Love Unmatched (Unexpected)

by Leigh, Anne

  I went back to the nursing station to look up Mrs. Kendrick’s lab results on the computer. Based on her lab results, she needed to get some potassium in her system, stat. Her potassium was so low that it could lead to a life-threatening condition. She was manifesting the signs of hypokalemia – she was fatigued, weak, and it looked like she was depressed. I called the doctor right away to get an order for the potassium IV and informed my preceptor about it. Vang was impressed that I caught it on time.

  I went to the medication supply room to grab a bag of IV Potassium Chloride with normal saline solution and then walked inside Room 1045A.

  “Mrs. Kendrick, please let me know when you’re ready.” She was inside the bathroom. Someone must have helped her inside. She looked too weak to move earlier.

  I waited for a minute then knocked on the bathroom door again. No response.

  I knocked one more time and opened the door when I received no answer for the third time. Mrs. Kendrick was lying on the floor, her legs flailed underneath her. I felt for a pulse by her neck; it was slow, sluggish. I pulled on the emergency cord against the wall and screamed for help.

  “I can take it from here, Sedona.” Vang was instructing me to switch positions with her. I was holding the oxygen bag to give breaths to Mrs. Kendrick, while the rest of the Code Blue Team was doing cardiac compressions and administering emergency drugs. I shook my head, telling Vang no. She was my patient, and I had to be here for her.

  Mrs. Kendrick was now lying on the bed, flat against a board. Underneath the bed my legs were shaking as I continued to pump the bag to give her the breaths that she needed, when prompted by the Code Blue Team. Her chest was not moving. Her pulse, slow and sluggish before, was now gone. The sound of a repeating, medium-pitched beep with slight trails was deafening inside the room. The sound of a flat line. I stared at the cardiac monitor. The flat line was still there, mocking me, as if trying to convince me that Mrs. Kendrick was no longer there. The flat line on the monitor continued for a long time. Finally, breaking the silence, the doctor said, “1810, Time of death.”

  I kept pushing on the bag. She just needed more oxygen. She just needed more compressions. She just needed more medications. She was going to come back.

  Vang slowly pried the bag away from my hands and said, “She’s gone. We need to call her son to come in.”

  My tears did not come. They were lodged between my heart and my brain.

  “She was alive this morning,” I stammered, my emotions hanging on by a thread. “I should have checked on her more…I should have knocked on the bathroom door sooner. I should have gone in.”

  Vang placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “She was very ill Sedona. You did what you could. You called the doctor on time. You did everything the way I would do it.”

  “It’s not enough.” I breathed in, still staring at Mrs. Kendrick’s lifeless body. “I could have done more. I was too late.”

  I placed my hand on my stomach. My baby was moving circles inside of me. He or she was sharing my pain.

  I heard Vang step outside to call Mrs. Kendrick’s son, William, the only family member that she had.

  Life was so fragile. One minute she was there. The next she was gone, in the blink of an eye.

  I grabbed my phone from my pocket. I wanted to talk to Zander, but he was probably doing an interview right now, so he wouldn’t be answering my call. I didn’t even check to see if his team had won the game because of what was happening in the unit. I texted him instead with, ‘I love you so much.’

  I texted Kieran and all of my friends, saying ‘I love you guys’ and my dad ‘I miss you.’

  They had to know, right this second, how much they meant to me. Because life was fragile. And in an instant we could be gone, and the people we loved might never know just how important they were to us.

  My phone started buzzing with return texts. Kieran asked, U too, Ace. What’s wrong?

  Tanya: Luv yah too, girlfriend. What’s going on?

  Nalee: That’s good to know coz I love you too. What’s up?

  My dad: Love you, angel. What’s going on?

  I replied to all of them with ‘Just wanted to let you guys know that you mean so much to me.’

  My phone buzzed again, but I couldn’t look at it anymore, because Vang came in and said that we had to prepare Ms. Kendrick’s body for her son to see.

  The rest of my shift was a blur. I went through the motions and tried to contain my emotions as much as possible.

  When my shift was over I walked the five blocks to my place.

  I saw about five paparazzi hanging around the front of my apartment again. I did not need this right now.

  I heard their voices ask me, “How do you feel about Zander and Inna?”, and also, “Have you seen the pictures?”

  What they said did not register until I was all the way inside my place.

  I usually did not respond to the taunts of the paparazzi because they were baseless. Maybe it was the crushing event of the day that made me look it up. I searched online and there it was: Inna Posey was kissing Zander on his cheek and he was smiling in the picture. It was taken two hours ago. Two hours ago, while I was trying to save my patient’s life. About the same time, when I was discovering how easy it was to lose someone and how hard it was to let go, when it happened.

  I was so tired and weary. My body was shutting down. My emotions were running on empty. I had nothing left to give.

  At this particular moment, I did not even question my actions. It was all too much for me to take in.

  I changed into my sleeping clothes, sent the picture of Inna and Zander to Zander via a picture message, and silenced my phone.

  I welcomed the darkness right now.

  *****

  Zander

  Whew! That was a tough win.

  The game almost went into overtime until the Tennessee Vets got an interception from our linebacker, Miles Rhodes, who ran it all the way in for a touchdown.

  After the game, I checked my phone and saw that Sedona still hadn’t called. Maybe she was really busy today. The guys were going to Maggoo’s to hang out so I went with them, just to grab a beer or two. We deserved it tonight.

  We were all having a good time when Inna and three of her friends came around our table. She greeted the guys and walked around our table. I was busy talking to John, and all of a sudden had she appeared on my side and gave me a peck on the cheek. I didn’t even have any time to react. I quickly turned away. What the hell was that for? Then she asked us to join them at their table. I politely declined, so she and her friends had joined us instead. The guys, being guys, gawked at her and her model friends. I mean, they were good-looking women, so what guy wouldn’t?

  Inna was really forward with her advances towards me. She had waited for me twice outside the locker room after games and wanted to see if we could hang out. Both times I said no and thank you.

  I learned from John that her home base was in Minnesota, which was why she always seemed to be around, and that she was a number one fan of the Minnesota Fox.

  I received a text from Sedona saying she loved me. I responded right away with ‘Love you more.’

  After a few hours, I was ready to call it a night. Inna and her friends were going to check out a newly opened club with the rest of the guys. I declined the invitation. I wanted to catch Sedona before she went to sleep. Fishing my car keys out of my pocket, I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text from Sedona. Odd. Usually she’d be calling me at this hour.

  It was a picture message. The image of Inna kissing me on the cheek filled the screen.

  Shit.

  I got inside my car and called her right away.

  It went straight to voicemail.

  I thought I had a wrong number. I tried again. The same thing happened again.

  Her phone was off. I called the apartment number, but it just kept ringing and ringing.

  She was definitely ignoring me. I slammed my hands on the steering whe
el. What was her problem? Why did she turn her cellphone off? She hadn’t even let me explain.

  I called Brynn, her roommate. Brynn answered on the second ring. “Hello?”

  “Hey Brynn,” I said. “Can you please patch me through to Sedona?”

  Brynn paused before she said, “Hold on, let me check if she’s here. I didn’t even see her get in.”

  “Okay.” I waited for two minutes, and then Brynn said, “Her room’s locked Zander. Maybe you should try calling her again later. I think she’s sleeping.”

  “Can you tell her to call me when she wakes up?” Maybe her phone ran out of battery. Maybe she was tired and exhausted and fell asleep. But why would she send that picture and leave it at that?

  After a few more minutes I tried calling her cellphone again. This time she answered.

  “Hey,” I said, relieved that she was answering my call. “What’s up with the picture that you sent me?” I did not want to beat around the bush. Was she thinking something was going on between Inna and me? She knew me way better than that.

  She sighed, her voice soft, “I just need to rest right now. I’m not feeling well.”

  Oh no. She was tiring herself out too much. I said, “Babe, you need to get some rest,” and continued with, “Are you okay?”

  Her voice was cold as she said, “I just need space right now. This is too much.”

  Space? What the fuck? For what?

  “Okay,” I said, confused. “Tell me, what’s going on? Is it about the picture? Because you have to know, there’s nothing going on between us.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Tell me what’s wrong,” I implored.

  She remained quiet. I could not even hear her breathing over the phone.

  “Sedona, babe…” I said, “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” Her tone was anything but.

  “Look, I don’t know what the problem is but obviously there is something going on in that genius head of yours. Whatever it is, please tell me.” This time, my voice hinted at frustration. I was tired and ready to get some rest.

  “Where were you tonight?” The sound of her exasperated voice filled my car. I was now driving home so I turned the Bluetooth setting ‘on’, on my phone so I could have this conversation with her.

  “I was at Maggoo’s with the guys. We had a few drinks after the game.” I answered truthfully. I had no reason to hide anything from her.

  “And while at this bar, a certain model just happened to be nearby, huh?” This time, she sounded malicious, as if she was trying to imply something.

  “Sedona,” I replied. “You gotta be kidding me. Are you really saying what I think you’re trying to say? This is ridiculous and just wrong.”

  “You know what’s wrong, Zander?” She was now yelling over the phone. “What’s wrong is that I told you before to keep that woman’s hands off of you!”

  “For real, babe?” I asked, unbelievingly, “She caught me by surprise.”

  She hissed a breath and said, “Next time you’ll be telling me that she caught you by surprise with your pants down! You know what? I don’t need this right now!”

  Why the hell was she giving me attitude?

  I snapped. “Sedona, listen. What the hell are you talking about? This is bullshit and you know it!”

  Her voice was loud, her breath coming out in huffs. “You know what, Zander? You’re right. This is bullshit!”

  Then she hung up the phone.

  What the hell just happened? I called her phone again and she didn’t pick up.

  When Sedona was mad, she shielded herself with a force field that was made up of ice. The frost around her could refreeze the melting ice caps in the Arctic.

  I called Brynn. Poor Brynn. She was getting caught up in this.

  She answered with, “Zander, I think she just needs space right now.”

  “Space?” I said. “I didn’t even do anything.”

  “Look, I heard that her patient died today,” she explained, “and she’s really heartbroken about it. Maybe, seeing those pictures, even if they didn’t mean anything, just sent her over the edge.”

  I was so uneasy. I wished Sedona would talk to me. She was probably feeling so low right now. I knew how attached she became to her patients.

  “Okay. Please take care of her for me,” I asked. “And please tell her to call me tonight.”

  I waited all night for her phone call. It never came.

  *****

  Sedona

  I woke up with a headache.

  I walked towards the bathroom and everything felt so heavy.

  My restless sleep did not help. My baby tossed and turned inside of me - feeling my pain, trying to help me get through it.

  I knew Zander had called. I saw the phone blink in the dark so many times.

  I just couldn’t deal with everything right now. The only good thing was that I was off from work today.

  After a quick shower I sat on the bed for what seemed like hours.

  Zander was calling again. I picked it up, and the moment he said, ‘babe’, I let it all out.

  I cried and cried until my voice went hoarse. He just listened to me over the phone. He asked if we could video chat. I walked towards my desk, turned the video chat function on my laptop and ended the call on the phone. I liked to video chat on the computer, because I could see him clearer, and his image would be bigger.

  When I saw his face on the screen, I cried some more. I saw clearly how tired his eyes were. He didn’t seem like he had gotten any sleep either.

  I touched the screen to trace his face. His blue-green gaze lacked luster, his hair was mussed from sleep, and he was shirtless.

  I told him about what happened yesterday, about how upset I was that Mrs. Kendrick had died. I described to him everything that happened and he just listened. Once in a while he held out his arms, as if offering me a hug.

  “You did all that you could, babe,” he said somberly. “Maybe she’s in a better place now.”

  I nodded. It was difficult to accept the fact that one of my favorite patients was gone, and that she would not even get the chance to meet Zander as she had wished.

  “I’m sorry for my actions last night. I didn’t mean to scream at you. I was having a really bad day, and then I saw the picture of you and Inna and I just couldn’t take it anymore,” I whispered, hoping that he heard my apology through the microphone in the computer.

  He looked at me and said, “I’m here for you, babe.”

  I stared at his face. I knew he was. He always was.

  “I’m sorry too,” he continued, “I’m sorry if I added to your stress yesterday. I didn’t expect her to do that. I’ll be more careful.”

  I pressed my fingers to my mouth and brought my fingers to the screen, kissing him from miles away. We talked more about Mrs. Kendrick and Zander said that maybe he could send something to her son, who was also a football fan. It would not help bring her back, but it would be a symbol that she was important to me. I agreed to his idea. Zander was truly a good man.

  We talked about his game yesterday, and then he finally explained the Inna Posey picture. I listened and told him that one day, if she kept up with the flirting, she would get her due from me. Zander just shrugged it off and said that she was of no consequence to him. After that I brought my laptop to the kitchen so that I could eat some breakfast.

  While I was munching on my turkey and egg sandwich, he asked, “How are you today? How’s baby doing?”

  “I’m going to the doctor today,” I replied. “I need some routine tests done.”

  “Call me when you’re done, okay?” I always did. Zander sometimes called me before I was even done with my appointments. He always wanted to know what was going on right away.

  We talked about his plans for the day. I told him that I wanted to go check out some baby clothes at Babies and Mommies. Then he said, “Sedona, how did you even find out about Inna and me? Did someone send you a picture
? I mean, there’s nothing for me to hide. But I’m just curious as to how you got that picture right away.”

  I took a deep breath and told him about the paparazzi who loitered around our apartment. His eyes went dark and he said, “We need to get you a bodyguard. They’re becoming very intrusive.”

  “A bodyguard?”

  “Yes,” he said, voice firm. “They can’t be doing this stuff.”