by Jeannie Watt
“I think she’s going to be good with horses, too. I think you both are.” Faith took a step back and turned to latch the barn door. “See you next week?”
“Yeah,” Maddie said happily. “You’ll see us next week.”
Drew felt a swell of satisfaction as he drove home. The riding lessons had been a genius idea—at least according to his daughter. Maddie was practically dancing on air by the time they reached the cabin.
“So you’re saying you enjoyed yourself,” Drew said. They walked to the back of the cabin so he could show her the pad he’d poured for the addition while she’d been at school during the week.
“Totally. You didn’t get very far,” she said, propping her hands on her hips and frowning at the concrete square.
“Waiting for you.”
“I think I’m the only kid in school building her own bedroom.”
Drew wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, so he kept his mouth shut and waited for a hint. He hoped it was good, because he loved spending the time with his daughter.
“Shayla wants to see it when we’re done.”
“Would she like to help?”
Maddie wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think so. This isn’t a real normal thing to do.”
It wasn’t?
“Do you want to do this?”
“Of course.” She looked surprised. “I like doing this. But I don’t think my friends would get it.”
“That’s too bad.”
She gave a casual shrug. “My life is kind of different from theirs.” Before he could answer, she added, “At least I get to spend time with you. There are some kids I know who don’t get to see their dads because of custody issues.”
She spoke so matter-of-factly that it kind of broke his heart. “My time with you is the best part of my day.”
She beamed at him, then stuck her closed hand out for the fist bump.
* * *
SCHOOL CAME TO an end the week after the first riding lesson and suddenly Maddie had an endless summer stretching before her. By the end of August, she expected to be a top-notch horseback rider and to be living at the cabin full-time. She’d even researched school bus schedules and discovered that she could catch a bus at the Lightning Creek Ranch, which was the turnaround point for Lightning Creek Road.
“Nice sleuthing,” Drew said as he drove Maddie to Pete’s after a day at the cabin. Now that she was out of school, they’d be spending more time together, and he hoped that Maddie could eventually move to the cabin full-time. On the plus side, he hadn’t had a nightmare in almost two weeks. On the negative side, he’d gone this long before only to get hit out of the blue when he felt safe.
If he had a clue as to what triggered him, it would help, but despite keeping a journal, there was no obvious cause. Things built up, and despite all the calming stuff he’d do before bed, some nights he’d get slammed.
It was enough to make a guy not feel like going to bed.
“Are you and Shayla making any plans to ride during the summer?” he asked casually.
“I asked, but she said only one of their horses is trained good and her sister uses it for junior rodeo. Her sister doesn’t share.”
“That’s too bad. But if you ever do decide to ride with a friend, I want an adult there. And you need to wear your helmet.”
“Dad...”
“Not negotiable. I don’t want you to end up with a head injury and nightmares.” He shot her a serious look. “Do you?”
“No.” She twisted the edge of her flowery tunic. “Shayla says they might get another good horse.”
“If she does, adult and helmet.”
Maddie let out a sigh. “Agreed.”
“We’ll buy you a helmet this afternoon.”
“And maybe a bling belt like Shayla has?”
Drew shot his daughter a frown, then instantly caved. “Yeah. A helmet and a bling belt. And you can help me clean the shop and take apart some carburetors.” Maddie looked at the sky. “Wait. Let me guess. You’re the only kid in your class who has to take apart carburetors.”
She gave a small laugh. “I’m the only kid in my class who knows what one is.”
“Well, we’ll keep your carburetor work quiet for now, but trust me, honey...someday, some guy is going to realize just what a catch you are.”
* * *
FAITH DID A foolish thing on Sunday night. Instead of getting her work clothes ready for the week or reading a book and drinking a glass of wine, she looked up old YouTube videos of herself running the barrels. And she drank that glass of wine as she watched.
She and Tommy were not only fast, they were dead-on when it came to the turns, which was why, for the most part when she entered a rodeo, she came away with at least part of the purse.
She’d had sponsors, a travel budget. A plan. A goal.
And when the guy knocked her down and sliced off her hair, he’d destroyed all that. Her sponsors had found new riders, and she no longer needed a travel budget because she didn’t go anywhere. Her plan then was to hide out, her goal was to survive.
It had taken her a year of therapy before she’d begun to see little parts of her old self emerging. Her first trips to stores immediately after the attack were painful, every person she met a potential assailant. Her first solo car trip to Missoula two months after the attack? She wouldn’t have tried it without her hundred-pound Airedale, a healthy canister of pepper spray and a taser that may or may not have been legal. When Jenn’s brother had given it to her, he’d told her not to show it around. She hadn’t asked him where he’d gotten it, and she’d never tried to discover if she was a criminal for carrying it. She was grateful to have it and still kept it next to her bed. Just in case.
She’d lost so much she’d never get back, but she was gaining ground. Becoming a different version of her old self.
Faith spent a good part of the evening sipping wine, watching the tapes, sometimes smiling at what she’d once been. The NFR was now out of reach. She couldn’t afford to do it without sponsors, but she had a full-time job and could afford to compete in the Montana region on her days off. Maybe win the region next year. Regain some of what she’d lost.
And a big part of her wanted to do it because that ass Jared had told her she wouldn’t.
Yeah...deep down, Faith was still competitive as hell.
* * *
“YOU HAVE GOATS!” Maddie gave a delighted cry as she spotted the small, lop-eared animals nibbling weeds next to the barn, their little tails moving a mile a minute. She shut the truck door and went to get a closer look.
“Those are my lawn mowers,” Faith said.
“How do you control them?” Drew asked with a dubious frown.
Faith sucked air through her teeth. “That is a bit of an issue. I stake them out where I want them to eat. Otherwise, they eat everything—especially if it’s shaped like a flower.”
“They are so cute,” Maddie gushed.
“Are they your only lawn mower?” Drew asked.
“The real one is broken, so for now, these guys are it. Although, I let the horses take care of the grass around the house.”
Maddie’s smile widened as she glanced at her father. “Gee, Dad. Faith has a broken lawn mower.”
Faith bounced a look between father and daughter, wondering what they found so funny.
“My brother-in-law runs a small engine repair shop,” Drew explained. “I’ve been helping him out by fixing lawn mowers. Everyone has a broken lawn mower this time of year.”
“Add me to the list,” she said. She dusted her hands on her pants. “We should get started. Today we’re going to catch the horses. Bring them in, groom them, then saddle them up and ride.”
“Yes.” Maddie put on the helmet she’d been casually dangling from one hand and Faith nodded approvingly.
“Nice helmet.”
“Thank you. Dad still needs to borrow one.”
Faith smiled a little and met his eyes. “Dad knows where to find them.” She waited for Drew to get back from the tack shed before saying, “We’re only going to walk today and learn some balance exercises. Patience is an important part of working with horses. People need to be comfortable with each level before they move on. It saves a lot of grief in the future.”
“And that keeps them from being bucked off.” Maddie sent her father a look. “Right, Dad?”
“Right, Maddie,” he said with an air of exaggerated patience.
As they groomed, Faith found herself watching Drew interact with his daughter as much as she watched him interact with the horse. He was different around his daughter, his expression softer, his movements somehow gentler.
She picked up a soft brush and stepped forward when he started grooming the off side of the horse. He gave her a quick look when she started brushing beside him. “Are you comfortable riding today?”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable riding.”
“It can be hard to come back after a bad experience.” The irony of her words struck her hard. Drew was coming back from multiple bad experiences.
“To be honest, I could happily live my life and never get on a horse again.”
“Are you going to drive your Jeep again?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it as he appeared to realize he had no comeback. Or chose not to give one.
“You never have to move out of your comfort zone...but don’t let knee-jerk fears keep you from trying stuff.” As she’d been doing.
“Of course I’ll get on the horse. I’m doing this for my kid.” He spoke in a low voice so Maddie wouldn’t hear.
“Obviously, you wouldn’t want to do it for yourself.”
He turned his head to frown at her as if uncertain he’d heard her right. He had.
“You really aren’t afraid of me anymore,” he said gruffly.
No. Because she was seeing the gentle side of him as he spent time with Maddie. “Not unless you come at me from behind.”
“Not much of a chance of that.”
She shot him a look. From his tone, it sounded like he’d just slammed her—and here she’d been kind of admiring his body and been pleased that she’d been able to do so. He seemed to read her thoughts. “That’s not an insult. I meant I will take pains not to startle you.”
Her cheeks started to heat. “I wasn’t insulted.” She gave the horse’s shoulder one final swipe of the brush, then moved on to Maddie’s horse.
She’d been insulted, which was utterly illogical.
After the horses were groomed, Faith tacked them up. “You’ll learn to do this,” she told Maddie, “but today I thought you’d like to spend your time riding.”
“Yeah,” Maddie said on a soft note of excitement, stroking her horse’s nose.
Faith handed her the reins and told her to walk the mare so she could tighten the cinch again. Once the girl was out of earshot, she went back to Drew, who was waiting next to his horse, watching his daughter lead the mare toward the barn.
When she got closer, he shifted that blue gaze to Faith, and for a moment she felt as if he could see inside of her. That he somehow knew she was becoming aware of him for reasons other than caution. That she noticed his build in a different way than before. It felt good to admire a guy’s ass again, but not so good if said guy knew what she was doing.
She cleared her throat, dove into her speech. “Sorry to be judgmental earlier. What I meant to say was that while it’s commendable that you’re here for Maddie, maybe you can get something out of it, too.”
His lips curved ever so slightly. As if he’d just figured something out. About her. “When you fall off a horse, you get back on?”
“Exactly.”
His smile broadened, the first relaxed smile she’d ever seen from him, and it made her feel like something had just broken free inside of her.
She turned toward the horse as a spiral of warmth began to spread through her body. “Watch closely while I saddle the horse. You’ll do it next time.”
After she’d pulled the latigo through the cinch ring, she beckoned him closer and handed him the leather strap. “Pull it up slowly.” He pulled the leather and she showed him how to make certain the cinch was tight but not too tight. “Now you walk your horse, then we tighten it one more time.”
He gave a nod but didn’t move. “Do you want me to look at your broken mower after we get done?”
She was shaking her head almost before she was aware of moving. “I have goats.”
“It’s probably the carburetor. Did you leave gas in it last winter?”
“I wasn’t here last winter.”
“Old gas,” he said as he started leading the horse away.
“Old gas to you, too,” Faith muttered before she pasted a smile on her face and headed over to give Maddie’s cinch one final check.
Mounting was easy. Both of her mares had been used for Jenn’s therapy classes and they knew the drill. Stand quietly and put up with whatever came their way. Her girls were paragons of patience.
“Sit in the center of the saddle, push your heels down, don’t let them curl up.” Faith adjusted Maddie’s leg, pulling it down and positioning her foot, and was about to do the same with Drew, who’d grown stone-faced once he was atop Freckles. But she decided to keep her hands off the man.
“Okay. Lift the reins and give a little pressure with your legs. Do not kick.”
The horses moved forward as soon as the reins were lifted, and Maddie’s face broke into a wide smile. “Look at you, Dad. Still on the horse.”
“Thanks, kid.”
“Relax your bodies—but don’t let your backs slouch. The horse reads your energy through your seat...”
Faith ended the session with balancing exercises, then helped them dismount. Drew looked pleased to have his feet back on terra firma.
“Well. That was fun.” He led the horse to the rail.
“You did great, Dad.”
Drew smiled at his daughter. “Yeah. But it was kind of spooky at first.”
“Not for me.”
“You’re a natural,” Faith said.
“Really?”
“Yes. You have great balance. You’ll move along quickly.”
“What about Dad?”
Yes. What about Dad?
“I can see where you get your balance.” Drew was closest, so Faith took the reins from him. “Walk the horse for a few minutes, Maddie, to cool her down.” She dropped the reins over the rail and started uncinching the saddle.
“I can do it.” Drew moved in from behind her and gently took the latigo from her. She let him have it, hoping he didn’t notice how her body had stiffened at his unexpected approach.
“Sorry,” he murmured, telling her yes, he’d totally noticed. “I said I wouldn’t do that.”
“No worries,” she muttered back, moving past him to help Maddie. She hated seizing up like that, but there was nothing she could do about an instinctive reaction. Except hate on the stranger who had done it to her. And that got her exactly nowhere.
After the horses were untacked, brushed and released back into the pasture, Maddie went to check the kittens, leaving Faith and Drew to walk back to his truck together.
“I honestly will look at the mower,” he said.
“I have goats,” she repeated, glancing down at the gravel.
“Faith.” She looked up, a faint frown drawing her eyebrows together. “I’m sorry I startled you.”
“And I’m sorry I was startled,” she said darkly. “I’m trying so hard not to be, but it just happens.” She tightened her mouth. “That wasn’t a bad one. At work the other day...a colleague came into my office when I was in t
he back room and I about wet myself when I found someone in what I thought was my empty office. My logical brain understood that the unexpected person was a colleague—”
“Yeah. I know. That other part of your brain beats logic to the punch.”
“That other part is probably always going to be there, as much as I’d like to believe it will someday go away.”
“It might not be all bad.”
She turned to him with a frown. “How so?”
“You will always be at the ready.”
“Small blessings? Silver lining?”
He leaned back against the truck, folding his arms over his broad chest as he watched the open barn door, waiting for his daughter to reappear. “Platitudes. So helpful.”
“There is truth to them...but they sting.”
“Time heals all wounds.” Drew lifted his eyebrows as if encouraging her to supply a platitude of her own.
“Things happen for a reason.”
“At least you experienced true love.”
“Just get over it already.”
He frowned at her. “Someone said that to you?”
“Tough love, I guess. My boyfriend at the time.”
“I hope you slugged him.”
“We broke up.”
“Your boyfriend was an asshole.”
“I didn’t see that side of him until he didn’t know how to handle what had happened to me. He saw it more in terms of how it affected his life.”
“Jerk.”
“I chose him. I’m equally to blame.”
“My assessment stands.”
“Not everyone is cut out to help someone through a trauma.”
Why was she defending Jared? Maybe because she was embarrassed and hurt by how he’d abandoned her. Made her feel as if she wasn’t worth caring for when times got rough.
Yeah. That was pretty much it.
“True.”
She was relieved that he took her words at face value...even though she was convinced he didn’t fully accept her defense of Jared.
“By the way...I can take your broken mower with me today.”
“You persist,” she said mildly.