by Linda Ford
She appeared not to notice.
“Emily.” He spoke louder. Touched her shoulder.
She jerked, blinked and sobbed.
He did the only thing he could think of. He stood up and pulled her into his arms, letting her cry.
When her crying had subsided into shuddering breaths, he tipped her face up and wiped it with his handkerchief and let her blow her nose.
“Tell me what happened.” His throat still tight, his voice grated. When he’d seen her in such a state, he’d thought he wouldn’t ever be able to breathe right again.
“I know it sounds silly, but nothing.”
He wasn’t accepting that answer. “Something made you cry.”
“I was working on that wedding dress.” She tipped her head toward the table where the garment rested. “And I was overwhelmed with emotions.”
“It made you sad?”
“Maybe. But there was happiness and excitement, too. I really don’t know what I felt. I didn’t even know I was crying until a tear dropped on my hand.” A short-lived sob escaped.
“What was there about the dress? Can you remember?”
She shook her head.
He knew he shouldn’t push but he wanted to help her regain her past. “Was it your dress? A friend’s? Were you making it for someone special?”
She shook her head. “All I remember is a dress.”
It wasn’t very helpful. But what he’d discovered was not very helpful, either. He put his arm about her shoulders and led her from the room. They passed through the kitchen. “We’re going for a little walk, Gram.”
Gram nodded. “Mikey is helping me.” Mikey had a piece of biscuit dough and was shaping it into a ball.
Jesse chuckled at how gray the dough had become in the little boy’s hands.
He led Emily out of the room, and sensing her restlessness he guided her out the back gate to walk along the alley. “What have you done since I last saw you?”
“Annie came to visit. I helped Gram with her sewing. She says I’m very good. Maybe I was a seamstress.”
They stopped in the shade of a willow tree.
She faced him. “Did you find the robbers?”
“’Fraid not. They’re good at hiding their tracks. They went into a herd of cows. There was no way I could follow them after that.”
“But you know the direction they went.”
“Unless they circled back, I suspect they have disappeared into the mountains. A man could hide there for months and not be found.”
“That’s not good.”
“I’ll find them eventually, or they’ll do something foolish and get caught.”
“Is there any evidence they might be the same three who robbed the stage?”
He didn’t immediately answer, fearing the truth would upset her. She had more than enough to deal with without worrying about the thieves.
She tipped her head back to see him better. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Her gaze demanded honesty. She deserved it. So he told her about the oddly shaped horseshoe he’d seen at the stagecoach. “I saw it at the supply wagon, too.”
She stared at his shirtfront. “If they know I’m alive…” A shudder snaked through her. “They won’t know that I can’t identify them.”
“You were face down. I doubt they would know you if you stood ten feet away and stared directly at them.”
“You can’t be sure they wouldn’t know me.” Her eyes held his, demanding nothing but honesty.
“I can’t be completely sure, no. But you’re safe in town. They’d be crazy to do anything with any number of people ready to protect you.” He wanted her to believe it and feel safe. He wished he could believe it, too.
“Who would?”
“Besides me?” He tried to sound strong, but his lungs would barely work at the knowledge she might be in danger. “I spoke to George at the store, Hugh and Annie, Doc, everyone along Mineral Avenue and Silver Street.” That took care of the major streets. “I also spoke to a dozen or more people along the side streets.” He would stay at her side all day, every day, but it would be better if he apprehended the men responsible for her fear.
She shivered as if a cold wind had blasted down the alley and glanced around nervously. “I’d feel better if we went back to the house.”
“It’s time for supper. But I don’t want to see you living in fear.” He said it for her sake, because he had half a notion to lock her inside until all of this was over.
They returned to the house and a hot meal.
After supper was done and the kitchen cleaned, Mikey brought some children’s books Gram had found. He handed them to Gram, wanting her to read to him.
She sat on the couch and pulled Mikey to her side. Smiling, she looked at Jesse. “Why don’t you two run along while Mikey and I entertain each other?”
He hadn’t told Gram of his fears, but he would when Mikey wasn’t around to hear. Assuring himself there was no danger for Emily outside, he guided her toward the door, ignoring her reluctance.
“Let’s go visit Sadie and Logan.” This was one time he was particularly glad to have one of the Marshall brothers living in town, though as soon as the house on the ranch was completed, they would be out there. He strapped on his gun belt as they left the house.
She waited until they were outside to voice her objection. “What if those men see me?”
“First of all, they aren’t likely to show their faces around here after having committed a crime. Secondly, I’m ready for them.”
“Three against one. I don’t like those odds.”
He went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “Most importantly, it’s doctor’s orders.”
“How’s that?”
“He said to relax and have fun. Hence the visit to Sadie and Logan’s.”
She gave a prolonged sigh.
He chuckled. “You’ll thank me later.”
That brought a grin to her face. “We’ll see about that.”
They crossed several streets. Children laughed and chased each other up and down the dusty lanes. Somewhere a piano was being played. A young couple walked by hand in hand.
Jesse smiled at Emily. “It’s an evening to enjoy.”
Her steps slowed, her face grew serious. “I might be able to enjoy it if I knew who I am and what kind of enjoyment I should allow myself.”
Her words sobered him. He had no right to be escorting her about town. She might be a married woman, though he had convinced himself she wasn’t. Until he had proof, one way or the other, he must treat her as if she was, and he put several inches between them.
They reached the house where Sadie and Logan and the kids lived just as the family exited.
Emily drew back. “They’ve got plans.”
Logan saw them. “You’re just in time to join us.”
Emily refused to move so Jesse asked, “For what?”
“Some fun. Not It.” He dashed away to the open area by their house.
“Not It.” Sadie followed.
One by one they ran off, leaving Jesse and Emily to decide what to do. While he was waiting for her to indicate what she wanted, she said, “Not It,” and joined the others.
“Not fair,” he called after her. “I didn’t know if you wanted to play or not.”
“Didn’t I hear you say I was going to have fun?” She danced about on her tiptoes in a clearly challenging way.
“Can’t get me, Uncle Jesse,” Sammy called as he darted by.
Jesse shook his head in sad resignation. “Seems I have no choice.” He took after Sammy, zigged as he neared Emily.
But she sensed his intent, picked up her skirt and ran away. He shifted direction again and tagged Beth.
They played until dusk then returned to the house.
Jesse had succeeded in not chasing Emily, knowing he came too close to wanting to hold her for no particular reason. There wasn’t even the excuse of tears to wipe or fears to soothe away.
Likewise,
she had always chased one of the others as if she felt the same way. Or perhaps, on her part, she wouldn’t feel anything until she knew who she was.
Tomorrow he would redouble his efforts to find the men responsible for the robberies and murders. He would do his job as sheriff and keep his thoughts and feelings under a tight rein.
He knew the chances were good that once she knew who she was and didn’t need him to help her she would also see him as others did, a man with a soiled background, a man with nothing to offer but his heart.
His heart had never been enough.
Chapter Eleven
Day after day, Emily worked on the wedding dress. Every stitch jabbed at her emotions. But her brain remained impervious to her feelings. All she knew was she had done this before. And so she ignored the way her heart twisted and protested, and continued to sew the lace inserts and the gores, hoping it would cause her memory to return.
Jesse had been gone for three days. Before he left he’d said he wouldn’t be back until he found those responsible for the robberies and murders.
Emily had quit looking out the window at the sound of an approaching horse or men’s boots. She stopped setting the table for four.
Midway through the afternoon, Mikey was racing about the house. He knocked over a vase of flowers.
Emily set aside the white silk dress and rushed to mop up the water. “He’s restless,” she said to Gram. “I think I should take him outside for a while.”
“You go right ahead. Don’t feel you have to spend all your time sewing, though if you decide to stay in Bella Creek for some reason, I am prepared to offer you a partnership in my business.” Gram almost looked like she wanted that to happen.
Stay? It sounded tempting. But Emily could decide nothing until she discovered who she was. She’d named states and towns in the hopes of triggering something, but none of them sounded like home to her.
“Thanks. It’s a most generous offer and one I will consider, but I’m hoping…” She didn’t finish. People must be growing tired of hearing her complain that she didn’t know who she was.
“I understand. Now run along and enjoy the afternoon.”
Emily opened the front door, and with a whoop, Mikey dashed outside. Usually when they walked he dawdled, examining every rock, bug and blade of grass. This time, he ran as fast as his short legs would carry him.
“Don’t go too far,” she called, and he immediately switched directions and raced back to her.
She laughed and bent to hug him. “You are such a good boy.”
“’Kay.” And away he went again.
They reached the intersection and she paused, wondering which way to go. She wasn’t as fearful as she’d first been, now that she had met many of the town’s residents. At least every person wasn’t a stranger who filled her with fear.
“Hello.”
Emily turned toward the sound. “Annie, hi.”
“Going shopping?”
She had no money. And she wasn’t about to put something on Jesse’s bill. He’d already gone above and beyond the call of duty. “Just out for a walk.”
“Me, as well. Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.” It was better than being alone with her endlessly circling thoughts.
With Evan trotting along, Annie fell in at Emily’s side. The two boys chased each other up and down the street.
“Let’s go over to the school yard and let them play.”
Annie’s suggestion sounded good, so the four of them crossed the street. Annie and Emily sat in the shade on one of the benches and let the little boys race about.
Annie spoke. “I want to ask how you’re doing, but you must get sick of it.”
“I get sick of not knowing who I am. Sometimes I feel like I can almost remember, and then a black fog clouds my mind.”
“I’m truly sorry. I wish there was something I could do…anyone could do.”
“Every day I beseech God to fix my brain. So far, He has chosen not to do so.”
“It’s hard to trust God in some circumstances.”
“True.” For a moment, Emily thought about trust. “More and more I am learning how dependent my trust is on things going well, but if we only trust when we can see the future, we aren’t really trusting.” She embedded the thought in her brain. This situation required she trust God completely—for her past and her future and for her memory to return. Though she thought more and more about what she’d do if it she never got it back. Each time she hit a roadblock. She couldn’t plan anything until she knew who she was. “Jesse’s out looking for the robbers. He said he wouldn’t come back until he found them.” She chuckled. “We might never see him again.” Without warning, her voice broke.
“Emily, what’s wrong?”
She swallowed hard. “What if he doesn’t come back?”
Annie laughed at the idea. “He’ll be back. This is his home and Gram is here.”
Emily tried to find encouragement in the words. “It doesn’t make sense, but his presence makes me feel safe. His was the first face I saw when I came to out there. I immediately knew I was safe with him.” She gave a shrug and attempted a laugh. “I’m being silly, aren’t I?”
Annie considered her a moment before she answered. “I can’t begin to know what you are going through, but I understand why you feel safe with Jesse around. He has a very strong code of conduct that guides his every action. He would never compromise his ideals. I think that comes across to anyone who meets him. So I’m not at all surprised that you feel that way.” She paused to let the words sink in. “I wouldn’t want to see Jesse hurt.”
“I’m not going to hurt him.” But the warning was timely. She’d leaned on him too much, looked to him for assurance and comfort. She’d be more cautious around him in the future. Not turn to him so much. But it was Annie’s words about Jesse’s high ideals that worried her. Just as she knew sewing meant more to her than one would expect, she knew she had reason to fear what her past would reveal.
Nevertheless, she wanted to know who she was. She would face whatever she learned and move forward.
A rider passed on the street and Emily turned. It wasn’t Jesse. She told herself she hadn’t expected it to be. Tried to make herself believe her eagerness to see him stemmed only from the hope he would bring the murdering robbers to justice.
Mikey fell and banged his arm. He came running to Emily and she pulled him onto her lap and rubbed his back. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and rested against her a moment, then he squirmed down and trotted back to Evan.
“Those two little guys are so much alike,” Annie observed.
“I don’t see it. Evan is dark like his father and Mikey is as blond as any Marshall.”
Annie laughed. “Not in looks but both are sparing with their words and bursting with energy.”
“They are that.” The two women chuckled as the boys ran in circles until they fell down.
“I love seeing Evan run about and enjoy life. When I first saw him, he was locked inside himself.” She related a story about Hugh finding his son neglected and treated like an animal and told how he’d advertised for someone to care for his boy. “He’d planned on a marriage of convenience with an older, sedate woman.” Annie chuckled. “Hugh didn’t think I could deal with Evan, but something clicked between us from the start.”
“Locked inside himself? Sounds like me.”
“Then be encouraged by what you see Evan to be now.”
Emily studied the boy. “Nothing is too hard for God, is it?”
“No, it isn’t.” Annie squeezed Emily around the shoulders. “Keep trusting.”
Emily gave a dry chuckle. “Seems I have little choice but to do so.”
They talked about their faith, Annie’s family and the town. Every bit of information contributed to Emily feeling less and less like she lacked a life.
“It’s time I got back,” Annie said. “I like to be at home when Hugh leaves his office.”
Emily gr
inned at the pink stain in Annie’s cheeks. “I keep forgetting that you with a four-year-old have been married such a short time.”
“God has supplied the family I needed and the love I secretly wanted.” Annie’s face glowed with joy. “I pray God will supply all your needs.”
“Thank you. I think Gram is hoping to convince me to stay here. She thinks the whole town is ready to embrace the lost and lonely.” Those hadn’t been her exact words, but Emily got the feeling that’s what she meant. “And who is more lost than I?”
Annie squeezed her hands. “But not lonely, I hope.”
“How could I be lonely with so many kind people around?” But she was, and would be, until she knew what her past contained.
They called the boys and made their way back home. Annie turned in at the manse and Emily continued onward.
She and Gram had fallen into a routine of sorts. Gram made dinner, Emily made supper. Cooking came easily to her, though she had to be careful not to cook too much. Gram said it indicated she was used to preparing meals for a big family.
She went into the kitchen and started the meal. If she’d cooked for a large family, shouldn’t she have some recollection of them? Were those people siblings or children, or had she run an eating establishment? She must have been extremely busy if she was a seamstress, as well. “Why can’t I remember?” she murmured.
“Talking to yourself now?” Jesse leaned in the open doorway.
She ordered her heart back into place. “I didn’t hear you. When did you get back?”
“This very moment.” He stepped into the kitchen.
Mikey yelled a greeting and raced across the room into Jesse’s arms. He babbled and waved his arms.
“I think he’s telling you about his day.”
Jesse grinned at the boy. “It sounds like you had fun.”
Mikey nodded.
With a heart light as sunshine, Emily set the table for four and served the meal.
Jesse was back and all was right in her world for the moment…until she had to deal with reality again.
*
Jesse waited until Mikey was asleep in bed before he told Gram and Emily he’d failed to find the culprits. It wasn’t for lack of trying. “I scoured the country, hoping to find their trail, but they know how to hide their tracks.”