by J. Saman
“Worst liar in the world,” he snickers like this amuses him. He takes a bite of his dinner, all the while keeping his eyes glued to me. Watching me.
“How do you still know me so well?” It’s meant as rhetorical. Not really a question I want answered, but judging by his expression, he fully plans on doing just that.
“Well,” he swallows and takes a sip of soda. Wiping his mouth with a napkin he puts it down, leaning towards me, hands clasped and folded on the table top. “I’ve always been able to read you. Your face has never been very good at hiding your feelings if you know what to look for and take the time to learn what those expressions mean.”
“And you took the time.” It’s not a question. More stating the obvious, but he continues on anyway.
“I took the time. Still do.” He winks. “I told you, I used to watch you a lot.” He smiles softly, then pulls his eyes from mine to checks his watch. “Time to go.”
21
The evening picks up, so I’m glad that I ate when I did. Even if it was what it was. Levi and I didn’t talk much as we walked back into the ED. Mainly because I couldn’t turn off my brain. To say I’m an over-thinker would be an understatement. If I let them, my brain and my heart would be telling me a lot right now. Until I right myself, keeping my distance is a good thing.
The only thing.
Tom doesn’t like me around him, and I think I have to agree with him. I spend my evening doing sutures, taking care of an uncontrolled diabetic and a three-year-old with a high fever. I don’t see Levi again, but mainly because I haven’t come up for air.
I’m going to miss my work.
I really am.
I don’t know what I’m going to do in London between August and February. At least there are holidays to breaking up the stretch of idle time. I’m hoping I can come back home for Thanksgiving, but I’ll probably have to go to Boston without Tom. I doubt he’ll have that sort of time off.
I discharge my fourth suture patient, rubbing my eyes. I’m exhausted. Not doing anything for most of the day and then getting slammed takes its toll. Plus, if this were a normal day, I would have been off three hours ago.
I make my way back towards the nurse’s station to check our status. “Where are we?” I ask an equally bleary-eyed Cara. Apparently she didn’t get much sleep during her mandatory nap.
“We’re pretty caught up,” she says, running her hands through her hair as she puts it back up into a ponytail.
“Good stuff,” I say, plopping down. “I’ll take over here. Go find a room and close your eyes for an hour or two. I’ll come get you if we need you.”
She looks at me with so much hope in her eyes that I smile. “Nah, I’m okay.”
I laugh. “You look as beat up as I do, but at least I get to sleep in a couple hours. Go. I mean it. You just said we’re caught up.”
“Thanks, Lara,” she smiles, standing up and logging herself off of the computer she was sitting in front of. “You’ll come get me if things get busy again?” she double-checks before walking away.
“You got it.”
I don’t. Things never get busy again, so I let Cara sleep. She’s earned it, and well, I feel like I haven’t earned anything. The snow tapered off sometime around four a.m., so apparently we’re allowed to leave at seven when the next shift comes on. Yay for us.
I’m cranky. I got maybe an hour or two of rest at the nurse’s station.
I walk to the exit and the doors part to reveal one of the most beautiful sights ever.
White.
Everything is white.
But right in the front of all of that white is a black sedan where an adorably bundled up Tom is standing, waiting for me. My smile is off the charts as I walk over, throwing my arms around him with a big hug and kiss. “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask the harsh question through my laughter.
“You’re not walking home. The buses are still not back up and running, and since I wanted you at my house today, I had no choice,” he tells me in his most assertive British tone.
“Okay,” I shrug. Who am I to argue with a ride? I’m so freaking tired I’m practically asleep standing up. I did nod off for a while at the nurse’s station, but it was not restful, and not enough.
“Are we okay, then? I’m sorry I was being a knob.” He looks worried like maybe we wouldn’t be.
I open my mouth to argue when I hear the mechanical noise of the sliding doors behind me, followed by Levi’s voice. “Tanya, I’ll be home as soon as I can.” The name gives me pause and I have no choice but to listen. “Go back to bed, sweetheart. Get some rest. I’ll check on you when I get in.” He hangs up, running a hand through his hair, but not in frustration.
It’s in fatigue and concern.
“Levi,” Tom’s voice startles me and I realize I was watching Levi on his phone. But apparently so was Tom.
Levi’s head snaps up, unaware that he had an audience. His eyes flash from surprise to pain, and finally settle on impassive. “Tom. Hi, it’s nice to see you again.” They shake hands and I realize that Tom stepped forward and initiated it.
“Can I give you a lift mate?” Mate? Tom waves his hand toward his idling car.
Levi looks at Tom first in total shock and then to me. “Oh, uh, no, I’m fine. I’ll catch a cab or the bus or something. Thanks.”
“Nonsense. The buses aren’t back up and there is no way you’ll manage a cab. Please, get in.”
Levi hesitates for a second before a smile parts his lips. “Thanks man, that would be great actually. My sister is sick, so the sooner I can get home, the better.” Levi gets in the front seat next to Ivan as Tom and I get in the back together.
To say it’s awkward would be a mild understatement.
Or maybe that’s just me, because Tom seems perfectly at ease playing with my fingers. Scratch that, just my ring finger on my right hand.
“Is she okay?” I ask, unable to help myself after Levi gives Ivan his address, which is actually near Tom’s. The car meanders its way through the snow covered empty streets and we’re all silent for a beat as my question lingers in the air.
Both sets of male eyes are on me. “It’s just a virus I think. I’ll see when I get home. She likes to ham it up, so I’ll let her stay home from school tomorrow. Gotta love teenagers,” he smiles indulgently.
“Where are your parents?” Tom asks, confused. Apparently the fact that Levi indicated that he would be the one allowing Tanya to stay home from school was not missed.
I bite my lip, peering up at Levi from under my lashes. I didn’t mean to start something. Levi, who’s turned around in the front seat now to face us, looks at me quickly and then to Tom. I’m dying to mouth an I’m sorry or something, but I don’t want it to be obvious. “They’re um…They died.”
“Blimey,” Tom says, shaking his head. “That’s rough mate, sorry.” Levi waves him off. “You and your sister should come around for supper tonight.”
“What?” Levi and I both say in unison, though his is in bewilderment and mine is in consternation.
“Yeah. You live close, and Lara makes an incredible chicken soup with those ball dumpling things in it.” Oh my god, he cannot be serious. He’s inviting my ex-boyfriend and his sister, whom I’ve never met, to the apartment for matzo ball soup that’s from Levi’s mother’s recipe.
Could shit get anymore ironic?
“Tom, I’m sure Levi and his sister—”
“We’d love to come,” Levi interrupts. I feel my eyes bulging from their sockets.
“Brilliant. Lara can text you the address. Come around, say, five-thirty since it’s a school night and all,” Tom chuckles, thinking that’s the funniest thing in the world.
I’m having an out-of-body experience. Or maybe a seizure, I’m not sure exactly.
They can’t think this is a good idea.
“Perfect. Tanya will be very excited. Thanks.” Levi’s smiling. Shit-eating, knows-something-we-don’t, smiling. I’d call him on it if
Tom wasn’t sitting next to me playing with my damn ring finger.
“I need a nap before I cook anything,” I grumble, feeling just a little petulant.
“I’ll run to the shops for you. Just write me a list.”
“Sure. Great,” I try for upbeat, but I’m positive it comes out as a gripe.
We get home after dropping Levi five blocks over. I walk right into Tom’s bathroom, strip down and shower off twenty-four hours of hospital grime.
“I thought you’d be pleased that I invited your friend over,” Tom says to me as I’m drying off.
“It’s fine,” I tell him as I run a brush through my hair. “I’m just really tired. I got very little sleep.” He nods, stepping into me and running his hands over my bare hips. “You don’t mind shopping while I sleep?”
“Not at all. I’ll run out now so you don’t have me milling about.” He leans in, kissing me.
“Why’d you invite them?” I ask, putting my hands on his shoulders. I need to know what his intentions are behind this. Maybe I’m just a cynical bitch, but it just seems…off.
“You work with him. You tell me he’s your friend,” he shrugs. “I should get to know him, yeah?” Except he’s never invited any of my other work friends over for dinner before and that includes Amara who’s my best friend. My bullshit radar is going off.
“It’s just, you sounded all mad at me about him before, and now he’s coming for dinner?”
“I’m sorry about that. It was unexpected, is all.” Leaning down, he brushes his lips against mine. “Come on then.” He lifts me up, carrying me into his room like I’m a baby before laying me softly down on his bed. “Sleep, my beautiful darling.”
“I love you,” I whisper, already half asleep from the overwhelming comfort of his massive bed. I don’t hear his reply, I’m already gone.
The afternoon sun is shining in through the window as I open my eyes, squinting as they adjust. I roll and stretch, feeling so damn good it’s not even funny. Groaning as the tightness from my muscles release, I roll out of bed and quickly change into a spare set of clothes from the small selection I’ve started leaving here. A cranberry colored sweater and black leggings. I love me my sweaters. Especially cashmere.
I brush my hair, apply some light makeup and I’m ready to start cooking before they get here. It’s a little before two in the afternoon so I have plenty of time. I gave Tom ingredients to get for the soup, but also for short ribs, spinach and mashed potatoes.
I’m going all out with the comfort food.
I seriously considered brisket, but the recipe is also Levi’s mom’s and I didn’t want to overload Tanya in case she remembers them and it upsets her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about meeting her.
I want this to go perfectly.
“There’s my girl,” Tom says from the couch, Kindle perched on his lap. The fire is roaring and it is so damn cozy, I want nothing more than to snuggle up with him. But I can’t. I’ve got cooking to do. “Can I help?” he asks as I start getting things in order in the kitchen.
I love cooking in this kitchen. It’s incredible. A huge marble island, six burner gas range and a griddle plus double ovens. He also has a wine refrigerator and a massive double-sided subzero refrigerator/freezer. The white cabinets add to the classic appeal of the style, but don’t detract from the contemporary edge of it.
It’s my dream kitchen.
Hands down.
Tom is not much of a cook. Something tells me he had hired help for that all his life. When I met him, he was either a takeout, or pasta and jarred sauce man. He’s all for the fact that I like to cook. He’s also a very grateful subject who enjoys buying the ingredients for it.
Can’t argue with that.
“Nah. You sit. You look comfortable. I’ll get things going and then I’ll set the table,” I smile at him. We haven’t had a dinner party in a while. Not that an ex-boyfriend and his teenage sister constitutes a party, but still.
It’s a weird feeling that creeps over me when I think about Tanya. Sort of maternal, or at the very least big sisterly. I want to take care of this girl. Make a good impression.
Make her love me.
She’s had one of the roughest starts at life that I’ve ever heard of. I can’t even explain how badly I want to make her life a little better. It’s weird, and I don’t dare admit this to Tom—or Levi.
So I cook and bake for the rest of the afternoon, and it feels good. Maybe it’s the caretaker in me, but whatever. She’s a girl in need of some loving, right? Right.
22
The phone rings and Tom waves me over, yelling out, “They’re coming up in the lift, love.” My heart rate instantly spikes as I make my way over to the elevator doors that lead into Tom’s penthouse. Tom has the entire top floor, so the elevator is in a hallway that leads into the foyer. The doors open and Levi is smiling, but I know that smile.
It’s his game on smile.
It unsettles me a bit.
Behind him is a small girl. She’s maybe five feet two and is clinging to Levi like he’s her talisman. “Welcome, come in,” Tom booms graciously.
“Thanks for having us, man,” Levi says, his smile firmly in place as they shake hands. I have no idea how I’m supposed to greet him. Do we hug? Do I just wave? This is way too awkward for words. Instead, Levi nods to me and then pulls the small girl out from behind his back.
The second I see her face my breath hitches with an audible gasp. My hands fly up, covering my mouth and I’m instantly overwhelmed by her. She’s beautiful. Her hair is a honey blonde and her eyes are the palest blue. I look to Levi, who nods at me like he knows exactly what I’m thinking before I turn back to her. “I’m sorry,” I cry. “Fuck. I did not want to meet you like this,” I say to her, and then laugh a little because I just said fuck to a fifteen-year-old. She laughs and I instantly feel better. “I’m just so surprised by you. You look identical to your mother.” I take a step towards her when I realize Tom has his hand on my waist. “You’re so beautiful.”
God, I feel like such an old woman speaking to her like this, but I can’t help it. I didn’t expect her to look like her mother.
“Hi. I’m Tom. Please, come in if Lara will let you out of the entry.” Everyone chuckles at my expense, but I don’t care. I shake my head, indicating that I will not let her out of the hallway.
I walk right up to her and playfully push Levi aside to stand right in front of the petite thing. “Your mother,” I tell her, smiling, “was one of my favorite people in the whole world.” She looks up at me with admiration in her blue eyes. “Can I hug you?” I ask, but I don’t give her a chance to respond before I grab her, pulling her into my chest. “I’m so happy to finally meet you, Tanya,” I whisper in her hair, but I think Levi hears it because I feel him tense beside me.
I pull back and look down on her again. “I’m really happy to finally meet you, too,” she says, and her voice is so freaking cute I want to scream.
I wipe my face of all my tears and laugh a little at just how ridiculous I am. “I’m not normally this emotional, I swear,” I wink.
“Hold up,” Tom starts. “You’ve never met her?” He’s confused and I realize that I haven’t told him anything about Levi. Nothing more than we once dated and he hurt me. Levi throws me a look that I cannot decipher before I turn back to Tom and shake my head.
“No. I met Levi my senior year of high school. Tanya wasn’t living with him then.” He looks understandably confused. In his world, as in most, siblings live together when they’re young. Thankfully he doesn’t ask any further questions, realizing that this is not the time or place for that story.
We all walk into the living room and Tom ushers them over to the sofa in front of the fireplace. “How are you feeling, Tanya? Your brother mentioned you’re ill,” Tom asks.
She giggles. “Yeah, it’s just a cold. Are you English or something?”
He nods with a playful smile. “Yes, but I’ve been living here in
the States for quite some time now, so don’t hold it against me.”
“I like your accent. Sort of James Bond.”
I laugh “I know, right? That’s what I thought when I first met him.”
“Can I get you something to drink?” Tom asks, ever the proper host.
“I’ll have a water, please,” Tanya says.
Tom nods, turning his eyes on Levi.
“Whatever you’re drinking is good with me. Thanks,” Levi says. Tom nods and walks toward the bar to get them their drinks.
“It smells really good in here, Lara. You didn’t need to go to all this trouble for us,” Levi says, looking intently into my eyes. It’s like he’s trying to tell me something with them, but I can’t quite figure it out.
“Shut up,” I snap, playfully. “Don’t be such a buzzkill for me.”
Levi laughs, shaking his head. “Forever the bitch to me, huh?”
I shrug.
“So is this, like, totally weird for you? You know, having my brother here and all? Since you used to go out together?” Tanya asks in her teenage roller coaster cadence, as her eyes go back and forth between her brother and me.
I look over to him, a smirk playing at my lips. “I’m not gonna lie, Tanya, it kind of is.,” I say, making Levi chuckle.
“Glad I can still unsettle you,” he says and I feel the hint of a blush creep up my cheeks.
“Lara love, what are you drinking?” Tom calls out to me, making my eyes snap toward him.
“Red wine, please,” I call back.
“He’s cute, and the accent is awesome,” Tanya says, biting her nails as she looks around the apartment, taking it all in. She’s more outgoing than I initially thought she’d be. She reminds me a lot of Levi.
Both are blunt almost to a fault
I smile at the little sprite in front of me. “I’m going to go finish up dinner.” I stand to walk into the kitchen.
“Can I come too?” she asks, and I turn back, unable to contain my smile.