Ambrosia

by Rosanne Kohake

  “He was such a serious child, quiet and totally docile thanks to Henry’s love and discipline. He seemed unaware of my resentment of him. When I forbade him to keep the dog in the house, it never occurred to me that he might disobey. But that is exactly what he did. A few weeks later, when Bessie discovered the dog in his room, she let out a scream that was heard for miles.”

  She met Ambrosia’s eyes. “I wanted the creature destroyed immediately. And Henry almost let me have my way. I screamed that the boy had deliberately defied me, that the dog would never recover anyway, that he ought to be put out of his misery. He was a perfectly hideous little thing, hobbling about on three legs, dragging the other leg uselessly behind. I hated the sight of him. And do you know what Drayton said to me?’’

  Ambrosia shook her head, then watched Lily’s eyes misting, heard her voice filling with tears. “He said that I was jealous. Jealous because the dog wanted to live, and I had given up.” She gave a little laugh. “Can you imagine? Jealous of an ugly, crippled little dog! Only a child would dare to be so honest!’’ She tried hard to smile, but the tears would not be held back. She shook her head and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I was so angry at hearing the truth that I slapped him as hard as I could.” Her eyes filled with regret, as did her voice. “I have never really forgiven myself for doing that, though I know Drayton forgave me. He even came and apologized for what he had said. But he had been right, and I knew it. And Henry knew it too.”

  Her eyes slipped affectionately to the portrait again. ‘’It had almost been a year since I’d been able to use my leg and arm, and it seemed that I was losing more control of my body with each day I spent in bed. A dozen different doctors had told us that the damage was irrevocable. But Henry refused to accept that. He began to work with me, every day, rubbing at my useless muscles until my skin was red and raw, putting me in hot mineral baths and moving my legs and arms and fingers until I could no longer bear the pain. There were times when I cried and screamed and actually begged him to stop. But he never did. He wouldn’t allow me to give up.”

  She let out a sigh and her lips curved into a small smile of triumph. “He gave me back my life, Ambrosia. Or rather, he gave me a new life, in many ways better than the last. I could never run or dance or ride, but I did learn to walk again. I still feel a pride in every single step I take. I learned something from my illness that I’d never known before. I learned what was important in my life. And I learned just how much Henry loved me. He came to be everything to me.” There was a long space of silence as Lily’s eyes fixed to the portrait, her face reflecting the love she had just spoken of, as well as the pain of remembering. At length she rose to her feet and rounded the desk clumsily until she stood before Ambrosia.

  “Why have you told me all this?” Ambrosia questioned quietly.

  “Because you needed to hear it,” Lily answered simply. “You needed to know that we all do things we are sorry for, that we all have need of forgiveness.”

  Ambrosia avoided her eyes. “Drayton could never forgive me.”

  “Not unless you forgive yourself, Ambrosia.”

  Her green-gray eyes lifted, searching Lily’s face. “You must accept the fact that you made a mistake. You’re a human being, Ambrosia, and all human beings make mistakes. We learn from them, if we’re brave enough to face our own imperfections and strong enough to try to change.”

  With a small cry Ambrosia embraced Lily, her eyes filling with tears. “Oh, Lily, I don’t even know where to begin.”

  ‘’You begin,” Lily told her firmly, “by breaking with the past. You begin by getting rid of your widow’s weeds and becoming the beautiful woman you are meant to be. You begin,” she added with a smile, “by coming to town with me.’’

  Chapter 42

  The following morning, Ambrosia wore her new green gown and accompanied Lily into the city for a day she would never forget. Her eyes grew ever wider as Lily led her into one after another of the chic dress shops just off Broadway in New York’s most fashionable shopping district, where she quickly exchanged her plain woolen cloak and black bonnet for a fur-trimmed green cape and a frothy little hat that was hardly more than lace and bows. Lily ignored Ambrosia’s protests as she purchased over two dozen gowns for the younger woman, along with wraps, capes, hats, and slippers to match each dress. It was all “a late wedding gift,” Lily insisted, turning a deaf ear to any objections as she limped from one shop to the next. Long after Ambrosia had lost count of the number of items Debbs had patiently loaded into the brougham, Lily led her toward a huge white marble structure on the east side of Broadway, a place which seemed all the more imposing after the whirlwind of quaint little specialty shops they’d just visited. The building bore no sign to identify it, but Lily only laughed when she asked what it was. “Everyone’s heard of Stewart’s!” she returned with a grin, relenting a moment later when she saw no recognition on Ambrosia’s face. Stewart’s Dry Goods Palace had been such a sensation from its opening two decades earlier that Lily assumed everyone would recognize it on sight.

  Once inside the building, Ambrosia was caught up in the crowded confusion and amazed at the amount of merchandise displayed under a single roof. The rooms of the store were quite large and elegant, unlike anything she’d ever seen before. Corinthian columns, fancy archways, and decorative chandeliers were everywhere.

  She had hardly become accustomed to the place before Lily was dragging her on to Lord and Taylor’s at Broadway and Grand. It was another huge, white marble building that resembled an Italian palace even more than Stewart’s. From there it was on to Delmonico’s for luncheon, stops at a few more specialty shops, and then Lily insisted on making one final stop, though Ambrosia knew she must be feeling the effects of a hectic day.

  The five-story building housed Tiffany & Company, the largest jeweler in the country. As Debbs slowed the brougham to a halt at the door, Ambrosia’s eyes fixed curiously on an amazing statue of Atlas, his huge, muscular arms supporting a clock that stood above the main entrance. She could hardly restrain a gasp of awe as Lily pulled her firmly across the threshold into a single room one hundred feet long with countless arched mirrors, six gas lit chandeliers, and a seemingly endless row of jewelry display cases, all trimmed in polished silver. Lily was still grinning at Ambrosia’s wide-eyed stare when a well-dressed gentleman, who had been studying a display of women’s jewelry, caught sight of them and immediately came forward.

  “Lily Collinsworth!” Matt Desmond exclaimed. ‘’Why, you look like a breath of spring, Lily,’’ he added, taking hold of her shaking hand. ‘’Lovelier than the last time I saw you, if that’s possible.”

  “And you’re every bit the charmer I remember, Mr. Desmond.’’

  “I try to be,” he returned with a smile. His eyes were already straying from Lily’s to the smaller, quite lovely creature beside her. His gaze met a fetching pair of eyes that, because of the green hat and clothing, appeared a deep vivid green. “I thought I’d been introduced to every beauty in town, but I can see that I was mistaken.’’ Ambrosia’s cheeks colored slightly, prettily, at the compliment, and Matt could hardly tear his eyes away.

  “My apologies,” Lily said promptly. “Ambrosia, this gallant gentleman is none other than Matt Desmond. Drayton and Matt practically grew up together at Elmwood. Matt, this is Ambrosia, Drayton’s wife.”

  Matt’s smile faltered a bit at the introduction as he struggled to hide his shock. Nothing he’d heard about Drayton’s wife-and he’d heard quite a bit of gossip in the past months-had prepared him for this. He eagerly took possession of Ambrosia’s small, gloved hand and raised it to his lips. “An honor, Mrs. Rambert.”

  “For me as well, Mr. Desmond,” she returned politely.

  He smiled at her a moment longer before he remembered himself and released her hand. His mind was working overtime, as the possibilities struck him. Why, Drayton was a fool to aband
on such a lovely little thing to the country when she could be such an asset to him here! If Matt had only known about this earlier...”I feel quite fortunate to have met you two ladies here today, since I was just about to choose Leanne’s anniversary gift. Now the two of you can offer expert opinions,” he told them, leading them back to where he had stood a few moments before. Two black-velvet-lined cases lay open on the counter for his consideration there, one a stunning display of emeralds mounted in gold, the other necklace of brilliant diamonds set in white gold. “I think Leanne would prefer the diamonds,” Lily said immediately.

  Matt frowned thoughtfully, lifting the diamond necklace into his hands. “What do you think, Mrs. Rambert?’’

  “They’re both exquisite, Mr. Desmond. And not knowing Mrs. Desmond, I-”

  “That’s right,” he said suddenly, turning his attention away from the jewelry again and missing the scowl of impatience that crossed the salesperson’s brow. “You never have met Leanne, have you?’’ His eyes lingered on Ambrosia’s face, searching for any sign of the lingering ill health Drayton had claimed these past months. But there was only youth and health in her smooth complexion, and Matt had never really believed that story anyway. But he had believed the other stories, that she was loud, coarse, and vulgar, a troublemaker completely lacking in social grace. Obviously he had been very wrong to believe such tales, unless Lily had worked some kind of miracle on the girl. Regardless, the woman before him now was a beauty who could charm anyone...including, Matt was sure, Ken Galbraith.

  “I insist that you both attend the anniversary party, then,” he told them. “Leanne’s parents are giving it next Friday, and I know they will be thrilled if you’d come. Lily, you know Leanne’s mother. Why, she talks of you all the time. “

  “Does she...?” Lily lifted an eyebrow doubtfully. “You know I don’t attend parties in town anymore, Matt,” she told him, sensing that Ambrosia was totally against the idea.

  “Why don’t you?” he demanded. “You know everyone misses you. Why, you were the most celebrated-”

  “All that was a long time ago,” she interrupted. “I’m an old woman now, and I’ve grown accustomed to retiring at a sensible hour.”

  ‘’But you could make an exception, just this once. And you wouldn’t have to make it an all-night affair. Think how wonderful it would be to introduce Drayton’s wife to all of your old friends. Everyone is dying to meet her.” Matt caught Lily’s eyes as he said that, and he saw her wavering with uncertainty. So she was aware of the gossip, he thought, and she was beginning to consider coming just to see it silenced.

  Ambrosia also caught Lily’s uncertainty and quickly came to her own defense. “I’m afraid it will be impossible for me to attend, Mr. Desmond,” she began.

  “Surely you don’t retire at such a sensible hour, Mrs. Rambert,’’ he quipped with a grin, attempting to lightly dismiss her refusal.

  “No, but-”

  “Then I insist that the two of you come. I simply won’t take no for an answer. This is a very special occasion, you know. Our tenth anniversary.” He turned to the clerk as if he considered the subject closed. ‘’I’ll take the diamonds. And I’ll want the piece engraved, just as we discussed.’’ The salesman gave a short nod, and then Matt was checking his pocketwatch. “My word! Is it three o’clock already?”

  “Mr. Desmond, I cannot possibly attend the party. I’m sorry, but-” She searched about in vain for a more plausible excuse, but found none except the most obvious one. “I-I’ve made other plans.”

  Matt met her green eyes evenly for a long moment. He was absolutely certain she had no other plans, though it was difficult to read that face of hers. ‘’You husband will be there, Mrs. Rambert,” he said finally, a single brow lifted in challenge. “I would think you ought to cancel any other plans to take your place by his side.’’ Ambrosia had no immediate response to that, so Matt quickly took advantage of her hesitation. ‘’A week from this Friday, I shall expect to see you both,” he said simply. He smiled at them and gave each woman a slight bow before he turned and left the store.

  Ambrosia met Lily’s eyes with a troubled, pleading look but was silent as the two left Tiffany’s a few moments later. Lily let out a sigh of weariness the moment they had been settled comfortably in the brougham. She tugged at the strings of her ruffly pink bonnet and let it fall into her lap. “It’s been years since I’ve gone shopping like this,’’ she said sleepily. ‘’Oh, I’ve been to town to buy things, of course, but not like this.”

  Ambrosia said nothing, still too upset by what had happened at Tiffany’s to think of anything else. She had no intention of attending that party. Particularly since Matt had made it so very clear that Drayton would be there. Carolyn would probably be there too, she thought, and that was why there had been that smug, challenging look in Matt’s eyes. She slowly peeled off her gloves, avoiding Lily’s eyes.

  Lily sighed again as she studied Ambrosia’s face. She was nothing less than a vision in her fur-trimmed cape and a bonnet of lace and netting and bows. Her dark, dramatic features seemed to glow with an intriguing mixture of innocence and sensuality. Matt had noticed it, and he had not been the first. Since their arrival in the city this morning, gentlemen had rushed to open doors for her, smiling and tipping their hats, every bit as anxious as Matt had been to make her acquaintance. Such attention ought to have made the trip a total success. But it did not seem to matter at all to Ambrosia that dozens of men’s eyes followed her movements, or that her smile caused hearts to flutter, or that several of the women in the shops they had visited gazed at her with envy. She seemed unaware of the attention that was paid her whenever she entered the room. She was so cool, so indifferent to any man who showed an interest in her. Yet something about that unaffected disinterest seemed to heighten a man’s infatuation. If only she were aware of the power she held, Lily thought. If only she believed in her own femininity enough to use it in winning back the man she loved.

  “I can’t attend that party, Lily,” she said finally, still not daring to meet Lily’s eyes. “Drayton would be furious with me if I did.”

  Lily thought for a moment. Ambrosia was probably right. Drayton would be terribly angry...at first. But he would get over that anger once he saw her, once he realized just how much she had changed. And there was the matter of Mrs. Craig. Lily didn’t know the woman, didn’t know anything about her relationship with Drayton. But she was almost certain that he did not love her. Not in the way he loved Ambrosia. Lily had seen the depth of Drayton’s feelings for his wife too many times for her to believe that he had simply found someone to take her place. And Lily was also very sure that he would never openly court a mistress, for Mandy’s sake, if for no other reason. No, Lily reasoned, it was all malicious gossip, perhaps inspired by Mrs. Craig herself. And the best thing would probably be to face that gossip squarely. “I think you ought to go, Ambrosia.”

  “No.” Her voice was very soft, but very firm. “I can’t possibly.”

  “You can hardly refuse to go now.”

  “Of course I can.” She met Lily’s eyes finally. “I’ll simply come down with something contagious the day before.”

  “That’s the coward’s way out. And besides, everyone would guess the truth.”

  “Yes,” Ambrosia admitted in an even softer voice, “everyone would know the truth.”

  Lily sighed in exasperation. “I feel very strongly that you should attend this party, Ambrosia. I think that you should write Drayton a note and explain-’’

  “No.”

  ‘’Then I shall write him myself and-’’

  Ambrosia’s gaze was direct and unyielding. “I’ll never forgive you if you do.”

  “But don’t you see? He’s building a life without you. You must somehow stop him from doing that. He will consider you an unwelcome intrusion at first, I know. But that’s only because he is afraid of his feelings for
you.” She sighed, knowing that Ambrosia was unsure of Drayton’s feelings for her, that she doubted he felt anything for her beyond anger. “You are going to have to confront his pride sooner or later, Ambrosia.”

  Ambrosia bit her lip but still said nothing. She fixed her eyes on the long row of shanties that had sprung up along the northern edge of Central Park. If only she hadn’t come to town with Lily today. If only they hadn’t run into Mr. Desmond. But no matter, she had no intention of attending that party, no matter what Lily said. She would excuse herself when the time came and not think about what everyone would say. She didn’t know them anyway. They were all Drayton’s friends, just as the Yankees in Charleston had been Drayton’s friends...She closed her eyes and pushed aside the memories, and the guilt.

  Her expression was one of forced brightness as she faced Lily again, only to find that the older woman was frowning, something she very seldom did. Ambrosia stretched forward and laid a hand on Lily’s arm, and immediately the frown disappeared. “Thank you for today,” Ambrosia told her earnestly. “I know that you took me shopping to cheer me up.”

  “I did nothing of the sort!” Lily protested. “I was hardly a recluse before your arrival, Ambrosia. If you must know, I insisted on this shopping trip to cheer me up. It does my old heart good to see the gentlemen eyeing you, since I can take credit for part of the sensation you cause.”

  Ambrosia blushed. “I think a good many of the gentlemen are eyeing you, Lily.’’