The Things We Cannot Change: A Zombie Apocalypse Love Story

by Kate L. Mary

  “My daughter is thirteen—I was seventeen when she was born—and my son is ten.”

  I couldn’t help the relief that surged through me. It was bad enough knowing that I’d had sex with a total stranger and didn’t have the first clue what he looked like, but thinking he could have been twenty or more years older than me was a little freaky. Not that it really mattered that much. Three years older though, I could handle.

  “You should check on them,” I said again.

  “Maybe.”

  Trevor’s hold on me loosened and he laid back. My head was still resting on his arm and his naked body was still up against mine, and I was pretty sure it was the only thing keeping me warm. I stared up at the stars and wondered how many other people were doing the same thing right now. Other nights, back when Nathaniel and I would come here together, the answer had been millions. Now though, I bet it was closer to hundreds.

  “I love Central Park,” Trevor said.

  “Me too.”

  He let out a deep sigh. “I’m glad I ran into you.”

  “Me too,” I said, and I meant it.

  Chapter 3

  Sunlight penetrated my eyelids and the chirp of birds filled my ears while shivers shook my body, but when I reached for my blanket, hoping to cover myself, all I found was a strip of fabric that was barely big enough to cover my torso. I tried to turn, hoping to find a blanket, but strong hands grabbed my arm and prevented me from moving.

  “Don’t move,” a deep, masculine voice whispered in my ear.

  Trevor.

  The night before came rushing back and I froze.

  Holy shit. What had I done? How insane was I?

  My heart was beating like mad, and when I took stock of the situation I realized that not only was I still naked, but Trevor was as well. Heat crept up my neck to my cheeks and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter when he moved and something very masculine brushed against my hip. It suddenly occurred to me that I still hadn’t seen my midnight mystery lover, and even though my body was hot with the shame from the memory, I was curious. Curious to find out if the naked man at my side was good-looking and fit. If he was someone I would have been attracted to if we had met under different circumstances.

  I cracked one eye, but Trevor wasn’t the first thing I saw, and what I did see made me forget everything else.

  Less than fifteen feet away a wild cat sat watching us. It wasn’t a tiger, and not nearly as big as one, but the markings dotting it’s fur told me it was definitely not domestic. And it was much, much larger than a regular housecat.

  “Snow leopard,” Trevor said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I woke up to find it watching us. I’ve been waiting for it to leave. So far, it doesn’t seem interested in going away.”

  I swallowed. “Do you think it’s dangerous?”

  “This one probably came from the zoo. I’m guessing someone took pity on the animals and let them out of their cages when they realized no one was going to be around to feed them, so that means it’s at least used to people. That’s good, but it’s still a wild animal, so yes. It’s dangerous.”

  The wind blew, rustling the trees above us, and I noticed for the first time that the sky was clogged with thick, gray clouds. Even worse, the distant horizon told me that a storm was coming in and we were both still naked. It was chilly enough without having the clouds open up and rain down on us, and the last thing I wanted to do was still be naked when the storm hit.

  I scooted closer to Trevor, but when my bare skin brushed against his, I wished I had stayed where I was. My memories from the night before were fuzzy and vague, but I wasn’t dumb enough to think that the alcohol or Trevor were to blame for what had happened. The loneliness I’d let fester inside me was.

  The leopard swished his tail and watched us with gray, curious eyes. I had a strong suspicion the animal was simply looking for people since it was used to having them around—like us, the cat probably hated the sudden silence that had fallen over the city—but that didn’t mean I was ready to risk it and get up. The teeth that flashed at me when the cat yawned were too sharp, and I was well aware that the claws on the animal’s paws could do just as much damage.

  “What do we do?” I asked, tearing my gaze away from the cat so I could look back at Trevor, and getting my first good look at him in the process.

  He wasn’t what I’d pictured, but that was probably because my hazy brain had clung to the image of my dead husband. Unlike Nathaniel, whose blond curls had given him boyish good looks that stuck around even as we’d grown older, Trevor looked like a man. Dark hair cut short that somehow looked neat despite his current disheveled appearance, and a beard that was also neatly trimmed. He had facial features that brought a young Patrick Swayze to mind—a square jaw and lips that I knew from experience were as soft as they looked—and his hazel eyes were a mix between green and brown. When he turned them on me, they were searching. For answers to our current problem or for absolution for the night before, I wasn’t sure.

  “We can’t stay here forever,” Trevor said, nodding toward the swiftly darkening sky. “I know it’s risky, but if we get up and move slowly, we might be okay.”

  I started to protest when a fat raindrop fell on my head, cutting me off. Another shiver shook my body and I knew we were stuck. It was either risk getting ripped apart or risk dying of hypothermia. I wasn’t sure which was worse.

  “Okay,” I said reluctantly.

  Trevor moved like he was going to stand, but froze when a moan that could only be human broke through the silence. The cat’s ears perked up and his head turned toward the sound. My own gaze followed, and I was surprised to see a person heading our way. It was a woman and she was a good distance off, but something about the way she was dragging her feet told me she wasn’t well. Her movements were too stiff, giving off the impression that it took a lot of effort for her to walk.

  The leopard stood, and behind me Trevor swore. The animal that had previously been very focused on us watched as the woman came closer. Even though she had to be able to see the cat, she didn’t slow or stop or even try to make herself less of a target. She just continued to lumber our way.

  The leopard moved toward her.

  “Shit,” Trevor said again.

  He stood, pulling me with him, and then began gathering our clothes. The wind had picked up and the sky now looked angry. To make matters worse, more rain had started to fall and my body was racked in shivers. Despite all that, I felt like we needed to do something to warn the woman that she was headed right for a leopard.

  “We should help her,” I said, turning to face Trevor.

  He looked up from pulling his pants on. His boxer briefs were already in place but he hadn’t yet put his shirt on, and the sight of his muscled chest momentarily distracted me. Trevor obviously worked out.

  “You’re kidding, right?” He yanked his pants up the rest of the way and zipped them so violently that it shocked me. “What do you think we should do? Yell and wave our arms until the leopard comes running back this way?”

  “I don’t know.” He was right. That would be insane. “I just think we should help her.”

  “She has to see the thing and she obviously doesn’t care, so I say let her do what she needs to do. Maybe she’s looking for a way out.” He shrugged.

  “All these tall buildings she could throw herself from and you think she’d choose being ripped apart by a leopard as the way to go?”

  He paused with his shirt almost over his head and his hazel eyes held mine. “Honestly, I don’t care.”

  My mouth dropped open, but he didn’t see it because he went back to getting dressed while I stood totally naked and totally dumbfounded by what he had just said. I was a doctor, which meant it was my job to care whether people lived or died, and I just couldn’t fathom what he was saying. How could he be so laid back about the fact that this woman was heading straight toward what was sure to be a very horrible death? How could he not want to do something, even if he
felt like there was nothing that could be done? I knew he was right, I couldn’t wave my arms and yell unless I wanted the leopard to head back my way, but that didn’t mean I was willing to do nothing.

  I turned my back to Trevor and watched the leopard while I pulled my own clothes on. It had stopped about ten feet away from the woman, but she hadn’t slowed. Her steps were still labored and now that she was closer, I could see that she was opening and closing her mouth over and over again, almost like she was chewing the wind. Her gaze seemed to be fixed on the leopard, who was regarding her like he wasn’t sure what she was, and after a second, something even more strange happened: the woman walked faster.

  “Shit,” Trevor murmured for the third time since the woman had come into view.

  I pulled my shirt on and held my dark hair back out of my face while I watched. The wind had gotten even stronger and it was whipping my long locks around so violently that I knew they’d be a tangled mess by the time I got home. I also knew that at any moment it was going to start pouring, but at this point, I couldn’t turn away until I knew what was going to happen with the woman and the leopard.

  When the woman lunged it caught me totally off guard. The cat jumped back but didn’t retreat, and instead started circling her. She didn’t give up, and only a few seconds later she lunged again, this time barely missing the cat.

  “What the hell is she doing?” Trevor asked.

  I shook my head just as the clouds hanging over us gave up their struggle to hold in the water. Rain poured down on us, so thick and heavy that I was soaked in seconds flat. The roar of it hitting the ground was both deafening and a welcome change from the silence that had fallen over the city. I hugged myself and Trevor reached up to brush the water off his face. Even the leopard shook its head to try and get the rain out of its eyes. The woman however, didn’t seem to notice the storm. It was like she wasn’t even human.

  The third time she lunged, she managed to get her arms around the leopard. The rain made it hard to see what was happening, but I could have sworn she tried to take a bite out of the cat. It reared back in retaliation and when its teeth sank into her, my stomach dropped. She didn’t scream but she did cry out, only it sounded like a shriek of anger more than one of pain.

  “Let’s go!” Trevor grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the scene.

  I let him because there was nothing we could do. The woman would be ripped to shreds for sure. Only, I couldn’t figure out why the hell she had let it go that far. What could make a person so delirious that they weren’t able to recognize that a wild cat was dangerous?

  Trevor led me through the rain and I followed without thinking. The shock from yesterday had started to settle over me again, and I went without wondering where we were going or if I even wanted to go anywhere with this man. His callousness brought to mind something he had told me the night before. How he hadn’t seen his kids for over a year and that he was, by his own admission, an asshole.

  The apartment building he dragged me into was nice but not ritzy like mine, but by then we were both so soaked that I couldn’t find it in myself to care where we were or who I was with. All I wanted was a warm shower and a hot cup of coffee, and then I could figure out what to do next.

  “I’m on seven,” Trevor said as he pulled his shirt over his head.

  He tossed it on the floor on his way to the stairs. I stared at it for a second, but bit back my comment about how he shouldn’t just leave it laying there. I knew what he’d say even though we’d just met. It didn’t matter now. Everything was gone and no one but the two of us was around to see that discarded shirt in the lobby of this apartment building.

  I followed him. “No elevator?”

  “We have one,” he said over his shoulder, “but I’m not sure how long the electricity is going to last and I don’t feel like getting stuck in it at the moment.” He looked back over his shoulder at me. “Do you?”

  I shuddered. “No.”

  I stayed a half a flight behind him as we made our way up. My own apartment was on the fourteenth floor of my building, and the fact that Trevor was right about the risk in using the elevator meant I would have to make the climb when I did return home. I was already dreading it.

  “This is me.” Trevor stopped outside a closed door and turned to face me. “You don’t have to come with me. You know that, right? I don’t want it to sound like I don’t want you around. I do. Seriously. After last night, I just don’t want you to think you’re obligated.”

  I knew, even in my numb state, that he wasn’t the kind of person I would have spent my time with normally. Only, things were different now. Everything had changed and at the moment it was either Trevor or no one.

  And I’d been alone long enough to know that I didn’t want to do it anymore.

  “I’d like to stay,” I said. “At least for now.”

  Trevor let out a relieved sigh and turned back to the apartment. “Good.”

  His place was nice even if it did scream bachelor pad. He had leather couches and wall-to-wall hardwood. Everything was dark and there was nothing cozy about the decor, as well as almost no pictures on the walls and no knick-knacks on the tables. It was a studio apartment with a couple screens separating the bedroom from everything else, and when Trevor headed that way, I stayed where I was, my clothes dripping onto the wood floor and leaving a puddle in the middle of the living room.

  Trevor came back less than a minute later, stripped down to nothing and holding a towel. “Here.” He tossed it my way. “I’m going to jump in the shower and then you can have a turn.” He paused. “Unless you want to join me?”

  “No.” I used the towel to mop up the puddle, keeping my eyes away from the naked man on the other side of the room.

  “I figured.” Trevor turned to walk away, but paused again. “I am sorry about last night.”

  “You told me already. It’s fine. Really.”

  “I just wanted to make sure you remembered.” He headed back behind the screen and a few seconds later the sound of running water filled the apartment.

  Heat spread to my cheeks when I tried, and failed, to banish the memory of Trevor’s naked body from my mind. Yes, I did have sex with Trevor the night before, but I hadn’t seen him until this morning and I’d been too distracted by the leopard to actually pay attention. I’d been okay not knowing what this stranger looked like naked, but he apparently hadn’t been okay with me living in the dark. He was magnificent; I couldn’t deny that. The problem was, I had a good feeling he knew it too.

  I let out a deep sigh as I started stripping my own soaked clothes off. Last night had been a mistake. A moment of weakness. It had been me giving in to a deep loneliness but had done nothing to solve the problem at hand, just like the alcohol after Nathaniel died. How did that line go?

  The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can.

  I couldn’t change what happened yesterday. I couldn’t do a damn thing about this virus or do anything to bring back the people who had died, and it was too late to not sleep with Trevor, but I could make sure it didn’t happen again.

  Chapter 4

  I showered and Trevor loaned me some clothes. To his credit, he seemed to understand that I wasn’t open to having sex again and didn’t try to make a move. Which was one thing I didn’t have to work to overcome, unlike the drink he offered me.

  “Hung over?” he asked when he’d poured himself a glass of wine.

  “Yeah,” I mumbled.

  “You know how to solve that problem, don’t you?”

  “Yeah,” I said again.

  Trevor lifted an eyebrow questioningly as he reached for a second glass. I knew I should tell him no, but my mouth filled with saliva I found impossible to swallow down, and then he was pouring the wine and it was too late.

  He brought the glasses to the living room and my hand shook when I took one from him. If he noticed, he didn’t let on. I stared at the dark purple liquid for a mo
ment, telling myself to put it down and walk away, but I couldn’t. The scent of fermented grapes filled my nostrils with every breath I took in, and I couldn’t hold back. That first sip was like aloe on a burn.

  After I’d taken a couple drinks and the headache that was left over from my bender the night before had faded, I turned my gaze on Trevor. “What’s your plan?”

  He shrugged as he took a drink of his own wine. “I don’t know. I think I have some time before I have to really concentrate on that. Hopefully the power and water stays on for a few more days, and then I guess I’ll probably head out of the city. Maybe take your advice and head upstate to see if my kids are alive.”

  I’d forgotten all about that and I found it odd that he was hesitant to check on his children, who could very well need his help right now. “Maybe?” I couldn’t keep the disbelief or anger from my voice. “They’re your kids.”

  He narrowed his eyes on me. “Don’t judge me. I told you last night that I’m an asshole and I didn’t lie about that. Yeah, I know I should go there, but knowing and doing are two separate things. Plus, it’s not as easy as you want to think it is. Do you know what the odds of them being alive are? Do you think I want to see my kids dead? Yes, it’s selfish when I know there’s a chance they could still be alive, but you and I both know the odds are not in my favor. Seeing them like that, dead and rotting, is going to hurt like hell and I’ll be honest, I’ve been through enough fucking pain over the last few weeks. I’m not in a rush to throw myself into more.”

  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, he had a point. It was really going to hurt if he went all the way up there only to find them dead. Still, that didn’t mean it was okay to not take the responsibility. He had children. He needed to check on them.

  “You have to go,” I said firmly.