The Harder They Fall

by Debbie McGowan

  In general it wasn’t really a problem to them at all, as they’d had plenty of time to come to terms with it. Apart from the small glitch when Shaunna was trying on her dress, they’d lived entirely separate lives in most respects. They still shared meals together, and bought household shopping, because it made more sense than doubling up on items that were more expensive in individual sizes. But the social and sexual aspects of their day-to-day activities were no longer of concern to each other. For instance, Shaunna had also seen Kris with George the night before, and found it a little odd, but it didn’t bother her in the slightest. When she used to joke that she’d turned Kris straight, it was out of a need for reassurance that he was all that he claimed to be, but she never truly believed it. So, once the shock of his affair had passed, she found she was strangely at peace, and because Kris could finally be himself, his mental health improved by leaps and bounds, with immediate results. He was back at work within a couple of weeks, was eating properly again and starting to enjoy the little things in life, like walking the dog, reading a book—in other words, everything he’d always done when they were together; he also went out at weekends with some of the guys he worked with, and she didn’t care to know what he was up to when he didn’t come home.

  Kris’s only worry was that they hadn’t told Krissi. She’d hinted at the question once, when she’d been visiting and noticed that her old room was filled with his stuff, but she seemed to accept their explanation that they were clearing out the wardrobes to fit new ones, and let it go. The longer they left telling her, the harder it became and they agreed that she needed to be the first to know. Shaunna sent her a text message, inviting her round for lunch, and nodded to indicate that she had replied in acceptance. So that was the first step complete. Also easy, by comparison, was the decision of what to say to their parents, and they decided against telling Shaunna’s dad, who was a little forgetful in his old age and wouldn’t cope with the news very well. Kris’s parents were accepting of his sexuality when he was younger, so although they might be a little saddened by the marriage break-up, they wouldn’t judge him badly for it. Still, there was no urgent need to tell them, as they lived too far away to find out by accident. Alas, the same was not true of their seven closest friends, or at least, the six who didn’t yet know.

  So, should they tell them all at the same time? This was Kris’s first suggestion, and on the surface it seemed a good one. It would mean not having to repeat themselves over and again, and no awkward questions about their living arrangements. The big downfall to this approach, aside from Dan and Andy’s absence, was that there were some who needed to know before others; Adele was Shaunna’s best friend, and would feel dreadfully betrayed if she didn’t hear the news first. And then there was Eleanor, who would instantly go into a panic about the wedding and the cabin bookings for next week. In conclusion, telling everyone at once was a bad idea.

  By this point in the conversation, Casper was exhausted, but would happily have continued fetching the Frisbee for as long as someone threw it for him to fetch. However, they’d been walking for almost two hours, thus had a return leg of the same duration still ahead of them, and by the time they arrived home, everything was sorted out. They were going to give the dog a quick shower to get rid of the sand, have lunch with Krissi and tell her, go and see Adele, and then Eleanor, and leave everyone else until tomorrow. By Tuesday, they would all know, giving them a full three days to let it sink in before Eleanor’s wedding.

  As with all plans, it didn’t go quite as they’d hoped.

  Casper happily complied while Kris washed the sand out of his coat, and even shook before he was out of the bathroom. At the sound of Krissi arriving, he tore down the stairs and leapt at her, nearly knocking her right back out of the door, and into Jason, who was standing just behind her.

  “Yuck. Couldn’t you have warned me in your text?” she said, wiping the mix of water and dog saliva off her face. She took off her coat and kissed her mum’s cheek.

  “Sorry, hun.” Shaunna was just finishing up with the salad and had already laid out the chicken and potato wedges.

  “And he stinks,” Krissi added, patting Casper’s very wet head. “Doesn’t he?” She addressed this question to Jason, who wouldn’t have answered it even if he hadn’t been preoccupied with trying to pick short, yellow hairs off his very black jacket and jeans.

  “Err,” he said and smiled weakly.

  “Don’t say things like that,” Kris warned jokily as he came into the kitchen, his clothes completely soaked. “You know what your mum’s like.” Unfortunately, the warning came too late, because Shaunna had already abandoned the salad, the uncapped bottle of dressing discarded in favour of a handful of lit incense sticks, which she positioned in the holders placed here and there around the downstairs rooms. She returned, unceremoniously tipped the dressing over the salad, gave the bowl a shake and dumped it on the table.

  “He doesn’t smell that bad really, Mum,” Krissi said apologetically, then coughed, largely for effect, although the incense was sending out quite a lot of smoke.

  “It’s too late. You’ve said it now,” Shaunna snapped and sat down opposite her daughter. Krissi looked to Kris, who gave her a wink to indicate that the curtness was not directed at her.

  “This looks yummy,” she tried.

  “Help yourself,” Shaunna said. “You too, Jason. Dig in. You still look like you need feeding up. Don’t you eat?”

  “Yeah, I do…” he began.

  “Like, chips and crisps and the odd apple, if you can be bothered,” Krissi interrupted.

  “That’s so not true,” he protested.

  “It so is,” she argued.

  “Anyway,” Kris interjected. It was all done in fun, but there were more serious matters to attend to. “Clearly we didn’t just decide to invite you to lunch for the sake of it.”

  “Oh, thanks!”

  “Like you’ve ever needed a formal invitation before!”

  “So why did you invite us? I assumed it was us? Not just me?” She looked worried.

  “Jason, you are more than welcome,” Shaunna assured them. She was glad that Kris had taken the lead and was feeling a bit less stressed about the whole situation.

  “Thanks, Mrs. Johansson,” he mumbled. He took the smallest piece of chicken and a tiny scoop of potato wedges and positioned them carefully on his plate.

  “That’s why you never eat. You spend so long trying to make it look like a work of art,” Krissi said, watching him push the wedges into an arc with his fork. He ignored her and picked up the outermost wedge, chewing on it and repositioning the others at the same time. Krissi tutted and turned her attention to her own food. “Anyway, you were saying?”

  “Err, yeah,” Kris said, suddenly nervous, now he was being put on the spot. “The thing is…” He picked up some salad and carefully carried it to his plate. “Me and your mum…” He made a big fuss out of selecting a piece of chicken. “What I’m trying to say is…” He did the same with the wedges, almost replicating Jason’s earlier behaviour.

  “We’re not together anymore,” Shaunna finished for him. She waited, watching her daughter’s face for a reaction. None was forthcoming.

  “Right?” Krissi said, expecting more.

  “That’s it, really. We thought we should tell you.”

  “Oh. OK. I thought it was going to be something serious, like Grandad was sick, or something.”

  “It is serious!” Shaunna said crossly.

  “I didn’t mean it wasn’t serious, did I?”

  “What did you mean?” Kris asked. This was not the response either of them had predicted when they were talking about it on the beach.

  “I mean, I knew. We knew, didn’t we, Jason?” She nudged him. He nodded and busied himself with cutting a tiny morsel of chicken from the portion on his plate. The knife slipped and the smaller piece flew off the table, right into the mouth of the waiting Labrador.

  “Nice catch, Casper!” Kris
si said. “So yeah. All that nonsense about clearing out your wardrobes. Pfft!”

  “And you’re all right about it?” Kris asked.

  “Don’t be soppy. Of course I am. I’m a big girl now and it’s not like I have to put up with the pair of you trying to keep out of each other’s way, is it? You got a boyfriend yet, then?”

  Kris was in the process of swallowing a slice of tomato and had to gulp it down before he’d chewed it, almost choking himself by doing so.

  “Krissi!’ Shaunna shouted. She couldn’t think of anything else to say, but it was enough for her daughter to realise that she had overstepped the mark. She played with her food, feeling very foolish in the long silence that followed, eventually broken by Kris as soon as it looked like they were all finished with their meal.

  “Anyone for dessert? We have chocolate fudge cake…”

  “No, we don’t. We ate it last week,” Shaunna reminded him.

  “We don’t have chocolate fudge cake, but we do have apple pie and ice-cream.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Jason said, momentarily forgetting his usual sullen disposition, but reverting just as quickly. Krissi tutted again.

  “Me too,” she said. Kris looked to Shaunna, who confirmed with a nod that she’d have some and started to clear the table. So that was the first revelation over and done with. Next: to tell Adele.

  It hadn’t really been that late when they’d left the reunion party the night before, but it was too late for Alice to go home, so she’d stayed over, gone home to feed Albert, and then come back again to watch an old black and white movie. It was something they had taken to doing whenever Dan was working away—a bit of light relief from looking after a very active toddler who refused to nap until early evening, and something Adele was surprised to find she enjoyed immensely. When Shaunna rang the doorbell, it was just coming to the big finale, and Adele scowled at her without saying a word. Shaunna glanced at Kris, and they stepped inside, observing the scene before them and hanging back to attend to the koi pool, in the absence of any other occupation.

  “She didn’t say she had company,” Shaunna whispered.

  “What do we do? Leave it until tomorrow?”

  “No. Let’s go and see Ellie and try again this evening.” She tiptoed over to Adele. “We’ll come back later,” she whispered.

  “What?” Adele said, without taking her eyes from the TV.

  “We’ll come back later,” Shaunna repeated more loudly.

  “OK,” Adele replied absently, leaving them to let themselves out.

  “I could murder a double vodka right now,” Kris said, as they walked back down the road to catch the bus to Eleanor’s apartment.

  “Ugh. Not sure I could,” Shaunna grimaced. “I’m absolutely knackered. I reckon we’ve walked about ten miles today.”

  “Yeah. Pretty close to it.”

  Fortunately they timed their arrival at the bus stop perfectly, and flopped into the nearest seats, physically and emotionally drained. They all lived relatively close to each other, so they were at Eleanor’s front door within fifteen minutes, and could hear from outside that somebody was screaming. It turned out to be Oliver, having his second tantrum of the day, and all because James asked him to get a nappy from the bedroom.

  “Ignore the shrieking child,” Eleanor said, sending them through to the lounge, right past Oliver. Shaunna and Kris did as they were told, and perched uneasily on the edge of the sofa. James finished putting a clean nappy on Toby, picked him up and looked around.

  “Here. I’d love to hold him,” Shaunna offered. James passed the baby to her and she settled back into the sofa, taking the bottle of milk Eleanor brought a moment later: she had considerably more experience than the pair of them, and Toby settled happily into his feed.

  “You should visit more often,” Eleanor remarked, for Oliver had also quietened down, and was standing in the doorway, waiting to be allowed to return. This was the rule that James had imposed: if he was upset, he was to go and be on his own until he was no longer upset. It wasn’t working.

  “Come back now, Enna?” he asked, sniffling.

  “Yes, Oliver. Get a tissue and wipe your nose.” He did as she told him and stood next to Kris, examining his hair. It was light brown with blonde highlights, which probably seemed quite strange to Oliver, with his black curly hair. Eleanor’s hair was also dark in colour, and Oliver couldn’t help but stare. Kris smiled at him and he smiled back.

  “Yep. You should definitely visit more often,” Eleanor repeated.

  “You might change your mind when we tell you why we’ve come,” Shaunna said. Feeding the baby was making her feel relaxed and in control, and she was ready to do the talking this time around.

  “Sounds ominous. Should I sit down for this?”

  “Probably.”

  She shrugged and sat in the armchair. James finished clearing the baby changing equipment away and left the room.

  “You don’t have to leave on our account,” Kris called after him.

  “I am quite sure you would rather I did,” he said and continued on his way. Eleanor examined both of her friends, trying to second-guess what they were about to tell her.

  “Please don’t say you can’t come to the wedding. Not when Dan and Andy won’t be there either.”

  “God, no. We wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Shaunna reassured her. “And before I go any further, it won’t make any difference to the arrangements for the holiday, so don’t worry about a thing. That’s why we wanted to tell you now.”

  “OK,” Eleanor said, relieved, her curiosity taking over.

  “Kris and I decided to separate last Christmas,” Shaunna told her.

  “I’m sorry.” It was an automatic response.

  “Don’t be. It’s all OK between us, but it wasn’t working out. We’re still sharing the house. The only thing that’s really changed is that we don’t share the same bed.”

  “Lots of couples do that these days, don’t they? Have their own bedrooms, I mean?” Eleanor was a little out of her depth with this. If it had been a patient telling her the same news, she’d have coped perfectly.

  “They probably do, but we’re not actually a couple anymore. We might even get divorced some day, but there’s no rush. We’re quite content with things the way they are for now.” Shaunna shifted forward so that she could wind Toby. “As I said. It makes no difference to any of your wedding or honeymoon plans, but we thought we should tell you before you found out another way.”

  “Last night,” Eleanor looked at Kris as she spoke, “Josh said he saw you and George together.”

  “Yeah. That’s what we were worried about. Or at least, I didn’t know Josh saw us, but thought someone probably did and might say something, although that was just a spur of the moment thing. Me and George aren’t ‘together’. He does know about this, though.”

  “But he hasn’t told Josh?”

  “No. I asked him not to.”

  “Ah. That makes sense. You know the way he stresses out when he thinks any of us is going to get hurt. He’ll probably be relieved to know the truth.”

  “Are you OK with it, Ellie?” Shaunna asked. Toby had sicked up on her hand, but she just took a tissue from her friend and cleaned it up without any fuss.

  “You’re a real professional, do you know that?” Eleanor laughed. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was a bit shocked at first, but you’ve never really had a conventional relationship, so I guess you’re not about to start having one now. And a good thing it is too. I’d hate to be the only one acting inappropriately for my age.”

  “I wonder if we’ll ever grow up?” Kris mused.

  “I hope not,” Eleanor said sincerely. “Although it suddenly hit me the other day that Andy’s going to be forty next year.”

  “Don’t remind me,” Shaunna groaned. “I’m already feeling old. And at least there’s no chance of you suddenly becoming a grandmother any time soon.”

  “Krissi’s not…”

  �
��She’s not pregnant, no, but you never know. She and Jason have been living together for ages now, and they’ve been friends since high school.”

  “That doesn’t mean they’re about to start a family,” Kris reasoned.

  “As I say, you never know.”

  “It sounds like us lot,” Eleanor observed, “friends since high school, which is no excuse for rudeness. I’m sorry; I forgot to ask if you’d like a cup of tea, or coffee.”

  “No, thanks. We’ve got to go and see Adele. We went there first, but she was watching an old film with Alice, so we thought we’d come and tell you.” Shaunna shuffled forward and passed Toby to his mother.

  “I got to be first. Yay! I do feel important, but I won’t mention it to Adele. Good luck!”

  “Thanks. We’ll need it.” Shaunna hugged her around the baby. “And if you need a hand with anything, just give me a shout.”

  “We should be all good to go, but thank you.” She gave Kris a hug and waved them off. “So…”

  She closed the door and turned to James.

  “What do you think of that, Mr. Eavesdropper?”

  She knew he’d been standing in the hallway the whole time and had heard every word. Interestingly, he had nothing to say, and nor, for once, did Oliver.

  By the time they arrived back at Adele’s, she was alone and reading a magazine, looking quite comfortable in her pyjamas and very much not in the mood for company. Nevertheless, she let them in and offered them a cup of tea. They both refused, having agreed on the way there that actually a double vodka (or equivalent) was definitely on the cards, just as soon as they’d done the deed. They’d also agreed that Kris was going to start off this time, because Shaunna was terrified of how her friend was going to react, knowing her the way she did.

  “Shaunna asked me to explain what’s going on, because she’s a bit upset about it,” he began. This was part of their planned strategy.

  “Oh dear. What’s the matter, sweetie?” Adele simpered and knelt on the floor in front of her friend, blinking up meaningfully. Shaunna closed her eyes and covered her face, hoping that her desperate attempt not to laugh would be misinterpreted as crying. It appeared to be working, as Adele was now smoothing her arm.