Her Mountain Sanctuary

by Jeannie Watt

  But perhaps she’d sensed that Faith had had enough. Living in fear sucked, and transferring fear to all aspects of one’s life sucked even more.

  She was no longer going to do that.

  She would be cautious, she would be careful, but she was not going to kiss ass or be pushed into doing things she didn’t want to do, to be involved in things she didn’t want to be involved in out of fear.

  Her screw-you mood lasted until she returned home and, just as she’d finished her practice runs, Drew Miller’s truck pulled into her driveway. Then screw-you shifted toward caution...but it wasn’t because of Drew’s physicality. It was because she’d yet to have an interaction with the man that wasn’t fraught with tension.

  And because she’d been thinking about him.

  A lot.

  She rode to the fence and waited as Drew got out of the truck and walked toward her. He stopped a few feet short of the rails, hooked one thumb in his front pocket in a gesture that telegraphed self-consciousness. So, (a) why was he here? And (b) what did he have to feel self-conscious about?

  “Hi.” He shifted his weight again, lifted his chin to meet her gaze.

  “Hi.”

  Drew looked past her to the field where Buck and Freckles grazed. He frowned a little as he did so, which spiked Faith’s curiosity. She dismounted, looped Tommy’s rein over his neck and took a few steps forward. Giving up her position of power was huge, so maybe she was once again on the mend.

  “I have a question,” Drew began.

  Now she was doubly curious. “Shoot,” she said in an offhand way.

  “Do I still freak you out?”

  Yes, but not in the same way as before.

  She still found his size intimidating, but equally disturbing was the fact that she was starting to see him in a different light. That she hadn’t liked the idea of women offering him solace, which was illogical and unsettling.

  “Not as much. I’ve seen you rolling in a mud puddle.”

  Instead of smiling, he met her gaze, his expression dead serious. “Could you work with me?”

  Her heart almost stopped. Drew had refused help from the willing ladies Jolie had spoken of, but now he was coming to her? Why?

  “On what?”

  “I...uh...want to do something with my daughter. Something that she can continue to do, even if I don’t.” Faith frowned, and he continued, “Maddie has been living with my brother-in-law and his wife since my wife died two years ago. Since we don’t live together, I want to do something with her that she enjoys.”

  “Does she ride?”

  “No. But she has a friend who does. I thought she could learn the basics and maybe I can tag along and—”

  “Pet some horses?” she asked mildly.

  He gave her a you-got-me look. “I rode once in my life and I got bucked off. Maybe I need to face my fears.”

  “All of them?”

  Her question seemed to surprise him. But after a second, he gave a grim nod. “Maybe. But most of all, I want to do something with my kid. If she likes it, I can buy her a horse. I think she’d like that.”

  Faith considered for a moment. “There’s one reason I hesitate to do this.”

  “My size?”

  “Your sister.”

  He rolled his eyes, then caught himself. “I’ll handle Deb.”

  She moved closer, separated from the man by two feet of ground and three sturdy fence rails. “Here’s the thing. I didn’t want to meet with you about the equine therapy, but I agreed to the appointment to do my boss a favor. That turned out to be a mistake.” She let out a breath, then told the hard truth. “I don’t like my professional life and my personal life to entwine.”

  “What you do outside of work is your own business.”

  “I know.”

  “Deb knows it, too. She’s pushed things because she’s always gotten away with pushing. Push back.”

  She already had pushed back—today—and now she was waiting to see if there were consequences.

  “What if she makes my life misery?”

  He smiled grimly. “I’ll speak with her.” He shifted his weight again. “I understand if you say no...but I’m hoping you won’t.”

  Faith closed her eyes, then opened them to find Drew watching her, his body tense, as if the answer she gave really mattered. As if it wouldn’t be that easy for him to find another activity for him and his daughter to do together.

  Maybe he really did want to do the therapy, which was essentially riding and caring for a horse. Finding comfort in a nonjudgmental animal.

  “You could bring your daughter by next weekend. Saturday.” He didn’t exactly burst into smiles, but his cheeks creased as the corners of his mouth lifted. And there was a warmth in his expression that hadn’t been there a few seconds ago. He was truly glad she’d said yes.

  “Morning or afternoon?”

  “Morning. Nine o’clock, unless that’s too early.”

  “Nine is fine. I pick her up at seven.”

  “Then it’s a date.”

  His smile faded. “Yes. A date.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a slip of paper, which he held out to her.

  “What’s this?” She gingerly took the paper from him.

  “My phone number. If you change your mind, give me a call. No harm. No foul.”

  Well played, Mr. Miller. Because he’d been smart enough to give her an out, she might not need one.

  “It’s unlikely I’ll call,” she murmured. “But...thank you.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  FAITH KEPT DREW’S phone number under a magnet on her refrigerator as a reminder that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do—or that she wasn’t ready to do.

  She could do this. There might be some tense moments, but if she could make it through these lessons, then perhaps she would be able to compete in a rodeo. Start the long road back to competition—to practice accessing her rational brain even when her protective instincts were trying to kick in. And besides that, Drew didn’t trigger her as he had upon first meeting. They’d been through quite a lot together in the short time she’d known him, and, while Drew and her assailant were similar in size and build, there were differences she hadn’t keyed in on during their first meeting.

  Her assailant had swaggered when he walked. Watched the bar with a cool, almost predatory gaze that she would recognize in a heartbeat now but had been oblivious to at the time. Drew was watchful but not calculating, and he walked with the confidence of an ex-military man—no swagger, no need to prove anything to the world. He appeared to have everything in his life under control, but according to his sister—hell, according to him—the picture wasn’t real. He’d lost his wife, been injured overseas. He had demons. There were things about Drew she didn’t know. Couldn’t know.

  But she also had a sense that, because of their backgrounds, they shared an understanding, which was why she thought about him so often. He was an unexpected kindred spirit. She wasn’t ready to proclaim best-buddy status or anything, but she would work with him. And his daughter, whom she was curious to meet. Drew as a father created an interesting picture.

  She had no idea if Debra was aware of the arrangement. Since Faith had stopped being so complaisant in her manner, Debra’s attitude had also shifted. When they interacted, it was cooler, more professional, and Faith no longer got the feeling that Debra looked at her as a lesser being she could easily manipulate. Debra was a user, and Faith wasn’t going to let herself be used.

  Not anymore.

  When she got home from work on Friday, she gave Tommy a short workout, riding the perimeter of the field after his suppling exercises, then released him to eat with his buddies. The house felt empty when she went back inside, even with Sully lying next to the table while she scrambled eggs for dinner. Maybe that was a good s
ign, a signal that she was ready to move forward, but the thought of doing something about her solitary state froze her up. She knew the Brody sisters, but was reluctant to impinge on their busy lives. Which meant she needed to make friends. Which meant putting herself out there.

  Which was too damned scary to consider right now.

  Okay...she was moving forward, but still had a long way to go.

  * * *

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE you did this,” Maddie said for the sixth or seventh time since Drew had told her that he was going to do something about his fear of horses, and that she may as well learn to ride at the same time—if she wanted to.

  Maddie wanted to.

  She was still hammering on him to move to the cabin for the next school year, and he was still trying to make her understand that as soon as he felt ready, they would live together.

  “It isn’t like you’re going to go off on me, is it?”

  No. That was not an issue. “After I have a...dream...” such an inadequate word for having his world explode around him “it affects me physically. It takes me a long time to come down. I need to be alone then.” I don’t want you to see me panting and near tears. Don’t want to put you through that.

  “Are you, like...embarrassed?”

  Drew thought about it. “That’s part of it.” Although he felt more vulnerable than embarrassed.

  “Well, I guess taking riding lessons is a good way to be together.” She cast him a sidelong look. “You aren’t squeezing me out of the construction, are you?”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He gave a quick eyeroll at his use of the word dream, but Maddie didn’t seem to notice. “And if all goes well, you’ll get to sleep in the room Mom designed for you.”

  “And you know as I get older, I’ll be able to handle more stuff. Right?”

  Drew gave a noncommittal nod and asked, “Have you got everything?” as they got into the truck to drive down to the Lightning Creek Ranch.

  “I have my boots,” Maddie held up her foot, showing him the new Western boots she and Cara had shopped for that week. “And a good attitude. What else do I need?”

  “Mom used to say that,” he said softly. It was the first time he’d heard Maddie say what had practically been Lissa’s mantra.

  “I know.” Maddie gave him a small smile. “I miss her.”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  * * *

  WHEN THEY GOT to the ranch, Faith had three horses tied up to the fence near the barn. Maddie sat staring through the windshield at them after Drew had parked.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  She sent him a nervous look. “I guess.”

  He reached out to pat her leg. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be nervous.”

  Maddie gave him a candid look. “Are you?”

  “Damned straight.”

  She laughed, her stiff shoulders giving a little as she reached for the door handle. “Then I’ll have to be the brave one.”

  He wasn’t lying about being scared—but it wasn’t only horses. He was scared about his future with his daughter and, if he was honest, he’d have to admit to being a little afraid of the woman who’d just come out of the barn, her curly-haired, brown and black dog by her side. He’d been noticing a lot of little things about her when they were together, and that made him uneasy.

  Faith gave him a quick nod to acknowledge his presence, then held out a hand to Maddie, a welcoming smile softening her features. She had a nice smile. A nice mouth, soft-looking and sweetly curved.

  “Hi. I’m Faith. Glad you could stop by.” She spoke to both, but her eyes were on Maddie.

  “I’m Madison.”

  “Let’s go meet the horses,” Faith said. “And you can tell me how much experience you have.” She looked over her shoulder at Drew and he saw a flash of unexpected amusement as she said, “I already know how much experience your father has.”

  “That’s why we’re here today,” Maddie said in a surprisingly dry tone. His baby was growing up. Fast. Five years and she’d be gone. “I’ve been on a horse twice. I just walked around.”

  “Well, that’s a start. Today we’ll be on the ground the entire time. If you like it, you can decide if you want to come back.”

  “I think I’ll want to come back,” Maddie said as they approached the animals. “I’ve always liked horses. I just never had a chance to be around them.”

  Faith gestured to the open door of her tack room. “The first thing we do during lessons is to put on a helmet.”

  Drew didn’t hesitate. He moved forward and picked up one of the three helmets hanging from coat hooks near the door. He tried it on, adjusted it, put it on again and tightened the chin strap. Maddie and Faith did the same.

  Once they had their helmets on, Faith led the way toward the horses, stopping a few feet from the fence to start her safety talk. “You always let a horse know that you’re coming up behind them...”

  The lesson lasted for forty-five minutes, during which time Drew and Maddie approached horses, brushed horses, learned to pick up feet and then led the horses, making certain they walked at a respectful distance. “Never let a horse walk up on you,” she told them.

  Same goes for a sister. Although Deb hadn’t been in contact lately, so maybe she’d accepted the hard fact that Drew was going to deal with matters on his own...or maybe Faith had told her about the lessons, and Deb thought she’d won. Didn’t matter as long as she gave him his space.

  His daughter seemed to be a natural around horses, cooing and talking as she groomed her mare. Drew was more matter-of-fact, as if he was washing a car or something.

  “You should connect with him,” Faith told him as he worked the brush over the horse’s coat. Drew frowned at her and she said, “Horses have personalities. Feelings.”

  “I know that,” he said quietly. “I just don’t know how to connect.”

  “It takes time, but it helps if you talk to them a little.”

  “Fine. I’ll talk.” He moved toward the horse’s head. “Hello...”

  He shot Faith a look over his shoulder and she said, “Freckles.”

  Drew let out a pained breath, then turned back to the horse. “Hello, Freckles.”

  After they’d learned to lead, back and bend the horses—who knew horses had to bend?—they released the animals into the pasture. Maddie let out a happy sigh, then stopped in her tracks as a kitten poked its head out of the barn.

  “Oh my gosh!”

  “There’s a litter of six in there,” Faith said as Maddie scooped up the little ball of fur and tucked it under her chin. “A pregnant cat showed up a few weeks ago, and this is the result.”

  “Can I see the rest?”

  “Sure.”

  As Maddie made her way through the open door, Faith casually leaned an arm on the rail fence next to the barn and raised a cool gaze to Drew. As long as there was some distance between them, she seemed okay. The few times when they’d gotten close during the lesson, he’d felt her stiffen, but she’d held her position rather than retreating. That made him a little crazy. It was hell having her be afraid of him because of something he didn’t do.

  “Want to see the kittens?”

  “Will you think me a monster if I say no?”

  She laughed, the sound making him feel oddly warm inside. Maybe because he was used to seeing her either serious, stressed or anxious.

  “Feeling better about horses?” she asked.

  “A little. Feeling better about having me around?”

  “Yes.”

  Yes. No explanation. No discussion. He wanted to know more.

  “Facing your fears?”

  “It’s not exactly that. I’m not afraid of you anymore, but I’m still reacting sometimes. Since it stands to reason that I’m going to cross paths with...” Her mouth tightened. �
�I don’t want to say, ‘guys like you,’ but that’s pretty much it.”

  “No offense taken.”

  “I figure I need practice handling the reactions.” She didn’t quite look at him, as if talking about her fears was more challenging than she expected. “It’s like my body is responding to cues my mind isn’t able to control.”

  “Are you sure you want to control your reactions? I mean, after all, they keep you safe.”

  “Yes. They do. And I’ve given some thought to that.”

  “Personal question—you don’t have to answer.”

  She raised her eyebrows.

  “Have you had any kind of counseling?”

  “About a year’s worth.”

  “Takes time.”

  “Are you speaking from experience?”

  “I’m not a big talker.”

  “So, no. Not speaking from experience.”

  “I had counseling. When I was in the hospital, recovering from the blast, I had... I don’t know...anger issues. A manifestation of survivor guilt, maybe. And a head injury. So yeah. I had counseling.”

  “Are you still angry?”

  “I’m not all the way happy.” His instant response surprised him. He opened his mouth, closed it again. Finally, he said, “And I’m also not complaining. I’m doing okay. Handling things in a way that feels right to me. I have the anger thing under control.” Except when he slept.

  She didn’t say anything, which made him feel as if he had to. But he didn’t have a chance, because Maddie appeared at the door, four kittens cuddled against her chest. The Airedale came with her, looking up at her as if afraid that she was going to kidnap his charges. “Look at these little guys!”

  “Yeah.” He smiled and rubbed a couple tiny heads with his forefinger. “Cute. We should hit the road if we’re going to get the footings poured.”

  “All right.” She returned the kittens to the barn, then came back out dusting off her hands. “Dad and I are building an addition on the cabin, so that I can have a room of my own.”

  Drew looped an arm around his daughter’s slim shoulders. “I’m raising an architect,” he said with a smile. “She’s good.”