Sunshine in the Delta: A Novel

by Erica M. Sandifer

  All of a sudden then, I seen a familiar car slidin’ down the road: James Roscoe. Boy, did I have a mouthful to tell his dark skin. It had been a long time again since he come to see me. He pulled up in the yard and jumped out, smilin’ how he always done. I was just standin’ there with my arms crossed and a frown, mad as hell.

  “Where the hell you been all this time, James Roscoe?”

  He closed the door and started walkin’ toward me. He reached out to give me a hug, but I still was lookin’ mean.

  “Look at my stomach, James Roscoe. Look what you did to me.”

  His eyes bulged and jumped like he was one of the deer I be seein’ when I drive back from Mrs. Baker’s house at night. He acted like he forgot how to talk for a good minute.

  “You sure?” he said.

  I could’ve slapped his ass. He knew I was a virgin when he laid his black ass on top of me.

  “I’m sure.”

  He smiled like everything was okay.

  “Well, well, well, Miss Neeyla Marie Jean. You gon’ have my baby.”

  To hear that come from his mouth sent somethin’ through my bones, him makin’ it seem like he wanted to be a family already. Maybe I could move away from Money to Miami with him, and both of us could raise the baby and maybe get married. I didn’t tell him that, though. I was gon’ wait on him to ask me.

  “How far along are you?” he asked me.

  “Goin’ on five months, I think.”

  “That sounds about right.”

  He didn’t pull me to his car this time. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. It had a phone number on it.

  “Call me whenever you need me. I’m here for ya, sugar.”

  He reached over and gave me a kiss on my cheek, and got back in that car of his. I watched him til he drove off.

  I could feel Carrie standin’ in the window, watchin’. I walked back in the house anyways, and there she was, standin’ at the door, starin’ at me.

  “What?” I asked her.

  “That’s who stuffed you up, huh?”

  I didn’t say nothing, and just got ready to go see Mrs. Baker.

  “I hope that white woman let you and that baby stay at her house.”

  I just looked back at her while I was walkin’ out the door.

  “She will,” I said.

  I got in the truck and drove off. I had a whole lot to think ’bout while I was drivin’. Matter of fact, I did all my thinkin’ while I was drivin’ to Greenwood every day. I was wonderin’ if Mrs. Baker would let me and my baby stay. Ain’t no tellin’. As far as I was concerned, Mrs. Baker was my baby’s meemaw. That’s what the white folks call it.

  Chapter 30

  I pulled up at the house and Mrs. Baker had a note on the kitchen table for me. It said she wanted me to go to the market and get some fresh fish so we could fry some for dinner. The keys was right beside the note. I guess that cheered me up a bit, that I was gon’ get a chance to ride in that fancy car of hers again. Me and my baby. I ain’t even tell Mrs. Baker hello before I started walkin’ to her car. I cranked it up, let the top back, and drove off.

  I got downtown good, and I was ridin’ up to the light. Guess who in the Sam Hill I seen: James Roscoe. He was walkin’ with some high-yellow girl, rubbin’ her stomach. They was walkin’ in some ice cream shop, and the good Lord knows I could’ve died. I should’ve known, and I started to run both of they asses over, right into ice the cream shop. Damn bastard. I made it up in my mind that I wasn’t gon’ cry, though. I ain’t been cryin’, and wasn’t gon’ start now.

  My baby had a sister or brother on the way, too, and that’s just what it was gon’ be. I seen Carrie and Jabo raisin’ too much hell with each other for me to start raisin’ hell with a man, too. I went on to the store. I got everything Mrs. Baker asked for, but it was hard for me remember the thangs she told me to get. I kept seein’ them two walkin’, over and over in my head. There I was, pregnant by a boy I barely knew. My dumb ass. The baby had started kickin’ me real good, and I just grabbed what the hell ever and scotched on off. I got back to Mrs. Baker’s house and she looked at me real crazy, and I knew she knew somethin’ was wrong. It was like she could feel it, so she asked me.

  I didn’t say nothin’ at first. I reached down and grabbed my belly. I felt myself makin’ a habit out of doin’ that. She just smiled, and told me everything was gon’ be all right. But li’l did I know, I needed to tell somebody ’bout what I seen or it was gon’ kill me, keepin’ it inside. I wondered if that baby knew what I was thinkin’. I bet it did, so I decided I was just gon’ keep it between us.

  Henry was home, and with so much goin’ on in my mind, I forgot to remind myself that he was gon’ be home for the week. School was gettin’ out, and he was gon’ be back at home for the summer. Shucks, I ain’t have time to be pregnant and deal with his stuff, too. Soon as I thought about him, he came flyin’ down the stairs like a mad fool.

  “Looks like somebody got happy and swallowed a watermelon seed.”

  He ’bout killed himself laughin’. I wanted to get real smart, but I acted like I didn’t hear him.

  “Hey there, Henry Baker,” I said, and then I put my head down.

  That ain’t usually like me, but the way I was feeling, I would’ve slapped Henry’s ass before I knew it. Mrs. Baker just laughed it off like she always did, tellin’ Henry to be nice—like he really gon’ be nice. Ain’t a nice bone in that boy’s body, and she knew it, too. I wondered if Henry’s daddy was mean and hateful like that. I know he ain’t got it from Mrs. Baker, ’cause she sure wasn’t no nigger hater. But Henry?

  Chapter 31

  Mrs. Baker wasn’t makin’ me work much since I was pregnant, but I still cleaned up anyway. She was gettin’ older, and it seemed like she needed me there. I guess I needed her, too. She always took me to the doctor when it was time for me to go. I had an appointment the next day to find out what my baby was. I was kinda excited to know. Carrie never taught me how to be a pregnant woman, and I don’t blame her, seein’ as no one actually taught her. Thank God I could read. I’d been readin’ since I was five, ’cause Jabo always read the newspaper when he got home from work; he let me read it with him sometimes. Jabo’s daddy was a real school teacher in Arkansas. They gave me some li’l books at the doctor ’bout havin’ a new baby, and what to do. Mrs. Baker talked to me, too, but there ain’t nothin’ like your own mama teachin’ you. I was goin’ on six months, and I still ain’t told Carrie or Big Mama I was pregnant. They knew, though; my stomach was stretched out farther than a camel’s hump. Guess it did look like I swallowed a damn watermelon seed. They knew.

  We finally made it to the doctor, and they started rubbin’ some cold, slimy gel across my stomach. Mrs. Baker was sittin’ right next to me the whole time holdin’ my hand. I believe she was more excited than I was. The doctor put a thing up to my stomach and pressed real hard. First, I heard the heartbeat. When I heard that, my heart started beatin’ faster and faster. The white lady doin’ my ultrasound was real nice. I’m guessin’ her and Mrs. Baker knew each other, since Mrs. Baker was talkin’ and carryin’ on with her. I wanted to tell her to shut up so I could go on and find out what I was gon’ have.

  “I hope you got a lot of pink stuff,” the lady said to me. “It’s a girl!”

  I looked at her, and told her I already knew. Mrs. Baker was smilin’ like she knew it was a girl, too. That’s why she been makin’ that pink quilt. I wondered what Roscoe was gon’ have to say once he decided to show up again. I couldn’t worry about that. He was gon’ come back with the March wind, so I’d been thinkin’ of some baby names, and I had the perfect name for a baby girl.

  “I’m gon’ name her Tracy Lynn,” I said.

  Mrs. Baker jumped up and gave me a big hug.

  “That’s a beautiful name,” she said.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  ***

  I was quiet the whole ride home. Mrs. Baker was givin’ me a
ride back out to Money since Big Mama had dropped me off. She ain’t never took me home before. When we made it to the Money Road, I caught her starin’ up at the sky while she was drivin’, like she was stuck or slow or somethin’. Her eyes got real watery, and I could’ve sworn I saw a tear fall. I wanted to ask her what was wrong with her, but I be the same way when I get on the Money Road. There was just somethin’ real nostalgic about it. We got on further down the road, and I showed Mrs. Baker where I lived. As we pulled up, I seen my daddy Jabo in the front yard, drunk and carryin’ on like a fool as usual. I tried to get out real fast so Mrs. Baker could drive on, but she just sat there in a daze again. Jabo was slangin’ the chairs around on the porch, all the while cryin’ and carryin’ on like he lost all the rest of his mind. No tellin’ what the Sam Hill he was talkin’ ’bout.

  I looked over at Mrs. Baker and put my head down. I was ’bout as ashamed as anyone could be. Mrs. Baker reached over and put her hand on my leg and tapped me.

  “Go on in the house. If you need me, just call me.”

  The whole time she was talkin’ to me, she never took her eyes off Jabo. I bet she ain’t never seen no nigger man act like that in real life, but she wasn’t actin’ scared. She just acted like she was watchin’ somethin’ in a movie. I hopped out and Jabo looked at me all crazy.

  “Why you bringin’ them white folks to my house, Marie?”

  I just looked at him and said, “Daddy, I’m helpin’ her.”

  “And why in the hell you ain’t tell me you was stuffed up?”

  I just walked on in the house, ’cause me and him was gon’ get to fightin’. I wasn’t one to let nobody talk to me crazy, like they ain’t never had no sense one day of they life. I looked out the window, and I saw dust in the air where Mrs. Baker had scotched off. I don’t blame her, and wished I could have scotched off, too. I just wanted to run away. It didn’t make no sense how they acted and looked. Then, me bringing a li’l innocent baby out in all that chaos. At that moment, I wished I could’ve found Roscoe and moved wherever he was, and since he was the one who got me pregnant, he needed to take care of me. But I knew better, since it looked like he had more than my baby to worry ’bout.

  Chapter 32

  My stomach was growin’, and Mr. Roscoe was nowhere to be found. It was almost the end of summer, and I was seven months, goin’ on eight. I was still lyin’ to Carrie and Big Mama, like there wasn’t no baby up inside of me. Carrie was always fussin’, tellin’ me how she wasn’t gon’ worry with no baby, and by that time I’d stopped arguin’ with her ’bout it. I was gon’ fix her. I was gon’ take my baby everywhere I went, even to the outhouse. I tried not to think about James Roscoe so much. I put him out my mind, but when I thought about him real hard, he always showed up. It was like he could feel me the few times that I did think about him, and would come pullin’ up in that shiny new car. I should’ve thrown a damn rock at that fool, ’cause he had the least care ’bout me bein’ pregnant.

  He never went to the doctor with me, since he never bothered to come by to see if I was goin’. Suddenly, I flew outside, mad as hell, standin’ on the porch with my hands on my hips and breathin’ just as hard. He hopped out the car, smilin’ like he always be smilin’, with his big teeth. I could’ve slapped his black ass. He then started walkin’ towards me. I walked over to his car, opened the other door, and there was that high-yellow gal I seen him walkin’ with. Wouldn’t you know—her stomach was as big as mine.

  “So you got both of us stuffed up , huh? I knew you was a low-down, good-for-nothin’ boy when I first met ya,” I snapped. “You must plant watermelon seeds in everybody you know.”

  She was just sittin’ there with her eyes bulging, lookin’ up at me without sayin’ nothin’. I guess she knew not to. All he could do was stand there, so I just walked on back in the house, ’cause I had a feeling thangs was gon’ get real ugly if I stayed out there. So I just walked my fancy ass back on in the house. He then got in the car and drove off like a bat out of hell. That’s exactly where he should’ve went back to. Imagine the nerve, him bringin’ his heifer out to my house. Way I felt, I ain’t never wanna see him again anyway. It was just gon’ be me and Tracy Lynn.

  ***

  The wedding was comin’, and I was glad it was ’bout to be over. It was all Mrs. Baker talked about. Henry was actin’ just like he was before: evil and crazy. Ain’t seen much of his wife-to-be when Henry wasn’t home. And she was from Greenwood, too. Mrs. Baker had them same maids like she did at the engagement party the summer before. I was bettin’ them maids was gon’ laugh at me ’cause my stomach was pushed all the way out. Bettin’ they was gon’ say that’s what my smart-mouth ass got. Damn them, though.

  Mrs. Baker had a bright idea ’bout havin’ the wedding in the backyard, and they did just that. Some folks had come and fixed the backyard up so nice. They used the same colors they had at the engagement party: yellow and white. Mrs. Baker picked me out a pretty white dress. She had somebody do my hair, too. I was lookin’ real pretty, like I was the one gettin’ married. I wished. This was all Henry’s fault. If he’d just went on and admitted that he liked me, I would’ve been gettin’ married to him that day, and not stuffed up with Roscoe’s baby. But, oh well.

  I stared at myself in bathroom mirror. It was a great big ole mirror by the sink. Looked like one from back in the slave days. I still looked real pretty, even when I was pregnant. My hair grew so long down my back. I smiled at myself for the first time since I was pregnant. The last time I had smiled at myself like that was when I went on them wild dates with Reena all them months ago.

  I walked back to the kitchen to my chair that Mrs. Baker had decorated for me. I had to watch from the back door in the kitchen, since not all the company liked black folks around if they wasn’t workin’. I was just sittin’ there, watchin’ Henry kiss his bride. How he looked her deep in the eyes when he put the ring on her finger. I just rubbed my belly and thought, Must be nice. Henry got a wife, and I got a baby. I stood up and looked on out the screen door. Mrs. Baker had her napkin, cryin’,, and it made me cry, too. It made her happy to see her son get married. I was happy for Mrs. Baker, but I couldn’t care less about Henry’s ass. Me, personally, I don’t think he really loved that girl. Henry was just doin’ somethin’ everybody else did.

  I went on and fixed my food before all them drunk folks outside got to it. The maids had it on the big kitchen table before they took it outside on the platters. I ate twice, once for me and for the baby. There come Mrs. Baker, bustin’ through the screen door, yellin’ my name.

  “Neeyla Jean! Did you see? Wasn’t that just beautiful?”

  I just looked at her at first, then nodded my head. I didn’t smile too hard, ’cause I didn’t really think it was all that beautiful. It was some ready-made mess Mrs. Baker put together ’cause deep down inside she could already tell Henry wasn’t gon’ do right. I was feeling like it was time for me to go, so I told Mrs. Baker I was about to head back out to the Money Road. Of course, she didn’t want me to go. She never did. I wonder why, ’cause she could never really asked me to come move in with her, though. She couldn’t have no Negro maid just hangin’ around the house like that for no reason.

  I understood that, and went and jumped in my daddy’s raggedy truck I always stole to go to Greenwood. I wanted to make it back to Money before the sun went down. Thank God Jabo wasn’t drunk, and Carrie was too wore down from the fields to harass me. Mildred had been watchin’ them kids more since I was pregnant. I didn’t tell Mildred either, but I knew she was no fool. They all knew. Davis Ray was the youngest, and even he knew. He was always pointin’ at my stomach and rubbin’ on it. It was a shame. I was ’bout to have myself a nice li’l baby with no daddy. Oh well.

  Chapter 33

  The doctor said I was gon’ be due October 5. It was the middle of September, and my stomach was stretched out big, as far as it could go. In fact, it was so big that I didn’t have to sit at a table and eat, since I coul
d set a plate full of food on my stomach without it hittin’ the floor. It was around this time that I noticed that Mrs. Baker wasn’t doin’ too good. I just don’t know what happened. She got down sick out of nowhere, and I was takin’ good care of her, too. I would sit by her side at night and just talk. I talked like I never talked before, and she just sat there and listened. She didn’t talk back much, but she always managed to smile. Nobody had ever listened to me how Mrs. Baker listened to me.

  Mrs. Baker got a terrible cough, and sometimes the coughin’ would drown me out, but I didn’t mind, and would just keep on talkin’. Sometimes she would fall asleep on me, but it was okay. I didn’t mind. It got to the point that I was scared to leave her alone sometimes, and would sneak up to Henry’s room after she fell asleep to sleep in Henry’s bed. I knew she wouldn’t be mad at me for sleepin’ up there. I don’t know why I was sneakin’, since Henry had bought a house for him and his wife not too far from Mrs. Baker’s house. I never seen it, but Mrs. Baker would tell me how nice it was.

  When I woke up in the mornings, I would make Mrs. Baker some food, and quickly make my way on back out to the Money Road. Even though I was drivin’ Jabo’s truck, my stomach was still too big for me to be drivin’. There wasn’t much cleanin’ I could do, since my delivery time was near, but I did what I could over to Mrs. Baker’s. I did my best.

  One day I went over there, and she asked me to sit down and listen. I looked upside her real strange, ’cause she never really talked to me about stuff unless I made her. As she laid in her bed coughin’, I could see that somethin’ ’bout her started to frail. She took a sip of that lemonade she loved so much that I learned how to make just for her.