Loosen Up

by Robin Leaf

  She thought for a minute. “Oh.” After handing me a dish, she asked. “So who would want to live with me?”

  “You have choices. You can decide to live with one of the boys,” I paused, unsure how to word this. “Or, you can opt to live here.”

  Turning off the water, she turned toward me. “You’d be willing to do that?”

  I felt myself panic for a second. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable enough to have another panic attack, but I needed to let her know that this was not a green light to start a serious relationship. I didn’t want to upset her, but I needed to set boundaries.

  Right as I was about to answer, she interrupted. “If I moved in here, we would be roommates, Darby. There would be no serious attachments. We could occasionally have sex, but I do not need nor want a commitment from you. You would be free to see whomever you wanted,” she raised her eyebrows and added, “as would I. This would be cohabitation only.”

  I cupped her cheeks and kissed her. “Deal.”

  ~~~

  Allison and I lived together as roommates with benefits. Honestly, having her live with me was a great decision. She complemented my life perfectly. We developed a routine. She was busy with her career, I was busy with mine, but when we had down time, we supported each other.

  She was there for me when my character on Transcendental died. (The show was cancelled shortly thereafter, but I’m not going to revel in that… much.) Needless to say, my fake relationship ended at the same time, and she supported my transition to single woman in the eyes of the public. Charlie got me cameo roles on TV shows and a supporting role in a movie, so I stayed busy.

  I helped Ally choreograph and teach fight scenes for a big female superhero movie, which, I’m not gonna lie, kicked my ass. The director liked me, so she cast me in her next feature film. I played a married city cop who trained a rookie, which is where I met my good friend and life-saver, Riley Tate.

  I saw Jase very little, but we kept in regular contact. The advent of social media helped us tremendously, and we still Skyped almost weekly. However, I missed him. So. Much.

  Life was going well for us by taking things one day at a time. Allison and I were close and uncomplicated, which was just how I liked it. Life was almost perfect.

  I could only think of one thing that would screw it all to Hades.

  Feelings.

  They’d be the death of me.

  Twenty Five

  2011

  “Too Close” – Alex Clare

  I couldn’t help the pang of melancholic nostalgia. The last time I sat in this booth, Jase made his pitch to watch me have sex. And here I was meeting him again in the same spot four years later.

  Every time we’d seen each other in the past three years, we started on one of our “dates” like we used to do when he lived here, then we would meet Allison and/or Noah for dinner.

  Every time I picked a different location for our initial meet up, kind of a “greatest hits of our friendship” date, but this time, I stupidly suggested this pub. It was the first time I would see him in over a year, and before this, we’d only seen each other a total of six times in the past three years. He really didn’t really have any reason to come home, no reason other than to see me and Noah. I offered several times to make the trip to see him in London, but it never worked out where our schedules aligned.

  So there I sat, unusually early, waiting, musing over memories of all our past dates and feeling a bit… uneasy. The last time I sat in this booth was for the date that caused the demise of what we “could have been,” or, if I looked at it from a different perspective, it was the last date we were meant to have because we were supposed to work out just like we did. Either thought brought on sadness.

  “What’s wrong?” the deep voice that matched the man I was just thinking about asked.

  I stood and threw myself at him. “Just thinking about how much I’ve missed you.”

  He chuckled, cupping his hand to my face and pulling me to his chest. “Well, I’m right here.”

  We both sighed, inhaling each other’s energy. It seemed neither of us wanted to let go.

  Jase kissed my forehead and pushed back from me, searching my face before smiling.

  “You always look so beautiful.”

  “You look tired,” I blurted. “But you are a sight for sore eyes.”

  He chuckled again, settling himself on his side of the booth. “Yeah, well, the time zone thing always gets to me.” He grabbed the beer I ordered for him and took a drink. “So… tell me what you’ve been doing.”

  “I tell you things all the time,” I scoffed, “and what I don’t, Noah does.”

  He looked sheepish. “True, but I want to watch you tell me things.”

  I felt the heat rise on my face. Grabbing my glass of wine, I took a sip to hide my reaction.

  I want to watch you.

  Those fucking words… again. I chose to not acknowledge them, but they kept playing in my head.

  Yeah, choosing to come here was a bad idea.

  “Well, let’s see. I just finished my second movie a week ago. Riley saved my life on the set. Charlie has taken on so…”

  “Wait,” Jase interrupted, raising a curious eyebrow. “Who is Riley?”

  “Oh, yeah. Riley Tate, my co-star.” I took another sip. “Oh my goddess, Jase, he looks so much like Dex, it’s scary. Riley is quite a bit bigger, and he has swoon-worthy dimples, but I swear, if he didn’t look just like his mother and father, I would tell you he and Dex were separated at birth.”

  Some unidentifiable look flashed on Jase’s face before he shook it off. “How…” He cleared his throat. “How did he save your life?”

  “I was walking between two cars in the parking lot and had in my earbuds. My music must have been too loud.”

  “Let me guess, classic rock?”

  I smiled. “One simply cannot listen to Jimi quietly. Anyway, I didn’t hear the scooter coming. Then I was on the ground with 220 pounds of man meat on top of me. He says he called out to me, but I obviously couldn’t hear him.”

  He sat back in the booth and ran his hand along his chin, surveying me. “So, do you like this Riley?”

  I sat my wine down and watched him for a second. “What are you asking?” I asked quietly.

  He shook his head. “Nothing.” He grabbed his beer roughly and took a swig. “What were you going to say about Charlie?”

  “That she’s taken on so many clients, she had to hire more agents. Now, tell me, what was that about?”

  He raised his eyebrows, trying to look innocent. “What was what about?”

  I grunted. “You know damn well what.”

  He looked away, schooling his expression, and then back at me. “Well, I wondered, is this going to be another fake relationship?”

  “No. Dakota was a one-time thing. It was too much work. Jeez, I need to call Kota. I miss him.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he ground his jaw.

  I pursed my lips and studied him. “Jason Patrick Heywood, are you… jealous?”

  He started to shake his head and opened his mouth, probably to deny everything, but he sighed and looked down at his hands. “A little, yes.”

  “Okay, this I don’t understand. I’ve lived with Allison for three years, and not a twinge of jealousy have I ever felt from you, but a casual mention of a man who saved my life and a thought about a past fake relationship, and you get,” I waved my hand up and down, “like that.”

  Rubbing his face with his fingers, he looked up at me with a wary expression. “I don’t want you to… find someone who will… give you… ”

  “What? Something you wouldn’t?” I smiled despite my rising anger. “If you met Riley, you would see how ridiculous that statement is.” It was my turn to sit back in the booth. “Did you not hear me when I told you he looks like Dex? Seeing him brought up a lot of memories and they made me emotional. He just broke up with his long-time girlfriend, so he was emotional. We became friends, and
we will probably remain friends. But since you failed to remember, let me remind you that I’m in a relationship with Allison.”

  He moved his jaw back and forth. “Yes, I know. An open relationship…”

  “Yeah, an open relationship of which neither of us has taken advantage.” I took another sip of my wine. “I’m not going to start now by boning a broken-hearted, way-too-nice-for-Hollywood co-star who is almost a dead-ringer for my beloved, departed brother. That’s skeevy.” I downed my glass. “He’s just a good friend.”

  He leaned forward, and the abruptness of it startled me. “As I recall,” he almost growled, “you introduce me to the world as your best friend,” he ground his jaw, “but we are… more.”

  Whoa. I’d never seen a display of anger like this from Jase before. I kind of liked it. I kind of wanted to poke the beast, so I leaned forward to match him.

  “The difference is Riley never asked me to have sex with his friend while he watched and then refused me when I wanted more.”

  I saw a flinch and a flash of hurt on Jase’s face before his eyes turned hard. “That was uncalled for.”

  “But it was no less true. And from my end, you ARE my best friend. Nothing…” I made air quotes, “more. You, Mr. Heywood, have not earned the right to be jealous over anyone. In fact, you threw away your right to stake your claim.”

  Talk about a plan backfiring. The effort to make him angrier caused me to pick at my old wound, one I would have sworn had healed. Instead of staying there, dredging up old memories, I dug for cash and threw it on the table.

  “I think we should leave before this turns nastier. C’mon so we’re not late.”

  Scooting out of the booth, I stood to make my way toward the door. Hands grabbed my arms and turned me around. I was in his embrace before I could fight it, held to his chest almost desperately.

  “I’m sorry,” he breathed in my ear. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It apparently still stings, Jase,” I whispered into his chest. “I’ve moved on, but it still stings.”

  “Me, too.”

  We stood there, embracing, still healing. It was ridiculous how much what happened to us so long ago continued to bother me. Bringing it up was dumb, so instead of dwelling, I decided to deflect.

  “Are you ever going to tell me what was going on with you?”

  He stiffened. “There was nothing…”

  I looked up at him. “If you finish that sentence, I will hurt you.”

  After kissing my forehead, he released me and motioned for me to return to my seat, but he refused to make eye contact.

  I reached across the table and laid my hand over his. “Before you start, I’m sorry, too.” His eyes slowly lifted to meet mine. “I love you, Jase, and I always will. You absolutely are my best friend in the world, and I have been worried about you for a long time.”

  I took the time to study the changes in him since the last time I saw him. He had gained a bit of the weight back that he lost. In fact, he looked incredibly fit, downright edible. His coloring improved. Besides the tiredness around his eyes, he looked more gorgeous than I had ever seen him. The memory flashed of the last time we were here, the time when he said those deliciously dirty things to me and I wanted to ride his face.

  He smirked. “Just friends, huh?” He bit his lower lip, drawing my eyes there. “You still have a horrible ability to hide your thoughts, Darla Maize.”

  I felt myself blush and suppressed a smile, looking him in those captivating root-beer-colored eyes. “Just friends, asshole.”

  His eyes held mine for a beat before he looked away. “I’m fine.”

  “Now. But you weren’t, or are you going to deny that?”

  He sighed. “I had a little health issue, but I’m better now.”

  Even though this was not exactly news to me, I couldn’t help the fear that seized my heart. “Did you have… cancer?”

  “No,” his eyes met mine again, shining nothing but sincerity. “I absolutely did not have cancer.”

  A war raged inside his head, wondering what he should divulge. I watched it happen and waited it out, but he said nothing.

  I hit the table. “Dammit, Jase. Are you ever going to tell me?”

  “Darla,” he ran his hand over his mouth. “I’m not supposed to talk about it. I was part of a… controversial research study. They made me sign a paper and everything.”

  I rolled that around in my head for a minute. “Research for what?”

  He closed his eyes. “Darla…” he warned.

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, can you at least guarantee me that you are fine now?”

  He swallowed. “Yes, now, I am fine.”

  I watched him after he said it, searching for some hint at deception. I couldn’t pinpoint any, but something made me feel he was not being completely forthright in his answer.

  “Let’s go. We have to meet Allison at the restaurant in fifteen minutes. She hates it when I’m late.” We shuffled out of the booth.

  His hand rested at the small of my back as he escorted me out of the bar. “So she has cured you of your tardiness problem, has she?”

  I scoffed. “Nope, not even a little bit.” I winked. “We’re twenty-five minutes away.”

  ~~~

  “How’s the search for the perfect location for your martial arts studio?” Noah asked Allison as he pushed the button for the elevator. We were headed to his penthouse for an after dinner drink. We spent dinner laughing and telling stories about our teenage years. I liked how well Jase and Allison got along. They carried most of the conversation. However, this was the first time Noah spoke tonight. I began to wonder if something was wrong with him.

  “Ugh. Horrible.” Allison rolled her eyes. “It’s impossible to find anything with the space and all the specs I want. There is this one perfect existing building, but it is over an hour away with traffic. And the closer one that had all the amenities I want is no longer available.” She shook her head. “I mean it was on the market for a day, and when I called, poof, it was gone. It seems like I’m going to have to look into building my own, and that’ll take way longer than I am willing to wait, not to mention cost way more.”

  I saw Jase bite back a grin, but I was distracted by the jolt of electricity I got when he placed his hand on the small of my back. He knew I hadn’t ever told Allison about our past, so he usually respected my personal space in her presence. I casually moved away from him.

  “Are you still thinking of getting a house?” Noah asked, hitting the button on the panel inside the elevator.

  “That’s another thing. The houses I like are the ones Darby hates. The one we both liked is out of our price range.”

  “They’re all out of our price range,” I mumbled.

  The elevator doors opened to the second floor. “Well, maybe this will help.”

  We stepped off the elevator to a large space that was in the initial stages of a remodel. The floors had been stripped to the concrete, and the entire space was open to the studs from the walls that had recently been removed.

  “Allison, I’m offering you this space for your studio.”

  She stammered, “Wha… What is… huh?”

  “I know you’d like a space close to all of the studios and production houses so you can train all your stunt men and actors conveniently.” He took her by the elbow and led her into the space. “Your actors would most likely appreciate the privacy and security my building offers. I have a team of contractors who’re willing and ready to start tomorrow discussing how you’d like to set it up. It has access to plumbing for showers and toilets.” He waved in the other direction. “We can create a separate area for the gyms, which I planned to move down here for my employees anyway.” He turned toward her. “My business is growing, so we can use the third floor for additional living spaces.”

  Allison looked shocked. “Noah, I don’t… I can’t…”

  “You will. I’m investing in this opportunity.” He smiled. “No, that’s not quite
true. Really, I’m investing in you, Ally.”

  She threw her arms around him. “Wow.”

  “And what’s better is I am moving you and Darby to the third floor right above your studio. You’ll have access from here. It will be a larger space, and you both can design it any way you want.”

  “Holy Freya, this is awesome, Noah,” I exclaimed.

  “Well, you both are family. None of the guys want you to leave.”

  Allison let go of Noah and wrapped her hands around his arm as they walked around the space, talking animatedly about what should go where.

  I watched them. Well, I watched Allison in her excitement and smiled.

  “I can see that you just might love her.” Jase whispered in my ear.

  I ignored him and kept watching her.

  If I hadn’t been looking closely, I would have missed seeing Noah shoot a look at Jase. It was one of those looks a person gives another when they share a secret.

  I swung around to look at Jase, who was looking back at Noah with the same expression. I knew right then what had gone down.

  “You did this?” I whispered to Jase when they were out of earshot.

  He nodded, a slow smile brightening his features. “Noah did, too.”

  “Why?”

  He swallowed and looked down. “I got the impression you didn’t want to move out of the building.” That was true, but I could tell there was more to the story. I stared at him until he admitted, “Fine. I like you safe, and when we came up with this plan, I felt like here was the safest place you could be.”

  “Plus, here, you can keep eyes on me.”

  He blinked several times, which was his tell that I was right.

  I chuckled. “You seriously need help with your stalker issues.”

  He pulled me into his arms and lowered his voice. “I love you, Darla. This was the only way I can show you how much.”

  I pulled away, aware of our possible audience. “Why didn’t you let me in on your plan? Ask me about it even?”

  “Because we wanted to surprise Allison,” he grabbed my elbow, leading me toward the others. “And I know how much you suck at hiding surprises.”