Rowan

by Terra Wolf

  Energy suddenly depleted I sagged against the wall then looked down at myself ruefully.

  My cock was still hard and pulsing like an angry snake. Despite my orgasm, I was still aroused, my fist a poor imitation of the heated clasp of her body.

  After my release within Willa’s body, my heart told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit. I still had feelings for her. I was an idiot to have ever let her go but I wasn’t going to let her get away from me a second time.

  My normal defenses were down once I found satisfaction in her body and I began imagining how things would be like they used to be. Better in fact, if the way we just fucked was any indication.

  Then I looked in her eyes, saw the regret and knew my little fantasies were just that… Fantasies.

  I was hung up on this woman like nobody’s business and all she wanted to do was get away from me.

  Was this my penance for handling her heart so callously in the past?

  Before she even said us being together was a mistake I knew she would. It still felt like a knife to my heart hearing it though.

  I panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

  “Let’s be friend with benefits,” I had said.

  It felt wrong saying it but having a small piece of her was better than having nothing at all.

  I would settle for any piece she chose to share with me.

  For now.

  I told her I would keep my emotions out of it but that was just a promise I could not keep. I needed a plan to win her over. I wanted her to be my mate, to claim her.

  I got out of the shower and towel dried my body. While my mind schemed, I got dressed and headed out. I would grab a bite to eat then head to the library to put in a few hours of studying.

  My school bag was on my back when I closed the front door behind me.

  It was a new day. The sun was out and even after the terrible way the night ended with Willa, I was optimistic.

  She would be mine again.

  I never failed a mission.

  Ten

  Willa

  I was reading the same paragraph for the sixth time and still didn’t remember a single word. I sighed when I had to start for the seventh time.

  My concentration was shot to pieces and it was all his fault.

  Rowan Johnson.

  Being with him had been mind-blowing. I forgot that sex with a shifter was unlike being with anyone else.

  After I left his place, I hadn’t slept a wink, my mind consumed by the remembered sensations of what had transpired.

  Even now, between my legs was deliciously sore, a reminder of what I had done with him. I looked around at the other faces in the library, sure that my salacious thoughts were clearly visible to all. No one was paying any attention to me. The serious faces looked like they were actually getting studying accomplished. Unlike myself.

  Inside I was realizing that agreeing to a friend with benefits arrangement would never work for me. I wasn’t built in a way that allowed me to keep emotions out of a physical relationship, especially not with the man who was my first and only love. I would have to break it off with him.

  Just as soon as I mustered the courage to face him again.

  Jesus what a mess I had gotten myself into.

  I turned my attention back to the biology text book in front of me and tried to focus one more time. I had been at the library for almost an hour and hadn’t retained anything new yet. I needed to shake off this Rowan funk because at this rate I would be failing all my classes soon.

  Liam was off at a playdate at a friend’s house and I thought I would take the moment of alone time to study. Being at the library always put me in the right frame of mind to do so. Not today though.

  My head was down, eyes on a diagram depicting a part of the anatomy when I felt the air in the building change.

  I looked up and my eyes went straight for the entrance. My breath caught in my throat.

  Rowan was here and he was looking straight at me. I felt that heated gaze clear across the room and squirmed where I sat, my body reacting as if on unspoken command.

  The air was charged with sexual heat and it would be clear to anyone who looked our way. I could not tear my eyes away though, especially not when he started toward me. He came up to me and took my hand. He drew a lazy pattern on the back of my hand with his thumb and I felt that caress in my core.

  He knew what he was doing to me too. I could tell by the knowing glint in his eyes. It made me wish I knew how to hide my feelings better. His knowing stare gave him too much power over me.

  With a gentle tug on my fingers, he said, “Come with me.”

  By the look in his eyes, I knew exactly what would happen if I followed him. He could not have been more explicit of what he wanted from me with the conversation we had last night.

  I should tell him off and walk away.

  His friends with benefit offer would never work because despite what I said, I knew my emotions would get involved.

  They already were and I couldn’t afford for them to be.

  But I knew I couldn’t say no to him, I never could. Clearly that hadn’t changed.

  My body was betraying me. My nipples were hard, pointed and probably showing through my dress. My core had turned molten and was leaking my heated desire onto my panties. Damn him and his fuck me eyes.

  My heart wasn’t doing much better, doing all sorts of flips and hops in my chest.

  My brain was valiantly trying to erect my emotional defenses and I promised it that this would be the last time I let myself fall under this man’s spell.

  I would allow myself the pleasure of his body one last time. I would risk my heart one last time, then I would put an end to this relationship and move on.

  Just this one last time…

  Besides I knew he was likely to hate me once he found out the secret I had harbored for all these years. And I knew is it was only a matter of time before he found out.

  I got up and followed him, leaving my text book and bag behind.

  He led me to one of the private study rooms in the back of the library.

  The room was small and could barely hold a handful of people comfortably. The inside was outfitted with a table and three chairs. The walls were distraction-free and painted a plain beige color. It was the perfect place to focus on your studies, or for me to see Rowan’s naked body again.

  I heard the door close and the lock click. I turned back to find Rowan leaning against the wood and watching me with heavily hooded eyes.

  I swallowed hard and moved to undo the buttons of my dress. We were here to have sex. I was going to get to it as quick as possible so that I could go lick my wounds in private later.

  I had only undone one button before Rowan pushed away from the door and came to me. His movement was cool and confident. Predatory.

  Sexy.

  When he was within kissing distance, he stilled my hands with his and said, “Let me do that.”

  I expected this romp between us to be quick and to the point just like last night.

  Instead Rowan took his time, unbuttoning my dress like he was unwrapping his favorite treat.

  When all the buttons were free, he pushed the straps off my shoulders. His fingers caressed my skin in the process and made me shiver with yearning.

  He was careful with my clothes, putting the dress carefully on the back of a chair even though he never took his eyes off me.

  He moved to my hair next.

  I had put it up into a high ponytail that morning. He gently pulled the holder away and my hair fell heavily around my shoulders. The strands teased my skin and goose bumps rose along my shoulders and upper arms.

  He made a sound in the back of his throat then announced, “You’re so fucking beautiful I can’t stand it. You have no idea what you do to me.”

  This was so unfair. He was acting like he cared. Like he felt something other than desire for me. This was giving my poor heart hope when there w
as none. I had to stop that mess in its track before it got out hand.

  I pulled my eyes away from his.

  “Hurry,” I told him. “Someone could knock at any second. You know they might want to actually study in here.”

  He put his finger on my lip. Even that simple caress seemed so sensual when he did it.

  With a gentle touch, he made he look back at him and whispered, “Shhh, don’t worry so much. Just enjoy the moment. I’ll take care of you.”

  He finished undressing me with the same unhurried precision, as if we had all the time in the world. This was so different from the rushed race to the finish of last night.

  Then he undressed before my eager gaze and I got my first clear view of his body in almost five years.

  He was ripped with muscle. Strength was in every line of his body. I could see the evidence of his service to his country though. There were scars on his arms and chest. They were faint yet some looked deep. Also, there was a new tattoo on his pec bearing the symbol for medicine. I was drawn to those marks and my fingers touched him without my conscious permission. I traced them, trying to sooth away any lingering hurt.

  He took my fingers away and kissed each one.

  He then took my lips briefly before nuzzling where my neck met my shoulder. His tongue tasted my skin and he groaned low as if sampling a rare, delicious delicacy.

  “Mmm, so fucking sweet.”

  I shivered, hearing that sound and his following words. My eyes closed and air rushed out of my parted lips when his teeth closed on that same spot, reminding me of a wild animal claiming its mate.

  He licked the mark before moving lower and capturing my nipple between his lips.

  He loved my chest with his mouth, his hand moved over me in the process and brought me to a fevered pitch quickly. He moved lower still and knelt at my feet. He positioned one of my thighs over his shoulder and I watched with wide eyes as his face moved closer to my mound.

  He opened my soaked lips with his thumbs, exposing me to his gaze. He licked me there and I had to bite my lips to contain the sounds that threatened to emerge from me. He serviced me with teasing soft touches that made my hips jerk closer to his talented tongue.

  It felt so good but I was greedy. My fingers fisted his hair and I pulled him closer to me yet. I rested my upper body against the wall and tilted my lower half more toward him.

  “More,” I whispered and he gave me just what I wanted. What I needed.

  He opened his mouth on me and kissed my pussy like he did my mouth. My juices poured from me and he lapped it up. He probed my entrance with his tongue and sucked on my lower lips.

  Then he added his fingers into the array and I had to make more drastic measures to contain my cries. I bit the inside of my wrist when he found the secret place inside me that took me straight to the edge once he touched it.

  “Come for me,” he said and I did.

  He licked me to completion twice then stood. He kissed me and I moaned into his mouth, aftershocks still rocking my frame.

  Cupping my behind, he lifted me easily and pressed my back against the wall. My thighs immediately hugged his hips and my ankles crossed low on his back.

  We were kissing. I was surrounded by him. His scent clouded my mind. The taste of his mouth on mine was an aphrodisiac. The feel of his body blocked out everything else. My fingers were in his hair, tangling in the strands and keeping his head close to me. I felt his cock press against me and then with a thrust he was inside me. Filling me.

  Our lips remained locked the entire time and I was glad because the moment he rocked into me, I screamed from the mixture of pleasure and pain.

  His mouth captured the sound.

  He stopped, allowing me time to adjust to the hard intrusion. He whispered sweet nothings to me, telling me how beautiful I was and how good I felt.

  “Fuck me harder,” I pleaded.

  He started with small jabs of his hips that grew harder quickly to meet our carnal needs. He thrust a few more time before he easily moved and placed me on the only horizontal surface in the room – the table.

  Rowan was looking at me with blatant hunger. When he looked at me like this, I almost believed we could have more than just a shallow physical connection. I had to forcibly remind myself that I was only giving him my body for this last time and no more.

  Then he began to move.

  Again, the rightness of us like this had me reeling. When I was joined with him like this, I felt whole. Complete.

  The smack, smack of his body meeting mine echoed around us and the scent of sex filled the small space. Our bodies came together like they were made for doing this. The motions were raw and basic and perfect.

  The pleasure came over me like a great wave and swept me under. The intensity battered me from every angle. Three orgasms? This was a new record.

  We clung to each other in the aftermath. We were wet with sweat and our chests were heaving. I wished the moment would never end but then a noise outside reminded me where I was. Shit.

  Out time together was up.

  I pushed at Rowan’s shoulders and he moved away, sending me a puzzled look. I got out of his hold, avoiding that look. I gathered my clothing, hurriedly pulling them back on.

  He touched my arm and tried to make me face him. I shook off his hold and I tried to put my hair back up

  “Hey, what's the matter?” he asked.

  “Grab your clothes. I’m leaving and I don’t think you want the whole library seeing you naked,” I told him.

  “I wish I could say I wasn’t used to it, but I’m tired of ruining clothes, so I strip a lot these days. But hey, let’s talk about this, Willa. What’s bothering you?”

  I cut him a cruel look. “That sounds awfully emotional, Rowan. No emotions. Just fucking, remember?”

  His face shut down, becoming void of all emotion and I instantly felt terrible for my words, but it was better this way.

  “I remember,” he said finally and reached for his clothes.

  A minute later, we walked out of the room, the air between us as cold as if we were strangers.

  I didn’t look back as I grabbed my belongings from my study table and left without another word.

  Eleven

  Rowan

  The phone rang until it went to voice mail.

  The recording played in my ear.

  You have reached the phone of Willa Hudson. I am unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Beep…

  I hung up without leaving a message. What was the use when the others I left had gone unanswered?

  Willa was ignoring me.

  It had been two days since the hot session in the library. Two days since she left me in the building watching her walk away and not knowing what to do to stop it.

  Two days since I felt like a part of me was missing.

  Two days of trying to find a way to stop caring so much.

  My bear was pissed. He was constantly pawing at me, wanting to be let him be free. He was hurting, so was I.

  It was so much easier to be a playboy and keep my heart unattached, that was for damn sure. Being the guy I was before would make this situation so much easier to handle.

  I had never cared for woman like this until Willa. Even after we broke up, I had never connected with another woman like that and I was beginning to think that I would never again. My mind was settling into the fact that Willa was it for me.

  She obviously didn’t feel the same way about me though.

  She couldn’t wait to get away from me every time we made love and damn, if her running out on me didn’t make me feel cheap and used.

  The guys on my old military squad would have laughed their asses off if they heard that particular thought.

  I should stop beating myself about this and let it go.

  For a little while I had even convinced myself that I this was just a momentary bout of craziness I was feeling. It would go away soon. Maybe this
distance was a good thing for me.

  All that self-talk didn’t change the fact that I missed Willa. Not just her body and the things it did to mine, but her smile, hearing her talk, her scent. Everything. I missed everything about her.

  No matter how much I wished it, these feelings were not going to just disappear. I was forced to stop bull-shitting myself and man up and admit I was all kinds of messed up over Willa.

  If I knew where she lived, I would have gone and knocked her door down. I would have talked her ear off and forced her to listen to what I had to say.

  It was probably a good thing I didn’t know her address then because I would have just looked like a damn fool.

  I put the cellphone away before I dialed her number again and pulled out a text book instead. I would try to get some studying done before I headed to bed. It was Monday evening. Willa and I had Biology labs in the morning. I would confront her then and lay my feelings on the line.

  ***

  Saying my piece was a lot easier said than done when I was confronted with a cold and aloof Willa the next day.

  I sat next to her in what had already become our usual spot.

  “Good morning,” I greeted and was answered with an uncommitted nod.

  She didn’t look at me directly. I may as well have not existed in the moment for all the attention she paid to me.

  Ouch.

  The professor came in before any more could be said and the lecture began.

  My attention was mostly on the woman next to me for the next two hours but her eyes remained trained on the lecturer. She only moved them to take notes.

  When the professor announced the end of class, she immediately started to pack up her stuff.

  I stopped her as she stood to leave. She looked at where my hand was on her upper arm like the touched offended her and I removed my hand, that look hitting me in the gut.

  I waited until the last student had filed out before speaking. “We need to talk.”

  She lifted emotionless eyes to meet mine. “I cannot imagine what we have to talk about Rowan.”

  Even her tone was void of feeling. Fuck.

  My bear growled. Why was she acting this way?