Five minutes later, after another hug from Kyle, and a thank-you for the arrowhead, Ben and Galen left.
“Put on your pajamas,” Nathan directed the boy. “After you brush your teeth, I’ll read you a story.”
“Can Sara read one, too?”
“I suppose we’ll have time for two. Get started.”
As Kyle ran off, Sara stacked the dominoes into their box. “Your brother doesn’t like me,” she said in a low voice.
“My brother doesn’t know you.”
“Knowing me has nothing to do with it. He doesn’t like the fact that I’ve unsettled your life. I understand that.”
Crossing to the sofa, Nathan sat beside her. She wasn’t looking at him, just stacking the dominoes. He took hold of her elbow. “Ben is Ben. He doesn’t take anyone at face value.”
“I wasn’t just doling out idle flattery when I said it takes courage to be a district attorney.”
“Ben’s got plenty of courage, but sometimes he has tunnel vision. Too often he sees himself as that knight on the white charger. He can’t handle it when he falls off.”
That brought a smile to Sara’s lips, and Nathan realized how much he liked it.
“He doesn’t have anyone special he cares about?”
“He doesn’t trust women. That’s the crux of it.”
“Because your mother left?”
“Dad thinks so. I’m not so sure. I’d bet another woman disappointed him along the way.”
Both of them paused, gazing into one another’s eyes, connecting again in that man-woman way that had led to their kiss. The stillness in the room was almost profound.
Sara murmured, “He sure loves Kyle, though. That’s obvious.”
“Yeah, he does. He cares about all of us.”
“I’ve always wanted a brother or sister,” she admitted softly. “Do you realize how lucky you are?”
Suddenly he did. He thought about Sara, all alone now with no relatives. His dad and brothers were part of the fabric of his life. If he ever needed anything, they’d be there.
“Dad, I’m ready,” Kyle yelled from the bedroom.
“Go ahead,” Sara told him. “I’ll put these away.”
She was trying hard not to steal his time with his son. Before the conversation they’d just had, Nathan had thought Sara was too ambitious to leave Minneapolis for a town like Rapid Creek. But if she was Kyle’s mother, he was the only relative she had in this world.
Would she move here?
She was a fascinating woman, and Nathan was becoming more captivated by her day by day. That wasn’t good. The sooner Ben found him the name of a good custody lawyer, the better.
Sara mixed mashed sweet potatoes with brown sugar and butter. “Sprinkle the crumbs on top.” Kyle had already cut in the butter, and the topping was just the way it should be.
“You’re doing a great job. You can help me in the kitchen anytime.”
The boy beamed at her.
“What are you making?” Ben Barclay asked as he came up behind them.
“A sweet potato casserole,” Kyle answered. “We’re making it instead of candied sweet potatoes because I don’t like candied sweet potatoes and Sara thought I’d like this.”
“Can you check to see if I have enough hot plates on the table, honey? We need four.”
When Kyle ran to the table, Ben commented, “You know how to pump up his self-worth.”
“Isn’t that what adults are supposed to do for kids?”
“I suppose. I get the feeling you think Nathan coddles him a little too much.”
“Nathan’s a good father.”
“I don’t see how you can decide that after a short visit.”
“Mr. Barclay—”
“Call me Ben.” He was smiling, but Sara knew it wasn’t a real smile. It didn’t make creases beside his eyes. It didn’t give off any warmth.
Knowing she had to meet Nathan’s brother head-on, she responded, “The first day I visited with Kyle, I could tell Nathan was a good father. He’s firm but not too stern. He gives lots of hugs and he cares about what Kyle says. It’s easy to see that Nathan knows exactly how to be a father.”
After a few moments, Ben admitted, “I guess you’re more perceptive than I gave you credit for.”
“You didn’t give me any credit, Mr.—Ben. But that’s fine. I don’t have anything to prove—not to you, anyway.”
He didn’t look offended, but rather amused. “You tell it like it is, don’t you?”
“This situation is too important to do otherwise.”
“What do you ultimately want, Sara?”
What did she ultimately want? She wanted to be Kyle’s mother, but she was beginning to want Nathan in her life as much as Kyle. She wanted to spend time with Kyle alone, but she doubted if Nathan would ever let her do that. Finally, she answered, “I want what’s best for Kyle.”
“Even if that’s not best for you?”
“Even if. I know what you probably think, Mr. Barclay.” She didn’t correct herself this time. “You think I came for more money or a stake in someone else’s family that will make mine better. But you’re wrong about all that. I have a life in Minneapolis. I have a job that someday could make me very well off. I have ambitions and persistence, and the means to make it happen. I also know I can tell you all this until I’m blue in the face, and it won’t make a difference, because you’re going to think what you want to think.”
“You’re one tough cookie, aren’t you?”
She wasn’t sure whether she heard respect in his voice or not. “I’m a lawyer, like you. I ask questions. I have to find the answers or I don’t sleep at night.”
“And just what are those questions, Sara?” Nathan’s brother’s voice was deceptively gentle.
“There’s only one important question. Will my being in Kyle’s life make it better? That’s the only one I’m interested in answering right now.”
Ben was studying her as if he were trying to find the truth. She’d given it to him, and if he couldn’t accept it, that was just too bad.
“When we were younger,” Ben said in a conversational tone, “Nathan took care of me and Sam. He felt that was his responsibility as the oldest. Now, things have evened up a bit. Now I watch out for him, too, as well as everyone else in my family.”
“You’re all lucky to have each other.” Awkwardness grew between them until she murmured, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to baste a bird.”
Once Galen arrived, the men watched sports on TV, played board games with Kyle and spoke about people Sara didn’t know. For the most part, their bonding consisted of laughter and activity rather than talking. When she wasn’t busy in the kitchen, she observed them with interest. She’d never had quite this close a look into a family before. The longing that overtook her to be a part of that family startled her, mainly because she didn’t understand it. She’d always been independent, always stood up for herself, and for the past few years depended on no one else. So why did she feel so drawn to the Barclay circle?
When the timer on the stove buzzed, indicating that the turkey was finished cooking, she opened the oven door, pulled it out and smiled. It was golden-brown and the legs were practically falling off. Before she could slip on the oven mitts, Nathan was there. Maybe he’d been watching her while she’d been watching him?
“I can get that.” He used the mitts himself and hoisted the bird out of the oven to the top of the stove. They were standing elbow to elbow, and she remembered everything about his kiss, everything about his arms holding her, everything about his taste and smell. The silver sparks in his gray eyes had her wondering if he was remembering, too.
Gruffly, he asked, “Where do you want it?”
“Let me scoop out the dressing and then we can carve it on the table, if that’s okay with you.”
“That’s fine.”
He looked around the kitchen, at the sweet potato casserole on the rack on the counter, the broccoli-and-almond casserol
e in another serving dish, the salad and cranberry sauce and gravy she’d already prepared. “You really went all out.”
“It’s Thanksgiving.”
For an instant, just an instant, his face gentled and all the remoteness was gone. Just as quickly it was back. “Let’s scoop out that stuffing so everything doesn’t get cold.”
Sitting around the table a few minutes later, all except Nathan, who stood with a carving knife above the turkey, Sara asked, “Can we give thanks?”
The brothers exchanged looks.
Galen answered, “Sure we can.”
“I thought maybe instead of just saying a prayer, we could each mention something we’re thankful for.”
The men seemed uncomfortable with that.
“Just one-liners, nothing elaborate. I think it makes our thanks more real.”
Galen sat up straight and nodded. “I think it’s a fine idea. Why don’t you go first, Sara?”
“I want to give thanks for Nathan inviting me into his home for Thanksgiving.” She nodded to Galen.
“I want to thank the Lord for another successful year at the inn. We’re booked up clear to spring. Thank you, thank you.”
Ben was next. He looked totally stumped for a few moments, then gave a half smile. “I want to give thanks for that arrowhead I found for Kyle to add to his collection.”
Nathan put his arm around his son. “I’ll give thanks that Kyle is happy and healthy today.”
There was silence as everyone looked at Kyle. He shifted a moment in his chair, as if he wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted to say, but then he smiled. “I want to give thanks for Sara.”
The table was quiet until Nathan stepped into the gap. “And for all the wonderful food she made for us. This will be a Thanksgiving to remember.”
She didn’t hear regret in Nathan’s voice, or sarcasm. He seemed to be just making a statement. But she was sure his mind was filled with the Thanksgivings he’d shared with Colleen, and how different life would be now if she had lived. As if to reinforce her thought, his gaze shifted quickly to a photograph of his wife on the sideboard, then returned to the turkey he was going to carve. In that moment, Sara knew Nathan had loved deeply. He wasn’t the type of man to forget his marriage, or the woman he’d chosen to spend the rest of his life with.
Fortunately, Galen passed her the broccoli and asked where she’d learned to cook so well. She tried to put Nathan and Colleen and their marriage out of her mind, and just concentrate on the here and now…concentrate on having Thanksgiving with Kyle.
After all the food had been passed around and everyone was enjoying it, Kyle said, “I wish Uncle Sam could be here. When’s he coming home?”
Nathan and Ben exchanged knowing looks. Nathan put his arm around Kyle’s shoulders. “We don’t know, but soon, we hope.”
“He’d be here,” Galen muttered, “if that fiancée of his hadn’t gone and had an abortion….”
“Dad,” Nathan warned.
Galen looked at Kyle. “Right.”
But Kyle was busy digging into his sweet potatoes, and appeared not to have heard his grandfather.
“That’s what happened?” Sara asked Galen. “Is that why he went away?”
“He had a real tough time accepting what she did. He and Alicia had plans to build a house. But that fell flat when he learned what she’d done.” Galen kept his voice low. “Sam has a heart of gold. That woman broke it. I know he was dreaming about having a mess of kids.”
“When did they break up?” Sara kept her own voice a murmur. Nathan and Ben were engrossed in a conversation of their own.
“In August, Sam broke it off. He said he could never forgive her…never trust her again.”
“Once trust is broken it’s difficult to fix.”
“I kept quiet when he got engaged, but I never thought Alicia was right for him. Too flighty, too selfish. I think it’s better he found out now rather than later. Maybe during this time alone in those woods he’ll figure out what he wants next.”
From what Kyle had told her about Sam, the games they played together and his dog Patches, the youngest Barclay sounded more playful and freer than either Ben or Nathan. Sara hoped she’d have a chance to meet him someday.
The house was quiet now as Nathan headed for the pie dish and the last piece of apple pie. Earlier in the evening Kyle had asked if Sara would read him a story and say bedtime prayers with him. What could Nathan say? It was Thanksgiving. Sara had cooked a wonderful meal and he couldn’t deny his son the attention he needed.
Nathan had come in on the tail end of those prayers, and had seen the hug Kyle had given Sara. They were bonding and there was nothing he could do about it.
Other than send her packing.
When he heard Sara’s loafers on the kitchen floor, he didn’t turn around. “Do you want to toss a coin for the last piece of apple pie?”
“No thanks. I’m going to make a cup of tea. I bought chamomile at the market. Maybe it will help me sleep.”
That brought his gaze to hers. The impact of looking into her green, green eyes always rocked him a little. “Are you jittery about the DNA test tomorrow?”
Breaking eye contact, she added water to the copper kettle from the tap. “Not so much. I’m more jittery about today.” Her quick glance at him told him she wanted him to follow up on that comment.
He obliged. “Why?”
“Because I sense that you’re angry that I changed the way you usually do things. That my being here has changed everything.”
Was it the lawyer in her that was so perceptive, or the woman? Nathan ran his hand across his forehead. “Actually, I don’t think you’re sorry you are interfering. I think it’s what you meant to do. You want to be a mother. You’d like to be part of Kyle’s life. That’s what today was all about. If you sense any anger from me, it’s because I see what’s happening and I know I have to protect Kyle.”
“What are you protecting him from? Me? Getting hurt? If I am Kyle’s mother, I’m going to want to spend more time with him. Then what are we going to do?”
“You said you’d go back to Minneapolis.”
“I did. And I will. But I’ll at least want to visit. I want Kyle to know who I am. How will you handle that? Will you try to shut me out of his life, or will you include me in it?”
The more Nathan studied Sara’s features, the more he saw Kyle’s. “I don’t have the answer, Sara, not now, not yet. We have tomorrow to get through, and then a couple of weeks of waiting. There’s no point jumping ahead of ourselves. We’ll fall flat on our faces if we do.”
“I like to know where my life is going and what I can expect next.”
He recognized that desire. Ben was the same way. “That’s the lawyer in you. There’s no way to plan for the unexpected and you know it.”
He saw how the uncertainty of the entire situation was shaking her and her world. There was nothing he could do about that. He just hoped it didn’t shake his, too.
Chapter Six
“T ell me again why Miss Marie put that thing in my mouth. It felt funny.”
Sara gazed down at Kyle and decided to let Nathan answer. After all, she wouldn’t want to say the wrong thing. She wouldn’t want to do the wrong thing. She was so afraid Nathan would toss her out of Kyle’s life after the slightest bungling on her part.
As they headed toward Nathan’s SUV in the parking lot of the medical center, he stopped to put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “It’s just a test we all decided to have done.”
“What kind of test? I didn’t have to answer questions.”
Nathan’s lips formed a smile for his son, but Sara could see he wasn’t smiling inside. “Not that kind of test. This one shows us something different. When we get the results, I’ll tell you about it.”
“But why can’t I—”
Sara hunkered down beside Kyle. “Do you know what I heard? I heard that a crew put up Christmas decorations in the square. There’s a tree, and a Santa Claus
with a sleigh, and even pretend reindeer. Maybe your dad will swing by and we can see them.”
“Pretend reindeer as big as real ones?” Kyle’s tone of voice suggested that if they weren’t that big they weren’t worth going to see.
“I haven’t seen them myself so I don’t know for sure. I’ve also heard there’s a special mailbox. You can write a letter to Santa, drop it in there and he’ll get it.”
“Really? Can we do that?”
“Sure we can. As soon as we get home…I mean back to your house.”
“Home” had just slipped out. Nathan’s house was a place where family gathered, where he and Kyle lived, where they roughhoused with his brothers. It was a home in every sense of the word. But also in that home, pictures of Colleen sat in almost every room. When the DNA results came back, could Nathan be honest with Kyle about them?
When she straightened and stood, Nathan clasped her shoulder. Kyle was already three steps ahead of them, walking toward the SUV. He now had a lot on his agenda and had forgotten all about the cheek swab in the doctor’s office.
“Thank you.”
Sara could see Nathan meant it. “Distractions go a long way with five-year-olds.”
Noting the gratitude in Nathan’s eyes, aware of his large, strong hand on her shoulder, she felt an odd rightness about both.
But then he pulled his hand away and the smile faded. “It’s a shame adults can’t be distracted as easily.” A moment later he pressed the button to unlock the doors on the SUV.
Sara headed to the passenger’s side, knowing that any rightness she felt was one-sided.
Later that afternoon at the lodge, Galen handed Nathan the list of supplies he needed for the following week. “What’s that scowl for?” his father asked.
“I wish you’d just sit down at the computer at the lodge or the one in my bedroom and put the numbers in there. It would be so much easier.”
“And ruin my eyes? No. I’ll let you take care of that. I’d push the wrong button and you’d have to do it over, anyway.”
The Daddy Dilemma Page 8