RETRACE
Page 23
There’s so much to deal with upon return. Decisions to make, therapy to continue, officially start a new together with my girl. Maybe I’ll take Jake up on his offer when I get home, to manage the bar while he tries to give Carmie what she always wanted. For the first time in their rocky and intense relationship, Jake will be the one going after Carmie, putting her, her career and goals, first.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t considered it more than once since he offered. Managing the bar could be the perfect solution for me, for the time being. I think it’s time I had some stability, some normality, some happy, and a whole lot of Nia.
~~~
Seven months later, Cleveland, Ohio
“I did it.” I say in a low voice, brushing away dry leaves that have congregated on the dusty stone. I bend my knees, sitting on the cold ground, yanking out a bundle of long weeds that’s littering the short grass. “I trekked in Brazil and it was surreal.” I swallow a breath. “And I met Nia’s parents. They’re good people.” Another deep breath. “God, bro, I can’t do this…It’s so hard.” I bury my face in my palms.
“I’m so sorry, Ben.” I bite my quivering lips. “I’m so sorry I didn’t stop them. I’m so sorry I betrayed every promise we ever made to always have one another’s backs.” I try to stifle the lump rapidly swelling in my throat. I brush the moisture from under my eyes and hold my palms together, resting them on my lips. I gaze at Ben’s name engraved in granite letters. “I know you wouldn’t have it any other way. This is what we were expected to… But still… I feel like I’ve let everyone down by not being able to save you.”
I think about how from the first day we enlisted together to being honorably discharged from the army, to being recruited later to the FBI, we were of the same mind, Ben and I. With great honor and determination doing the very best we were trained to do. We always knew our lives would be in danger, and it’s been, so many times we’ve lost track. But I never imagined I’d ever have to sit still and watch him go. I never thought I’d have to lie to his family about how he left them. They were told it was a training accident, and I had to back it up, no matter how much I hated doing so. I never thought I’d be the one telling Casey that Ben was going to ask her to marry him.
I take a deep breath and everything just streams out of me. I tell Ben about Katie, about his parents, about my work with Jake, about A.Z.’s arrest. About my life without him.
I sit still for a while, summoning my composure, rerunning my last session with Dr. Barnes in my head, where he told me I should have one final closure, with Ben. Accept the fact that he is gone, and that it was not my fault.
“I’m happy now,” I say in a hoarse, yet quiet voice. “Nia makes me happy. She’s everything. She made me accept the fact that I’m allowed to be happy again. She’s my saving grace.” I’m still staggered and overwhelmed about my feelings for Nia.
I never felt this way about anyone. I never had the time nor the inclination to open up to anyone. Not with my past and not with the life I led. At one point, long ago, I thought I had feelings for Katie, but quickly realized it was a different kind of sentiment. A sentiment I wasn’t familiar with either, of belonging, of unconditionally caring, of a bond relatives share. A small bitter-sweet smile nestles on my lips. “You’d like her.” I take in a deep breath and let it slowly whistle out.
“I’m taking the job at the bar, I’ll be managing it during Jake’s indefinite absence. I think I’m done with our old lifestyles, I’m ready to try something new. Something more stable. I’m ready to begin the next part of my life… with Nia.” I slowly rise to stand. With my breath held in for a strained beat, I run my fingers over the cold stone.
“I miss you, bro,” I whisper, and walk toward where Nia is waiting for me with a soft smile.
Note from the Author
Dear Reader,
Thank you for taking the time to read RETRACE. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. For me, the writing of Reeves and Nia’s story was a thoroughly emotional journey, there’s a piece of my heart somewhere within these pages.
If you have any extra time, it would be great, REALLY GREAT, if you would leave a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or anywhere else you wish. ;-)
Also, I more than love hearing from my readers, honestly, it’s the best part of the whole writing process. So, drop me an email at: author.sehrlich@gmail.com or chat with me on Facebook.
Thank you for allowing me to share my stories with you, and I hope to be re-invited to your bookshelf with my next releases.
Again, THANK YOU!
Much love,
Sigal
Acknowledgments
Wow, writing Retrace was a long, bumpy journey in which my emotions were pulled from one pole to the other. While I was writing a completely different book, Nia and Reeves practically seized my mind to the point I couldn’t concentrate on anything else and just had to pour their story out of me. Their story was not an easy story to tell, and I honestly would have not been able to do so without the help of some incredible people I’m blessed to have in my life.
First public gratitude announcement goes to my Liis. Thank you so much for being my right hand for over a year and for taking care of my nutty kids as they were your own. Thank you for listening and bearing my endless preaching and psychoness. And mostly, for being the amazing person that you are. I love you hard, kid.
Gal, thank you for taking care of everything when I didn’t and for making me stop to breathe from time to time. And of course, thank you for reminding me, that apparently there’s a whole world of living, breathing real humans outside my screen. You’re SO my better half.
My kiddos, for being as perfect as you are and still loving unconditionally even with less mommy-time.
Capy, for your constant encouragement, for being the most awesome soul mate one can ever ask for.
Beth, how do I even begin thanking you? Thanks for putting up with all my crazy. Thank you for reading, honing, and answering silly questions at ungodly hours. Thank you!
My beta readers, thank you for being as passionate, patient and fun to work with. Evelyn, Liis, Sima, Hila, and Sylvie.
My favorite author on the globe, my amazingly talented friend Olivia Luck, for your support during my way too many, Psycho-writing-bipolar-syndrome episodes. And basically for being you.
Nicole Hornbaker, for your magnificent work and your priceless ideas. I can’t imagine writing a book without you somehow involved.
Cassandra, for all the hard work, professionalism, and the teaching camp. And of course, for tolerating my sometimes “quirky” wording and my love/hate relationship with commas.
Alisha from Damonza.com, for tolerating my over-the-top control-freakish nature and designing Retrace’s gorgeous cover.
R. Brosh, for the valuable help and advice on Bipolar Disorder.
Bloggers, truly incredible bloggers. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am to you and your support. It’s priceless.
Special gigantic gratitude to:
Christie of Smokin’ Hot Book Blog. Kawehi, my kindred spirit, of Kawehi Book Blog. Michele of Devilishly Delicious Book Reviews. Jen of Lustful Literature. Beth of Tome Tender. Dearest Carmie and the awesome ladies at Forever Me Romance. The great bunch of women at A is for Alpha B is for Books. Alice of All Things in the Clouds Sweet. Bianca, aka the blogger who rocked me to my core, of Bianca of BJ’s Book Blog. Theo, sweet Theo of Shattering Words, Cindy of The Book Enthusiast Blog, and the lovely ladies at Love Between the Sheets.
And most importantly, my readers. Since Layers was released I’ve been constantly overwhelmed by your response. You guys are truly amazing and I could have not asked for better readers.
Thank you! Thank you, and then some. Thank you for reviewing, messaging, emailing, loving, liking, spreading the word. You rock big time!
And lastly, warm thanks to some special ladies: My fav, aka Julie, Sharon, Christa M., Lies and Carmie.
Also by Sigal Ehrlic
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Layers
Inner Core
About the Author
By teen age, Sigal already lived in three different continents where she was lucky enough to experience and visit varied places, meet unique people, which only helped fuel her overly developed imagination. Currently, Sigal calls Estonia home where she lives with her husband and three kids.
Not exactly sure where they will end up next …
Sigal would love to hear from you, please visit her on her website, Twitter, and Facebook.
http://www.sigalehrlich.com/
@Sigal_Ehrlich
https://www.facebook.com/sigalehrlich.author
http://www.pinterest.com/authorsehrlich/
author.sehrlich@gmail.com
Table of Contents
Prologue
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Epilogue
Epilogue
Note from the Author
Acknowledgments
Also by Sigal Ehrlich
About the Author