by Linda Ford
“You did your best,” Gram said. “No one can ask more of you. Not even you.”
“Yes, Gram.” He grinned at her. It was a message she gave him often. And he needed to hear it often.
“I’m off to bed,” she said and climbed the stairs, leaving Jesse and Emily alone.
“What have you been doing?” He wanted to hear about every moment of every day, just as he’d thought of her every moment of the days he looked for the criminals. Not only did he want to do his job and bring them to justice, he knew Emily would never be totally safe as long as they were at large.
“I’m still working on the wedding dress.” A troubled look crossed her face, though he guessed she tried to hide it. “I’ve helped Gram weed the garden, and I had a nice visit with Annie.” She told him of taking the boys to the school yard to play.
Emily’s eyes clouded, but before he could ask for an explanation she reached for her Bible on the nearby shelf. “I’ve been reading, searching, really, hoping to find something about myself.” She opened the Bible and slowly turned the pages. Her hands grew still and she seemed not to breathe.
“Emily, what is it?”
Tears glistened and she pointed to the page before her.
He turned the Bible so he could read the words. She had underlined a verse in Isaiah chapter forty-three. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. In the margin she had written Even in this. And a date. February 1, 1887. Four years ago. What had happened on that date?
She pressed her hand to her chest, made little rubbing movements as if trying to ease a pain.
He watched her warily, prepared to rush her to the doctor if she showed any sign of fainting.
“I remember,” she whispered.
He waited, not moving or making a sound, afraid that doing would stop the recovery of her past.
“I don’t know what happened, but it almost destroyed me. I felt like I was drowning, like my life was consumed by flames.” She rocked back and forth. “I was so hurt. I think I must have done something and paid a heavy price. But I only remember the pain, nothing else.” She bent over her knees, as if in agony.
He longed to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but she seemed too fragile to even touch. He knew the chapter she had marked and ran his gaze down to the verses he sought. Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. He read the verse to her.
She nodded but did not seem to get any comfort from the words.
He wanted her to know that she could start over without ever recovering her memory, but he didn’t wish that for her, knowing she could not be whole, could not be free until she knew who she was. What could she have done that frightened her so much?
She straightened, wiped her eyes. “What can I do but trust God to bring me the answers I need?”
He watched her, wishing he could ease her worries. Instead, he sat beside her without moving. His ultimate goal was to help her regain her memory and remember her past, see the possibilities of her future. He would not acknowledge that he wondered if there might exist some anticipation of her seeing him in the picture.
No, he reminded himself that he had decided to guard his heart against destruction, and that meant not pinning any hope of a young woman seeing him as enough. But his job meant helping her remember, and the doctor had said her memory might return when she least expected it…perhaps when she was happily doing something else. “Would you like to visit the falls?” He hadn’t planned to say that but it would fulfill the doctor’s orders to do something besides think about regaining her memory.
Her eyes lit. “Falls? Really?”
“Libby Falls. They’re very spectacular.”
She smiled. “I can hardly say no to that, can I?”
“We’ll go tomorrow, then.”
“Okay.”
His heart captured Emily’s laugh. It would forever hold a special place in his memories. “What about Mikey?” Emily asked.
“The trail isn’t suitable for someone his age. Maybe Annie will keep him. I’ll ask her.”
*
Emily could not deny her excitement at the prospect of visiting the falls. Jesse had taken Mikey to stay with Annie, saying he would be back in half an hour to get her. She needed to conceal her anticipation from Gram, so she filled the time with tidying a kitchen cupboard.
“The falls are a lovely place, though I’ve not been in years,” Gram said.
“Would you like to come with us?”
Gram laughed merrily. “Oh, no. I have no intention of interfering with your outing. Besides, it’s not the sort of outing an old lady like me could enjoy.” She chuckled again. “But it was sweet of you to ask.”
Sweet? Her? Was she? Emily considered the idea. She wanted to be sweet. Wanted others to see her that way. Wanted to feel that way within herself. But maybe she was something else.
She chased away the troublesome doubts. Today she would simply enjoy being Miss Emily Smith.
A conveyance stopped at the front of the house. Emily stilled her urge to run to the other room and see if Jesse had returned. She waited, her excitement growing as his footsteps thudded on the steps and the door opened.
“I believe your ride has arrived,” Gram said with a degree of amusement.
Jesse entered the kitchen. “All set.”
Emily hoped no one noticed the slight trembling of her hands as she placed a borrowed bonnet on her head and tied the ribbons.
He held out his elbow. “Shall we go?”
She took his offered arm.
“Have a good time,” Gram said.
They stepped out into the bright summer sunshine. Jesse had rented a buggy pulled by a black horse with four white stockings. From a nearby tree, a robin sang. Surely it meant they were going to have a wonderful day.
Her heart as light as the air around her, she took Jesse’s hand and held it firmly as he helped her into the seat, his other hand light upon her waist.
He climbed up beside her and smiled. “Let’s go have a good day.” His dark eyes held hers, promising her so much more than she could accept.
But today she would take whatever came her way with a full heart. Tomorrow she would deal with the facts of her life.
He flicked the reins and they drove away from town. Soon they were alone on the trail. They turned to the west. Pink, orange, purple and blue flowers dotted the grassy slopes. The trail climbed and trees grew more abundantly…dark green spruce and pine among the deciduous trees.
She leaned back and let the peace of her surroundings ease through her. Except for one nagging thought. “If I get my memory back, will I forget all this?” She meant far more than the passing scenery. Would she remember the days she had spent at Bella Creek? Would she remember Jesse and his grandmother?
Jesse didn’t immediately answer. He stared over the horse’s head.
“I don’t want to forget.” Her voice grated from her tight throat.
He brought his gaze to her, his eyes dark and, if she read correctly, troubled. “I know it’s a possibility. All I can say is—let’s make the memory as bright and happy as we can, so you will recall the feeling even if you can’t recall the event.”
“That makes sense.” Just as she could now recall the emotions of her past but not the events. “I like that.”
He squeezed her hand. “Me, too.”
Their gazes held for several more turns of the wheels, silently promising each other a good day with no regrets. And if a little voice whispered a warning in the back of her mind, Emily simply ignored it.
The trail grew steeper and more narrow. A breeze blew in their faces. She turned her head toward a deep rumbling sound. “Do I hear the waterfalls?”
He chuckled. “I believe you do. It’s not far now.” They continued to a small clearing where he stopped.
She looked about. She could hear the roar of the falls but couldn’t see them.
He set the brake and jumped down, coming round to help her to the ground.
The sound of rushing water echoed in her heart, stirring unfamiliar longings. She wanted to know who she was so she could move forward.
She willingly forgot her inner turmoil as Jesse took her hand and led her up a rocky incline. Through the trees she saw foaming water and leaned forward hoping for a glimpse of the falls. One foot slipped.
“Emily.” Jesse pulled her back, his eyes wide. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
Pleased at his concern, she grinned. “I can always count on you to rescue me.”
He drew in a deep breath. “I prefer it not become a habit.” He led her back toward the buggy. “We’ll follow that trail.” He pointed out a barely there path through the trees, so narrow they must go singly. But he reached back and took her hand as the path grew rocky.
The thunder of the water grew louder. The roar within her increased. She struggled to breathe and tugged Jesse’s hand to get him to stop.
He turned, must have seen her turmoil in her face for he caught her by the shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. You know that Bible verse about deep calling to deep?”
He blinked.
She understood his confusion. Her question didn’t make sense.
Then he nodded. “Yes, I know the one you mean. It’s a Psalm.”
“That’s how I feel hearing the roar of the waters.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “There’s a roaring inside me and I don’t know what it is.”
He closed his arms about her and she leaned against him. Her turmoil eased.
“Do you want to turn back?” he asked, his voice so gentle it was a mere whisper.
She tipped her head up. He was such a good man. One who deserved nothing but the best. But before the troubled thought could take root that she might not be what a man like him deserved, she dismissed it. “I would not forgive myself if I came this far and didn’t see the falls. Besides, I’m feeling much better now.” Thanks to his strength and comfort.
“You’re sure?”
“Completely sure.”
He held her hand more firmly than he had before, and they continued navigating the rough trail. Rocks made it hard to keep her footing and she gratefully clung to his hand. They stepped to a granite embankment. Jesse drew her to his side and pointed to the right. Not just one waterfall but a series of them rushed into each other as if falling down a stone stairway.
The powerful display washed away every fear of her past, every worry about her future. God, who made the mighty waters roar, was more than strong enough to take care of her small needs.
“We can get closer.” Jesse spoke in her ear.
She hadn’t realized she’d leaned back against him. Nor did she feel any need to bring the moment to an end.
“Soon,” she said. A Bible verse filled her mind. “‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.’” Such joy filled her she didn’t know if she could contain it. She turned to face Jesse.
His eyes widened and then darkened as he read her expression. “I don’t know what just took place but I like it.” He wiped her cheeks, drying moisture from her face.
“Nothing matters but this moment.” That wasn’t exactly what she meant. “Rather, I can enjoy this moment, knowing my times are safe in God’s hands.”
“Then I say let’s enjoy the time we have.” His gaze lingered on her face, rested on her lips.
For a heartbeat she thought he might want to kiss her and she leaned closer.
But his gaze returned to her eyes. “Wait until you see the waterfalls up close.” He took her hand and they continued along the rocky shore.
She wasn’t disappointed. Only the overwhelming joy of anticipation made her wish he had kissed her, as she’d expected. Except, of course, she didn’t expect it. That was nonsense.
They reached a spot close to the falls and stood mesmerized by the rushing waters, the mighty roar and the rising mist.
After a bit, she sighed. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“No need to hurry away.” He indicated a natural granite bench and they sat on the sun-warmed rock.
She lifted her face, the spray of the water dampening her skin. If only she could stay here and enjoy this peaceful feeling forever. Or, at least until she got her memory back.
“There’s more.” He got to his feet and pulled her up to his side. Keeping her hand in his, he led the way back along the river. But they passed the trail and continued downstream.
She didn’t ask their destination because it didn’t matter where they went, only that he seemed to want to prolong this afternoon as much as she.
Ferns grew in the shade of the trees. Ahead were bushes with palm-shaped leaves and red berries.
He picked several berries and handed them to her. “Thimbleberries.”
“I’ve never seen these before. Well, not that I recall.” She popped one into her mouth and sucked it.
He watched her, his eyes dark and…
She shifted her gaze past him at the claiming look in his eyes that made her wish for things that were impossible at the moment. “Delicious. Both sweet and tart.”
For a few minutes, they picked and ate berries.
The breeze rustled the leaves, the river gurgled behind them and bird song rang through the air. Again, peace filled her.
Ahead, a crow squawked as it tried to pull something from among the rocks. They laughed at his antics. He heard them and abandoned his task.
“Let’s see what he was after.” Jesse said.
At the spot they discovered a red ribbon stuck among the stones.
“I heard they liked bright things,” Jesse said as he yanked it free. “Someone lost a hair ribbon.” He handed it to her.
“It’s past saving,” she said. She fingered the ribbon. Why did it tug at her memory? Like so many times she’d recalled a feeling but not an event. She tossed the ribbon aside in disgust but didn’t know if it was frustration from something in the past or because of her inability to remember. Perhaps it was both.
Jesse had not noticed her momentary lapse and reached for her hand and they walked along the edge of the river.
She gladly pushed aside the feelings stirred by the hair ribbon. Today was for making better memories than the ones that half surfaced from her past.
He jumped down a three-foot step and reached up to help her. The rocks were uneven, their surfaces smooth. Her foot slipped and she fell into his arms.
Air whooshed from his lungs and he staggered back.
She gasped as she saw the ground disappear behind him. They were about to tumble off the rocks into the rushing water. She tried to right herself but could find no footing and closed her eyes, waiting for the thud.
He scrambled, fighting to get control before they went over the edge.
Just when she knew there was no way of preventing the fall, he jerked forward. They teetered on the rocks. She kept her arms about his waist and backed away until they reached the safety of the tree line. Her knees weakened and she leaned against the solidness of a trunk.
He rested his elbows on either side of her head and his forehead against hers. “That was too close for comfort.”
“I thought we were going over. I don’t know how you managed to stop it.”
“I prayed. There’s no other explanation.” His breathing was still ragged.
She tightened her arms about his waist. “You’re shaking.”
“Maybe because I’m shaken.”
She laughed at his play on words, but the sound ended on a moan.
“We’re both safe. That’s all that matters.” He caught her
chin with his finger and tipped her face toward his. “I couldn’t bear the thought of you being hurt.” His gaze went to her lips.
She saw his intention of kissing her, knew this time she wasn’t mistaken, and leaned forward.
He caught her mouth with his damp, cool lips. She closed her eyes and lost track of everything but the sweetness of the moment. He was so lean and strong. His shirt warm. How had her hands moved from his waist to pressing on his back?
He eased away. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
He grinned. “Truthfully, I’m not either. Whatever happens, we’ll have this afternoon to remember.”
“I know.” She trailed her fingertip along his jawline, enjoying the raspy sound. Tomorrow could well bring a new chapter in her life. Or perhaps a return to the old one. But she would not let the future or lack of a past rob her of enjoying the present.
*
Jesse had never felt such fear as he had when he realized he was about to go over the edge. The relief when he’d found solid footing had left his knees weak. If anything happened to her—
He couldn’t finish the thought.
Kissing her seemed the best way to assure himself she was okay. He shouldn’t have done it, knowing she would move on once she remembered who she was, and even if she didn’t, she would eventually realize he was only a sheriff and it would begin to dawn on her what it meant that he was a man whose mother had lived a sordid life. No one cared about that in a sheriff. But to a man, especially a man who longed for a wife and children of his own, it had proven to be a hindrance. But they had agreed to put aside the reality of their lives and make this a day to remember.
He knew he wouldn’t ever forget one detail of the afternoon.
Neither of them seemed ready to leave this spot and they sank to the ground beneath the trees, their shoulders pressing together. She told him of the outing with Mikey. “He’s such a special boy. I hate to think of him having to wait months to join his adoptive family.”
“Me, too. I’ve grown very fond of him.” Jesse would hurt when the boy left. His house would seem empty. Would Mikey return to wherever he’d come from to wait for the Newmans? Would they cross the mountains again to get him or would they change their mind about adoption? Then what would happen to him? Would Emily leave, too, to go with Mikey? Or would she remember a family she would return to? His heart echoed with loneliness.