PomPoms Up!

by Carol Cleveland

  “They are really so f*****g sorry!”

  They had a good giggle backstage but out front it went over like a turd in a brunch bowl!

  Another new sketch was Custard Pies, with Graham as a college professor lecturing on the history of humour, with the others demonstrating the slapstick through banana peels, wooden planks and custard pies. It was the two Terrys that got the worst of it – Terry J got whacked by the plank and Terry G had to shove a whole banana down his throat in one go! It was great fun and the audiences loved it. It was extremely messy however, so was performed just before the interval to allow the stage crew plenty of time to clean up. But they always missed a bit and occasionally someone took a fall in the second half!

  We were all going a bit crazy on this tour and there was some outrageous behaviour, both on and off the stage. The radio ‘plugs’ for the show were sane enough but the TV interviews got more and more maniacal as we headed westward. I remember one in particular when the poor interviewer started sweating profusely as he realised he had no control whatsoever over the four lunatics sitting next to him. He was talking to Michael when Terry G got up, walked around and grabbed me from behind, pulling me to the ground. As he and I tussled with each other, arms and legs flailing, Michael just kept chatting inanely about the meaning of life. The camera crew were in stitches, but all went silent as the producer left the control box and approached us saying:

  “We can’t show THAT!”

  Our twenty minute interview was cut to three minutes!

  Graham, of course, was more outrageous than anyone! On one occasion, after a late night out, a group of us returned to our hotel and, realising there was nobody about, we decided to take a quick dip in the indoor pool. We girls went to get our bathing suits while the boys just stripped down to their undies and jumped in, except for Graham…. who just stripped. After a while we all got out and wrapped towels around ourselves, except for Graham…. who just streaked! We followed him as he dashed naked and dripping wet along the corridors towards the lobby. Just as he reached it, an elderly couple came through the revolving doors and stopped dead in their tracks. Graham zoomed past them and disappeared up the stairs, leaving us trying to convince them that this really wasn’t one of those notorious bathhouses!

  Graham was on the pull wherever we went, but we didn’t expect him to have much luck when we reached the city of Regina. This was the headquarters of the Canadian Royal Mounted Police, where men were men! We were sitting in our hotel dining room having just finished lunch, when Graham walked in, looking like the cat that got the cream. He couldn’t wait to introduce us to his handsome ‘Mountie’!

  Somewhere else along the line – I think it was Winnipeg – Graham found some company even before we’d checked into our hotel. We’d arrived to find that our rooms weren’t ready yet and wouldn’t be for another hour or so. There was a pleasant looking lounge and bar so we decided to wait there. Graham plonked his suitcases down with us and said he was off for a walkabout. He returned an hour and a half later just as we were about to be shown to our rooms. He had two young men in tow, who happily carried his bags for him.

  I was loving Canada! Every place we visited was different…. except for the people who lived there. All the Canadians I met were so friendly and they all had such a great pride in their country. It was easy to see why – it was beautiful. I spent a lot of time looking out of the plane’s window as we flew around, taking in the breath-taking scenery. There were lakes, mountains and endless woodlands – it was so green! We were invited into people’s homes and taken off on sightseeing trips – the first sight being Niagara Falls, of course. Wow! – What a place to start! We ate massive steaks that were usually served on big wooden platters. I had to have my show-girl costume let out twice! And then, there were the parties….

  One of my favourite bands at the time was Doctor Hook, so you can imagine my delight when they came to see the show and invited us to a party the next night. I’d never been to a rock and roll party before, so it was quite an eye-opener. Eric and Terry G seemed to be quite at home with it all, but I certainly felt a bit out of place and I think Michael did too. We didn’t have to actually smoke to get ‘high’ – taking a few whiffs of the air was enough and I was stoned after half an hour of just being there. It was great to meet Dr Hook and his medicine men, but I didn’t stay very long.

  We were all enjoying this tour and the freedom to just be ourselves… and of course, that meant being very silly! I’d got to know the Python boys better now and felt much closer to them all – it was like being the only girl in a naughty schoolboy gang. John however was not always in the best of humour and was quite unsociable a lot of the time. He clearly preferred his own company to ours and would go off on his own a lot. I know there were problems within his marriage to Connie at the time, so maybe that had something to do with it.

  One evening after the show we trotted off to a nice restaurant which was up a little hill not far from our hotel. Not unusually, John declined our invitation to join us. After a nice meal we were settling up the bill when we spotted John getting up from his chair at a small corner table. He’d been there all the time and must have seen us come in. We quickly paid the bill, grabbed our coats and went off after him – the idea being that we’d sneak up and grab him…. all good schoolboy fun! So, here we were, tiptoeing down the sidewalk and jumping into doorways whenever he stopped to see if we were following him. We’d just got close enough to pounce when he turned on us, puffed out his chest and, with glaring nostrils, shouted:

  “F**k off, the lot of you!”

  He could be very intimidating when he wanted to be.

  Having said that…. he wasn’t always so grumpy. I remember another evening when he was in top, silly form – we all were. We were in our hotel lounge having drinkies after the show and I was in a particularly mischievous mood. I was snuggling up to Michael and purring:

  “This is the night Mickey…. no good trying to resist me any longer.”

  Graham said:

  “Oh no you don’t Carol…. I saw him first!”

  John joined in with:

  “What about ME!?”

  Michael was giggling and saying:

  “No, no… I don’t want to!”

  He then got up and ran out of the room, frailly waving his arms around. I ran after him up the stairs and along the next corridor. We could hear John following us and shouting:

  “I’ll find you!”

  I grabbed Michael and pulled him into my room. He got into the wardrobe and I leapt onto the bed, pulling the cover over me. John was banging on the door, shouting:

  “I know you’re both in there!”

  He opened the door, headed for the bed and said:

  “Ah Haaa!” as he pulled the cover off.

  “Where IS he?!”

  “Go away you nasty man! He’s not here.”

  There was snickering coming from the wardrobe. John opened its doors to find Michael hunched in a ball in the corner.

  “Gotcha!”

  I pleaded for mercy as Michael was taken away by the scruff of his neck and marched back downstairs. Oh, what a lark!

  The final destination was Vancouver. During the flight there John told the other Pythons that he was definitely not going to do a fourth TV series, but by the time we arrived they had decided to go ahead anyway, without him.

  I don’t know what we’d done to deserve it but on arrival at Vancouver airport our reception party put us all in a big cage and paraded us around like wild animals! They had obviously heard about the Python TV interviews!

  I had already fallen in love with Canada but Vancouver was the icing on the cake. It was such a beautiful city and it offered everything in one place. It was a gorgeous summer’s day as I walked across the bridge to the park on the other side and sat on a bench, looking back at the city skyline. Beyond that were woodlands and lakes and, further beyond, I could see snow-capped mountains. It was the first place other than California that I felt I
could happily live in. I did suggest the idea to Peter on my return home. Sadly, I’ve never made it back there – perhaps it’s time I did.

  March, 1974….Monty Python Live at Drury Lane! Theatre Royal, London

  How exciting! Unfortunately, I missed it! This was the only time I wasn’t free to join the Pythons on stage. When I got the call I was already about to set off on the ill-fated European tour of Kennedy’s Children – the one that was such a disaster! Instead I missed out on the opportunity to perform on stage at one of Europe’s most opulent and prestigious theatres. While I was dodging paper missiles from unruly school children in Amsterdam, Eric’s then wife Lyn Ashley was taking my role of ‘the girlie’ by the side of lumberjack Michael.

  The show was only meant to run for two weeks at London’s Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, but the bookings were so good that it was extended for another two weeks. The star-studded audience included the Stones, Pink Floyd, the Beatles and all of London’s crème-de-la-crème. I was playing to…. well, none of them! Hey…. that’s show-business.

  Summer, 1976…. Pleasure at Her Majesty’s

  In 1976, I appeared with the Pythons in the first of several Amnesty International benefit concerts, A Poke in the Eye with a Sharp Stick, at Her Majesty’s Theatre, London. It was for three nights only and I was privileged to be working alongside other comedy greats like Jonathan Miller, Alan Bennett, Bill Oddie and Peter Cook. Peter was either very drunk or very stoned during the first day’s rehearsal and actually fell straight forward on his face during a sketch! We were all rather worried as to whether he’d make the performance – he did, but only just.

  April, 1976…. Monty Python Live! New York

  Only ten days after the Amnesty International performances, I was on a plane with the boys again…. this time heading for New York. We were there for three weeks doing sell-out performances of Monty Python Live at the City Center. If we thought things couldn’t get any crazier…. we were wrong! We weren’t prepared for the reception that awaited us but the audiences were certainly ready for us. The first night was incredible – as soon as we appeared on stage the whole audience went wild; cheering, whooping, clapping, and whistling! We could hardly get our words out and when we did they all mouthed or shouted them out with us. It was like doing a rock concert and we were being treated like rockstars!

  There was a huge party held for us after the show and everybody who’s anybody in New York was there; Paul Simon, Chevy Chase, John Belushi, Jim Henson, Andy Warhol and Leonard Bernstein. They were all gushing about the show and Clive Barnes, the legendary critic for the New York Times, seemed to be enjoying himself too. I was chatting to him shortly before the review was due to come out and I said:

  “Well, I can’t wait to see your review!”

  He smiled and said:

  “I wouldn’t still be here now if it wasn’t a good one.”

  A few minutes later it arrived and was read out to us – it was excellent! We had conquered New York and for the next three weeks we were the toast of the town.

  The shows got crazier and crazier and the queues of fans outside the stage door got longer and longer. One night we opened the door to find sixty or seventy, mainly female, screaming fans waiting patiently for us. Michael was first out and a girl ran towards him, throwing herself at him, practically swooning in his arms. He just looked around at us, as if to say, “Help me please!” Eventually, they had to bring our limo into a backstage area for us and then the sliding doors would open and we’d zoom out. Undeterred, many of the fans would continue chasing after us up Fifth Avenue! I remember looking out the rear window and thinking to myself that I never imagined anything like this would ever happen to me!

  On stage we always finished the show with the Lumberjack Song and the Pythons now had the occasional celebrity guest join in with us – the first one being lovely George Harrison. I don’t think he was very well at the time, but he was still keen to dress up as a Mountie. He didn’t stay for the curtain call and I don’t think anybody knew he’d even been on stage.

  Our next guest however made sure that everybody knew he was there! Harry Nilsson had asked if he could join in as a lumberjack and it seemed churlish to say “No”…. even thought he was drunk as a skunk! Rather than being incognito he did everything possible to draw attention to himself…. like wearing his dark glasses and staggering about during the song. Come the final curtain call, instead of stepping backwards in order that the curtain could drop in front of us, he lurched forward with outstretched arms and fell right off the stage, landing on top of two audience members! I’m afraid he didn’t get a lot of sympathy from behind the curtain.

  We didn’t stay in a hotel in New York but were all accommodated in different places not far from the City Center. Several of the boys had brought their spouses and families with them. Terry J and Michael were in a town house right next door to Katharine Hepburn and apparently caught glimpses of her – lucky them! I’m not sure why Peter didn’t come with me, but I think it was because he couldn’t take the time off from his teaching. I had a very nice top floor apartment with a balcony that afforded me a spectacular view of the entire Central Park opposite. This has to be my favourite park in the whole world and I spent a lot of time there.

  On one sunny afternoon the whole company along with the stage crew had a baseball match in the park – it was us against the crew. Not surprisingly, the American side won. But we certainly gave them a run for their money – at least, Terry G and I did! What the Python boys didn’t know about me was that I had been captain of the girl’s baseball team in high school. I think they were pretty impressed when I smacked the ball over their heads.

  Of course there were lots of nights out after the shows…. to clubs, parties and restaurants. Graham would usually go off to the gay clubs, but he put a curb on that during our last week as he got a bit of a bashing at one of them and came in bruised the next day. John also did his own thing most of the time, but he too discovered that we were safer in numbers. One night, while strolling alone back to his apartment, he was approached by two hookers. He declined their sweet offer to keep him company and only realised an hour later that he was minus his wallet.

  John unfortunately was not the only one to have money stolen. Neil’s apartment was burgled twice and two of our stage management team, plus me, all had money stolen. Fortunately I didn’t lose much but it did make me a little nervous and I rather wished Peter was with me then. I guess we all needed to be reminded that New York could be a dangerous place and more proof of that was yet to come.

  One afternoon we all did a live phone-in radio show. All the calls were very friendly until Graham went into a bit too much detail about his homosexuality. This wasn’t a good idea as most of the New York ‘Gays’ were still in the cupboard then. The female presenter decided we probably shouldn’t take any more calls, but there was one on the line already…. so we took it. A voice sounding amazingly like Marlon Brando in The Godfather growled:

  “You better watch your step! We don’t like faggots here and the family’s gonna get’cha!”

  I wasn’t sure whether he meant the Manson family or the Mafia one, but either way…. it did frighten me a bit. The boys just laughed of course.

  We were all invited to New York’s latest ‘In’ club, where I had one of the strangest experiences of my life. After a while I had tired of the noise in the upstairs disco and, having lost sight of the others, I decided to have a quiet drink at the bar downstairs. I sat down on a stool and noticed that the person sitting next to me was, rather bizarrely, dressed as a chimpanzee. Thinking this might be a stag party, I looked around to see if there were any more of them! The man sitting on the other side of him said:

  “Come on Kong…. drink up.”

  There was a snort. I laughed and tapped him on the back saying:

  “Hello Kong…. I loved you in the movie.”

  He turned around to me and grunted – it WAS a chimpanzee!! Seeing the look on my face, the owner of thi
s ‘pet’ said:

  “Don’t worry…. he’s cool and he likes pretty ladies.”

  Kong did get a bit touchy-feely and I spent the next half hour chatting and drinking with my latest conquest! If only we’d had mobile phones then – what a ‘selfie’ that would have made!

  A few days later the cast was invited to a huge after-show party for Shirley MacLaine, who’d just opened in a show on Broadway. She eventually came over to our table and I reminded her that we had worked together some years earlier. Not surprisingly, she didn’t remember!

  ‘Food’ sticks out as one of my many memories of that trip – my showgirl costume had to be let out yet again! Our stage manager, Mollie Kirkland, and I went to lunch at a popular diner where the speciality was their famous sandwiches. You name it and they had it, in between two or three or four slices of bread! As we were in New York, I chose pastrami. While we waited for our order we saw two gargantuan sandwiches which were about four inches thick arrive at the table next to us! We looked at each other, both thinking, ‘There’s no way these two ladies are going to get their mouths around that!’ We watched in amazement as they picked up their sandwiches, held them to their lips and slowly opened their mouths like a wrench until they were big enough to accommodate the said sandwiches!

  One evening I went with the boys to a highly recommended steak house, but no-one had told us how classy it was. We arrived to find candelabra on the tables and waiters in black tie and tails. I was dressed up, but the boys were dressed down in their usual ‘Can’t-be-bothered’ attire and received a Basil Fawlty look of distain throughout the evening. Terry Jones perused the wine list and enquired about the price of a fine burgundy.

  “It’s rather expensive!” came the reply.

  This pretentiousness was not going over well! When our steaks had all been placed on the table, Terry G grinned widely and promptly picked his up and plonked it on top of his head! After a moments stunned silence, Terry J smiled and did the same thing. We didn’t bother to stay for dessert – not that we were offered one!