I didn't want to get up, though I knew the few hours I'd stolen were going to have to do. It wasn't so much the thought of working now that made me reluctant to rise—it was knowing I'd probably be up all night and then have to make it through school without a break.
I swallowed hard and reached into my pocket, where the hard lump of my phone pressed uncomfortably against my leg. I tugged it free, checking to make sure I hadn't missed any calls or messages. A quick text from Jack had come in a couple minutes ago—that must have been what stirred me out of my deep sleep.
Jus a frndly rmndr—duty calls. G'night.
I shook my head at his too-positive Australian vernacular while double-checking I hadn't missed anything from Kate. Seeing nothing, a part of me relaxed that I hadn't even realized was tensed. But it was always that way, until I knew she was safe.
There was a single knock on the door, and Toni pushed his way inside. His hair was a disaster.
“Hey, man, how'd you sleep?”
“Pretty good. What are you doing up? It's not your shift.”
Toni yawned hugely then shrugged. “Jason's got some dumb group project at a stupid library. He can't miss it. So I'll tag along with you.”
I grunted and pushed myself into a sitting position, the heels of my hands rubbing fiercely against my closed eyes. “Great. So we're looking for something neither of us has ever seen. This ought to be fun.”
Toni didn't answer with some quirky line, which mildly surprised me. I guess he was too tired to crack jokes. I should try to wear him out more often.
“Well,” I continued, dropping my hands and regarding him thoughtfully. “Guess we can do this without a Seer. A delusional Guardian should stand out in a deserted industrial area.”
“If he's still hanging around there. Jack's beginning to think he might have completely left the area.”
“Only one way to find out.” I heaved myself off the bed and started to get ready for a night out on the town—that included a lot of hidden knives.
Toni left to get himself ready, but he was faster and returned to stand in the doorway, watching me fasten on the last of my holsters—one on my right leg, one on my left forearm.
“Sooo,” Toni said, breaking the quiet. “Things got so crazy I forgot to ask how meeting the fam went. So—how'd meeting the fam go?”
I shook my head at him, foot balanced on the edge of my bed as I cinched the strap tighter to hold the knife exactly in place. “Better than expected. Thanks for asking.”
“Sure, no problem-o. I am your buddy after all, right?”
“Right.” I jerked the pant leg down, so it would cover the weapon, then pushed up my left sleeve, baring my arm.
“So things with you and Kate,” Toni continued slackly. “They good?”
I glanced up at him, then focused on securing the last blade to my arm. “Yeah. Things are great.”
“Good. I'm happy to hear that.”
There was a brief pause, but it spoke volumes.
My eyebrows drew gingerly together. “Toni, is something on your mind?”
He snorted and leaned back against the doorframe. “Nah, not at all. I mean, it's perfectly natural for me to talk about your girlfriend, right? Even if she is our Seer. Yeah, it's a little weird, but that's life.”
My head cocked slightly. “Are you trying to tell me you don't approve? I thought you encouraged this relationship.” I straightened and tugged my sleeve down to my wrist, turning to regard him fully.
He looked decidedly awkward. “Look, man, I'm totally happy for you. And Kate. And I know it's not my place and all that, but… something's been bugging me.”
I waited, but he didn't elaborate immediately. “And?” I finally prompted.
He pushed away from the doorframe and took a step toward me, and in the dim light his eyes were hard to read. “I just want to know if you've told her yet,” he said, his voice meeker than before. “That's all. About what happens when her time runs out.”
I hated that he said the words out loud. It made them seem more real. I flinched but hoped he wouldn't be able to see it in the semi-darkness. “No, I haven't. The time hasn't been right.”
When would the time be right to tell her that she wouldn't get the choice when she died? She'd be sent to heaven, end of story. A good thing for her and her family. A tragedy for me. It wasn't exactly a light subject.
Toni was speaking again. “Don't you think she should enter this relationship fully informed? I mean, hate me for saying it, but there's a reason Seers and Guardians don't do this very often—if at all.” He held up his hands defensively. “I'm not saying you two shouldn't be together—I'm freaking glad you've finally found someone to be happy with. I'm just worried about what it's going to do to you both when she finds out it can't be a forever kind of deal. And maybe that's not what she's after in the end—but you… I know you, Patrick.”
“I know,” I broke in. “I know, Toni. You don't have to lecture me.”
“Yeah, I think I do,” he argued easily. “This isn't like you. You're supposed to be the responsible one. You need to tell her. I kind of assumed you already had.” He shivered. “Look, I don't want to be the adult here. It's giving me the heebie-jeebies. So I'll make this fast. I'm happy for you. She makes you happy. And I don't want to see this end badly. But it will end eventually, one way or another. She's going to learn the truth at some point, so I just think it should come from you—before you completely enchant her with your Irish charm and make her unable to live without you and all that romantic junk. Not just because you're her friend, or her Guardian, but because I think you're genuinely in love with her. Capiche?”
I knew he was right. That didn't make the words any easier to hear. What if I told her the truth, and she got scared and decided to end things? Maybe I was insecure and shallow, or maybe I was just a man who'd lived so long he'd steadily lost everything he'd ever loved. Perhaps I was selfish. I preferred the term fatalistic.
I sighed and nodded—hoping that if I looked really sincere he wouldn't bring this up again. “Thanks, Toni. I appreciate you looking out for me—and for Kate. But I'm handling things the best way I know how. I'll tell her, I promise. But right now we need to focus on finding this Guardian. You with me?”
He still looked a bit uneasy. But he forced that away. “Of course I'm with you.” He clapped his hands together, wrecking the previous mood. “Let's go find us a loony!” At my dark look, he added meekly, “And I say that with the deepest sensitivity.”
I rolled my eyes, slipped my phone back into my pocket, and led the way out the door. It was time to focus on the job. My personal problems could wait.
We walked down the stairs together, neither of us saying a word. I knew he was still thinking about our conversation, but I didn't want to dwell on that. Instead I thought about this Guardian and what it would mean if we didn't find him—again. Obviously he was in some kind of trouble, though it must all be in his head. But that wouldn't make it any less real for him, and so I was determined to find him, help him.
Terence didn't want us going after him, but that was only because he was worried about the effects of us seeing a Guardian driven insane by the lifestyle we led. It wasn't exactly a morale booster, so I understood his fear. But it was beyond my capabilities to ignore someone who needed help. There was a time I might have been more wary, but I'd never felt as at peace with my life as I did right now. Kate made peace possible; I knew seeing a crazy Guardian wasn't going to drive me insane. Terence had nothing to fear from me. And since Toni had never once regretted his decision to become a Guardian, I felt pretty confident Terence wouldn't be upset with us if he found out we'd disobeyed him.
We crossed the large factory floor, headed for the side exit. I pushed it open, and Toni followed close behind me as we entered the darkened alley. We turned and started walking together toward the car, but after a couple of steps, I froze—There was someone standing in the open shed, next to the car.
I heard Toni s
igh loudly behind me. “Oops,” he muttered. “My bad.”
“What?” I glanced at him, but then the figure in our shed flipped on a flashlight, pointing it toward the ground to avoid blinding us.
“Hi,” she called, sounding much too happy.
“Kate?” I asked, taking a single dubious step forward. “What are you doing here?”
I began walking in earnest now, and Toni came beside me as my steps suddenly quickened. The two of us crossed the short distance rapidly, but not quickly enough. My stupid heart was beating an uneven rhythm, and I wished it would stop. I shouldn't be happy to see her, because she shouldn't be here. Why was she here?
When we got close enough that I could see her face, I was surprised by the sour look she was directing at my partner. Not that I should have been surprised, of course.
“Toni—” she began, her eyes narrowing.
“I forgot,” he cut in with a warning tone. “Can't a guy make a mistake anymore? Sheesh.” He turned to face me, waving a hand in her direction. “I invited her. Sorry I forgot to mention this before.” He stopped in front of her, offering a mock bow. “Are we happy now?”
“No, we're not,” I said, frowning deeply at her dimly lit face. “Kate, I thought I made it clear that your assistance would be unnecessary.”
“Unnecessary?” Her eyebrows rose dramatically. “You need a Seer. At least, that's what Toni told me.”
“Quite true,” Toni nodded. “So let's all get into the car and start—”
“What about your family?” I demanded, still focused solely on her.
“I told my grandma I'd be staying at Lee's.”
“Did your grandfather believe that?”
“I don't know—I avoided him.”
I shook my head at her. “Kate, you're not trained for this.”
“Patrick, we're dealing with a Guardian who thinks he's dying. It's not exactly the kind of mission anyone's completely prepared for.”
Toni grinned at me. “She's got a point. Can I drive?”
“No.”
Toni frowned, though I wasn't directing my words at him. I tried to relax my tone in an effort to sound more reasonable. “Kate, there's no reason for you to come.”
“It's not going to be dangerous. We're looking for a Guardian—one that you guys won't be able to pick out without me. I think I'll be just fine. Besides, don't you think I want to know what's going on too?”
“Are we going to do this tonight?” Toni complained.
I stared at Kate, wanting so badly to come up with a reasonable excuse to make her stay behind. I know it was stupid. She was right—we could use her help. But she was wrong in assuming it wouldn't be dangerous. There was really no way to know what a crazy immortal would do—how he'd react to being approached. Still, there would be no dissuading her. So I sighed and gave in.
“All right. You can come. But please, please follow my lead.”
She smiled, and my stomach twisted at the sight. “Yes, sir.” She mock saluted.
I sighed again, and Toni asked if he could drive—again.
It was going to be a long night.
Patrick O'Donnell
New Mexico, United States
I drove, and Kate sat in the passenger seat—looking much too satisfied with herself. I held in a groan. She was learning too quickly that she could get me to do anything, and since I was her Guardian, that wasn't the best position for me to be in.
To an outside observer, my overprotectiveness might seem extreme. Except keeping the woman I loved safe wasn't the only reason I was reluctant for her to come along on this particular mission. I suppose, in the end, it was a way to protect myself. I know it's absurd—she had no way of knowing I'd once lived in such despair. She had no way of knowing I'd once believed I would be driven insane. But just because she didn't know it didn't mean I wanted her to see what I might have become. What I would probably become once she was gone. She didn't need that image haunting her.
As for me, I didn't really want to see my fate. But some sort of sick fascination had me unable to stay away. That, almost more than the desire to help the poor Guardian, had me burning to find him. I needed to see what was in store for me, when a life without Kate became too much to bear.
Toni sat in the backseat, looking at satellite images of our destination. The areas we'd already searched were clearly marked, making it easy to see we were running out of places to look. Maybe the Guardian had moved on. There was no way of knowing.
Once we were on the highway, I glanced over at Kate, her profile clearly defined from the dim dashboard lights. She was staring out the windshield, looking lost in thought. I saw the backpack resting between her legs and asked about it.
She smiled at me, her eyes bright. “I came prepared,” she said simply. She patted her left leg. “I've even brought that knife you gave me.”
My lips twitched into a smile, and I forgot I was still slightly exasperated with her. “Now I just need to teach you how to use it.”
“I've seen a lot of movies,” she assured me.
Toni chuckled from the backseat. “Honestly, Kate, I can't even picture it—you jumping all around a room, waving a knife, and executing some flips. It's so not you.”
She twisted around the edge of her seat to look at him. “Are you making fun of me?”
“Yeah. But I make fun of everyone.”
“You're saying I couldn't learn how to defend myself?”
“Of course not,” he mocked soothingly. “I'm sure you'll save my life someday and everything.” He paused, and I could picture the thoughtful expression crossing his face. “But then, probably not, because I can't die.”
She rolled her eyes as she turned back around, and I tried to keep a straight face. It was true—the thought of Kate holding a knife threateningly just didn't seem possible.
“What are you smiling at?” she asked suddenly.
I pushed my smile down and concentrated firmly on the road. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
There was a fleeting moment of silence before Toni spoke—his voice serious. Well, as serious as Toni could ever get. “Maybe we should start back where Jack first saw him. We'll recheck those old offices, and maybe we'll get lucky and find something they missed in the initial sweep.”
I nodded, agreeing with his plan.
Kate waited, hesitating before finally asking the question that was obviously lying heavily on her mind. “So when Guardians get really old… they can go insane?”
Toni answered before I could. “Nah. I mean, it's not like we're all destined to go crazy or anything. But sometimes living forever isn't so great. There's not a lot to look forward to when you're a Guardian—just more of the same. Some people, like me, are totally fine with that. Others… sometimes they regret the choice that brought them here.”
“You mean, some Guardians wish they'd chosen heaven instead?”
Though I wasn't looking at her, I knew she was fighting to keep from glancing at me. She was wondering which type I was.
“Yep,” Toni continued. “Sometimes that regret turns into some sort of delusion that there's nothing else to live for, and so the depression drives them a little mad. Sometimes they recover. Sometimes they don't. Usually someone like Terence—an overseer of a district—will step in, and sometimes they just keep their distance for a while. It depends on the situation.”
“So you've never regretted your decision?” she asked him.
“Nope. Never. I mean, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to go to heaven and meet my parents. But I was raised in an orphanage, left to fend for myself. It's not like I have a lot to miss, you know? I don't like to brag or anything, but, I'm a prime example of the most successful Guardian.”
“Except for the greediness, compulsive lying, and chronic kleptomania,” I said.
“Minor setbacks,” Toni assured the car in general.
I knew the question Kate was going to ask next, and I worried how to answer her.
Surpris
ing me, she didn't ask. At least, not right then. Maybe she wanted to wait until we were alone. Nevertheless, I knew she would ask me someday. She would want to know if I had any regrets. And how was I supposed to answer that? With the truth? What if I repelled her with my dark days?
Forty minutes later, I was shutting off the car and we were staring up at the hulking, long-deserted office complex. It had been built decades ago—perhaps a full century. It was a brick structure and in need of a bulldozer. It was on the outskirts of a quiet city with only a few homeless people in sight. They looked old and tired lying in the alleys, wrapped in frayed material and old newspapers.
I watched Kate scan them briefly. “They're all human,” she virtually whispered at last. “We have nothing to fear from them. They're all tired, and I don't think they even realize we're here.”
“You can tell all that by their aura?” Toni shook his head. “Good thing I hide mine, I guess.”
I took charge. “This is where Jack saw him. Toni, why don't you ask these people if they've seen anything. Kate and I will start looking around inside.”
He nodded. “Sure. You got any money on you?”
Before I could open my mouth to reprimand him for spending all of his allowance again, Kate was pulling out her wallet from the front pocket of her backpack. She handed him the whole thing, which I thought was a little too trusting of her, since he'd stolen it once before.
“Use whatever you need,” she said. “There's not much, but it should be enough to thank them for their time.”
Toni snatched it away from her, pulling it open, and plucking out her driver's license. He squinted deeply at it. “You're not too photogenic, are you?”
“Toni,” I warned.
“Right. I'm gone. Don't have too much fun without me.” He left the map on the seat as he pushed his way out of the car, wallet in hand.
“He won't really steal that, will he?” she asked as soon as Toni closed the door.
“I'll make sure you get it back,” I promised. I pointed to her backpack. “Want me to carry that?”
“Nope, I got it.” She grabbed up one strap, then opened the door and stepped out, slinging the backpack over one shoulder with a graceful, practiced motion.
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