The Odor of Violet

by Ju Ephraime

  She did not return to Damien's office but went to her office to get some work done so she could have some time in the afternoon to work with Jake. She still had difficulty figuring out the accounting software they used. She wanted to be comfortable with the software by the time Jake left. With Damien needing less of her help to get around these days, she might as well lend a hand elsewhere and she did not want to have to trouble him with anything until she absolutely had to. He was already needing Jake, and subsequently her, less and less for his personal care. Truth be told, with the exception of his daily shave and a few other little things, Damien was functioning as anyone with full use of their sight would. She felt almost useless sometimes, except on the rare occasions when something was displaced and then he was stumbling about. But those incidents were very rare.

  The day went by very quickly for Lisa. By the time she was able to make her way to Damien, it was almost dinnertime. She only had time for a quick shower and a change of clothes before meeting him to accompany him into dinner. Those were one of the few times he needed some assistance because the food had to be dished out for him.

  Tonight's dinner was leg of lamb with mint sauce and baby parsley potatoes, accompanied by a fresh garden salad. She was familiar with Damien's preferences now so she heaped his plate with more lamb than potatoes and gave him the salad last. When she had questioned him about having his salad last, he'd informed her that he ate the foods he liked first and left just enough room for the salad, which was not his favorite. He opted for a white wine with his dinner, and that she took care of also. She was handing him the glass when Jake walked in.

  She'd miss those times together when Jake left. She was used to eating alone in her room, even when she was at home with her family. It was seldom that they were all present at the dinner table together. More often than not, each of them grabbed a plate and retreated to his or her room. The only exception to this was Christmas and Thanksgiving, and over the years, it had been reduced to her and Mom and Dad. Her two siblings were always traveling and too far away to make the trip back home. She knew her parents, especially her mom, did not like it, but she put on a brave face and didn't complain too loudly. When Lisa had begun working for Damien and realized she was expected to eat with him and Jake at a certain time, it had been very difficult for her at first. Now she was dreading the day when it would no longer be that way. She supposed it would be just her and Damien.

  She was so busy thinking she didn't hear Jake's comment to Damien until he began laughing so hard he was holding on to the table, causing the dishes to rattle.

  “What's so funny?” she asked, turning to Jake.

  “If you didn't hear, then don't worry about it,” he answered.

  “Anything that could have that effect on Damien, I want to know. So, what did I miss?” she repeated.

  “It was nothing, Lisa, just Jake being an ass, as usual,” Damien told her.

  “Well, how?” she asked again.

  “If you insist, he wanted to know if I had a night job because my appetite seemed to be growing as if I had to expend a lot of energy overnight. So I told him that's for me to know and for him to find out, and he informed me that he was not that interested in my extra-curricular activities. Satisfied?”

  “What's so funny about that?” she asked Damien, perplexed.

  “You see, I knew you wouldn't get the joke. Just leave it, Lisa,” Damien told her.

  Eighteen

  They had finished dinner and were just sitting around talking about the day’s event when the phone in the room began to ring. Since she was the one closest to it, she answered it, giving little thought to who might be on the other end.

  “Hello.”

  The voice on the other end was sultry and female. “Is Damien available? I’d like to say hi. This is Shelly.” The way the caller said, ‘This is Shelly,’ Lisa got the impression that she should know who the woman was, but she didn’t have a clue. So, of course, she repeated the name so Damien could hear and signal whether or not he wanted to accept the call. “Shelly?”

  The change in the room was immediate. You could have heard a pin drop. “Did I hear you say someone called Shelly is on the other end?” Damien asked incredulously.

  “Yes,” she mouthed, pushing the hold button so she could ask if he wanted to take the call.

  “I’ll take it,” he said, wheeling over to her to take the phone.

  Lisa handed him the phone before turning to talk to Jake. In the months she had been working with Damien, she knew everyone who called for him. This person had not called before, so who was Shelly? The name kept nagging at her. She had heard the name before, but she couldn’t recall where. Shelly. . . Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Shelly was the name of Damien’s old girlfriend. Shelly was the name of the woman who’d left him after his accident. What was she doing calling Damien now?

  She did not want to eavesdrop, but she could give her eyeteeth to hear what Shelly was saving to Damien; he appeared to be listening so attentively. By the time he finally hung up the phone, both she and Jake were chomping at the bit.

  She remained quiet, but not Jake. “Was that Shelly Lambert?” he asked, incredulously.

  “The same,” Damien answered in a neutral voice.

  She could not tell whether he was excited or annoyed by the phone call. He had gone back to his blank stare.

  “Are you going to tell us what she wanted, or are you going to go all secretive on us?” Jake demanded.

  “Hold on to your horses, Jake. You haven’t given me a chance to absorb what just happened; you are already running off at the mouth,” Damien retorted.

  “I will not apologize, Damien. I was there to witness what that woman did to you. Now she has resurfaced with no warning. If you want to play her game again, then go for it. I want no part of it. Thank God I’m on my way out,” he said, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

  Lisa had just stood there, looking from one to the other. After Jake walked out, she did not say anything to Damien but just sat there in silence until it became so thick it could have been sliced with a knife.

  “Aren’t you curious about the phone call, Lisa?” he asked.

  “I am, but I expect you’ll tell me in your own time if you feel so inclined,” she replied.

  “Do you recall my mentioning Shelly to you?” he asked.

  “I was trying to place the name because I knew I’d heard it before, but it took a while for me to place it. But I don’t recall anything else about her,” she admitted.

  “Well, Shelly was the woman I was engaged to before my unfortunate accident. Although in retrospect, I don’t know how unfortunate it really was. It saved me from making a terrible mistake---marrying a woman who cared nothing about me. She was very emotionally detached, and I didn’t see it until it was almost too late. Now she appears to be having second thoughts. She’ll be coming to visit me one day this week. I’ve not decided on the exact date because I have to accept the idea of having her visit me now when I don’t need a visitor, especially, her. But turning her down will only make her believe I’m still harboring feelings for her.”

  “Are you?” Lisa asked, with her heart in her throat. She wasn’t going to presume to tell Damien what to do about his personal life, but the reappearance of his ex-fiancée did not make for the ideal situation.

  “I feel nothing for Shelly. I got over her the day she told me she was not cut out to deal with a handicapped husband. I was indeed in terrible shape and needed her to be there for me, but she began staying away more and more until she hardly came around at all. Now she wants to see me. I promised to let her know when it’s a good day for me, when I’m not too sick to receive visitors.”

  Lisa did not show any reaction to his plans, but she excused herself and retired to her room, leaving Damien to his own devices.

  ***

  Entering her room, Lisa threw herself across her bed and began crying hysterically. She knew Damien had not made any c
ommitment to her, but a girl could hope. Now all that hope could be in vain because Damien evidently was not ready to walk away from his ex. Regardless of his reasoning, the fact that he did not reject her outright told Lisa there was still some unfinished business between them, and she had no intention of being the third wheel.

  She lay on the bed until the alarm went off, indicating it was time for her rounds to check on Damien. She did not feel like moving, but she told herself she would be a big girl and do what she’d been hired to do. She’d gone into this with her eyes wide open. Damien did not make any promises to her, so she had no business expecting anything different. But it sure hurt like hell.

  She dragged herself to the bathroom to freshen up and went on her rounds. She opened Damien’s door very carefully and tiptoed into the room. He appeared to be asleep, so she retreated and closed the door just as quietly and returned to her room.

  Entering her room, she got into her PJs and got into bed. She didn’t know how long she’d lain there staring at the ceiling and missing Damien before eventually falling asleep. She woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare in which she was being fired by Damien’s ex, who had become his wife. Damien had just stood there during the bitter exchange between her and Shelly, saying nothing. It was as if the time they had spent together had never happened. Lisa never thought a broken heart could be so painful. In the dream, she felt as if her heart was being ripped out of her body. There was so much pain that it woke her from the dream, and though she was grateful when she realized it had only been a dream, the pain felt too real for her to dismiss it.

  As she lay there, unable to sleep after the previous night in Damien’s bed, she had to ask herself whether she would be able to handle seeing Damien back together with his ex or with any other woman. And her answer was a resounding no! She knew she was not that strong. She would have to leave; there was no other choice.

  She fell back into a fitful sleep, waking up what seemed to be every other minute. Her very spirit was unsettled. She was grateful to hear her alarm go off, signaling the beginning of her workday. She didn’t know how she would look at Damien without remembering the things they’d done together in his bed. But she was determined to put on a brave face. She was also determined to keep her hurt and pain from him and vowed to do her job in as professional a manner as possible, given the circumstances.

  She walked into the breakfast room and was thankful to see Jake was already there, along with Damien. She didn’t know how she would feel if she had to sit alone with Damien and make small talk. Now she called out with artificial cheerfulness. “Hello and good morning.”

  Jake just stared at her and mumbled a response under his breath, but Damien answered her with his usual deadpan look, showing no emotion whatsoever. She wished she could be like him.

  “We thought you had decided to forego breakfast this morning,” he said. Is that how it’s going to be? she thought. Then two can play at the same game.

  “Now, whatever gave you such an idea?” She answered him with a forced cheerfulness that threatened to unman her.

  “Jake and I are almost through with breakfast, and you are usually the first one here in the mornings,” he said again.

  She didn’t know why he wanted to engage her in this senseless conversation this morning, but she would ignore him and concentrate on finishing her coffee, which was all she could handle this morning. Damien was not usually a talkative person. It was Jake who kept the conversation going, but this morning, they seemed to have reversed roles.

  She looked up from her cup to find Jake watching her with something that looked like pity. She did not want anyone’s pity. She did not want Jake thinking she could not handle the situation with Damien. If Damien wanted to be a player and resume seeing his ex, then so be it. She would not be part of the equation, and she hoped he did not expect anything else. She vowed to try to return to how things had been before. But then she had to admit there had never been a moment when she had not been aware of Damien, had not wanted him. Even just seeing him sitting there, she couldn’t remove the image of his naked body from her mind. She could not forget what a consummate lover he had proven to be. If she allowed herself to think about it too much, she would not be able to function. But try as she could, she seemed unable to forget. Maybe she would not be able to be as nonchalant as Damien was obviously able to be.

  She didn’t know which was worse: Damien’s odd cheerfulness or Jake’s quiet, sober mood. She just wanted things to return to how they’d been before that fateful phone call. She was going to scream, and then they’d both think she was losing her mind. She was taking a mental count in her head when Jake spoke up for the first time.

  “Do you have time this morning to work with me on the accounting software?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she answered. “I’ll come in to see you as soon as I get through with Damien.”

  Perversely, Damien interjected. “I’ll be working with Lisa this morning, Jake. Could you put off working on the software for the time being?”

  “Whatever you say, Damien; you’re the boss,” Jake retorted.

  “On second thought,” Damien said, turning toward her, “Lisa, I believe I’ll have a meeting with Jake before I work with you this morning. I’ll see you at ten in my office. Jake, can I have a quick word with you in my office?”

  “Yes, boss,” Jake said as he stood up from the table and waited for Damien to wheel his chair to the door. He followed Damien through the door.

  ***

  Partway down the corridor, Damien stopped and looked up at Jake. He didn’t look at him like a blind man but like a man who could see clearly. His gaze was harsh and direct. “What’s going on with you?” he asked Jake.

  “What do you mean?” Jake answered. “I thought we were going to your room. I’ll wait to say my piece when we get in there.”

  “Fine,” Damien retorted and resumed wheeling his chair to his room.

  Damien entered his room and wheeled his chair around so he was facing Jake. Unabashed, Jake followed and stood his grounds. “No offense, Damien, but why did you have to flaunt Shelly in Lisa’s face like that? You know how she feels about you; anyone can see it, no pun intended. Do you intend to use her and then take back up with Shelly? I saw what that woman did to you. I won’t stand passively by while you pretend as if it was nothing.”

  “Are you through?” Damien asked in barely controlled anger. “I’m not a child, Jake, and I’m perfectly capable of making up my own mind where my personal affairs are concerned. I prefer to be honest and let Lisa see how I intend to continue with my life. I don’t have a commitment with Lisa. She is an adult and is free to make up her own mind where I’m concerned. I don’t believe she needs you as a champion. Anyway, why the interest in Lisa? Do you have feelings for her? Is that it?”

  “I don’t have feelings for Lisa, as you so graciously put it. But I care about her, and I won’t stand by and allow you to hurt her.”

  “You won’t stand by and allow me to hurt her? Are you listening to yourself? What will you do about it? Try to entice her for yourself? Because as much as you try to deny it, your reaction could only come from unrequited love,” Damien snapped angrily.

  “How do you know its unrequited love? I’ve never approached Lisa in any way but with respect. If I pursued her as you have, I’ve no doubt I would succeed.”

  “Over my dead body,” Damien answered. “Stay away from Lisa and allow her to make up her own mind about me.”

  “I have never involved myself before in your personal life, Damien, and I most certainly did not want to start now. But I happen to care a lot for Lisa, and I’ll tell you again, I’ll not stand by and allow you to hurt her.”

  “I have no intentions of hurting Lisa. She and I will work this out without any help from you. Just back off!”

  “I’m backing off, but that’s it. I’ll be standing by, so be warned,” Jake told him. “Are we done here? I have some errands to run in town.”

  “Y
es, we are done for now. Remember what I said. Stay away from Lisa and keep your opinion about me to yourself. I neither want nor need any help from you, good or bad.”

  ***

  Jake walked out of the room fuming. He’d be damned if he would stand by and watch Damien play Lisa against Shelly or vice versa. Lisa was no match for Shelly. She was a beautiful woman. It was unfortunate that Damien couldn’t see her, but she was no match for a manipulative, conniving woman like Shelly.

  He had accepted her as Damien’s fiancée when she and Damien were an item, but after she’d dumped Damien while he was struggling to deal with the loss of his sight, he had no regard for her.

  When Shelly had come into his room to offer herself to him the same night she’d walked out on Damien, he’d lost all respect for her. To this day, he had never told Damien the true nature of the woman whom he had almost made his wife. He would save that information to use as a last resort if he saw Shelly trying to sink her claws into Damien again. She was poison.

  Let Damien think he was jealous of him and Lisa. If that’s what it took to keep him looking over his shoulder, then so be it. Speaking of looking, there was something about the way Damien had looked at him while he was talking to him just now. It was not the look of a blind man. Usually, Damien did not raise his gaze to look directly at him when he spoke with him. Today, his gaze was dead-on, almost as if he could see Jake’s reaction to this discussion. It was the most unnerving feeling---knowing Damien couldn’t see him, yet having him look at him as if he could. He did not know what to make of it.