PomPoms Up!

by Carol Cleveland

  I’d actually been put up for the role of Maggie, which I’d always wanted to play. The director was very pleased with my reading and said:

  “Carol, you’d make a wonderful Maggie.”

  I grinned – thinking it was in the bag – when he then said:

  “But, I also think you’d make a wonderful Sister Mae and I’d love you to play that role.”

  My smile disappeared – I hadn’t even considered playing anything other than ‘Maggie.’ He explained that the part had already been offered to Sandra Dickinson. I thought she was rather odd casting but the director Philip Grout knew what he was doing. He cast both of us against type and she was great.

  I played Sister Mae and got wonderful reviews. I enjoyed it immensely and think it’s one of my best efforts. Eleven years later I played the mother, ‘Amanda,’ in another Tennessee Williams play, The Glass Menagerie – not a harridan but a challenging role nonetheless, and a joy to do. My big sadness is that I never got to play ‘Blanche’ in A Streetcar Named Desire. Never mind…. there’s still ‘Norma Desmond’ in Sunset Boulevard!

  I did have a stab at doing Shakespeare but decided it wasn’t for me. I played ‘Helena’ in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I think I was the only member of the company who hadn’t done a professional Shakespearean production and I felt unusually nervous. Our director was quite happy with my take on the role but I constantly lived in fear that I’d forget my lines and not know how to improvise in Shakespearean Verse! Consequently, for every performance I’d stand in the wings before each entrance going through my lines! I never had the chance to relax and just enjoy it. I got decent reviews though.

  No, I’d rather do the sort of comedy that nobody knows well enough to recognize when one has ‘dried’! It’s amazing what an actor can get away with when the audience doesn’t know the script. Whatever you say…. the key is to say it with total conviction! In fact, I was quite good at that – I’d come out with some very bizarre things. They became known as ‘Clevelandisms.’

  There was one occasion when I and five other actors were doing a quick-fire scene, with one-liners flying around the stage. Suddenly there was a pause and we all glanced at each other for a second, before all eyes fixed anxiously on me. I’d gone blank…. so I put my hands on my hips, stared back at them and, with great authority, said:

  “So THERE!”

  Of course there are all sorts of other things that can go wrong on stage too, like forgetting a vital prop. I once had to read a letter that I’d taken out of my handbag. When I reached in the bag it wasn’t there, so I said:

  “Oh dear….I must have left it in my room. I’ll go and get it.”

  The poor actor was left alone on stage for what must have felt like an eternity – looking at paintings, going through the bookshelves and generally being nosey – while we frantically searched for the letter off stage!

  And then there’s the set…. which can sometimes turn on you! Playing ‘Prince Charming’ in a Christmas Pantomime one year I made my grand entrance at the top of the stairs and was just about to burst into song when the rostrum I was standing on collapsed underneath me and I promptly disappeared from view! Fortunately only my pride was hurt.

  The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me on stage occurred during a rehearsal thank God, and not in front of an audience! I was on tour with the Tom Stoppard play Dirty Linen when the other actors and I were called in to the theatre early, to tidy up a scene. I played ‘Miss Gotobed’ – No….not type-casting! I was in my dressing room when I got a call to come to the stage straight away, in costume. We rehearsed the scene where my skirt accidently gets ripped off, leaving me in my bra, knickers, suspender belt and stockings. We finished the scene and the others applauded! Only then did I realise that, in my haste I’d forgotten to put my knickers on! Fellow actor, Derren Nesbitt had been sitting in the front row watching the scene and beaming away! Now I knew why!

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Derren?! Why didn’t somebody tell me?!!”

  “We thought you knew…. and I was thinking what a game girl you are!”

  Along with another actor, Derren and I were sharing accommodation while on the road. Two weeks after the Miss Gotobed incident I awoke in the middle of the night with a need to visit the bathroom. I quietly opened my door and crept across the landing. Derren, having the same need, opened his door just as I passed it. We both gasped, he grinned, and I shot back into my room – I was naked!! The next morning at breakfast I was still blushing when I said:

  “Well, you’ve seen all of me now.”

  “So it WAS you!…. I thought I’d just had a rather nice dream!”

  It was fun to work with Derren again and he was quite a nice character in this play – unlike the villain he’d played in The Saint twenty years earlier – he had a gun to my head then! We’d go on to do two more plays together – both of them were thrillers.

  For a time, I became a ‘Thriller Queen’! I appeared in one whodunit after another. I always played the wife and I always got bumped off…. one way or another. After a while I started to think they were trying to tell me something! I was poisoned, strangled, shot and bludgeoned to death! That last death was actually not planned though.

  In three of these plays I was paired up with William Franklyn as my husband. In Guilty Conscience he shot me dead as I came down the stairs. When using a gun in a stage production one has to be prepared for the possibility of it not going off. Hence there’s usually someone in the wings with their finger on the trigger of the stand-by gun. Sure enough, the night came when William pointed his gun at me and fired… a blank! I pleaded, “No…please…no!” He lowered his hand for a second and then raised it again and shot a second time. All we heard was the sound of clicking off stage. We both stood there, wondering how I was going to die! William and I were not getting on very well during this production, so I did wonder if he might take this opportunity to strangle me! Instead, he held the gun by the barrel, raised it above his head and moved menacingly towards me. I backed slowly up the stairs and then, out of sight from the audience, we enacted my chilling death! I don’t know what the audience thought, but everyone in the company agreed it was so much better than the shooting!

  Unfortunately there’s always the chance there might be someone in the cast you don’t get on with, and this can ruin the enjoyment of doing the piece. It happened to me when I was touring in a new play that I loved, called Five Blue Haired Ladies Sitting on a Green Park Bench. I loved the character I was playing too, Anna. We were all meant to be New Yorkers and in our late seventies. I was the youngest in the cast but ended up looking the oldest! I was the only one who really aged up enough to not be recognised off stage and I’m proud of that.

  We five actresses all had equalled billing above the title, so there wasn’t a ‘star’ as such. Even so, one actress took it upon herself to summon me to her dressing room one evening to tell me off for up-staging her. I had to laugh, as it was actually she who was up-staging me! That same evening when we were all back at our hotel she made a disparaging remark about me to her group of friends. She hadn’t realised I’d come in and was standing right behind her.

  It was very difficult after that, as there was still a few weeks left of the tour. The next day I went for a long walk and sat under a tree, feeling a bit miserable and wondering what I was going to do. Part of me just wanted to go home, but then anger kicked in and I thought, “No! I’m not going to let her spoil my enjoyment of playing this wonderful character.” I simply up-staged her as much as I could after that!

  Aside from touring with the Pythons, my best tour ever was in a Derek Nimmo production of the farce, Two and Two Make Sex. It was directed by Nicholas Parsons and starred Henry McGee and Maggie Ashcroft. We spent eleven weeks traveling around the Far and Middle East, staying in luxurious five-star hotels with all meals and drinks provided and having all our days free to explore…. and we got paid too!

  In Cairo I rode on horseback at dawn around the
Pyramids and, when we unsaddled, our guide – who was right out of Lawrence of Arabia with his long black cloak and headdress worn over a black face with dark brown eyes – grabbed me and kissed me, before grinning and suddenly disappearing!

  In Beijing I walked along the Great Wall of China; but not very far unfortunately, as we’d got there a bit late and they were just about to shut it down! We all wanted to throttle the actress who had insisted we stop for lunch along the way.

  In Hong Kong I was taken to some very saucy clubs and had a little fling with a dishy Canadian.

  In Jordan I went on camel to see the ancient city of Petra and it was like stepping into The Raiders of the Lost Ark. On the way back to the hotel we stopped to look at carpets. I waited outside and a Bedouin lady came up and invited me into her tent to have tea. She gave me one of her Bedouin veils, which hangs on my wall now. Before leaving Jordan the other blond-haired actress and I floated in the Dead Sea waters, but only for a short while. Bobbing on our backs with eyes shut, we suddenly felt what we thought were little bites all over us. We were surrounded by young men who were just touching us under the water! We gave the mud bath a miss!

  In Singapore I was drawn again and again to Raffles Hotel because I truly felt that I had been there in a previous life!

  All this and so much more. I love show-business!

  In 1979 I was in a play called Fearless Frank at London’s Kings Head Theatre Club. In it was a relatively unknown actor called Nigel Bennett. He’s now quite well known, as Lucien LaCroix in the TV series Forever Knight. Our meeting was to change our lives forever – but not necessarily for the best. We became good friends and would spend a lot of time chatting and laughing together. We had the same sense of humour and we both admired each other’s artistic talents. Even though he looked quite good on stage in a uniform I was not particularly attracted to him physically off stage. He was very slim and had big eyes, ears, nose and mouth – he wasn’t my type at all!

  Peter quite liked him too, I think. Nigel had been to our house and had tea with us. A few days later one of the cast members had a party. Peter was invited, but not being much of a party person, he didn’t go. Nigel and I were bopping away and just having a laugh, as usual. Then a slow number came on and, after a few minutes of dancing closely, we just stopped and looked at each other without speaking. Both of us suddenly realised what had happened to us.

  Nigel was also happily married, to an actress. We agreed that for everyone’s sake we must curb our feelings for each other – it wasn’t easy. Then Peter went away for about two weeks to direct a play he’d written. Nigel would call suggesting we should get together and talk. I tried very hard to resist the temptation, but I eventually gave in. I was meant to go and see Peter’s play but I was afraid I’d be transparent and ruin it for him. Instead I spent the time agonising over what I should do. Peter loved me dearly and I still loved him. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. And there was also my stepson Paul to consider – we loved each other too. I was dreadfully torn but I knew in my heart that if I stayed with Peter I’d be unhappy and ultimately make him unhappy too. Nothing could be the same again. The next few weeks were very painful for us all. I’ve never forgiven myself for the hurt I caused dear Peter, but thankfully, in the course of time, HE forgave me. He’s happily remarried now and we remain friends.

  One of the many things I am grateful to him for was encouraging me to seek out the rest of my family! After my mother and father David divorced, he put himself about a bit! He went on to have five more children with three different mothers. I had only met one of my siblings prior to returning to England in 1960. That was my brother, Freer…. who I quite liked. Strangely enough, I made no effort to contact the other four. I think that’s probably because they had made no effort to contact me!

  Then out of the blue I got a call from my sister Louisa. Apparently she’d been at David’s house watching Monty Python on TV when he walked in and said:

  “There’s your sister.”

  She decided then and there to get in touch! With Peter’s encouragement, we made a date for us to meet all of my siblings at Louisa’s upcoming birthday party. It was quite a remarkable day!

  Over the years, I have got to know some of them better than others. We are all very different and I have nothing in common with any of them really, except for ‘Big Daddy!’ I’m the only one who’s in show-business and Louisa has been the only one who’s really taken a keen interest in my career. They all live in England, except for my sister Toni who lives in Spain. Anton now lives near-by in Brighton. I have visits with them occasionally and, up until a few years ago, we’d all come together to celebrate our father’s birthday. That became too much for him in his old age. They’ve also come together for my own last three Big Birthday bashes. There was a surreal moment when, at my ‘fiftieth’ party I introduced my brother Chris to my sister Toni! He felt very odd because, as he told me later…. he quite fancied her. I wonder if they’ll all be at the next one…. my ‘eightieth’?! We’ll see.

  Chapter Fifteen

  MONTY PYTHON GOES TO THE MOVIES

  After the second series of MPFC the boys got together to make their first film, And Now for Something Completely Different. It was directed by Ian MacNaughton and produced by Victor Lownes, still head of the London Playboy club.

  When I heard of this I slightly panicked. I hadn’t told anyone connected with Monty Python about my Playboy Bunny days and I didn’t particularly want them to find out just now either! I had, on a few rare occasions, seen Victor at the club, but only as ‘Bunny Didi.’ However, a few weeks after I’d left there I’d received a call from the Bunny Mother with a request from Victor. He was sitting in her office looking at the Daily Express newspaper and when he saw a very leggy photo of me in it he apparently said:

  “Wow! This actress, Carol Cleveland looks pretty sexy!”

  “Yes, that’s Bunny Didi.”

  “She’s one of our bunnies!?”

  “Not any more…. she left last month.”

  “Well, let’s get her back! Give her a call.”

  So here I was, now three years on, wondering if he’d remember…. and hoping not! Fortunately, he didn’t!

  After the filming it would be eight more years before I would see him again at his infamous, twenty-five hour party held at ‘Stocks House’, his Georgian mansion in Hertfordshire. This lavish party was to celebrate the twenty-fifth Anniversary of the founding of Playboy Magazine. There were three marquees for food and drink, two more for music and dancing, and a huge glass-domed indoor swimming pool where one was served champagne by ‘bunnies’ while sitting in the Jacuzzis. Swimsuits were provided, if required. During the day there was also a fun-fair, hot-air balloon rides, fashion shows and outdoor games for the children; and at night there were films, entertainers, a disco and a casino. There was also more adult entertainment upstairs, but only for those specially selected guests who were given green dots to stick on their clothing. I believe John was there at some stage too, but we missed each other. Before I left the party, I said:

  “Oh, by the way, Victor…. I’m ‘Bunny Didi’…. one of your first Park Lane bunnies.”

  He was gob-smacked!

  The film, of course was not ‘completely different’ in any way! It was an amalgamation of all the best sketches from the first two series, reshot on 35mm film. Victor loved the TV series, but he didn’t think conservative American TV was quite ready for it yet. So instead he suggested a film version to be shown around the US college circuit.

  It was all put together very cheaply and very quickly and the boys were not particularly happy with it. Not surprisingly it never did take off in America. The boys didn’t choose the title, And Now for Something Completely Different – that was Victor’s idea. In fact, they though it was rather naff! But they didn’t object too much as long as the film wasn’t going to be shown in the UK. But then eventually it was, with all the old sketches that everyone had already seen on TV! The Pythons were
heavily criticised for daring to call it And Now for Something Completely Different! Nevertheless the film was fairly successful here and the title itself lives on as the Monty Python catch-phrase.

  The film may have been a disappointment for the Pythons, but it did give them a taste for cinema. By now they had bought the rights to the TV series and had formed their own production company, Python Productions, which in time became Python (Monty) Pictures Ltd.

  Up until now they had continued using the stream-of-consciousness format that they devised for the TV shows, incorporating it into all of the stage shows as well as this previous film. But in 1974 they decided it was time to tell a story…. with a beginning, middle and end…. of sorts! They embarked on production of their own film, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

  It was fairly problematic from the word go. It took quite a while to get a workable script and getting financing was proving difficult too. On top of that the working conditions were pretty unpleasant and there was a lot of rumbling and grumbling in the camp. But I think all the Python fans at least will agree that the end result was well worth it.

  The boys kept changing their minds about what century to base the film in. The first script was a mixture of old and new – half in modern day, half medieval – with the Grail being found in Harrods department store. Harrods’ motto is, of course, ‘All Things for All People, Everywhere.’ Eventually, the script was moved to the Middle Ages – which Terry Jones was heavily into at the time – and the Grail was NOT found at Harrods, simply because by then they were running out of money and there wasn’t enough left to make the trip to London.