your body knows the difference. After a while, homesickness would turn into something else.” Hudson covered Dex’s hand with his own and squeezed it, his blue eyes meeting Dex’s. “That’s what this is, Dex. By bearing his mark, you’ve given yourself completely to him. I don’t mean to scare you. For you, there’s so much wonder and beauty ahead. It’s extraordinary. It’ll make your heart soar, your soul shine, and your body tremble with anticipation of his touch.”

  Hudson smiled, his face glowing with so much love it took Dex’s breath away.

  “You’ll memorize every curve, every freckle, every scar and blemish. The slightest hitch in his breath will be as if he’d spoken a thousand words. You’ll need him like never before, need to see him, touch him, and feel him. If he gets hurt, you’ll know, and it’ll feel as though your heart is tearing itself apart. You’ll need to control your emotions, your impulses.”

  “I can control myself.” Most of the time. If he wanted to.

  Hudson shook his head. “You’ve yet to be tested or you would know. You’ll be hyperaware of anyone who lays a finger on him, no matter their intent. The jealousy is very unflattering and must be contained.”

  “Pfft. I don’t get jealous.”

  Hudson wasn’t buying it for a second.

  “Okay, maybe a little.”

  “All marked mates share certain experiences. The initial nausea, vomiting, that feeling something is wrong when our mate is hurt or in pain. Some experiences are unique to each marked mate. You may experience something I never would and vice versa.”

  “And the dying part?”

  “There have been a few cases, but there’s no telling if it’s universal. I would suggest not testing the theory.”

  “I think I’m good.” Dex had no intention of keeling over on international soil just to prove he couldn’t live without Sloane. Literally.

  “Now you take everything I have told you and have yet to tell you and multiply it by ten, and that is how Sloane feels about you.”

  Dex stared at him.

  “You aren’t the only one growing accustomed to all this. For Sloane, it’s more difficult. He’s always at war with his Therian side. He can be dangerous. Lethal. He’ll need you to take care of him, soothe him, show him you’re his and always will be.”

  “But he knows that.”

  “He does. His feral half is another matter. The beast inside him fears you’ll be taken from him. You’ll see him behind Sloane’s eyes when there are potential threats in sight. His instincts will be on high alert. He’ll need to reassure himself by touching you, being aware of your location in a room, who’s around you.”

  That part Dex had already experienced during a night out. It didn’t go so well. Something occurred to Dex, and he forced himself to ask. “Did anything change when Seb marked you? I mean, besides everything you just said, were you changed in any way?”

  Hudson cocked his head in thought. “As I said, everyone is different, but besides what we’ve discussed, I haven’t experienced any other changes, but then Seb and I are both Therians, and as rare as marking is, it’s more common among Therian pairs than pairs where one is a Human.”

  That’s what Dex figured. He supposed all he could do was wait and see.

  Hudson looked at his watch. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. I promised Nina I would meet her for lunch.”

  “How are things between you two?” The last time he’d seen them, Hudson had been deeply hurt to find out Nina had been in a secret relationship with Rafe. The guy had made Hudson’s life a living hell after the shooting incident that tore Seb and Hudson apart.

  “It’s a bloody mess,” Hudson said with a sigh. “I feel for Rafe and his condition, but it doesn’t excuse all the years of deplorable behavior. The man tried to get me sacked after the incident and almost succeeded. He dragged my name through the mud, brought me before our superiors, questioned my integrity. How can I simply forget the campaign he launched against me? If it weren’t for Seb, Rafe would have had everyone in the department believing his tripe.

  “Of course Nina feels guilty, and I’m having a dreadful time with it all. I’m trying. I truly am. But our relationship has suffered a terrible blow.” Hudson’s eyes filled with sadness. “She broke my heart and my trust. After all we’ve been through, she kept her relationship with Rafe a secret from me. The only good to come out of the whole thing is that the Hobbs brothers are united for once. Their bond seems to be healing. Julia—Seb’s mother—is overjoyed. For the first time in years, her boys are not only getting along but supporting each other. I would never take that from Seb. For all his anger at his brother, he loves him.”

  Hudson stood, and Dex accompanied him to the door. “Well, I guess that’s something.” He was glad the feud between Seb and Rafe had ended. Poor Hobbs was always caught in the middle of his big brothers’ epic battles and ended up an unwitting casualty of war. Dex caught Hudson’s elbow. There was something else he wa
s curious about.

  “Tell me to fuck off if it’s none of my business, but what happened between you and Seb at the hospital? The guy barely left your side.” Dex watched as Hudson’s heart broke all over again.

  “When I woke up, he took my hand and said he’d always known I loved him.” Hudson worried his bottom lip, his eyes growing glassy. He straightened and blinked a few times, a tragic smile coming onto his face. “I told him I did love him and might possibly never stop loving him, but love was not enough. There would never be an us again. I thanked him for staying with me and told him I could manage.”

  “You told him to leave?”

  Hudson nodded. “He was exhausted. I could see. So he listened. When he walked out, I cried for quite some time.”

  Dex grabbed Hudson, most likely startling him, and hugged him tight. “I’m so sorry. If you ever need anything, if you need to talk, you call me, okay?”

  “I will.” Hudson pulled back and wiped the wetness from his cheek. “Thank you, Dex. Same to you, okay?”

  They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Hudson was gone, and Dex sat in his living room on the couch. He really wished things would work out for Hudson and Seb, but the way things were going, it wasn’t looking good. There had to be something Dex could do. Why was Hudson being so stubborn? It was true that love alone wasn’t always enough, but he wasn’t even giving them a chance. Love was all about taking chances, giving, taking, working through things together. Sometimes Dex didn’t understand Therians.

  With a sigh, Dex went to the kitchen to make himself some lunch. He was tired and in need of a nap, but he was glad Hudson had stopped by. Between his time with Sloane, his napping, and Hudson, Dex had little time to think about Wolf, TIN, and the supposed file. That was a lie. He was purposefully avoiding thinking about it. Thinking about it meant thinking about his parents and their death. He wasn’t ready to do that. Let TIN figure it out.

  “Fucking coward.” Dex stopped in front of the open fridge, staring at nothing in particular. Why was he a coward? He’d been kidnapped and tortured, for fuck’s sake. He’d been told his parents were murdered. Was it too much to ask for a mini break, some time for his body to heal before he jumped into the next fucking drama? Could he not go a few weeks without his life falling apart? Without someone trying to kill him, hurt him, make him bleed? He let out a frustrated growl and slammed the fridge door shut. The whole thing wobbled, and Dex stared at it. Shit. “All right, that’s enough of that.” He wasn’t going to go down that path. Nope.