Sara was shaking her head. “I can’t imagine it. I mean, I can understand problems between a husband and wife, but I can’t imagine a mom leaving her kids.” She was standing close to Nathan now. He was tall and muscled and full of strength, yet she wanted to put her arms around him. She wanted to console the boy he’d once been.
“Don’t look so sad for us, Sara. It’s over and done.”
She wasn’t so sure of that. The past had a way of digging its claws very deep. Sometimes the wounds didn’t heal, and sometimes the scars never went away.
“I never knew my dad,” she confided. “I mean, he and my mom didn’t marry. When she found out she was pregnant, he took off. He had a life he wanted to live, and a baby didn’t fit into it. My mother tried contacting him after I was born, through a buddy of his, but he simply didn’t care.”
“Did you search for him as an adult?”
“When my mom was diagnosed with her blood disorder, I think she felt as if she still had to take care of me. She gave me my father’s social security number. An acquaintance from high school who’d become a policeman searched for an address and obtained one. Mom left messages and she wrote, but we never heard from him. I think it’s obvious he just didn’t want to be saddled with any responsibility. How about you? Do you know where your mother is now?”
“Before I went to college, I asked my dad if he knew where she was. I remember the expression on his face—part resentment, part bitterness, part sadness. He said she’d died five years before, from a skiing accident in the Alps. His name had been in her belongings. A friend of hers thought my dad would want to know. When I asked why he didn’t tell us, he said it was because she was already dead to us. He didn’t feel a need to bring it up. Sam was fifteen then, and when I told him, I think he was devastated. As the youngest, he’d always harbored the hope that she’d come back. Dad should have told us so that we could have faced reality.”
“Maybe that reality was easier for your brother to face at age fifteen than it would have been earlier.”
“I don’t know. Sam’s the optimist in the family. At least he was until…”
“Until?”
“Until he hooked up with the wrong woman. He won’t be here for Thanksgiving because he’s nursing wounds, trying to find himself again. If he doesn’t do it soon, Ben and I might have to shake some sense into him.”
Although she could hear frustration in Nathan’s voice, she heard much more caring and affection and brotherly worry. “So the three of you are close?”
After thinking about that for a minute, he shrugged. “I guess you could say we are. We usually talk often. At least we did until this breakup of Sam’s. He doesn’t even have a phone at the cabin where he’s staying, and there’s no cell signal.”
“You’re really worried?”
“I’m really worried.”
Nathan obviously wasn’t going to say more on the subject. After all, it was private Barclay business, and she wasn’t a Barclay.
Whenever Sara was this close to Nathan, she could breathe in his scent—fresh soap and male. His shoulders were broader than any man’s she’d ever known. His gray eyes were intense. She wondered what he’d be like if he really let go and laughed, actually relaxed.
With his gaze on her, as if he was still trying to figure her out, he said, “Kyle’s never had a real Thanksgiving dinner. We always brought it in from the lodge before. This could be a holiday he won’t forget.”
“Holidays should be memorable, don’t you think? Each holiday should bring back good memories of family times and traditions. But you don’t need a home-cooked turkey to make it one to remember, not if you’re around people who love you. My mom and I spent most Thanksgivings alone. Everyone always seemed to have family to go to on Thanksgiving. We still had great memories, watching Miracle on 34th Street, and digging into whatever dessert she made, of going to church first thing in the morning to give thanks for what we had.”
Sensing she’d already revealed too much, she changed the subject. “Speaking of dessert, what kind of pie do you like? I might make that tonight. I bought apples, or I can make chocolate cream.”
“That’s a tough decision.” His smile was a little wry, but she could see amusement in his eyes. She suddenly wanted to make this holiday the best Thanksgiving the Barclays had ever had.
“How about one of each? With three grown men and a five-year-old, we’re going to need two pies.”
His smile faded. “Are you trying to prove something, Sara? Or maybe earn approval?”
She didn’t look away, but answered as honestly as she could. “I don’t think so. I can’t just sit around like a houseguest. I’m a doer, Nathan, a type-A personality and all that. The truth is, I guess I wouldn’t mind some approval from you rather than constantly getting the feeling you want to throw me out.”
“I don’t want to throw you out.” His voice was husky, and she saw that it was hard for him to admit.
If she moved a step closer to him, would he come a step closer to her? She didn’t have the courage to find out.
“Well, good,” she said lightly. “Then all I need to know is whether or not your housekeeper has two pie plates in your cupboards.” Taking a deep breath, she moved away from him, toward the table where groceries were scattered, and lifted the sack of flour.
When she wasn’t with Kyle, she had to keep busy. And she had to stay away from Nathan. She had to remind herself he could kick her out whenever he wanted, and although he said he wouldn’t, she knew if she became a threat to him, he wouldn’t hesitate to put her out of his home…and out of Kyle’s life.
After supper, Nathan found Sara in her bedroom, seated on the straight-back chair she’d pulled up to the table at the window. A laptop computer was open in front of her. The aroma of freshly baked pies hung in the air, giving his log home a warm ambience it didn’t often have. Tonight was different from when Val prepared suppers and left them for him and Kyle.
Sara was engrossed in what she was reading on her screen, and Nathan wondered if she’d brought work along. That wouldn’t be unusual, with the kind of hours she put in.
He rapped lightly on the door frame, entered and moved closer to her. As he did, he caught sight of the heading on the screen. She wasn’t working. She was reading about asthma. This woman had a gung ho spirit about everything she did.
“This is complicated,” she murmured as she looked up at him. “You never know what’s going to happen next.”
“It can be unpredictable,” he agreed. “All I can do is take precautions and hope they work.”
“Yes, I read that, but I also read that doctors believe that asthmatics can live normal lives now with new medications and therapies. That’s the goal.”
“I suppose everyone’s interpretation of normal is different.”
“I guess so.”
“Reading about the condition is fine, Sara, but experiencing it is a whole other ball game.”
Nodding, she pushed her chair away from the table and stood. They were in close proximity, the same kind they’d experienced that night in her kitchen, when neither of them had been wearing many clothes.
He noticed she’d tied her hair back in a ponytail while she’d been baking. She’d let Kyle handle the dough, too, and they’d both ended up with flour smears on their faces. She still had a bit of flour over her left cheekbone. Before Nathan could catch himself, he wiped it away with his thumb. Her skin was damnably soft, porcelain smooth, enticing. A rush of arousal swept through him, so fast he couldn’t hold it at bay.
She stood perfectly still, just looking at him, not even blinking.
He fought for control over a base hunger he hadn’t fed in years. “I’m picking up Ben at the airport. I wondered if you’d mind staying with Kyle. It’s a cold night and I don’t particularly want to take him out. I should be back in forty-five minutes, unless Ben’s plane is late. If it is, I’ll call you.”
“I don’t mind. I’m surprised you trust me with
him.”
“I know for sure he took his medication this morning. I saw him swallow it. Since his last attack, I think he understands the importance of not skipping a day, not brushing it aside because he doesn’t feel like doing it. There are two inhalers on the counter in the kitchen. I’ve already shown you how to prepare them. Dad should be stopping by in a few minutes. He knows the drill, too.”
“That’s why you’re going to let me sit with Kyle. You know I have backup.”
“I didn’t want you to be uneasy about it, either.”
She didn’t look as if she believed him.
“Sara…” How could he explain that too many precautions were never enough? How could he explain that he didn’t want her to be Kyle’s mother, but that he couldn’t stop his heart from racing when he was around her? How could he dismiss the arousal that he hadn’t experienced since before his wife had died? How could he ignore the pull of attraction that was drawing him closer to her?
“Sara,” he said again, and slid his hand under her ponytail. Maybe if he kissed her and nothing happened, he could forget about all of this. If nothing happened, he could go back to wishing her out of his life.
But something did happen.
Shooting reason all to hell, canning the idea that nothing special was going on here, when his lips covered Sara’s, he was young again, experiencing sexual arousal for the first time, acting on it as if he knew no boundaries, as if the moral code he lived by didn’t exist. He forgot who he was and who she was, and where they were. All that mattered was the touch of his lips on hers and the sweep of his tongue into her mouth. He groaned with a pure erotic pleasure he hadn’t felt for so very long. That pleasure came from her response, the immediate tightening of her hands on his shoulders, her tongue’s play with his, a little sound she made in her throat. She was all tantalizing woman, as tempting as Eve.
Was her response genuine? Or was she playing a game, attempting to win him over, planning to eventually have some claim on Kyle?
Could she be that devious? He wasn’t as cynical as Ben. Nathan had known the love of a faithful, devoted woman.
Colleen.
He broke away abruptly, haunted by guilt that he was somehow betraying his dead wife, suspicious that Sara could be playing him to gain more time with his son.
Taking a few steps back, he muttered, “I never should have done that.”
She kept silent.
“You know as well as I do that more complications are only going to mess up our lives.”
“They aren’t in a mess yet,” she said quietly.
“No, they’re not, and we’re going to keep it that way.” He crossed to the door. “As I said, Dad will be here in about ten minutes. Ben is staying at Dad’s suite in the lodge and will probably stop in to say hi to Kyle, and to meet you.”
“I need to win Ben’s approval, too?” she asked lightly.
“Ben doesn’t approve of anyone easily. Don’t expect too much from him, Sara. As an assistant district attorney, he sees the worst of life every day.”
“I’ll remember that.”
As Nathan nodded and left her room, he wondered if she’d remember their kiss, too. It was going to take him a hell of a long time to forget it.
But forget it he would. He really had no choice.
Chapter Five
“I still can’t believe you invited her to stay here with you. I can’t believe you invited her to Rapid Creek at all!” Ben hiked his weekender suitcase higher on his shoulder over his leather jacket.
Nathan let out a sigh that made a huge puff of white in the harsh evening air. He’d waited until he and his brother had exchanged handshakes, claps on the back that were almost a hug, and half the ride to Pine Grove Lodge before he’d explained that Sara would be joining them for the holidays. With the stony calmness Nathan knew his brother exhibited in the courtroom, Ben had ticked off reason after reason why Nathan should send her back to Minneapolis as soon as possible. Although Nathan had listened, his silence had frustrated Ben.
Now at the entrance to his house, he wasn’t going to argue about it. “You’re not living this, Ben. It’s not as simple as you think it is.”
“I didn’t say it was simple.” His brother drove his fingers through his thick black hair. “But I don’t want you or Kyle to get hurt, and you’re asking for trouble with this arrangement.”
“It’s not an arrangement.”
“It’s going to get very sticky if she is his mother.”
“That’s what I have to settle. I can’t live with this sword hanging over my head.”
“It’ll be more than a sword if she takes you to court. This whole egg-retrieval thing is very murky. Yes, she signed a release, but everything could depend on a judge. You should get yourself a lawyer as soon as you can.”
“And who should I get? Mr. Murphy, who’s been handling wills since Dad was a kid?”
“You need to find someone who specializes in custody law. If you want, I’ll check around. But I mean it, Nathan, you need an expert, somebody good who can stop this thing before it gets started.”
“I’ll think about it. For now, I just need to know for sure if she is Kyle’s mother.”
“You should have left well enough alone.”
“I couldn’t.”
Ben lifted his gaze to the starry night sky, as if praying for patience, and then shook his head. “You’re as contrary as Sam.”
“Not possible,” Nathan concluded with a wry grin, and opened the door to his home.
They’d no sooner stepped into the house than Kyle came barreling toward Ben from where he’d been kneeling at the coffee table, playing dominoes with Sara and his grandfather.
“Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben! Dad said you were bringing me a surprise.”
Somehow Ben managed to drop his suitcase and lift Kyle almost to the ceiling. A moment later he settled him on the floor once more. “What happens after I give you the surprise? Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” Kyle practically shouted. “Sara’s gonna cook a turkey. You can eat with us. Can you smell the pies?”
Nathan watched as Ben assessed the kitchen—pies cooling on the counter, bread pulled apart for stuffing, a roasting pan ready for turkey. Then he turned his attention to the living room, where Galen and Sara sat on the sofa. She straightened and squared her shoulders, tensing for this meeting. Their dad was slouched in the corner of the sofa, appearing as relaxed as ever.
“I hear you have a new friend,” Ben said casually to Kyle. “Maybe you should introduce me to her.”
Taking his uncle at his word, Kyle grabbed Ben’s hand and dragged him over to the coffee table. “This is Uncle Ben, Sara. He was a kid when Dad was.”
Nathan had to chuckle at that.
In his professional, polite manner, Ben extended his hand to Sara, and she shook it, saying, “It’s good to meet you.”
Ben gave a curt nod, as if they’d see about that, and pulled back his hand. “Nathan tells me you’re a lawyer.”
“I am, but I don’t do anything as courageous as you do.”
“Nathan explained you’re a corporate lawyer. You look for loopholes and protection for your clients.”
Instead of reacting with a defensive response, Sara replied calmly. “That’s one way of looking at it, I suppose. Another is that I help a business grow in the best way possible, so it’s an impetus in the community where it’s located. What would our communities be without corporations and businesses that hire residents, so families can benefit, too?”
“Touché.” Ben gave a quick tilt of his head, as if she’d won the point.
“Can I have my surprise now?” Kyle asked, pulling on his hand.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wait until tomorrow?” Ben teased.
Kyle solemnly shook his head.
“Okay.” He took something from his pocket and dropped down onto his haunches. “Hold out your hand.”
When Kyle did, Ben placed a charcoal-colored arrowhead o
nto his palm.
“This one isn’t even broken! Not even a little.”
“That’s why I thought you’d like it. You might want to take extra care with it, though, and keep it separate from all the broken ones.”
When Ben straightened, Galen stood up, stepped around the coffee table and pulled his son, who was taller than he was, into a hug. “Good to see you, boy.”
“You, too, Pop.”
Ben’s voice was husky, and Nathan knew sometimes his brother wished he hadn’t left Rapid Creek. Yet Ben had always been on a crusade, intending to make the world safe for everyone. Rapid Creek didn’t need him. Albuquerque did.
“Are you going to stay and play dominoes with us?” Kyle asked.
“It’s your bedtime,” Nathan reminded him. “You’re going to have a big day tomorrow. You’ll have all day to spend with Uncle Ben then.”
“Your dad’s right, sport.” Ben ruffled Kyle’s hair. “I’m pretty beat, too. I’m going over to Gramps to settle down for the night myself. But I’ll be back tomorrow before that turkey’s on the table.”
“Everything should be ready about one,” Sara interjected.
Ben gave her another assessing glance. “All right. I’ll be over around eleven, if I won’t be in anybody’s way.”
“Not in mine,” she assured him. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”
“Sara said I can help,” Kyle exclaimed.
“With what?” Ben asked.
“With stuffing the turkey, and washing the potatoes, and stirring stuff into the broccoli.”
Ben raised his eyebrows at that.
“It’s a casserole,” Sara explained, but then turned to Kyle. “If you want to play with your uncle, that’s fine. You can always help me cook another time.”
Nathan could see that Sara would bend over backward to make sure everything went smoothly. He was grateful for that. She didn’t seem to be territorial at all where Kyle was concerned. But he wondered if she was putting on an act, if she was just waiting, as he was, to find out the truth. Then what would she do?
The Daddy Dilemma Page 7