Loosen Up

by Robin Leaf

  “Well, I wasn’t going to mention it, but…” He sniffed the air around me and made a face.

  I laughed out loud. “Wow, you just made a joke.”

  He smiled. “I guess I did.” He studied my face for a minute. “Are you returning to the set soon?”

  “I’m due back in a week, but it’s only for two episodes. They won’t need me for a couple of weeks after that. I was thinking of taking a trip.” I nudged him with my shoulder. “Possibly to England.”

  He looked panicked for a microsecond, then disappointed.

  “I will be bouncing back and forth between Switzerland and Germany on business, or I’d offer to host your holiday. You are welcome to stay in my flat if you want, though.”

  I shook my head. “It was just a thought. I figured we’d make up for lost stupidity.” I laid my head on his shoulder. I felt him smile. “I’m sorry for the last few months’ freeze out.”

  “Me, too. I promise I won’t let it happen again.”

  He kissed my forehead and inhaled. I loved it when he did that.

  We sat like that, swinging and soaking up each other’s comfort, for a while.

  He grabbed my hand and stood. “We should probably see if everyone is ready. Your dad is pacing the driveway.”

  He cupped my cheek and brought my head to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist.

  “By the way,” I said through the tears forming in my eyes, “I’ve really missed you, too.”

  Nineteen

  “Comfortably Numb” – Pink Floyd

  Back to life… Back to reality…

  Reality. Insert eye roll here.

  I slapped my alarm clock to silence the rather ironic song playing that morning of all mornings, especially after I’d been working so hard to avoid all the stupid reality.

  For the two previous weeks, I’d gone to work and pretended to be someone else. I came home, ate, slept. Lathered. Rinsed. Repeated.

  Avoiding reality and everyone not acting-related worked for me. If I faced it, I’d have to acknowledge the pain from losing Dex.

  I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Why? Because I didn’t want the pitying looks or questions about whether or not I was okay. I wanted to just be okay. And when I did my job, I was. I could transform into Lyric and be just that… okay. Hunky dory. Peachy keen. Groovy. Copacetic.

  Hence my carefully-crafted avoidance of reality.

  But that day, reality and fantasy were destined to collide. Lyric was unexpectedly losing her sister. So my fake life was scheduled to mirror the one I was avoiding. I’ll admit I cried when I read the script the first time four weeks ago, but I cried for Lyric, not for me. Today threatened to open up a dam I’d been repressing.

  I liked to revel in feelings, even bad ones, but my fear was that this time, I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out of it. If I let it pull me under, I’d most certainly drown. And I didn’t want to do that.

  Ugh. Feelings. Yuck.

  I used to be a fan, but I was rapidly becoming the opposite of a fan.

  Yup. Feelings were suddenly my enemy. Feelings and reality. And both were going down.

  ~~~

  “Cut,” I heard Mark, the director, choke out.

  After that, I heard nothing except the sniffles and quiet crying of people on set.

  I didn’t move. I couldn’t. Brantley continued to hold me, letting me sob into his stomach.

  “Damn, Darby, you brought it today,” Dakota said, probably to break the awkward silence and bust up the crying fest.

  A rough hand stroked my head. “Dude,” I heard Brantley whisper and felt him make some motions to his co-star, probably telling him to shut it. “Mark, are we finished?”

  Mark cleared his throat. “Yeah, I can’t have her do that again.” Footsteps approached, and I felt a hand on my knee. “Darby, in all my years directing, I have never been so moved in my life. For what it’s worth, that was some fantastic acting.”

  Brantley’s hand kept stroking my head. “I don’t think she was just acting,” he whispered.

  The hand patted my knee. “We’re done today, Darby. Will you take her home?”

  “Yeah, we’ll make sure she gets there,” someone said.

  We sat together on the set’s couch, Brant petting my head, me crying into his shirt, for goddess knows how long. I heard him talking to someone else, but I didn’t care to see who it was. It just felt too good to let it all go.

  “I’m sorry,” I croaked once my eyes were fresh out of tears. Pushing off Brant, I sat up. “I planned to make the feelings my bitch today.” I ran my hands down my face. “Yeah, that didn’t work out, did it? That was a rough scene.”

  “Yes, it was,” he agreed, studying me for a minute. “It’s obvious that you needed a catharsis.”

  I nodded. “I just lost my brother three weeks ago. I guess I haven’t let myself grieve enough. I cried when it happened, and I cried the day of the funeral. I’ve been avoiding it since.”

  “Wow, why didn’t you tell anyone?” He gave me one of those pitying looks I hated. “I’d have asked them to rewrite or postpone the scene.”

  I smiled. “It’s cute how you think you have that kind of pull over the writers.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He laughed and stood holding out a hand to me. “Come on. Let’s get you ready to go home. Kota and I promised we’d get you there.”

  “I’m okay now. Let’s just get ready to do the next scene. It’s not even noon yet.”

  Brantley squeezed my hand. “Everyone’s already gone, Darby, excited about the half-day off.” He gently pulled me to standing. “If we call them all back, they’ll booby-trap the set again. I still can’t sit on a chair on set without checking it first. Tacks and whoopee cushions… I think I’m psychologically damaged.”

  I laughed as Dakota led us to his car.

  “You know, Darby,” Kota began cautiously, “I am sorry to hear about your brother, but I’m going to say this again. You absolutely took it to the next level today.” He winked at me in the rearview. “I can’t wait to see the final product.”

  “I agree,” Brantley agreed. “You nailed it.”

  Kota nodded. “Yep. I’ll second that.”

  “I mean it was like a Bambi’s-mother-died or an Old-Yeller moment for me,” said Brant. “Both those movies wrecked me.”

  “I think it was better than that. I would go for somewhere past a Steel-Magnolias cry, bordering on a My-Girl cry. I am comfortable enough to admit I sobbed like a baby during those movies.”

  I laughed. “There’s no way I was that good. I still cry just thinking about ‘Thomas J can’t see without his glasses.’ It even made my best friend a little misty, and he’s a tough nut.”

  “What? I want to meet this guy. Show me anyone who doesn’t snot-sob through that scene, and I’ll call him a heartless human being.”

  I smiled. “He’s not heartless. He’s just… reserved I guess.” I looked down; the emotion threatened to swell again at how much I needed and missed Jase. His absence also fueled my sadness as of late.

  The car stopped and I looked up to see us parked outside a restaurant.

  “Guys, I’m not in the mood to…”

  “Relax, Darby,” Kota said soothingly. “We are taking control here, so sit back and let us. I ordered lunch before we left the studio. They’re bringing it out to the car, and then we’re going to your place.”

  “Wow, that’s really…”

  “Thoughtful?” Dakota asked, taking the food from the delivery boy.

  “Incredibly sweet?” Brant added, handing him cash.

  “Amazing?”

  “The best thing ever?”

  Kota turned to me. “For the record, it was totally my idea.”

  Brant scoffed. “Not even a little bit. I gave you the idea.”

  “No you didn’t. I told you I was doing it.”

  “Whatever, I signaled you with my ‘let’s order lunch’ eyes. You
may have made the call, but…”

  “Boys,” I interrupted, chuckling. “This is a nice gesture, but I’m not sure if I’m going to be good company.”

  Brant turned around in his seat. “You don’t have to entertain us. We’ll eat and watch a movie, probably not any of the ones we mentioned earlier, though.” He winked.

  “Yeah,” Kota agreed. “We don’t want you to be alone this afternoon. You don’t have to do anything but soak up our kick-assity.”

  “Now that’s an adjective,” I smiled. “How can I turn down kick-assity?”

  ~~~

  Even after that feast of a lunch we consumed not even an hour before, the boys wanted friggin popcorn. I dumped it from the bag into the big bowl and added some garlic salt… a little trick my dad taught me. I rounded the countertop to deliver the precious treat.

  Dakota was leaned close to Brantley, almost on top of him. It looked like they were…

  No, they weren’t. I’d have picked up on signs if they were…

  Except my eyes were getting a big sign right then.

  Kissing. With tongue.

  The garlic-salted popcorn scattered all over the floor.

  “Whoa.”

  “Darby…” a startled Brantley began, locking eyes with me. “We can…”

  “You don’t have to explain…”

  “But we…”

  “No,” I shook my head. “It’s none of my business.” I turned to get the broom, but thought better of it. “No wait, my apartment, my business.” I turned to Brant. “Aren’t you married?”

  His cheeks reddened. “Yes, to Anita, and she is –”

  “Your beard?” I looked at him curiously.

  “No,” he looked sheepishly at Dakota. “Not exactly.”

  “I’m not necessarily a fan of marriage, Brant,” I said quietly, trying not to sound like I was judging. “But I do feel that if you commit to someone, cheating is frowned – ”

  “We’re not cheating,” Kota announced, smiling.

  “Allow me to disagree here, but I think kissing and groping your co-star in a non-acting-related way is probably thought of in most circles as cheating, Kota,” I chided gently, nodding to Brant, “especially when his hand is still on your dick.”

  “Oh, shit.” They scooted away from each other. “Darby, please let us explain.”

  I nodded, giving them the go ahead.

  Brant cleared his throat. “We have a… special relationship.”

  Kota smiled again. “All three of us.”

  “Oh.” I stared at Kota for a minute before it clicked. “Ooohhhh,” I sang, smiling. “Damn, she’s a lucky girl.”

  Brantley grinned and Kota just flashed his dimple again. “We are the lucky ones. We’ve shared Anita since before she and I got married, but it’s still kind of new for the two of us.”

  “Yeah,” Brant blushed. “We’ve been fighting it for a while, but a few weeks ago, it all kind of just… happened.”

  “But Darby, this information can’t leave this apartment.”

  “Of course not.” I sat down between them and patted both their knees. “You can trust me.”

  “We know. In fact, we were going to ask a huge favor of you today, but we decided to wait due to…”

  “My cryfest?” I grabbed both their hands. “You can ask me now.”

  They looked at each other over my head.

  “Well,” Brant rubbed the back of his neck, “we were wondering if you would be interested in having a public-only relationship with Dakota.”

  “I know it would be a lot to ask.”

  I giggled. “Yes, because pretend dating you would be such a hardship.”

  Brantley smiled. “I know you’re disappointed it’s not me.”

  Looking back and forth between them, I asked, “What would it entail?”

  “Being seen in public. Kisses, dates,” Kota squeezed my hand, “hand holding, and maybe a little public groping. It’ll be good for the show and hopefully take the heat off the internet rumors that he and I are involved.”

  I furrowed my brow. “But you are involved. Why not just be honest?”

  “The worry is that it will harm the show, especially with the sponsors.” Brantley turned bitter. “Not everyone is as accepting or as open-minded as you seem to be.”

  Kota cleared his throat. “Okay, I have to ask this. You won’t have a problem with the racial issue, will you? Some people may give you shit for dating a black man.”

  It made me sad that he felt he had to ask. “No more shit than people may give you for dating a redhead.”

  He laughed. “You’re right. Maybe I should rethink this,” winking to indicate he was teasing.

  I thought for a moment. “Before I agree, I need to speak to Anita. She needs to okay our arrangement.”

  Brantley pulled out his phone and began dialing before I finished my sentence.

  “Hey, babe,” a sweet voice answered.

  “Hi, love,” Brant crooned. “Someone wants to talk to you.”

  “Okay, who?”

  “Hi, Anita, I’m Darby. I’m on the show with Brant and Kota.”

  “I know,” she giggled. “What can I do for you, Darby?”

  “Well, I have a few questions…”

  Twenty

  “Tush” – ZZ Top

  “Thank you so much for today.” I stepped out of my apartment to walk the dynamic duo to the elevator. “You boys knew just what I needed. I should let you guys take control more often.”

  “We are up for that anytime you need it, Darby,” Kota said, and gave me a lingering kiss on my cheek. “You are absolutely amazing. Thank you for agreeing.”

  I heard a gasp. I looked around Kota to see Allison standing at the corner with her mouth open.

  “Boys, this is my friend, Allison.” She smiled nervously.

  After introductions and hand shaking, Allison turned to me, but she wouldn’t look me in the face. “I haven’t seen you in a while, and I came to check on you. I thought I’d offer to take you to dinner.”

  I smiled. “That was nice of you, but I’m still full from these boys. My door is open if you want to…”

  “No, that’s okay.” She glanced at me before looking down, shifting her feet.

  “Can I get a rain check? I’m pretty exhausted.”

  She laughed. I think she said “I bet” under her breath, but I can’t be sure. “Sure, Darby.” She started to walk away, but stopped. “It was nice to meet you both,” she said over her shoulder kind of half-heartedly, which was weird since most women pant, drool, and turn into wanton, breast-thrusting, air-humping sluts when meeting these two gorgeous specimen.

  I shrugged and led the men to the elevator. Before I pressed the down button, a hand grabbed mine and turned me around.

  “Are you blind?” Brantley asked.

  “Yes, I can certainly see that both of you are hot, Brant.” I deadpanned.

  Dakota snickered. “Oh, Darby, Darby, Darby.” He nods his head behind him. “That girl likes you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. “A lot.”

  “Pssshhhh. No, she doesn’t.”

  Brantley cupped my chin and tilted my head to look in his eyes. “Yes. She does.”

  I rolled my eyes, shook out of his hold, and pushed the down button. “Whatever. Kota, when do you want to schedule our first official fake date?”

  He flashed his charming smile. “Babe, if you want to explore that…” he nodded again in the direction we’d last seen Allison, “I’ll understand.”

  I stared blankly at him. “No. I said I’d help you out, and I will.”

  He sighed. “Okay, then. Tomorrow after work? It should be another early day, so we’ll go out to dinner?”

  The elevator doors opened and they stepped on. “Perfect,” I answered, crossing my arms underneath my boobs. “I expect presents.”

  They both smiled. “Then presents you’ll get,” Dakota said, right before the doors closed.
/>   ~~~

  Three weeks into the fake dating thing, the internet and various media outlets were going crazy. Fans either loved our relationship or they hated it. I found it infinitely fascinating how the love lives of two actors could take up so much time and be so much in demand by the masses. It was hilarious how many fake stories popped up everywhere.

  It did draw attention to the show though, which made our bosses crazy happy.

  The publicist for the show arranged so many appearances for us. Kota had slept over in my second bedroom almost every night. It was fun, but I had no time to myself. I needed a break.

  “Can’t we just take a little break from the dating for a couple of days?” I whined quietly. “I’m exhausted.”

  “I guess you didn’t know dating me would be such a sacrifice,” Dakota whispered in my ear, wrapping his hands around my waist. Ever since the story broke, paparazzi seemed to stalk the set. We suspected that some of our crew were taking secret pictures and selling them to the highest bidder, too. Therefore, we were always acting coupley.

  “It’s not a sacrifice for just me, Kota. You haven’t seen your, um, friends in at least a week.”

  He grunted and put his forehead next to mine. “It’s been two.”

  “Poor baby,” I caressed both sides of his face.

  “But yes, I’ll drive you to your place. I think we can pull off ‘we’re having a couple of quiet nights at home’ for once.”

  “One of the Irish brothers can drive you to their house. I know they miss you.”

  He gave me a chaste kiss. “Thank you, Darby.” He kissed me a little longer. “You don’t know how much this means.”

  “I need to try to call Jase again anyway.” I grabbed his hand and began walking to his car.

  “He still busy?” With all this fake dating, we needed something to discuss. Now Kota was fully immersed in all things Jase and Darla.

  “I keep leaving messages. He called yesterday, but I was in the middle of a scene. He didn’t leave a message.” I sighed. “I miss him.”

  “And how’s Allison?”

  “I haven’t seen her except in passing since I started dating you.”

  “Well,” he reached around me and opened my car door, “you have to promise to try to hang out with her tonight.” He kissed my nose.