“That’s just an excuse,” Nathan grumbled.
“When did you get that stone in your boot?”
“What stone?”
“The one that’s making you grouchy.”
Nathan sighed. “Kyle’s writing a letter to Santa Claus, and he wanted Sara to help him instead of me.”
“I see.” His father just stood there, studying him.
“What do you see?”
“I see that you want things the way they were before.”
“Of course I do. If she is his mother—”
Nathan didn’t get a chance to finish. The door to the lodge opened, then Kyle burst inside ahead of Sara. “I’m all finished. And I didn’t just ask for presents for me. I asked for presents for you and Uncle Ben and Uncle Sam, and even you, Gramps.”
“Do I dare ask what you ordered for me?” Galen said with an amused expression.
“Sure. I told him you needed a new toolbox. Your old one’s all rusty and the lid creaks and it won’t close right.” Kyle looked up at his dad. “I told Santa about those binoculars you want with the camera inside.”
“They would be a very nice Christmas present. But they might be a little too expensive for Santa to bring.”
“Santa can bring anything. I told him about the bracelet Sara liked in that magazine, too.”
“But what did you tell Santa you want?” Galen asked with a laugh.
“I told him lots of stuff. I want a new fire engine, Power Rangers figures, books…and I want Uncle Sam to come home.”
Nathan hunkered down next to his son. “You know Santa can’t bring everything on your list. He has a lot of children to think about. And as far as Uncle Sam goes, Santa can’t make decisions for him.”
“No, but Sara said we would write down what I wanted, and that’s something I wanted.”
He’d have to have a talk with Sara and find out exactly what else Kyle had put in that letter. These days children didn’t believe in Santa very long. Nathan wanted to uphold the myth for at least another year.
“I was going to go out back and fill the bird feeders,” he said to Sara. “Would you like to come along?”
“Can I come, too?” Kyle asked.
“It’s cold out there today.”
“I could use your help sorting through the Christmas ornaments to put on the lodge tree. Think you can help me?” Galen asked the boy.
Kyle seemed torn for a moment, then broke into a smile. “Sure. And you can tell me a story about each one.”
“If I did that, we’d never get them on the tree. Come on. Let’s go to the storeroom and find the boxes.”
“You want to know what was in Kyle’s letter,” Sara guessed, after Galen and Kyle had left the lobby area.
“I sure do. If I’m going to be Santa, I need an inside track.”
She laughed, and Nathan realized again how much he liked the sound.
“Are you really going to fill the bird feeders? Or was that just an excuse to talk to me alone?”
“I’m really going to fill them, and you’re welcome to join me. But you’ll need your scarf and gloves and hat, maybe an extra pair of socks, too.”
“I’ll go to the house and get them. Where should I meet you?”
In spite of himself, Nathan felt a flicker of excitement at the idea of rendezvousing with Sara. How crazy was that? It wasn’t as if they were going on a date or anything. Dating a woman hadn’t even occurred to him since Colleen had died. Why he was thinking of it now…
“Meet me at the kids’ play area at the back of the lodge. And you don’t have to hurry. It will take me a few minutes to gather the supplies we need.”
“It won’t take me long.” With a smile and a wave, Sara left, and to Nathan’s surprise, he felt her absence immediately. Energy she brought with her when she entered a room seemed to pulse all around her. He missed it when she was gone. Damn, what was wrong with him today?
To Nathan’s surprise, she was waiting for him as he pushed the wheelbarrow down the back path. Colleen had always kept him waiting. She was never on time.
Sara peered into the wheelbarrow. “So you don’t just pour birdseed into a feeder?” She picked up a wreath made up of all the seed any bird might like, then a similar triangle.
“We feed different types of birds. They like variety, too.”
“Too?”
“Don’t you like variety? In your day-to-day routine? In your food? In what you wear?”
As she thought about it, a tiny line creased her brow below her knit cap. “I guess I do. Although work is usually regimented, I enjoy getting a new case, the adrenaline rush of all the prep work.”
“The tedium of the research?”
“How did you know?”
“Remember, Ben’s a lawyer.” Galen had taken him to the airport this morning. Ben had booked a seat on the first flight out. He never took much time off from work. Nathan knew he was dedicated, but also suspected Ben didn’t have anything else to enrich his life.
Nathan and Sara filled a few wooden feeders hanging on the trees, and one freestanding one along the path, which looked like a pagoda.
As he hung the wreath on the highest branch he could reach on a tall oak, he asked, “So what else was in Kyle’s letter?”
“A baseball mitt and bat, a model airplane kit, the Disney movie about the huskies, baseball cards, and a remote controlled Power Rangers motorcycle.”
“You paid attention.”
“I sure did. You’ll have to tell me what you and Galen aren’t going to get him, so there’s something left for me.”
“I think there’s plenty to go around. I was debating about buying him one of those minicomputers for kids. It might help keep him occupied when he’s bored, or when he wants to go outside and can’t.”
Nathan took a vertical-shaped bird feeder from the wheelbarrow. The different colors of the birdseed attached to it made it look festive. Adjusting the wire hanger, he slipped it around the branch and fastened it securely.
Sara came a little closer to examine it. Her breath puffed white as she traced her finger around the edge. She looked different today, with her knit cap pulled down on her head, her scarf wrapped around her neck, her cheeks already getting rosy from the cold. Usually she seemed so sophisticated, so much the professional, so polished. But today she could have been a girl who had grown up in Rapid Creek, who was used to snow and snowshoes and hiking around the paths at the lodge. One thing he’d noticed about Sara was that she seemed to be able to adapt to almost any situation. He didn’t know if that was good or bad. He didn’t want her to enjoy being in Rapid Creek, did he? Didn’t want her to feel at home…
He watched her gloved index finger trace the design on the feeder, and he suddenly yearned to feel that finger on his skin. On his face. On his body.
Sara Hobart was a fascinating package.
“I’ve read the information in the folder you gave me. I’ve also been doing more research on asthma on the Internet.” She was looking up at him, her eyes wide and clear.
“And?” he questioned.
“I never realized it was so complicated, or common. But stress is a component, just as in any disease. I can see why you’d want to protect a child with asthma, yet by doing so a parent could isolate him or her. And that wouldn’t be good, either.”
“Do you think I’m too protective of Kyle?”
“I think caring for and disciplining a child with asthma makes parenting even tougher. You do a great job.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think, does it? You’re going to do what you believe is best.”
“Just like a lawyer. I can’t get a straight answer.”
He stooped to pick up the wheelbarrow’s handles, ready to push it to the next stand of trees. But Sara caught his arm—the contact, even through his coat, tightened his gut.
She was close…close enough that her breath could mingle with his. “I think sometimes you are t
oo protective. But then I haven’t had to watch Kyle go through an attack. I haven’t had to rush him to the hospital. I haven’t had to stand by while he struggled for breath. So what I see might not be the real picture.”
There was compassion in her eyes, and a willingness to understand that he found seductive.
The silence on this cold winter day was profound. In it they were a man and a woman, devoid of pretense, without defenses. The cold seemed to purify any contentiousness between them, seemed to draw them together so they could combine their warmth. At least that’s what Nathan told himself as he leaned closer to Sara. As she leaned closer to him. The blue sky and the sun, hidden behind the clouds, seemed hushed and waiting.
Nathan knew that if he kissed Sara he’d feel alive again. That his body would find a little of the satisfaction it had been longing for. Yet if he kissed Sara…
All that mattered was this moment in time, which if it passed could never be recaptured. He bent his head, and when his lips touched hers, his arms went around her. His reactions were reflexive, male, natural. He didn’t wait for an invitation. When he slid his tongue into her mouth, he breathed in the scent of her shampoo, mixed with pine, winter and desire. He’d never thought of desire as tangible before. But it was living and pulsing in the air, and in his body. It was all around him, taking over the kiss.
His hands played up and down her back, trying to feel her warmth under her jacket. When he slipped them under her hair, he was rewarded by the heat of her neck. The tiny sounds she made had him slipping one of his legs between hers, inching her back against the birch. They were anchored then. Her body was soft against his hardness. Her arms were eager as they held him close. Then the kiss exploded, their tongues dancing against each other, their mouths angling for better access, their breathing ragged as they took as much as they could out there in the cold yard with the possibility of guests roaming about.
This time Sara was the one who suddenly stopped, who pulled away, who looked at him in disappointment.
Somehow, he calmed his body’s raging response, the racing beat of his heart, to ask, “What’s wrong?”
“We shouldn’t complicate an already complicated situation.”
“That kiss wasn’t about a situation. It was about a man and woman needing each other.” He could hear the strain in his voice, and knew what he said was true. His body needed Sara’s. No woman had made him want like this since Colleen had died.
“How can we get involved, when you could shut me out of your life? Out of Kyle’s life? I realize why you want to do that. You want Kyle to remember Colleen as his mother. I think you still love her. There’s nothing I can do about that.”
Sara’s words hit Nathan like a belly blow. Sure, he still loved Colleen. She’d been his wife. They’d had Kyle and Mark together. He’d been faithful to her, and had expected to go fishing with her in their old age. Of course he still loved her.
Whatever Sara saw in Nathan’s face galvanized her. Her expression was no longer open and her eyes became guarded. She slipped away from him, and the tree, and started for the house.
“Sara, wait.”
But she didn’t wait. She just kept walking. Nathan didn’t call for her again. What was the point?
She was right.
“She thinks she’s a mother just because she donated her eggs?”
Sara came around the corner into the kitchen and heard the older woman’s hushed voice as she spoke to Nathan. Although Sara thought about retreating, she didn’t.
It was the Monday after Thanksgiving, and Nathan’s housekeeper, Val Lindstrom, was back. It was clear Sara and she would have to come to terms if they were going to spend time in the same house. Sara wasn’t sure it was hostility she heard in the housekeeper’s voice, but rather concern. She understood that.
Nathan looked uneasy as he spotted Sara.
She said politely, “Kyle’s brushing his teeth and then he’s going to get dressed. He wants me to read to him, and I thought maybe I’d play word games with him, if that’s okay with you.”
Val gave Nathan a hard look, and he said, “That’s fine. Sara, this is Val Lindstrom. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
Stepping forward, Sara extended her hand.
Val stared at it, took it and gave it a quick shake. “Nathan tells me you’re staying the next couple of weeks.” The woman wore her hair pulled back into a tight bun. It was mostly gray, with some brown streaks. Her words were as severe as her hairdo.
“Until the results of the DNA tests are in,” Sara replied bluntly.
“What are you going to do if they come back saying you’re Kyle’s mother, biologically speaking?” Val asked, just as bluntly.
Sara wasn’t put off by the housekeeper. She knew the older woman was concerned about Kyle and Nathan, and she’d just as soon have all their cards on the table. “If the results show that I’m Kyle’s mother, I’ll stay through the holidays. And as I told Nathan, if at any time my presence here is too much trouble, I can move into town.”
“If you are Kyle’s mom, you’re just going to leave after that?”
“My job is in Minneapolis.” That was supposed to say it all, but it didn’t. If Kyle was her son, Sara was beginning to believe she would do anything for him, maybe even moving her life. Maybe even giving up the career she’d worked so hard for. She wasn’t sure yet.
“I’ve got to get over to the lodge,” Nathan said. “I told Dad I’d cover checkout for the guests this morning.” He looked from one woman to the other. “Is everything going to be all right here?”
“Fine,” both she and Val said at the same time.
Nathan’s brows arched, and with a shake of his head he took his jacket from a hook at the door. “If I get tied up, don’t hold lunch.”
His last glance at Sara told her he was remembering their kiss. He’d kept superbusy over the weekend, as if he was trying to forget it. She had gone on lots of long walks, giving him time alone with his son, thinking, wondering if the results of the DNA test were going to change her life…all of their lives.
They’d gone to church together yesterday morning, and as she and Nathan had raised their voices in song, she’d felt such a rightness in being there beside him. She told herself she was just feeling that because of the bond she was forming with Kyle. The truth was, she was falling for Nathan Barclay, and she was going to get hurt. He wasn’t free. He still loved his wife. He might make room in his life for Sara to visit Kyle. He might act on sexual urges that drove any man. But she wasn’t going to delude herself into thinking he could feel more than that for her.
When Kyle came running into the room, he glanced at Sara and told her, “I brushed my teeth really good,” then went to give Val a hug. She’d opened her arms to him and he held on tight. “I missed you. Sara made a turkey and let me help. And Uncle Ben was here and everything.”
Val smiled down at him. “You can tell me all about it over breakfast. Scrambled eggs this morning, or pancakes?”
He screwed up his nose and then decided, “Pancakes. Can Sara help make the faces?”
“He likes to make faces with blueberries,” Val explained. She gave him another squeeze and patted him on the head. “Sure, she can help.”
During the making of breakfast, Sara felt Val’s gaze on her often. She felt as if she was on probation and had to pass a test. The problem was, she didn’t know the rules or requirements in order to pass. She tried to be as natural as she could, and tried to make conversation.
“Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” she asked the housekeeper as the pancakes on the griddle began to form little bubbles around the edges.
“Fine.”
“Nathan said you were spending it with your sister. Does she live far away?”
“About twenty miles. Kyle, we’re ready for those blueberries.”
Scrambling up on the chair beside Val, Kyle took them from the dish and dropped them onto the pancakes in the semblance of faces.
After he
hopped down and Val concentrated on flipping the pancakes, Sara tried again. “Will you be taking time off over Christmas?”
Val planted her hands on her hips, the pancake turner still in her hand. “Look, if you don’t want me to be around while you’re here—”
Glancing at Kyle, who was heading for his fire engine in the living room, Sara said quickly, “Please don’t take offense. I don’t want that at all. I’m just trying to make conversation.”
Val gave a humph, then turned back to the pancakes. But Sara was determined to hold her ground and eventually communicate with this woman who was important to Nathan and Kyle.
She slid the carton of orange juice from the refrigerator and poured it into three glasses. “At church yesterday,” Sara began, “I heard some women talking about a tree lighting ceremony tonight.”
“If you’re thinking of going, you’ll probably have to go alone. Nathan doesn’t like to take Kyle out into the cold at night. It can kick up his asthma.”
“What does Kyle’s doctor say about that?” Sara asked.
Val shoved the pancakes onto a plate. “You’ll have to ask Nathan. I just know that Kyle’s last attack scared him to death, and he’s not taking any chances.”
“He’s not always going to be able to protect Kyle like this.”
“I think in his head he knows that. But he loves that boy so much he’d put him in a protective bubble if he could, and stay there with him.” Then, looking as if she’d said too much, Val called to Kyle. “Time for breakfast.”
Neither Nathan nor Val wanted Sara to interfere in Kyle’s life. But if she was his mother…
One decision at a time, she told herself. One decision at a time.
“Are you sure your brother won’t mind?” Sara asked, as Nathan preceded her and Kyle up the stairs at the back of the clinic that led to Sam Barclay’s apartment.
They’d compromised.
At first, when Sara had brought up the idea of going to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony, Nathan had said no. But when she’d pushed harder, asking if they couldn’t bundle Kyle up, or put him in the car with the heater on, Nathan had given her a thoughtful look, then said he had an idea. From his brother’s apartment, they could see the tree lighting ceremony. Having their own celebration, in Sam’s warm living quarters above the veterinary clinic, they might even hear the carolers around the tree.
The Daddy Dilemma Page 9